Juardis

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: vXi) Yes, that would be, were you a kniggit, the place to insert (Bauhaus...) a 'Sit down...' statement. 47, 63, hike) Being as you are an {alleged} squire (squirrel more like), you are not (you do understand not, right?) worthy to tell Ste. Bauhaus a bloody thing (Bauhaus...), so feel free to SOD OFF!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My liege, MrSpkr, may I retort to this fetid futon some of the finer pontifications of the written language? Good... my quote was I suppose this is where I interject - down bauhaus I did not in fact, say sitdown bauhaus, I merely supposed that - IF I were a big and fearsome Night that is (or even a small and loathsome one) - supposed that that is what I would say. I respect the order waaaaaaaay too much to presume that I, a mere pissant of a squire (mere formalities notwithstanding), am in any position to even look at a kite let alone even think about addressing one. Page 23 - wherein Shaw discovers that the bullseye[1] TRP is not a victory location but is, in fact, some kind of arty magnet - which he still doesn't understand cause no one has a line of sight to it... [ 08-23-2001: Message edited by: Juardis to add forgotten footnote [1] bullseye referring to fact that Joe suspects this is a good place to stop and rest cause it scores him xtra points ] [ 08-23-2001: Message edited by: Juardis ]

Why thank you MrSpkr sir for taking an interest in my further training. I was kinda hoping to connect with (I suppose this is where I interject - down bauhaus) a big and fearsome knight, but seeings as you're even worse, what with you being a lawyer and all, well, I feel honored. Must get back to my homework now. Page 13 - wherein Joe Shaw discovers that he cannot see the stupid TRP because it's out of LOS. What good is that he mutters incoherently to no one in particular, which is quite correct considering that no one is listening... I...must...not...bite...nads I...must...not...bite...nads I...must...not...bite...nads . . .

Triumpants, you yellow bellied, low-life, peeping tom lurking, cowardly excuse for a bipedal chimpanzee, come out and taunt! You think I don't see all those orange bases assaulting my positions. I hate the brits, I hate being assaulted, and I hate playing you. My COMPUTER even hates playing you and I have to coax it lovingly to even open one of your damnable emails. C'mon love, just open the email so I can extract the vile, sinful, offending attachment. The sooner we rid the human race of this vile excrement, the sooner we can go on to more pleasant activities - like reading the cesspool news. I loathe and despise all those green lackeys you so arrogantly run across the open field. Being ASSAULTED, by green panty waisted, tea drinking, pompous, pedantic, didactic brits is akin to being stripped naked, covered in honey, left in a swamp during monsoon season and being attack by hordes of gnats. I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT ANYMORE. I won't REST until I bite your nads off and dangle them from the nearest tree to ward off any other SSN who dares not post here. MY LIFE will not be complete until I see the white spittle dripping from the corner of your mouth flapping into your nostrils and you asphyxiate on your own bodily fluids. Your very existence on the battle field is a scourge that must be wiped, road kill that must be eaten, and a horrible disservice to all the Frogs that valiantly let all the brits fight for them! And what does the computer give me to fend off this assault on my very fibre of essence? One freakin' 81mm FO. One! You cheatin' bastard somehow coerced the computer into giving me insufficient forces to fend off this abomination and for that I will take your nads down from the aforementioned tree and beat you upside your head with them, roll them under the treads of my king tiger, and hang them back on the tree!!! Surrender now and save your NADS!

Damn Joe, I had zingers all lined up and everything and then you went and put [serious]stuff[/serious] in here. Bad form old chap. Takes all the fun out of calling you an idiot.

