Peng Challenges the Outre Board to a Zimmerit Coated Zimmer Race!

[Seanachai]

Couldn't you take both of them? I mean, we've been putting them up for years, even decades now. Surely it's somebody else's turn by now.

Michael

And America is a better place for our being here. Well, not so much OGSF, who's just a daft foreigner who adds a bit of colour and amusement to his immediate environment, but certainly we must all agree that the United States of America without Seanachai is like chocolate chip cookies without baking powder. Like cheese without rennet. Like beer without hops.

In other words, like something significant without a specific ingredient which everyone is a bit vague about, but which everyone knows has to be quite essential because you can't have the one without the other, even though no one can quite tell you what the hell that ingredient is all about, nor why it should be considered important, nor what would happen if you went without it.

That, gentlemen and Ladies, is what I am like. And that is what I am to the ever glorious and increasingly awful Peng Challenge Thread.

Peng, on the other hand, is like the chocolate chips. Everyone likes the chocolate chips. They're not really sweet, but they keep you coming back for more. Berli...well, salt of the earth, and all that. The essence of Berli does not lie lightly upon the palate. Although it does burn a bit, passing through.

Imagine cookies made with a dollop of cayenne...

[Seanachai]

Seanachai, you could always migrate, become a Goobernational. Fair's fair - you get OGSF, we get the Gnome.

Regrets, sir. I am a judgement on America, even as it is a judgement on me. We cleave each to each, for our sins. Our love affair is as deep and wild and as broad as the seas. And a bit weird. Sometimes, to continue the analogy, there is seafood...

[Seanachai]

But wait! There's more!!! If you act now, for a limited time only, we'll throw in Emrys and all of Oklahoma, West Virginia and the U. P. of Michigan!

Go for it!

You speak too lightly, oh Boo. We will never give up the U.P.

Sometimes, I lay in bed and dream about 'Northlandia', the country that should be. Minnesota, Wisconsin, and the Upper Peninsula. Northern Ontario, Manitoba and both the Dakotas. Maybe Iowa. I could go either way on Iowa. It's a silly place. Neither fish, nor fowl, nor good red meat.

Gotta have the Dakotas, of course. Have to have someplace to put the buffalo.

[Nidan1]

Why are you posting so late in the day Storyteller?

You are usually about at one or two AM Central Time.

Hungover again?

[Stuka]

Nidan1! hath thou foresaken me?

[Seanachai]

I want a Small Friends story!!

So, a small offering.

It has been a time of many developments, in the saga of Small Friends. I have been greatly remiss, in not telling the story of their ever more amusing and inventive interactions. The 'Sister Strife' continues, in more (and sometimes less) subtle ways. I will present you, tonight, with a trio of tales. Never losing sight, of course, of the fact that they are sisters, given to each other, and they love each other fiercely, although, if you questioned them about it, there would be a whole lot of qualifiers...

The other night, I was over to see them. I try and go over to their parent's house, with permission, at least once a week, if not more. As I grow older, and more bereft of hope of anything good happening to me, I take great comfort in seeing my Small Friends, who always make me feel better. And while Mom and Dad were downstairs getting dinner together, and catching up on the day, I went up to Emma's room. The two girls had been upstairs for a while, and, after a period of laughing, and squealing, and occasional sounds of strife, it had become ominously quiet.

When I got to Small Emma's room, it turned out that they had, all on their own (and without parental approval), put on a DVD of 'Tom and Jerry' cartoons on the small TV/DVD player in Emma's room, and were perched on the end of Emma's bed like little birds, raptly watching the antics of a mouse and cat bent on destroying each other with a right good will.

When I got there, one cartoon was ending, and another was about to begin. And, in the way of a slightly older child, slightly less hypnotized by the glowing box, and bored, Emma took the opportunity to poke, tease and prod her little sister, Nora, to fill up the time between episodes.

As Nora began to make the ever rising squealing noise that indicated her unhappiness (without ever taking her eyes off the TV), I spoke to Emma sharply and said: "Emma, do not do that. I've told you before, when your sister makes that noise it's because she's not happy, and you're bothering her, and you need to learn to just stop it!"

And Emma, slightly chastened, stopped poking and prodding her sister. Everything was quiet for a few seconds, and then Smaller Nora, moving like a weasel, spun and tried to grab her sister's throat in a 'pinch' hold, causing Emma to fall back on the bed squealing.

And I spoke up, very sharply, saying: "Nora, NO! You do NOT do that! If your sister is bothering you, use your words! You tell her 'Emma, I do not like that, so stop it, please'.

Smaller Nora is always willing to take instruction, and try things your way. So, she faced back to the TV where the next 'Tom and Jerry' cartoon was starting (is the irony lost on anyone here?), and said "Emma, I do not like that, please stop it, or I will do that again." Emphasis mine.

Gods love the little bugger. She'll use her words, if you tell her to, but she's gotten to the age where she isn't willing to forego the use of violence if the words don't work. And she knows the words aren't going to work, much.

