Joques Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 Way back in the mists of time, an outfit called Big Time Software contracted with Avalon Hill to make "Computer ASL". The following piece of humour was promptly fired off on the ASL Mailing List. Some old-timers may remember it. (Prior experience with ASL may be necessary to appreciate all the nuances... ) Computer ASL by Tom Huntington MEMO: Development record for CASL (or ‘Castle’) The computer version of ASL TO: President, Big Time Software FROM: Program Design Team DATE: Christmas, 1998 Hey Boss Here’s the compilation of progress reports you asked for from the last two years. It still doesn’t really explain why our head programmer threw himself from the roof of our building, but it shows some insights. January, 1997 Lookin’ good. We just announced our plans to create a computerized version of ASL. Avalon Hill is already beginning to advertise it in their catalog as “CASL” (who made up the price?), and we’re beginning to realize this is a game of acronyms. But the internet response has been enthusiastic, and in spite of the number of WWII shooters out there, we might make software history with our game. Seems the internet crowd might be a good source for what the public wants to see. February, 1997 Piece of cake. The game is so thoroughly overdesigned, it seems our Customer Specs couldn’t be clearer. We plan to write software that will allow for pre-published scenarios, because the public is screaming “We want Fighting Withdraw!”. These “SSRs” might be a bit tricky to implement, but how bad can it get? It’s in black-and-white, after all. March, 1997 Just saw a German Rare Vehicle publication, and third-party overlays. Realized the game is completely “open ended”. Careful modular adaptation to our code will allow for these add-ons I think. We already adopted the approach for a near infinite number of existing scenarios. Perhaps there’s a fortune to be made selling add-ons to the public. April, 1997 “Soldiers of the Negus”? They want custom armies, too? May, 1997 Just met with a group calling itself “MMP”. For some reason, the public reveres decisions made by these people. They’ve offered enthusiastic support for our project, but I’m concerned why they just smile when we said it looked like the documentation was just about wrapped up. They warned us about something called “Dutch Trucks”. Took an hour of conversation before we realized the were not talking about some sort of cocktail. Appears they want to keep adding to our design document, but it looks like it could be a reasonable fit. June, 1997 Federal Express driver reports being “driven off by automatic gunfire” when he tried to present our offer letter to a magazine called “The Rout Report”. Getting the rights to all these scenarios has been more complicated than we ever imagined. July, 1997 Crashed the Cray computer with our line of sight calculation routine. Hired someone from JPL (who used to play Squad Leader back in the seventies) to help us finish simulating the terrain. He said it’d be no problem, until we asked whether someone on top a hillock would be hindered by a Grain field. He just stared at me. August, 1997 Something called “Action Pack 2” is out, and the public is making us add two more boards to the database. Don’t know how we can make the game this open ended. September, 1997 Alpha testing has begun. Who’d have thought the volunteer list would be so enthusiastic? October, 1997 Got some weird phone calls from across the country. There’s some subversive group called the “Grog Nards” or something, and they’ve threatened to burn down our office if we don’t “just do the game, dammit”. Don’t know what the hubbub was, but we just received notice from nearly 70% of our playtesters. I guess the friendly “Ask Bob” tutorial isn’t fitting with a WWII wargame. November, 1997 Just found out there are more maps out there - this time for something called HASL. This is, indeed, going to be a hassle. Each campaign game seems to come with it’s own set of additional rules, too. December, 1997 Some weird contract obligation now makes us sole owner for all of Avalon Hill’s old copies of the roleplay games “Runequest” and “James Bond, 007”. We’re using them in the fireplace to keep warm. January, 1998 Got a phone call from Atomic Games. Told Z we were trying to loyally portray the game the way the players like it. He couldn’t stop laughing. I eventually hung up and called “911”. February, 1998 Beta has been released to playtesters. Don’t know why so many of them complained about our new “Auto Thread” feature for checking LOS. They actually seem to like holding string up to the monitor. March, 1998 Finally proved beyond a doubt that any scenarios taking place in Idaho are fictitious, and we apologized to our playtesters for wasted hours. April, 1998 Found out all scenarios set in Bocage are core dumping every DFPh. When we asked our hedgerow programmer to explain it, he quit. We’re mystified. No Q&A seems to acknowledge what the problem could be. May, 1998 Court finally approves the restraining order on Tate Rogers. He’s been warned to keep out of our parking lots, stop calling our office, and stop following the Quality Assurance people home at night. June, 1998 Documentation department just presented us with the first draft of the software manual. For some reason, it comes in two orange binders, maybe five hundred pages thick. I successfully read through A.13 in the first chapter, before telling them it looked good. They claim they are legally bound to honor the wording, and they can’t find a smaller legible font. Suggested they provide a comprehensive index. I think they got mad at me. July, 1998 Just found a bunch of Q&A on the Internet archived by some guy in Europe somewhere. I think we can cover these additions in time. Can’t imagine anything conflicting with the rules in Q&A. August, 1998 “Action Pack 3” just came out. It has overlays. We’ll have to try to get that JPL guy to tell us where he hid the source code for the Line of Sight routine. September, 1998 Back door found in our code, apparently put in by TalonSoft. Somebody with a handle of “MacSez” keeps putting in contradictions, causing our code to core when infantry throws smoke during an assault move, etc. The long-range implications are spooky. October, 1998 Helped identify the JPL guy. He was found in a straight jacket in some hospital in California, babbling about walls on crest lines on overlays on desert. It was incoherent enough that they aren’t holding us responsible, and I just slipped out a back door. November, 1998 Sent out final production copies to our playtesters. Just realized that this list of computer-using ASL players pretty much represents our potential sales market. After sending out 600 free copies, I don’t know who’s left out there that will want to buy our game. December, 1998 Initial sales are not as high as we hoped. PC Gamer just rated us with the notorious Avalon Hill 80% score. Close Combat just released it’s campaign system, and now Paramount has announced Spielberg’s “ASL - The Movie”. Preliminary scripts have only been accepted by Drew Barrimore and that guy that used to play Potsie on “Happy Days” (and he’ll only participate if it’s a musical). Employees of Big Time Software were caught in the office last night, trying to offload their stock. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joques Posted January 8, 2003 Author Share Posted January 8, 2003 Oops, wrong place, my bad. Admin, please move to the CMBB section. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
demoss Posted January 8, 2003 Share Posted January 8, 2003 ROFL! I saw the original, but it's been a long time. Good to see it again. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laxx Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 LOL! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Dorosh Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 I guess that explains why Hasbro's computer SQUAD LEADER pretty much avoided every single rule, map and counter of the original board game, changed the scale completely (man to man instead of squad level) and still sucked anyway. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParaBellum Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 ROFL! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mididoctors Posted January 9, 2003 Share Posted January 9, 2003 I actually understand the humour in this article...... I need to get out more Boris London 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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