Juardis

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars: Did you notice that I have received reinforcements? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, no, I had not. That could be due to the fact that I have renamed the file, moved it to a 5 1/4" floppy, stuffed it between the pages of "Grapes of Wrath", and put it under an old bed pan hidden in the attic of the local sanitorium. Now that I know, I shall have to retrieve it, color on the floppy cover in big bold blue crayon a , and move it to the bottom of my cat's litter box. Thanks for the heads up.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars: I’m so sorry you have nothing better to do with your undoubtably worthless life but sit by your computer on a Friday night and wait for e-mail files. So sad. You know, if you went off line, you might get a date. I, on the other hand, spend Friday nights in one of my favorite activities, Drinking and Carousing. OK, two of my favorite activities. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ohhhhh, my bad Lars. I was under the mistaken impression that you were married. You see, if you were married, then you'd possibly understand that there is NOTHING better to do on Friday night than sit in front of the computer waiting for emails. Wife v0.99 goes to couch, reclines on couch, grabs control of remote, and watches some stupid cop show on the telly. So what's a person to do? Why, upgrade to wife v1.0 of course. But I'm too old for that and besides, she tolerates my gaming addiction. So rather than upgrade wives, I prefer to pound some hapless twit into the 3-d landscape, using a rubber mallet and plastic straw, which of course can be used to suck up the mushy remains and spit back out at a later date. Anywho, this seques into... an update. I am being pounded into the 3-d landscape with a rubber mallet and plastic straw. As much as it pains me to say, Lars is prescience (or he cheats, which I'm more inclined to believe and it pains me a lot less to say). I think gravity is much stronger on my side of the river. It makes his shells fall faster, my troops move slower, and drains all the blood from my elite FOs heads to their asses. Know what happens when you kill a bloated mosquito? That's what's going to happen when I march my slow witted spotters into harms way. Which should occur in, oh...about two turns from now. All this to say, it's turn 3 and I have one unbroken squad left in which to capture 23.2 flags. Mr. Xia, I have learned my lesson well and shall never write another essay on your TRP incompetence again (unless MrSpkr makes me of course).

Dear Mr Pawbroon, I found a vowel in your sig. Shall I kill it, or take it as my own?

And now, an update withLars. NOTHING Yes, sorry MrSpkr sir, I'd much rather post something interesting about a battle, but alas, am forced to post a lot of uninteresting things about nothing. Try-um-pants hasn't returned a file in a week. Lars is just being fat AND lazy. And I have yet to receive anything from Mensch. Despite the oratory of Seanachai, sigs are worthless drivel that say nothing to everybody at the click of a mouse button. Perhaps wholly suited for the cesspool since the pool is not a common residence. Unfortunately for me, I must stand by my convictions. Sigs suck!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus: Yawn, you bore me, really. And as far as settling it on the battlefield......no. I'd rather floss my cat.......if I did indeed own the dreadful species.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Very well then. I guess being 4-10 in Peng challenges does make one a little cowardly. If I can be of further assistance, please don't bother.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus: And Jar O'Piss, my sig sucks? Good one! Seeing that you're not an elder on this board, you really have no concept of my sig's meaning. And truly, I loath you more that life itself and don't have the desire to explain it to you. Leave me be, you bore me. [ 08-31-2001: Message edited by: bauhaus - because he's an idiot ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I would love nothing better than to leave you be, but you see, YOU keep talking to ME. You've obviously confused me with someone who gives a **** about what you think. But since your over inflated ego has deluded you into thinking that I do give a **** (about what you think that is), then let me say that I am most pleased by this latest development. Well, not really. The fact that you ONLY loathe me is kind of a bummer. But it's a good start. In fact, I think I shall now call you names behind your back. Turn around....go on...it won't hurt. Turned around? Good. Wanker. OK, you can turn around now. See, that wasn't so bad now was it? I hope it was really boring for you. Please tell me it was. Now then, I shall indeed leave you alone, unless you persist in stalking me. Lucky for you this thread is about to end. However, if I can further increase your hatred of me, then I'd like to settle this on the battlefield. Airing your dirty laundry in a public forum on a daily basis is a most pleasant thought to me. In fact, I'm giddy with the thought. So, what's it gonna be?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus: You have proven yourself once again. You have absolutely nothing of value to add to the Cesspool. Be gone with you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I note that your sig line is as long as your post. Refer back to point 3.141592654. Some sigs are longer than the posts themselves. What does that tell you of the post? That the freakin' sig is a better read?! Or that the post probably shouldn't have been made to begin with since there is clearly nothing of importance in it (the post that is)? You have validated both of my points very poignantly for me. Thank you. Oh, and one parting thought. If nothing is added to nothing, you still get nothing. BTW, your sig sucks!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow: no ... better if you just SOD OFF. Please go somewhere else, you are not wanted. [ 08-31-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, yes, quite right Marlow (as always). But....given that you like your squires uppity, unproven, disrespectful, and virgin like, well...I suggest you take the lad as your squire (after neutering his sig of course).

