Seanachai

Good God, no! While there are some I'd like to silence, you, lad, are not necessarily on of them. We'll have to play for something else. Perhaps if I win, you could torment Bauhaus for me. You know, leave dead things in his desk drawers, wire his chair to explode, that sort of thing. Or enter Berli's office for half an hour every day and read to him from 'A Collection of Famous Anglican Sermons', or some such.

Hmm, something in that, I suppose. But next time, at least have the good grace to shuffle in and make him work for it a bit. Bloody hell, what you know about mentoring could be inscribed on the etch-o-sketch of Slapdragon's brain with three rather limp twists on either cerebral knob. And you, lad, leave off the scatological references to backsides. It's not your forte, and we're trying to bring up the tone of the Thread.

Oh, very nice, Moriarity! Nothing like a 'Noble Quest' where some pillock waltzes in and points at the third plain silver goblet from the left and says: that one there, lad, that's the goddamn Holy Grail! Well, I hope you're right there and ready with your helping hand the next time he's incontinent, so you can wipe his arse with a handful of thistle leaves! Bloody hell. A Knight of the 'Pool sets his Squire a Holy Quest, with a 'Lo, Forsooth! Go, thou, and seek out the Wellspring of the Peng Challenge!' (through the Broad Scots gibberish, mind), and up shows Moriarity with his paw waving frantically over his head going 'ooh, me sir, me sir! I know how to get there!' like some sort of poxy little pre-teen selling 'maps to the Quest for the Peng Challenge Thread' from a cheap lawn-chair by the side of the road. You're a nasty little know-it -all trollop, Moriarity.

What he means, Donkey, is that you are to seek out the original Peng Challenge Thread, the immortal Cesspool that rose to some 3,000 extant posts before disrupting the Board and collapsing into a black hole. The Original Thread that could no longer even be entered by normal means, and which could not even be properly padlocked and shutdown because of the disaster. I don't even know if you can reach that original Thread nowadays, what with archiving, and changes to the Board. But, Donkey, there is this: No one who read all three thousand some posts of the Original Peng Challenge Thread came away unchanged. I believe your Liege, OGSF, feels that doing so will somehow change you, perhaps even ennoble you, and make you someday worthy of Knighthood and inclusion into the rolls of the Cesspool. And well it might. Or, if nothing else, it'll keep you busy for a good, long time. So, Donkey, it is up to you to see if it is still possible to get to the ancestral Thread. To aid you in this noble quest, I will tell you that it was named "Peng, I Take Our Challenge Public!" Also, to be truthful with you, I know for a fact that there are ways to still get to this hallowed place, all 122 pages of posts. But should you actually arrive there, remember to touch nothing! It is a Holy Place, now, and must be treated as such. Should you be at a loss, Donkey, email me, and I will do what I, as an Olde One, must, when approached by one on a Quest. [ February 07, 2002, 12:37 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

As noble in victory as he is in defeat...

Taunt the Second Ah ha ha. How droll, Slapdragon. Yes, I'm sure that in your haste to rework the words of others as an example of your native wit, you simply neglected, out of sheer, Ambrosian sloppiness, as it were, to make any acknowledgment of the actual artists to whom your own, rather touching tribute to myself owes it's genesis. Now, I, perhaps more than anyone here, enjoys a good parody, a satirical reworking, an 'in the style of' post. But even so, I always at least give a nod and wink to the original. I note, with some bemusement, but no real surprise, that your taunt to me is that of an angry worshipper taking up some issues with his deity. Now, that is right and proper, Slapdragon. I stand in the same relationship to you that Jesus stood to Judas, my dear groggish Iscariot. Will thou kiss me in the garden, Slapdragon? Or perhaps, my dear opponent, a handshake will suffice? BLOODY HELL, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO IDJIT YEKNOD THAT SEANACHAI'S LIKE DONKEYS SIMPLY AS FRIENDS?!! Now, perhaps as a sign of the intensive preparation to destroy me occurring on Slapdragon's side of the map, or perhaps because the poor, conflicted apostate was busy gnashing his teeth over attempting to renounce me, but this turn was...quiet. Boring, even. No contact, no shelling, no sightings. Nothing but a low weeping coming from his side of the map, and the muttered words 'my olde one, my god, why have I forsaken thou?' [ February 07, 2002, 12:09 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

I've always liked this SuperTed character ever since he was nice to all those sodding Newbies. I shall have to check out Boots & Tracks again, which I haven't done since that scenario of Wild Bill's that caused both Peng and I to give up the will to live.

