Buzzsaw

Why? Mammalian bipeds have their kidneys in the back. Oh...I see. Never mind. </font>

Rune, my Liege! You would have received my humble supplications before now had I believed I was welcome in your presence after such a long absence. Let me explain (though certainly not excuse) the dereliction of my serfly duties… I have been on a prolonged quest in the Land of Pickled Cabbage and Dog-Eaters. I was eager to find a fitting offering for my new Lord and Master. Imagine my joy when I found the answer inside a tourism brochure: “Used T-34s available with Good Credit”. What a perfect gift! I had visions of being instantly elevated to “Serf, 1st Class” in the Kingdom of Rune. Maybe, with time, I would be considered for a Squireship! I was on a plane to Seoul the next day. One week later found me in vastly different spirits. I had wandered from used car lot to used car lot, searching for my Liege’s transport. My first shock came when I learned that most of the inhabitants of this strange land, though friendly and eager to help, did not have the good manners to speak English. Only through gestures and by pointing at the glossy reproduction of the T-34 in the travel brochure was I able to make myself understood. Slowly, I learned that there were no T-34s to be had in Korea – that the whole brochure was part of a deceptive advertising campaign designed to lure in Americans eager for a bigger SUV than their neighbors’. But to what end? With no fresh scars on my abdomen, I was reasonably sure that I still had both kidneys. It was over a week since I had bathed in the rejuvenating waters of the Cesspool. I had no gift for my Liege, and I was weary and despondent. And so, it was when I was at my weakest that the enemy struck…. But, alas, I am still weary from my ordeal and must rest before I tell the horrific details of my capture and enslavement.

Well, I have heard the word “stool” used in describing you, but I had thought the reference was scatological rather than anatomical. We’ve all seen your wanker more times than we care to count, so this must mean that you have abnormally small legs. If it weren’t for that sloping forehead, you’d make a damn good footrest. Expect a medium-sized setup this evening. Buzzsaw

The postponement of my duel with Tiny Twerp leaves me looking for an opponent. I have tried baiting Elvis in the past, but he seems more interested in showing everyone his wanker, and that isn’t really my thing. I guess I’ll have to peruse the posts to see if there is anyone else especially in need of a demonstration of my battlefield genius. You would think that, in this crowd of lowlifes, someone would stand head and hunch-backed shoulders above the rest, but from my height, you all look like a bunch of beetle droppings.

I must say you are living up to everyone's expectations, and proving to be a completely useless pillock. The only “challenge” you have provided me is the dilemma of which gauge pointy stick to use. The trick is in choosing one that pierces the skin easily, but that will still grip the softer organs when they are carried aloft back to my castle. It usually comes down to choosing between the ½ inch and ¾ inch diameters. You’re pretty young (soft, low tensile strength skin, and not a lot of time to harden your liver) so I think I’ll go with the ¾ inch. As for your CM computer being down for week: this would normally be a problem. I have been known to forget the names of friends and relatives in less time. Fortunately, MrSpkr has provided what looks to be a very appropriate scenario, so I will try to remember that I have promised to pummel you in about a weeks time. Meanwhile, you can do your best to remind me of my commitment, preferably with some sense of style and originality, but without any of those ghastly emoticons. Or you could just sod off. Either way suits me fine.

Well, those last two posts make Tiny Thinker seem witty by comparison. I suppose I could be troubled to give him a quick spanking, if MrSpkr cares to send a scenario my way. I am not really up for anything too ridiculous. Crodaburg and the likes are really only tolerable once. Tiny, I am purposely overlooking the existence of that grinning blue abomination in your latest post in the hopes that it will be edited, and replaced by a puddle of blue goo.

Ohh, is that a glove on the floor over there? I thought it was another one of your dirty diapers. Look, you little twit -- save this lovely Isotoner as a gift Grandma Tanker this Christmas. Around here it takes a manly slap across the face with a heavy gauntlet to get a reaction. If that’s too much for you to manage, you should look into getting some elbow-length veterinary gloves. They aren’t much good for challenges, but they might prove useful in helping you pull your head out of your ass.

Well, he hasn't really irritated me enough to feel like I should go to all that trouble. Minor irritants like this are best handled with a little calamine lotion or by having that extra scotch each the evening. How about if I just keep an eye on him, and if he starts to look more serious, I’ll give him a full dose of Buzzsaw’s WhupAss?

Maybe you knights should just get it over with and have YawnGnome and Tiny Tally-wacker duke it out for the right to be lowest turd in the pool. Spitwads and 10 paces seems about right for these two.

Great Fred! What was that little beastie? I seriously doubt that Seanachai would remember the mechanics of reproduction even if he could find a willing mate. Now that he has declared himself a god, has he started pulling fully-formed offspring from his forehead? Or do this things appear when someone forgets to clean up the Gnome droppings for a few days? [ October 24, 2003, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]

Rosy red cheeks and a conical hat, Round little belly all layered with fat, Mountain, or garden a more suitable home, Here in the Cesspool, we have our own Gnome. Here from the start, and here till the end, He just wants to be your smiling Gnome friend. His are posts quite witty (if overly long), And he’ll often provide a jolly sing-song. Now he demands a place of worship, Hoping to avoid his nightly horse-whip. It is really quite temping to give him the boot. Instead I’ll just smile and humor the coot. But, a temple of stone would seem quite perverse, So instead it is built from really bad verse.