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch: so Ook Boy, accept or SHUT THE FECK UP!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The price of sigless posts is high indeed if I have to subject myself to chronic exposure to Mensch's uncultured, slovenly, distasteful, moronic gibberish for the next few weeks. Nevertheless, I will carry my sigless banner onto the field of battle, plant said banner in the middle of your underground reinforced hamster brood, and then I shall dance a merry little jig around the previously mentioned sigless banner and utter vowels at you until your internal organs implode. But...just to make it interesting, IF I were to fail, then I shall adopt a sig of your choosing for the entirety of the next Peng thread. As to the nuances of blood hamster feuds, you are correct. Kitty's site (which I found from someone's sig line btw, but don't repeat that here) has nothing about that, or if she does, then I completely missed it. There are still some things that MrSpkr has yet to teach his squire. And if I can put in a request for troops, I'd like to request 3 assault boats so I can ridicule Mr. Mensch's soon to be pitiful attempts at killing them. [ 08-31-2001: Message edited by: Juardis ]

OH, and by the way, if Jabo is anywhere near as sadistic, merciless, horrifying, tactless, blah, blah, blah, as ArtyFest 1945, then there is no way in 4377 that I'm going...well, no way in the worl...uhmmm, well....Sure, I'll play it. You challenging me Lars or do I have to find someone else?

Well, if you can get the forum search to work, there are about 20 pages dedicated to the Panther turret speed - in 1 or 2 threads. You can search on my member number. I started the 2nd thread of however many there were. In a nutshell, the Panther turret can rotate much faster than what is represented in the game, but it depends on the quality of the driver. Last I heard, BTS was *thinking* about putting in a variable speed depending on crew quality. I mean, you'd expect an elite driver to be able to rev the engine while staying put and rotating the turret, but maybe not a regular driver.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leeo: Juardis, my poor misquided boy. The best advice I can offer you is to ignore your voweless liege, for he knows not how to send turns in a timely manner. For yeah, he is to the pillock as the operand is to math. (and I've disabled my sig in this post as a "hats off to you, me boy!")<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, tis good advice. He is sadistic and cruelhearted to his squire, what with designing a scenarior that allows my GREEN platoons to die mercilessly at the hands of the evil and foul Lars. I mean, it's obviously not MY fault that they're-dying-a-lot. Yes, he is sadistic and he is slow, but by God, he is MY slow and sadistic liege and I must defend him until...until...well, until I no longer have to.

Just one question. Who the HELL designed this scenario!? I'll have his nads (yes, NADS) strung together, tied to a stick, and used as numbchucks. I'll hunt the sadistic little twit down, tie him to a chair, and force him to watch 36 hours of Teletubbies. This ain't no freakin' scenario, this is murder. Now, on to my so called tactical genius of an opponent. You think you're big stuff now that you're lobbing Volkswagens at me don't ya? DON'T YA! A hole the size of Texas just opened up below a platoon. A GREEN Platoon you sadistic SOB scenario designer. They didn't take more than 4 steps, OK, maybe 5, before they-died-a-lot. And just WTH ARE MY ELITE FO'S doing?! NOT a DAMNED thing! ELITE DAMNIT, YOU'RE ELITE! FIRE already! What the HELL are you waiting for? More Volkswagens?! I think my TRPs are defective and for that I blame my opponents KINNIGET. Defective TRPs, ****e for brains FOs, and futilistic scenario designers. And did I mention lately that sig lines suck!