"Throwing a bone" is apparently the Australian phrase for 'dropping the ball utterly on the final assault'. One Tactical defeat by a minor Australian does not equate to a Holy Crudade in tatters. Even repeated defeats by much more significant Australians (such as they are), would not invalidate the Crudade (second only to the Quest for Peng's name in importance). The Crusade to 'Crush all Australians' not only continues, but things are looking a little grim for AussieJeff, who is not mechanincally inclined. Apparently he had a deep dislike, amounting to pathological hatred, of all his AFV commanders, as he has run every vehicle forward to it's death. Three HTs, 3 Heavy Armoured Cars, 1 Tank (model not confirmed), one SP Artillery?, and one Jadgpanzer IV later, he has finally rid himself of all of them. Now we will begin the serious disassembly of his infantry.

Well, now we have Sledge59 and Croda offering to leap into the fray, and Persephone threatens Chrisl in her own way. The whole bloody name of Peng thing is becoming some sort of Grail Quest. For myself, I just hope I make it to Castle Anthrax.

Women are so much more...direct, than we are. We post challenges, and arrange duels, and discourse upon honour. The Fair Sex is...well, scary, actually.

Really, Lars? Perhaps Hanns, Shandorf, Dalem and I should go over and check your house for you while you're gone. Just to make sure no psychotic acts of mindless vanadalism are committed while you're gone, leaving your house trashed and stripped of all valuables, obscenities painted on every wall, and roadkill hung in every room.

Were you versifying, Dalem? I assumed you were repeating my name over and over in an attempt to focus on who you were playing. Versifying normally involves verses, rather than the simple repetition of one word over and over. Unless, of course, you're Philip Glass. Then you may carry on until slapped.

Fear not, dear Persephone, I have not abandoned the Peng. Chrisl has not only my return setup, but the first turns have been exchanged, and I am advancing on his positions even now. The good...er, well, the established name of Peng will be won back.

Here, and after I decided you're not a complete and utter pillock. You have to get over your idea that Peng is somehow our ruler, Lord General MB. We're a community of like minded individuals, is all. And, while I thought the original poster's post was rather dim, and showed a definite unwillingness to seek out the truth, I wouldn't have been harsh on him, despite his tone. You might note that no Peng Challenge Member treated him poorly. It was you Outer Board types that belittled his rather inane post.

Attend, all. This night, I have sent Slapdragon a turn. Not the first turn in our game, which was already in progress when I conceived it my duty to try to place his ego somewhere in the firmament between heaven and hell, on a rather more mortal plane than his surging arrogance normally acknowledges. But a turn before contact, if we discount Slapdragon's harassing artillery fire. I can see him now, in my mind's eye (which is extending me no thanks for inflicting the vision): Slapdragon, in a lazyboy/easirest throne of badly stained naughahyde, drunk, and waving a handgun, and laughing in a way that sets his poor family scurrying to their rooms to wait out another night of 'Daddy Playing Zeus'. Slapdragon: I will call down thunder upon the UberGnome! manic laughter ending in a strangled hiccup as cheap beer and acid reflux unexpectedly percolate back up the esophagus...arghm, gack, cough...I am Slapdragon! wheezing noise, and sounds of expectoration on the K-mart ragweave rug I will smite him with my lightenings! pistol shot rings out, and one of the tasseled lamps shatters Slapdragon drops the pistol in surprise, then screams like a woman: Goddamn it! That lamp came all the way from Graceland! I will spare you further scenes of his domestic existence. Know simply that I, Seanachai, Bard and UberGnome of the Peng Challenge Thread, have entered into a Challenge of both Combat and Taunting with that being known as Slapdragon. May the gods uphold the righteous.