I am sure that your arrival in Scotland would be insult enough (not to mention, a violation of your parole). Unfortunately, several years of summer camp at the Northern Idaho school of Bagpiping didn’t teach me any useful Scottish insults (other than my ear-splitting attempts at playing their national instrument). Those weren’t real Scots up there anyways – I always felt that I was training to be part of the Dragoons Division of the Aryan Nation. Scottish food, in general, is ripe for mockery. (I am reminded of Mike Myers' claim that “all Scottish cuisine is based on a dare”.) I would have thought that no one could out do the Kiwis when it came to stuffing a sheep’s digestive system with distasteful things, but I’m afraid the Scots have them beat. Entire civilizations have perished from famine before it occurred to anyone to eat animal lung, but somehow the Scots have made it part of their national dish.

I am sure that your arrival in Scotland would be insult enough (not to mention, a violation of your parole). Unfortunately, several years of summer camp at the Northern Idaho school of Bagpiping didn’t teach me any useful Scottish insults (other than my ear-splitting attempts at playing their national instrument). Those weren’t real Scots up there anyways – I always felt that I was training to be part of the Dragoons Division of the Aryan Nation. Scottish food, in general, is ripe for mockery. (I am reminded of Mike Myers' claim that “all Scottish cuisine is based on a dare”.) I would have thought that no one could out do the Kiwis when it came to stuffing a sheep’s digestive system with distasteful things, but I’m afraid the Scots have them beat. Entire civilizations have perished from famine before it occurred to anyone to eat animal lung, but somehow the Scots have made it part of their national dish.

New forum, same lunatics, I see. I am sure I wasn’t missed, but I have returned just the same. Actually, it’s been long enough that I can’t remember who I am supposed to hate. Lars and I had a couple of games. I think we ended up splitting them, and I would suggest a rubber match, but I’m worried he’ll get overly excited if I suggest anything involving a “rubber”. I pasted Athkatla in a quick game. (Who hasn’t?) That was about a year ago. Maybe a year of training has improved his play? I exchanged turns with that goober from Wax-a-hamster, Texas, MrSpkr. He is probably still compensating for the fact that he has the IQ of a rotten turnip by playing only his own scenarios. I played at least one other game – so boring that I can’t even remember the opponent. And all of these Cesspoolers have probably long since been promoted well above my station. Perhaps a few are now allowed to harvest the toenail fungus from the great Seanachai himself. I was thinking that I could challenge the current piss-boy, but it looks like you guys have opted for wearing diapers these days. I guess whoever has the cleanest pair is the newest arrival?

New forum, same lunatics, I see. I am sure I wasn’t missed, but I have returned just the same. Actually, it’s been long enough that I can’t remember who I am supposed to hate. Lars and I had a couple of games. I think we ended up splitting them, and I would suggest a rubber match, but I’m worried he’ll get overly excited if I suggest anything involving a “rubber”. I pasted Athkatla in a quick game. (Who hasn’t?) That was about a year ago. Maybe a year of training has improved his play? I exchanged turns with that goober from Wax-a-hamster, Texas, MrSpkr. He is probably still compensating for the fact that he has the IQ of a rotten turnip by playing only his own scenarios. I played at least one other game – so boring that I can’t even remember the opponent. And all of these Cesspoolers have probably long since been promoted well above my station. Perhaps a few are now allowed to harvest the toenail fungus from the great Seanachai himself. I was thinking that I could challenge the current piss-boy, but it looks like you guys have opted for wearing diapers these days. I guess whoever has the cleanest pair is the newest arrival?

This sounds brilliant. Really useful for those maps that have all the victory flags clustered in an ancient meteor crater or a circular amphitheatre.

This sounds brilliant. Really useful for those maps that have all the victory flags clustered in an ancient meteor crater or a circular amphitheatre.

I’m bumping this because it is such an annoying bug. This happened to me twice with a flak truck yesterday. First time I moved it carefully into LOS of a light building I wanted to pepper with HE, but it only managed to dig a little hole in the dirt. The second time, the same flak truck had LOS to a dangerous AT rifle. Again it unloaded round after round into the dirt while the AT rifle merrily plinked away until the flak truck was knocked out. Anyway, looks like BFC is on this one. Hopefully we will see a fix in the next patch.

I have managed yet another draw in one of my infrequent Cesspool battles. This time it was against that booger-eating lawyer MrSpkr. Somehow, he tricked me into playing his own Children of the Corn inspired scenario. (Does anyone have a mod that changes wheat into blood-splattered corn?) I should have won this battle, but I did not receive bonus points for making sure that most of MrSpkr’s eliminated squads ended up in burning tiles. Actually, the final scene probably looks a lot like the annual Waxahachie Opossum Barbeque. Only difference is that in the scenario we are roasting commies instead of rat-like marsupials, and most of the guns people are carrying are not fully automatic.

I've had this hapen too, and it is a real pain. As someone else has said, I could see this happening every now and then, but when a tank spends a whole turn firing HE into the hill right in front of it, that seems a little ridiculous.

The real problem is that once you lose your junior member status, every post, including the old ones, will indicate that you are a full fledged member. We need a way to permanently ignore the drivel that you have posted before gaining the wisdom and maturity that comes with member status. I think BFC is working on an enhancement to forum search function.

</font>

Matching my 12 Panthers perfectly. Steve</font>