Seanachai

This thread soon to turn into: Grog Dorosh's weekend in the Castro.

Why are redheads always so...difficult.

Kitty is quite right that anyone who would torment or torture a cat is subhuman, and shows a despicable lack of both ethics and morals. Besides that, it taints the taste of the meat.

When I find out who gave the bloody cat amphetamines, someone is going to catch it hot. It is also my understanding that 'Blaming Seanachai' will be a test sport in the next Winter Olympics. Where's my goddamn Human Sacrifice? As for Berger...he is a Man of Mystery. Best he stay that way, and not start telling tales.

Bloody hell. If you were a toad, you could easily be drowned. You're apparently thinking of frogs, who've much more to do with water than toads. Not that it matters, because both are air breathing. Both could be drowned by keeping them below water for an extended period. Just as one does with rats. I cannot think of anything that would be more seasonal and cheery than keeping you below water for an extended period. I addressed you as 'toad'. You are. I acknowledged your 'screen-name' by mentioning that we drown rodents. We do. You need a wider exposure to and grasp of intelligence before you attempt to shuffle off the term 'illiterate' on me, oh infestation. I'faith, he thinks a toad cannot drown. Bloody pillock.

Do you know, it's Winter. It's serious Winter. And a lot of you lot annoy me. Some of you, sometimes. Others of you, much of the time. Many of you, nearly all the time. I'm annoyed. I DEMAND A HUMAN SACRIFICE! For the Church of Seanachai is a tolerant church, much given over to random acts of kindness, but even more invested in HAVING SOMEBODY'S ARSE SERVED UP ON A PLATTER! Boo, my thuggish and lackwitted acolyte! Gather up my Squires, and the Knights that were my Squires, and BRING ME SOMEONE TO HANG ON A FECKING HOOK! They don't have to be from the Thread. It could be anyone. But I want to see blood in the gravy before Dalem can squeak 'God Bless us, every one!'

You annoy me without even trying, and I like you. There's probably a lesson there somewhere.

Oh, no, lad. He let his desire to be 'hugged and kissed' by his imagined 'grogs' over-rule his hatred. There's nothing the poor lad wanted more than to be accepted by you lot of imagined 'grogs'. His whole 'These Are the Evil Controlling People' thread was like a little love song in hope of getting a bit of your spittle spread on his milky skin. His hate for me was pure, Berlichtigen, unadulterated by his self-loathing desire to be 'noticed and accepted' by you and the other Horsemen. I understand Eichmann was much the same in his zeal to pursue the party agenda.

And you will throw Bishop Sheen in my face, oh Boo? I will make you suffer for that.

No. Although the intoxicating annoyance of Peng did distract him. Who wouldn't drop everything to hate Peng? Whole basis for the genesis of the Thread, actually. I notice he didn't come in asking after Berlichtigen, though. Never a peep about you, don't you know. Wannabe.

Silence, toad. We drown rodents like you just to keep the place tidy.

Run? From what? There is naught here that I need flee, Boo. Bow down, Boo, and kiss my ring.

He was always MrPeng. He is still Mr Peng to you. He's only 'simply' Peng to his followers. And the other Olde Ones, who sit patiently in the Wasteland with him, passing a bottle, waiting for the World to change.

Idjit. It would be: Wo ist der WC?

Revisionist history. Did he follow you into the Peng Challenge Thread in order to demand that you make peace with him? I think not. Ponce.

Go ahead. We could do with some colour around here.

Friendly units targeting each other at night has been in the game since CMBO. I've had units indulge in hideous, minute long firefights with each other at night until I could issue new orders to get them to knock it off, even racking up serious casualties. Try night and heavy fog. You could lose whole units without ever making contact with the enemy.

MrPeng is always with you, lad. You are never alone.

Nicely said. Nicely said indeed. Hum. Say, James, I was wondering. Ever noticed what a venomous little toad that Dorosh fellow is? I mean, vicious, don't you think?

I am glad, Grog Dorosh, that you are not rushing into a commitment. I may be a hopeless old romantic, but I think that when you find the one that is right for you, the Mortal Enemy that you were destined for, you will know it. And I promise you, when that day comes, I will do all in my power to help you be as hated as you deserve to be. Remember, Michael, that you are worthy of hatred. And that hatred will come. Don't rush to be hated by just anyone. Not in the way of that special hatred that exists between a man and his Mortal Enemy. Now, forgive me, but my thoughts are filled with my own Mortal Enemy. I'm going to go listen 'our song', and wipe away the tears that I cannot forbid. O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command...

Cabron66: If you are out there, lad, if you are reading this... I have always kept a candle burning in the window. In case there are any assassins still coming, lost out there in the snow. I know you still hate me, Cabron. I know you will always hate me. No one can make me doubt this.