Which leads us to the next story, when I was baby-sitting Small Friends. I am very proud, these days, because I have been found worthy of baby-sitting the Small Friends. Their Mom and Dad have increasingly entrusted me with the task of baby-sitting. I am proud, exhausted, and appalled.

They do not listen to me, overly much, as if I were an adult. When they're on a tear, I have to shout a lot, which doesn't get anything like the reaction you'd expect. This all comes, of course, from being a loyal minion and aging family retainer, rather than a 'real' grown-up. When they get too out of control, I have to invoke their Mother, a figure of both love and terror (and not just for them), in order to get them to behave.

That night, we ended up on the 'third story' (a well converted attic with dormer windows that Mom and Dad have turned into a game and movie room, with a huge, 52" TV and amazing sound system), and we watched the Disney cartoon version of 'Hercules', which Smaller Nora loves to distraction. She likes 'boy characters'. She likes combat.

And, during the scene where Hercules fights the hydra, she got up, totally driven, and started to act out the fight scene in the middle of the room eyes all wild and crazy. And her sister, Emma, got up and was goofing around too. But Emma saw an opportunity to make 'game' stand in for 'being dominant', and gave her sister a good push. All in the name of good fun and playfulness, of course.

And Smaller Nora staggered away, and then righted herself, and spun, focusing on her sister. And I'm here to tell you, folks, it was 'crazy little girl eyes look'. She was very focused. And I could see it. And so could Emma.

So there was I, saying "Nora, Nora! Look at me, little girl!", while her sister was suddenly right by my side, all but trying to get behind me. And I said 'Nora' until Nora looked at me, and went off track. Because I am here to tell you, folks, she was not going to simply pinch her sister. She was not going to make a wild, angry swing of her hands to try and hit her. She was not going to pull hair.

Smaller Nora was coldly, calculatingly, crazily appraising the possibility of giving a small samurai scream, and rushing across the room and burying her sister. Taking her off her feet and putting her down, sitting on her chest and deciding what to do next...

They are at that age. Nora is only 3 and 1/2, but she's tall for her age, and good sized, and once she gets a bit more physical coordination, she is going to sort her sister out. Emma has been getting by on the fact that she's 6, and taller, and has gotten used to picking her sister up, and blocking her, and grabbing her, and stopping her.

But the Time of Judgement is coming. KNEEL BEFORE NORA!

I envision battles. Emma is the elder. Nora is the 'crazy one'. The Wild Card. She does NOT concede that 'violence never settles anything'.

So, I promised a 'trio' of stories. Hmm, hmm. Ah, I have it. Several months ago, Small Emma, Smaller Nora, their Mom and I were going shopping. And I put Smaller Nora into her car seat, and buckled her in, and Jen, the Mother of the Small Friends, was trying to sort out something in the back end of the van, and Small Emma was 'helping' her, but mainly being goofy. And her mother lost her temper and shouted at her, and told her to get into the car.

So Emma, who seriously does NOT like to be scolded, sulked her way into her booster seat. And as we were sitting there, waiting for Mom to get into the car, Nora said: "Emma was naughty." Which made Emma shout, "Be quiet, Nora!" And Nora informed me (or the world, in general). "Emma was naughty, but I was not. Mommy yelled at her!" Which made Emma yell 'Be quiet, Nora' at her again. Nora did not appear to be gloating. It seemed merely...informative.

Which leads me to the last bit of silliness. The other night, I was driving with the two girls and their Dad. Emma was bored, in the car, and she alleviated her boredom by poking, prodding and annoying her sister, to get her to squeak. And I was once again in the position of saying to her: "Emma, do not do that. When she makes that noise, it means she's not happy, so stop it." And her Dad chimed in with "Emma, stop bothering your sister or you won't get any dessert when we get home.

This was followed by Emma immediately doing something to annoy her sister. And her Dad told her "That's it, you don't get any dessert when we get home."

After which, we were treated to a prolonged session of weeping, sniffling and sobbing. Grandma Steve has a tender heart. And he is a very great sinner, and all round awful person. He is, first and foremost, on the side of forgiving and mercy. Also, dessert. So, he wanted Small Emma to be forgiven her sins, and get her dessert. So, as we drove along, quietly, with just the sound of small girl sniffling and grief in the back seat, I told her: Emma, just be good, and quiet, and maybe Daddy will reconsider, and you will get dessert.

And Smaller Nora said: "Emma was naughty. When we get home, I get her dessert."

Which caused Small Emma to shout 'NO!', and Grandma Steve to damn near pee his pants trying not to laugh too loud. But Daddy told her: "Nora, just because Emma was bad doesn't mean you get anything extra."

This is a message that should go out to every religion, nation and ethnic group on the planet.

Emma got her dessert, because Daddy, while nowhere near as soft a touch as Grandma Steve, is a very forgiving and reasonable man.