Well LARS, since yer wingin off emails, about wingin the one back to me you useless toadie lookin ex-texan! And yes, sigs still suck!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer: Who, or should I say, what the feck are you, oh 'Marlow'? Is that a contraction of 'Marshmallow'? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HELLOOOOOO?! Did the turnip truck just drop you off or did you get weaned from your mothers bosom at too early an age? Do you not GET what is going on?!?!

Damn...thanks Joe. See if I do you any favors in the future... . . {sheepishly bows head and lowers his gaze}Sorry MrSpkr, I was just trying to have a bit o fun. You never let me have any (fun that is). All I do is type papers on Joe's idiocy, and clean stalls, and die-a-lot in arty battles. When can I follow you to a real joust and learn how to be big and scary like you?{Juardis, rubbing his right glutius maximus from a previous golfing wound, dejectedly leaves the room to begin yet ANOTHER paper...} Sigs STILL Suck [did I mention that EDITTING SUCKS TOO!] [ 08-30-2001: Message edited by: Juardis ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: OHHHH, rookie mistake, MrSpkr ... I think it's time to PUT THE BOOT IN! Joe *emphasis added<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I am well aware of your predisposition towards consonants. I, however, have been viciously, maliciously, with malice and forthought, been called a MONKEY! Everyone knows that MONKEYs cannot make K sounds, or CH, sounds, or even hard Fs, as in F EWE. But they are most resplendent at enunciating vowels. Thus, any sig containing more than one consonant is even more worthless than one without. And I notice with great irony that your sig is a quote from non other then Mr. Mensch. How ironic. What a sad example of the current inbreeding that is going on in the pool. Pretty soon, everyone's sig will be quoting everyone elses sig until eventually they all become toothless, nitwit, gene recessive idiotic sigs. And I shall not cease nor desist in my crusade against sigs (at least until I go home in a few hours and fire up my battle with Lars - assuming he hasn't run all his men off the map in fear of my great big welcome reception). I say again - SIGS SUCK!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch: OOK!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mr. Mensch (and I only say "Mr." cause you're a kinnigit mind you), I have not had the pleasure of calling you a wanker yet. Wanker. I note with great loathing that you have THREE sigs all rolled into one. Let's examine each one, shall we? No? Too bad. OOK, OOK! The first is actually a link but it does provide a useful service, so it's acceptable. The next TWO who-ever, the next 2, prove my point exactly. Not only have they been read a thousand times already but they say nothing about the oppresiveness under which we live (well...Madmatt's does) or your prowess at physical activity (ummm, well, actually Sifu's does), or even reveal any great truths (well...actually they both do). OK, neglecting those points for the moment, your sig is longer than your post, contains too many consonants, and is generally irrelevant to the socio-economic times that have befallen us! Please address this at your leisure.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost: So do you. Do you like my sig? [ 08-30-2001: Message edited by: Hiram's Ghost ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ahh yes, thank you for proving point 3.141592654 in my Sigless post...

Signature lines SUCK! They are for the lazy. They espouse nothing that is socially redeemable, remotely funny, or even heroically dastardly. In a short period of time, the whole thought will have been lost anyway since no one reads the damn things and one can't be bothered to remember what it referred to to begin with. As Peng hates smilies, I hate SIGNATURES. I mean, that sig you have had since last freakin November, is it still applicable? Who knows, who cares. Since it shows up every time someone posts, am I to assume the sig applies at all times? I got it, why doesn't BTS give us instant siggies so we don't even have to take the time to put one together to begin with. Here's an instant siggie - You ALL suck!. True. Some sigs are longer than the posts themselves. What does that tell you of the post? That the freakin' sig is a better read?! Or that the post probably shouldn't have been made to begin with since there is clearly nothing of importance in it (the post that is)? If sigs are worthless, bandwidth consuming, afterthoughts of someones ego, (and they are), then a post shorter than that is even more worthless, bandwidth consuming, afterthoughts of someones ego (and it is). Some would argue that sigs are a persons inalienable right to differentiate one clump of cesspool matter from another. Others would argue that sigs are a personal expression of free will deigned to reveal some inner truth about the boob who has it. Yet still others consider them funny, as if the only worthwhile contribution they have to the pool is their sig. {I really don't have anything to say at moment, but I'll post because my sig is funny and I like reading it...for the billionth time!} Bullocks, balderdash, and poppycock! Sigs Suck! [ 08-30-2001: Message edited by: Juardis ]