Milords and Ladies, I give you a creature that, when portrayed as a donkey, demures not. When abused, becomes more affectionate. When tasked with unnatural affections, merely exaggerates them. But when confronted with a foreigner who claims knowledge of his land and sporting teams, becomes deeply bothered and aggressive. But in spite of all temptations To belong to other nations He remains an Englishman He remains an Englishman

Not so bloody fast the Seanachai. This one is MINE! He did me goodly service as squire and again in his knighting. I'll not have a sodding idjit such as yourself take that which I have bond in darkness. That you wish to joust with wit and blade against the noble Slapdragon is in the best tradition of the Mutha Beautiful Thread, but do not demand that which is not his to give.</font>

Though idjit of idjits, wanker of wanker, and dare I say, sodder of small-time tax collectors and their 17 year-old construction worker sons buttocks, I accept the challenge as stated so long as it is not amended by a sneaky little amendment. Not since I coshed a senior citizen speeder into sleep for a broken tail light have I been quite so pleased with the prospects of this looming victory. Now, as for myself, I am quite the average player. But I am fearless as a ronin should be. Besides, I know that your danglees are currently well compressed by the weather that is traditionally the lot of people from the corn fed states, and that likely your brain is frozen as well. So lay on McDuff (down Bauhaus , that is Shakespear, a very early member of the Peng Thread with quite a naughty handle) and damned be him that first cries 'Hold! Enough! I fear not that the mindless will support you as an old one over an upstart, nor do I fear my complete loss of the game, only that I will die in a bloody brawl on the street before I should read the poem you will likely have to compose. So send the turn GIT, and the first taunt is yours.</font>

All knowing one, if you beat me in this game in which you are cowering about, then I will willingly recite the Australian anthem, paise the lord for all Seanachi's everywhere, and proclaim your greatness in a long and silvery post. Then you will truly have your revenge on me rather than empty attempts to teach the children why flamethrowers were rare in the real world. But my question is, what if I unseat you oh Grog wanna be?</font>