Not original. Although I'm not sure if there are any scenarios out there, I designed a huge map with 2 rivers dividing the map into 3rds. I put 2 big flags in each setup zone and 2 small flags in the middle. That way, to gain a clear advantage in flags, you had defend yours against a river crossing at any number of bridges/fords along the river and attack his at the same time. I made it 75 turns long with light fog. I still have the map as a matter of fact. The object is to have a 3rd party buy your forces. In the one battle I fought on it, we chose 7500 points apiece. I HIGHLY recommend battles of this type. Much more interesting than your standard meeting engagements.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer: After you've been swimming in it I'm sure it will be plenty cessy. Now why don't you send me the setup, so I can drown you in that pool like a blind puppy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Dear pansy-leaders Little Buddy, i WOULD be most happy to wipe the field with the toilet paper hanging out the back of your pants, but I have a problem (ok, several problems...in fact, I've seen the Dr. about them and he said...nevermind). My other problems, you see, are that: 1. I assumed that this would be a SPECIAL battle and I feel obligated to point out that there is nothing SPECIAL about a pissboy (that would be ME0 kicking a SSNs sniveling, toad-stool, no-nads, name-calling ass (that would be YOU) in a contest of wit, wills, whiles, and wherefores. I would not dare sully Pengs Down with the likes of us. z. I am quite busy with 12 other games right now and feel no need to stay up late and play with you. If, however, you can get smedley brewhouse to bring the inflatable sheep, then perhaps I could be persuaded to stay up late and play...but not with you. And 3. PENGS DOWN IS NOT YET AVAILABLE TO PLAY YOU GIT!!! Go ye to the outerboards and read. Thank you for not replying.

Anybody take a gander at Peng Downs, a scenario created by Clubfoot? (see the outerboards). That is one sweet looking map. Kind of ritzy though for the cesspool. In fact, the pools there look, dare I say, Clean. Not CESSY at all. Still, it is kinda quaint, and the historic places seem in touch with the cesspool tradition (not that I, a mere pissboy, would know of the tradition here, so I don't wish to pretend that I do...but I will anyway because I can). Anyway, shouldn't this scenario be reserved for some kind of special cesspool battle (presuming any battles in here are special)?

OMG! I must have these. Where do I go (or email it)?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WineCape: Dear Wild Bill's Rumblings of War hopefuls, <LI> "J&MAbbott" jabbott1@carolina.rr.com Charl Theron <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Just so you know, this is Juardis.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Yah they're nothing but Amateurs, I've got one going with 10000 points per side...Mace<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You're kidding right? 10,000 points? I made one 7500 points per side, took 4 months to finish. And what did I get? A freakin draw. 4 months of my life wasted on a guy who bought 25 hetzers and Jadpanzer IVs only to get a draw! He was a gamey one that lot! Anyway, I tried to make it bigger, but no amount of color nudi...erm, prodding...no, that's not it either. I tried to make it larger...now hold on just a damn minute. I did not say IT, I said it, as in the 7500 point game. OK, thank you for your attention. I could not get more than 7500 points per side. Now admittedly, I started with 1.05, so did they up the limit in 1.12? Anyone here want to try 10,000 points? We should finish by next Easter. Serious.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars: No problem! WHACK! You're Polish. no offense to any real Poles of course, I mean, having this guy in your gene pool, really, Sheesh...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thank you squire. Yes, quite right, just a euphemism. My bad. I meant to say slap my head and call me french since I think a mere pissboy would upgrade the overall perception of the frogs.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus: I'm glad I provided some motivation. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, you were most encouraging during my darkest hours here (although it really wasn't that dark, quite contrary, it was kinda light, but dark still compared to light I suppose). Anyway, yes, thank you for the kind words. I do understand that you had to act all mean and stuff to keep up the appearance of being a big and fearsome knight and all, so I won't go into details. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> As for your email responses to mine. You know, the photos of yourself in various positions with sheep. While Mace would approve, I'd like to ask you to stop. It is not the Cesspool way. And you should be ashamed of yourself, a threesome with two ewes. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Lies, lies, and damned LIES. The fact that you editted your post proves you're liar. First off, that wasn't me, and second off, those were inflatable ewes {that is, of course, presuming I believe the viscious, malicious, delicious, CAPRICIOUS lies you are spewing, which I don't}. ....Where was I? Oh YES! QUite right! damned LIES. See, I burned those pictures long ago, so there is NO way those pictures could have surfaced after so many years. There was this one guy though who always insisted on being first (they would deflate after use and constant inflation was required, assuming I know what you're lying about), and...hey, wait a minute, you're not he are you? Smedley Brewhouse? Is that you? Well slap my head and call me Polish, but that does explain your outward reactions towards me. And here I thought it was because you were a big and fearsome knight. I'm so sorry about all that. I didn't tell anyone about it after the men in white suits came, and I thought I burned those pictures as I said, but apparently you still have yours? Oh geez man, shred them ASAP! You don't want to be interned again do you?!?! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Have you no morals? [ 08-20-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No, but what does THAT have to do with anything?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader: A lot of Stinking Suck-up Non-Entities have the audacity to poke fun at Little Buddy's name. Have you seen your own asinine nember namews, bub? Juardis. Wo knows, sounds foriegn or somefink. Man I tell ya, it seems like each SSN has a name worse, less imaginative, and closer to L33T DUUDZ than the last. I think I might abandon Panzer Leader and start using Sancho Panza all the time. At least that name has something all these SSNs lack...character.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It has been brought to my attention that you are an idiot. Hence, I will forgive your trespasses, for I, the great and glorious Juardis T. (Ernest T.'s 5th cousin on his mothers side), am a high ranking piss boy and therefore am waaaay above mention in the same post as Gilligan and his pet snake Sticks. And if you insist on including me in the same classification, then I shall be forced to read poetry to you until your large intestine decides to take mercy upon your poor soul and eject itself forcefully from your lower orifice only to wrap itself around your neck, choking you on your own ****e.