Ah, Michael, you have grasped the nettle by the wrong end, as it were. Sadly, Mortal Enemies cannot be 'groomed'. They are 'discovered'. After that, of course, a certain amount of effort must be exerted in order to keep them happy, focused, and poisonous in their hatred. But you cannot 'create' a Mortal Enemy. Oh, yes, you can create the opportunity that focuses their hatred on you, but that takes place after you've 'found' them. Let us take, for example, the Classic Case: Cabron66 (bolded out of respect for what he could have been, if allowed to fully flower). After watching his behaviour on the CAS thread, I made it a point to watch for other postings by Cabron. In a very short time, he'd revealed that he had all the requisites for a good mortal enemy (more of that anon). I stepped in, focused his attentions on me, and began the process of claiming him as my Mortal Enemy. Note that Cabron always had within him the makings of a great Mortal Enemy. It was simply a matter of fermenting them into a heady brew of hatred with the name 'Seanachai' on the label. He could as easily have been JonS's Mortal Enemy. Or Andreas, or Emrys, or even you. But you lot failed to keep him on the boil. You took the high road, and started ignoring him. I, on the other hand, continued to talk about him and laugh at him. So he began stalking me. Indeed, the failure of Cabron as a Mortal Enemy lies in his inability to stay focused. He spread his anger too broadly, and attacked in too many directions. I think he was very conflicted. He both loved and hated all of you lot. He wanted the other 'grogs' to love him, and make much of him. He wanted to be a big man on the playground. But once the teasing began, he fell apart. Ah, well. Some have maintained that I couldn't 'keep' Cabron's hatred. That is both foolish and wrong. I never lost Cabron's hatred. He hated me right to the very end. But what he really, really wanted was the approval of the Grogs and Board Regulars. He was too unfocused. He would run in one direction, hating and mocking me, then be distracted by Peng, then run off yapping, trying to get the Grogs to let him play reindeer games. Overwhelmed and unfocused, he finally collapsed. Yes, Michael, and these are all deathly important points for a good Mortal Enemy. But there are several ingredients missing that pose serious difficulties for making Mr. Crowley a good Mortal Enemy candidate. But to your list add these other important tendencies: d) being a humbug e) pretentiousness f) a quick temper And, finally, the quintessential ingredient without which no simple 'I hate you, you sodding bastard' opponent can make the leap to Mortal Enemy standing: He must be barking mad. Or at least seriously, seriously bent. Now, I acknowledge that Mr. Crowley does tend to harp, and has a certain humourless, bulldog tendency to continue to mount the horse long after it's dead. But I don't think he's going to weigh in well on points d-f. And, most importantly, I think he's pretty much totally sane. Relatively speaking. Reading Mr. Crowley's remarks (thank you for the link, Michael, but I had already been following your...er, 'dialogue' with him; went searching for it on page 2 or 3 or wherever it had gone to before I came here tonight), I think that his remarks indicate that you will have a long row to hoe gaining him as a 'proper' Mortal Enemy. Oh, doubtless he could come to hate you, if he doesn't already, and perhaps even despise you. He might even be moved to actually spit on you whenever you enter a thread. But his response to you was rather...measured, shall we say. I do not sense in him the almost preternatural willingness to lash out and meltdown that Cabron showed, for example. Even with much work on your part to tease him, I doubt you could achieve much more than the sort of Fionn/Lewis/Scott C(R? some other letter?) contretemps that failed to provide the Board with anything like the enjoyment and humour that a good Mortal Enemy conflict provides. Indeed, his post even showed some elements of sarcasm and irony, which would seem to indicate that he is at least capable of defending himself in a reasoned way. If you have to poke him a lot to earn his hatred, and he starts using irony and satire in his replies, it will be you, Michael, that has become his Mortal Enemy. Not the results you're looking for at all. You might be able to cultivate him, Grog Dorosh. But let me caution you, and, I'm sorry to say, admonish you a bit. You made a grievous error, Michael, in your original approach to him. A great big banner post, replete with his name, and filled with mockery, albeit gentle mockery? Really, Michael. You looked like a hussy, trolloping after a Mortal Enemy. Not subtle, lad. Not deft. Poor tactics. How can you nurture a delicate relationship such as one involving a Mortal Enemy, when you approach it in this hamfisted manner? I mean, suppose you liked a young woman. A real one, human, not ummm, plasticene, or anything. Would you try and begin a relationship by filling the billboard across from her apartment with the message 'Baby I Wanna Mess With Your Stuff!'? I think not. Well, the damage is done. Perhaps there is a future for you and Mr. Crowley, Michael. It will not soar to the 'Mortal Enemy' heights that I had, however briefly, with Cabron66. But it could become a good, dependable, solid Mortal Enemy relationship. Something you could grow old with. Someone who would always be there for you. You have to ask yourself, Michael, if what you want is the sort of passionate, reason cast to the winds, head over heels hatred such as I enjoyed with Cabron, or if what you want is a Mortal Enemy that will be there with you, through thick and thin, sickness and in health. A bonfire of hatred, Michael? Or a fire that you can warm yourself at for years to come? I think that you will not get the former from Mr. Crowley. But you might still be able to have the latter. But you aren't good at this sort of thing, Michael. You are hot headed and hasty. You yourself sometimes become over zealous. Perhaps...perhaps we could win him...together. Yes, my words, conveyed by you...the two of us posting so as to draw him in, win his hatred for you. Are you with me, Christian? When next he posts, let me speak first, Dorosh! Let me plead your cause, let me show him the path to hating you as you richly deserve. If you will be governed by me, in this, Grog Dorosh, I will assay to win you the hatred of Jason Crowley, and pledge myself to making him a Mortal Enemy who will cast dead flowers on your grave. After he has a good slash on it, that is. PS: As regards the whole 'Emrys' thing, well, that was anomalous, and the sort of off-note you look for that indicates 'yes, this is the one, this could be a true Mortal Enemy' as it indicates that the bugger is quite mad. I mean, really. Hate Emrys? It's like hating the Easter Bunny, or a Yorkshire terrier. What's the point?

Yes. Kill the ersatz Swede.

No time for accepting honourable Challenges, but plenty of time for knee-pants jeering in the Peng Challenge Thread, eh, War? It saddens me to see that none of you Four have so far been willing to take up the gauntlet I cast before the hooves of your steeds. Too busy, no doubt, with memos, power lunches and junkets with shapely Italian admin assistants. You Horsemen have gotten soft. Middle Management wankers.

No. In CM2 we'll be expecting you lot to turn the air blue.