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A joke that actually made me laugh

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Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Dave, how about

Tom Cruise?' 'No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.'

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door

and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come

on in for a beer!'

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave

Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just


'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says.

'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.

'Yup,' Dave say's, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington '

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and

motions him and his boss over, saying, 'Dave, what a surprise, I was

just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and

let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.'

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to

Dave , who again implores him to name anyone else.

'The Pope,' his boss replies.

'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.' So off they fly to

Rome .

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican 's St.

Peter's Square when Dave says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the

Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards

so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.'

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican .

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the

balcony , but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a

heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, 'What happened?'

His boss looks up and says, 'It was the final straw ... you and the Pope

came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f***k

is that on the balcony with Dave?'

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I read it first time but had seen similar before. Here is another:

My grandmother died in 1975, but her birthday is coming up, and thatalways causes me to reminisce. The long walks we used to take to the store on Brunswick Street , the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk...

Those gems were all good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandmotherly advice, occurred when I was only about 10.

We were sitting in a park having just finished collecting some 40 soda bottles for the deposit money on a beautiful spring day. She told me that one day, I would find a wonderful woman and start my own family.

"And remember always this thing," she said. "Be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandma?" I asked her. She answered in her soft voice.."Makes your dick look bigger."

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Here's one for y'all:

The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger..

In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests.

What is your first request?'

The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.

'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days.

What is your second request?'

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,

Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow.

'What is your last request?'

The Lone Ranger responds,

'I'd like to speak to my horse,.... alone.'

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

Listen very carefully

for.... the.... last....f**king time,

I said.....


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