These stories do not indicate that my Small Friends do not love each other. To me, they clearly love each other very much. Smaller Nora regards her sister as the only thing in the entire Universe on a level with her parents. And Emma loves to play with her sister, and teach her things. But love, like anything else, is in need of constant adjustment.

And there will be a reckoning, even for love.

I like to think that my small, imperious friends, who often order me about, and ignore my 'grown-up' status, and pummel and push me around, still love me. Two days ago, when I showed up at their door for my 'visit', I was greeted with much excitement, and Small Emma gave me her newly crafted 'plaster and paint' turtle, which is actually quite handsome.

It is a remarkable example of 'Small Child Folk Art'. I almost felt bad about accepting it, because it is the sort of marvelous child art project that parents traditionally treasure forever. But I am keeping it. It's mine. It occupies a place of honour on my desk hutch.

You can have it when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. And do you really want to be touching me after I'm dead? Or even before?

[Seanachai]

Why are you posting so late in the day Storyteller?

You are usually about at one or two AM Central Time.

Hungover again?

Not yet. To everything, there is a season. I am smoking a cigar that is too good for me, and drinking a beer that serves me right. I will suffer, but, as always, it will be...later.

I am going over this evening to the foul miscreant Dalem's house, to watch our 'Christmas Movies'. His is 'Scrooged', and mine is 'We're No Angels' (the original one, with Humphrey Bogart, Aldo Ray, and Peter Ustinov).

[Patch]

Gnomey,

Thanks for the small friends stories! I enjoyed reading them.

[Patch]

Not yet. To everything, there is a season. I am smoking a cigar that is too good for me, and drinking a beer that serves me right. I will suffer, but, as always, it will be...later.

I am going over this evening to the foul miscreant Dalem's house, to watch our 'Christmas Movies'. His is 'Scrooged', and mine is 'We're No Angels' (the original one, with Humphrey Bogart, Aldo Ray, and Peter Ustinov).

Isn't 8:00 in the morning kind of early to be smoking a cigar and drinking a beer?

I had oatmeal for my breakfast.

[Stuka]

You can have it when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. And do you really want to be touching me after I'm dead?

Of course nor! Which is why I sahall belt it from your grasp with a crouquette mallett, just to be safe and then drink a beer or seven in my honoutr afterwards just for fun...

[Nidan1]

Nidan1! hath thou foresaken me?

You haven't sent me a turn in weeks! Idjit! Weeks I say!!!

[Boo Radley]

Of course nor! Which is why I sahall belt it from your grasp with a crouquette mallett, just to be safe and then drink a beer or seven in my honoutr afterwards just for fun...

Looks as if you had several beers too. Probably "Lite" beers, you big girls blouse.

[Michael Emrys]

...certainly we must all agree that the United States of America without Seanachai is like chocolate chip cookies without baking powder. Like cheese without rennet. Like beer without hops.

Not at all. I have not yet abandoned the hypothesis that you are the reason the US has been in decline for the last 40 years. America without you might be more like feet without athlete's foot. Like hair without dandruff. Like sex without the clap.

Michael

[dalem]

As I was sitting here watching our favorite Xmas movies with Seanachai, he suddenly stopped and looked at me and said, "I am the suppository of knowledge."

[Michael Emrys]

As I was sitting here watching our favorite Xmas movies with Seanachai, he suddenly stopped and looked at me and said, "I am the suppository of knowledge."

Hard to disagree with that.

Michael

[Stuka]

You've always wished you were smarter Michael, bend over and accept a prime Seanachai insertion.

[Yeknodathon]

... if it is the usual Bard's magnum opus this may be a tight sqeeze...

[Joe Shaw]

Finally we have an official BFC acceptance that the MBT has been right all along ... Moon from another thread:

The Australian localization was... well, not very good

Obviously he couldn't get too specific but what has been obvious to us for years now is finally becoming clear to others.

Joe

[Michael Emrys]

As always, the MBT is ahead of its time, mainly due to my glorious presence in it. And I say that with more modesty than is required.

Michael

[Boo Radley]

As I was sitting here watching our favorite Xmas movies with Seanachai, he suddenly stopped and looked at me and said, "I am the suppository of knowledge."

OK, I'm writing that down!

[SpeakerSpoke]

As I was sitting here watching our favorite Xmas movies with Seanachai, he suddenly stopped and looked at me and said, "I am the suppository of knowledge."

That's an adorable story!

I for one support same sex couples and think it's great that you and your life partner can post here openly about your sexuality!

[Boo Radley]

Hi Gaylord.

[SpeakerSpoke]

Hi Gaylord.

How dare you sir! I find that statement as clumsy as it is offensive!

This is the year 2009 and most of the world has moved on from neanderthal derogatory remarks about homosexuals; I suggest you take a course at your local learning annex in tolerance.

As an aside I also believe in the power of positivity, your boorishly scathing remarks are no match for this, prepare for hugging time!

*tight hugs*

[Patch]

It is Gaylord!

[Boo Radley]

Uh huh....