Sigh. Oh Thou that Knowest All, You see what I deal with here, and...you know. I post an attempted 'educational and cautionary' bit of information on the Thread of threads, and what am I rewarded with? Slapdragon's needy and aggressive desire to be always perceived as 'right'. Now, do I show up in every 'Grog' thread and try to assert knowledge I do not possess? I do not. Do I show up in every 'My Opinion is that You're a Fecking Idjit' thread, and assert my personal superiourity? I do not. Do I have to deal with Slapdragon showing up in the Peng Challenge Thread and responding to my perfectly reasonable and intelligent posting as though he had superiour knowledge when in fact he's a fecking idjit who's skull even rats won't gnaw after he's dead for fear of contracting stupidity by absorption? Yes, I do. Sometimes, lads and ladies, I despair, I truly do. I would never pretend to posture around this Slapdragon creature as though I were a 'Grog', but he will not return me the favour of desisting from posturing around me as though he were 'Intelligent and Knowledgeable', which he is not. There are times, as Slapdragon shows us, when a bloated and self-absorbed ego aren't a benefit, even within the Peng Challenge Thread,. Slapdragon, my little posturer, return to your attempts to make 'Modders' cry and flounce off, and other Grogs to gnash their teeth, and humourless pillocks to abuse you and raise points of order. But cease your attempts to supercede me here, in the Peng Challenge Thread, on the basis of your wit and intelligence. For, lad, that's like dropping a kitten into a blender in order to see how fast it can spin. For it can spin very, very fast, lad, but it will be reduced to ****e in the process. And such will be your fate, I'm afraid. [ February 04, 2002, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Without specialized Grog knowledge, but using common sense, much game play, and info gained on this forum garnered from reading more and posting less: 6. on map mortars can vary wildely in their effectiveness, and depends much on their size. They are extremely effective for knocking out guns, other mortars, and can do some serious damage to larger squads that are pinned or not moving. They're far more useful for 'suppressing' or disrupting units like MGs than they are for knocking them out. Keep in mind that while you see 1 to 3 little figures standing side by side, they represent a larger number of men that are dispersed and seeking cover. 7. Same thing applies. When a shell this size drops in on troops, they're not 3 figures forming a mini-phalanx. They're 8-12 individuals spread out, seeking cover, and taking advantage of what they can. I might add, I've had 150mm shells come in, even on units dug-in in heavy cover, and almost entirely wipe out the squad. I've also had them come in and only knock out a few individuals. A shell exploding 'directly' over a units representation may indicate a brutal concusive experience for everyone in the area, but the shrapnel may have patterned out to less effect. Also, when you've seen "150mm shells directly hit a squad", what were the conditions? Marsh, snow, wet ground? All of these will absorb both concussion and shrapnel. Treeburst? These can be devestating, but there's no guarantee. Ground hit within woods or such? The surrounding trees are going to aborb and cut down shrapnel to some extant. In other words, you need to consider all the factors that impact the artillery strike, and the unit receiving fire. Also, don't think of your unit as 'three guys crouched in a little triangle' and the artillery hit as having landed between trooper #1 and trooper #2. Remember, you're seeing a graphical representation of a Real World situation, not a 150mm artillery shell landing between two soldiers. 8. Your soldiers stop firing because they're reacting to perceived threats, ammunition concerns, personal exposure and survival perceptions, and general hoo-ha. The TacAI will often manifest itself in ways that may seem obscure to you, or even foolish. Usually, they are not. During any 60 second turn new targets will manifest, old targets will register as less threatening, your troopers will take stock of their ammo, they will enter different stages of threat perception (you may give them clear orders to shoot the ****e out of Unit X, but as they come under fire themselves as a result, they might move from 'Alert' to 'Cautious' to 'Pinned'; remember, when they're firing at others, they're drawing fire themselves, and reacting to its intensity. If you want units that hammer away at a target regardless of ammo status, personal losses, and new threats, than you want units that are completely mindless and disposable. For every 'what the hell is wrong with you people?!' decision the Tac AI makes during a 60 second round, there are several situations in which it correctly countermands orders based on previous turn (or simply stupid) thinking, and causes units to respond to updated conditions. Mind, we've all seen hair-pulling and garment rending behaviour by squads that simply make poor choices. Keep in mind that you're viewing an entire, almost strategic level input of information. Your squad is only concerned with their petty, local situation. You and I might be screaming: If that bloody squad makes it into cover, the whole left flank is going to dissolve, you halfwits!' The Tac AI, taking into account your soldiers' position is saying: 'bloody hell, every time we nip up to fire at that lot, we're drawing heavy fire. And we're down to (abstracted level) of shots per man, and we're a bit nervous about those swine we just saw swanning about across the way in that pile of rubble.' Remember, to some extant (and to a lesser extant than any game I've ever played), what you're actually seeing is a bit of an abstraction on reality (which the game is tracking in a more thorough-going way than what you see). For the rest of it, isn't life awful when things don't go your way?