EGADS!!!! I cannot believe what has happened. I'm watching the movie Friday a.m. from my battle with Triumvir when my computer, so disgusted at having to play this lurking vermin, spewed out it's video cord, wrapped it around it's cpu, and killed itself. That's right, my computer decided enough was enough and powered off during the middle of the movie phase. Triumvir, you are the epitome of gamey when even my computer decides to commit suicide while playing you. I cannot now, nor ever in the future (or until I fix it which might not ever be never), turn my puter on. I demand recompense (which one of you louts is a lawyer?). 100 USD for a 300W power supply this Sunday afternoon plus another 50 USD for Black Sabbath's greatest hits, and Crosby Still's Nash and Youngs greatest hits. Yes, I'm throwing the cost of the CDs in there because, well, if I didn't have to go to Best Buy to buy the power supply I wouldn't have had to buy the CDs. You'll get your return movie if and when I receive payment in full (and even thrice again over) or I install the power supply (assuming it even IS the power supply), whichever occurs first. In the highly likely event that my computer just refuses to get assaulted by your gamey brits, then I must demand your immediate and unconditional surrender! As for this other thing, this serf thing. I'd like to thank boohouse for giving me the motivation to continue. Without his support (private emails and such), my dream one day becoming a big and fearsome KNIGHT might have ended on the 3rd page of the last thread. My half-cocunut bag is full brave sir Robi...er...boohouse.

Great, like the new digs, much roomier than the old. Anyway, cmplayer, since you have accepted a challenge already, I'll let you give it your best. As for Triumvir, don't think that just because we left the old haunts that I have forgotten about you. Bring those squirrely assed brit boys across the open fields and meet your maker. That's roight, I have LET you get as far you've gotten. Only because....you have chosen to assault me you gamey bastard yet the only assault there will be will be the putrid odor of dead bits assaulting your nostrils. Fear the Hummels.

OH, and cmplayer, none of this random pick crap. I want to be gamey and it's hard to be gamey if the computer picks.

OK CMPlayer, since my current victim has gone back to lurking, I need someone to dis in a battle. And since we're both noobs here (me and you can dispense with the SS part of this quaint little practice), and since neither of us has any past history of being nice to anybody, we can act as if we were big and mean like some of these pansies who call themselves knights. My CM plate is real full right now, but I'm fixin to finish a few tournament games, so I'll be ready to kick your ass back to Sydney (presuming you're from down under that is, or even if you're not). What say you?

Now hold on a minute there hair oberst. You cannot judge a clown by his makeup. Suuuure, they look mean and nasty, but look at those smiles. And those chubbby wittle cheeks. Maybe they flunked makeup school, or got a hold of some bad base, or never heard of the cesspool of peng. YOu just never know. I'm sure these guys would be great to party with, especially that top one. He looks misunderstood, like all his life all he ever wanted to do was bring joy and happiness to the world, but because of his looks he has brought fear and hatred (misguided I might add) with him. Try as he might, he just can't get people to stop cringing and that makes him sad, and angry, and sure, he may have killed a couple people when they failed to laugh, but you can't hold that against him. Don't let one bad clown ruin it for the rest of 'em.