I'm a whore, I admit it. I went and signed up for digital cable just to get the clearest HBO picture I could. I have 10 top 'o the line blank cassettes sitting snugly next to my VCR. Each episode only airs 4 times before the next one comes so you don't have many chances to catch it. I bet they play them all back to back once the last show is over. That'd be cool. But until then, I'll have the clearest recording I can get to last me a lifetime. Now, I just hope there's no freakin LOVE story...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: By the by, how's Arty Fest '45 going? Has Juardis even bothered to reply to your setup? We DO expect frequent and copious reports you know, this is part of your training. Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, since Lars is blowing you off it seems, I shall give an update without even seeing the return file. I setup all my 2 FOs in the open. I figure that Lars, being a confused Texan in Mini-soda, wouldn't know what to do in that situation. In the off chance that he actually TARGETS my FOs, I've got it made cause, well, he can't give orders worth a plug nickle in a buffaloes butt. So HIS FO's, in a fit of rebellion, or just plain apathy, would target *my* 29 TRPs (repeat after me Joe, slowly and with feeling now...T-A-R-G-E-T R-E-F-E-R-E-N-C-E P-O-I-N-T) and inadvertently win the game for me. Not that winning is impotent in this most bizarre battle, but the taunt value would be indescribable.

*huff* *huff* *huff* don't leave *pant* *gasp* me sire *puff*. I had to scout the *huff* the other side of the river. While Jars, which holds pi*s I might add, was polluting the airwaves *puff*, I was sneaking around in his setup zone. Hahahahaha, reminds me of the pollack that was told to stand in a circle while these thugs beat the crap out of his car. Yet, while the thugs were DESTROYING his car, our friend the pollack stepped out of the circle 3 (thrice, three, not 4 and certainly not less than 2, but tres) times without the thugs knowing. Oh man, I'm killing myself here {holds sides together}. Regardless, when I got back from my scouting mission, the cesspool had MOVED! I no couldna find it no mo. So I had to send scouts OUT to find it. Aieeee, I said it. Aieeeeeeee, I said .. again. Yes, right, well, lucky for me it [AIEEEEEEE} was only a move to the orient and not halfway around the world or somefink. Sire (that would be the alleged MrSpkr), I have to ask, have I displeased you in any way? I mean, it's bad enough having to drop arty all over Scars butt, but having to actually swap emails with him is most humiliating. He's so...soo...Midwestern. I mean, he hails from a Mound in Minnesota for crying out loud. How much more humiliation must I endure before you show me favor my liege?!?! And speaking of "Artyfest 1945", what are all these "bullseye" thingies? I don't have a LOS to EITHER of them. Do I get xtra points for camping my brave squires on top of them? Do they have to be on the exact center or can they be nearby (maybe there's a triple 20 space in the bullseye?)? Ahem, cough, anyway... Grog => any alcholic beverage (guilty as charged your dishonor). I admit to trying to win alkeeehaul in a non-cesspool sanctioned gathering of...of...whiney, pedantic bastards. Groggy => how I feel after drinking mucho grog. Again, guilty as charged. Grognard => defined as a foot soldier in the french army..... Now, I've been called many things in my life, but never...NEVER...NEVER have I been compared to a Frog (which rhymes with grog (for those of you with half a brain (like (Joe (Xia)))). So you take that back Shawl or I'll...I'll...I'll do something really really bad. And besides, when I defined gamey on the questionairre as being whatever is acceptable in the cesspool, I was immediately and unequivocably disqualified from being considered part of the human race let alone their stupid alcohol incentive laden tournament.

NUTS!

Enough of the idle banter Joe Shaw. Where the hell is that PBEM game you keep wringing your gnarly hands over?! I need to taunt and I can't do it very well without someone to taunt at, you see. And THAT'S where LARs (does he get bolded?) comes in. He will, of course, agree to the map, any map, any battle. He's hungry...like the wolf...you know. And, well, DAMNIT ALL TO HELL MAN, SEND ME THE BATTLE ALREADY! KEE-RIST, it's been 6 hours already! And I was at work for 5 of them, so you had a head start! Last Page - wherein Joe figures out the bullseye is not a point doubler, but is in fact, a ambush marker that can be targetted from anywhere...even in Utah => Sorry MrSpkr, I tried and all, but sundown was very ambitious, and SHAW is hard to denigrate past page 21, but I think you'll be pleased nonetheless. I shan't let you down again.