Once again, Slapdragon, the Knowledgeable Grog Who Lies and Misrepresents In Order To Further His Agenda of Disruption and Personal Brutality (not really my perception, certainly not the 'Knowledgeable' part. I'm merely attempting to interpret the peceptions of much of the rest of the Board), has gotten it wrong again. Nowhere, in any thread, has there been a reference to 'idjit' as being culturally insensitive. It is, as everyone who is not an idjit knows and understands, personally insensitive. Now, 'sod' has been pointed out as being especially culturally repellant to Turks. Since I very much doubt that the average Turk is addressing other Turks by the term 'sod', it's an interesting claim, at best. If, on the other hand, the claimant is maintaining that the concept behind the term 'sod' is deeply insulting to Turks, then I'm quite willing to agree that such might be the case. And I won't even try and shuffle around about he term, and make some sort of specious claim that it derives from 'the old sod', and try and connect its etymology with the concept of 'countryman' or neighbour, or any silly ****e like that. We all know where its roots lie, but we're not going on about it because it will merely send some of our more useless members off snickering and nudging each other in a most unbecoming and rather juvenile way. And it's quite conceivable that some of our American members keep using it without a clue as to its derivation, but, if so, it's because they're sodding idjits. Now, I, personally, have to assume some responsibility for the general spread of certain Commonwealth vulgarities on to the Board. Obviously all the Board from the Commonwealth nations use the terms bloody, sod, sod-off, wanker, git, pillock, and bugger as part of their cultural heritage, even if it's the low and rather sordid end of said heritage. But, because they also perceive these terms as having more impact and and affrontery precisely because of their familiarity with them, they are much less likely to use them in a jocular, general insult on the Board sort of way. Now, who, on the Peng Challenge Thread, introduced these terms into general useage amongst the Cesspool membership? It was myself. And I, alas, did so knowing full well what I did. Oh, I admit to a certain sense of risible enjoyment when I contemplate the results. Without the Peng Challenge Thread, how likely is it that a large, bald, former bouncer in Cincinnati, Ohio would make posts entitled 'Come and get it, ya' Gits!' But I digress. Now, as I have taken some responsibility for introducing these Commonwealth vulgarities into useage, certainly by most Americans and many foreigners on the Board, and thereby have likely encouraged members of the Commonwealth to use them more freely than they might otherwise have given their social understanding of the impact, I would like to encourage our membership to a policy of 'intelligent use'. By that, I mean, what may (and, in fact, is) appropriate use in the Peng Challenge Thread is not necessarily appropriate use on the Board as a whole. Certain terms, especially 'sod', and 'bugger' (and their various modifications), are probably not completely appropriate to the Board as a whole, in the same way that '****' and '****' are not appropriate (whatever your culture). And, because the s & f words are pretty much universally regarded as over the top, they should not be used here, either (the latter never, the former sparingly and with humourous intent, rather than in a brutal or demeaning way). Now, Americans, and Foreigners not familiar with Commonwealth useage, should also probably be aware that 'bloody' is regarded by many Brits and Commonwealth members as being rather vulgar. Of course, given that this is a largely male board not dominated by people's maiden English aunts, at best it will probably get you a frown or two from the more proper types. Sod them. Also, the English, at least, have a far greater reaction to 'bastard' than Americans do, most likely because here we don't give a rip who our fathers were, as long as they weren't English. Ha-ha, just a bit of Seanachai humour their, British chums. Now, 'git' has, in fact somewhat vulgar roots, but has passed into fairly general and low intensity useage. And a 'pillock' is an idjit in any culture's estimation. As for 'idjit' itself, it's no more than a dialectal representation of the word 'idiot'. Now, in times not so long past, the term 'idiot' had both a psychological and quasi-scientific meaning, indicating someone of limited intelligence, incapable of bettering themself because of inherent disabilities. But as language evolves, and terms that once served one utility can pass into popular useage and come to possess another, so with the term 'idiot' (and more especially the obviously colloquially intended 'idjit'). Popular useage identifies it less with unfortunates suffering from impaired brain function, and aims it at those who suffer from self-imposed brain dysfunction. In other words, people who are beyond merely stupid, but rather, aggressively stupid, and by choice. Now, don't we all understand these things better? I thought so. That said, and given that we are, in fact, within the Peng Challenge Thread, I find all of you to be a bloody sodding half-wit lot of idjit buggers, as useless a load of gits and pillocks as ever defiled the genetic material of their ancestors by spiraling it up their deformed DNA chains.

How interesting. Although it has no real value, you've just gone up several notches in my opinion. And, if I was ever overly harsh with you (I'm not a particularly nice person), I do apologize. Except for what you said about 'worthless Peng humor'. You're a pillock for that.

the horror, the horror...exterminate the brute...