*GASP* *Horror* {grasp chest and squeeze heart to get it going again} You hate clowns? I cannot believe this! You think them harbingers of death and destruction? Nay, that is only true if you were to meet me on the CM battlefield wherein, whereupon, and uponwhich I would bring you much death and destruction and mock you unmercifully until, in a fit of rage, you would rip out your small intestine, wrap it around your throat, and put you out of my misery. That is only true if you were Roman, or...a serf (are you a serf?) on the eve of the moorish invasion (I'd say French, but everybody knows the French couldn't fight their way out of a wet toilet paper sheet let alone conquer a court jester). But we're not talking about that. We're (OK, maybe boohouse isn't), but I'm talking about comedians, the very cream of clowns, the nobelest of niggits, the epitome of..of..well, whatever starts with e that fits here. To hate clowns disses (all pause and bow heads) John Cleese, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, Terry Gilliam, et al, and all that they stand for (which I really don't know about, but they stand for something, of that I am sure). So sir, may you never lay (or is it lie?) in a hospital bed and find yourself in need of a clown. And if you do find yourself in such a situation, I hope you get one of those piss ant circus dweebs who squeezes piss out of his flower and shoves his size 44 shoe up your....

you hate clowns?! One of the oldest and most revered professions in all the earth? and you hate them?!? I'll have you know that before there were even kinnigits there were court jesters! I agree that those the typical circus clowns can be most despised, but there are true artists around. Why, I remember this one clown that...oh, never mind. The most famous breeding grounds for clowns is a circus of course, and the holy grail of all circuses is...[hushed tones]Monty Pythons Flying Circus{/hushed tones]. Yes, the most hallowed of all breeding grounds which produces that which you so despise is none other than that which is most revered here in this very cesspool. So you may indeed wish to boil, debone, deflate, and denigrate clowns, but please do so in a reverent manner so as to make Monty proud. And that's all I have to say about that.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus: I really thought we got rid of this clown. He makes Joe look like less of an idiot.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn, and here I was thinking you hated me. But, you called me a clown. And clowns bring joy and humor to the world. Nobody hates clowns. And clowns certainly must be above SSN, at least, per the job description and all. Thank you for noticing me sire. [/gen-u-flex] And making a knight look like less of an idiot is our lot in life. We exist so that you don't have to.

Lars, it's a little late to be getting that kind of feedback, don't ya think!?. Sure would've been helpful at, oh, say... 11:15pm!! Mr. Shaw, if I understand correctly, that places SSNs in the same category as toe jam, whilst a serf is elevated to the same category as the smell that toe jam leaves behind. A squire is one who actually cleans the toe jam and of course, the big fearsome Knights are the ones with toes. Wow! Sorta puts the cesspool in perspective now. I can see where it would behoof one to become a serf. Thanks for the explanation. [ edited because I'm an id e ot] [ 08-16-2001: Message edited by: Juardis ]

Whoa, wait a Buffalo minute (slightly stouter than a NY minute, but definitely still of the Northern strain as far as minutes go). I get it [slap forehead]. Jar O' Dis, Wardice, Jar o dicks. They all refer to Juardis. Which means.... *cartwheels* *flips* *high fives all around* a rank SERF!!!!! ???? WTH does a serf do and why are they rank?! Do they bring out the dead and not wash afterwards? Polish the boots of the big and fearsome Keeenights? Shovel the ****e out of the stables and then thank the lawds profusely? Suck up, bow down, kiss ash? OK

Damn hackers. Sorry guys, that was not good Berli. Not sure who it was but they're way smarter than...ummm...well, they got around my firewall and everything. So sorry, shant happen again.

Hey idiots, this is Berlickingen, sorry to have hacked into Jar o dick's computer and all, but, well, he is an SSN after all. Anyway, I third his nomination into serfdom. He may yet make something of his life. P.S. He's cool too