The_Capt

Actually it wasn't so much the loss of sleep and more the booze..

OK good to see that Madmatt et al earned their pay an got this ship afloat once more. Well I am back from a trip away and think that it is time again for some reflection. Yup, time for The_Capt to spout (or vomit) some more wisdom about the game we all love...Combat Mission. First you will notice I changed the title of the column, "The Bi-Monthly Lurker" was a little too close to the "Bi-Lurker; manifesto of a confused 30-something in search of..." So thanks for the e-mails but I am afraid that I am all man and though flattered, not interested. I am however a Lesbian trapped in a man's body but as the number of women who actually play this game can be counted on one hand, and still leave room to hold a smoke and change the channel, I will not hold my breath. Plus I am married and She is the light of my life, the air I breath, mother to those two pit vipers I call children, upon whom my sun rises and sets...blah, blah, blah. I fired PIPPU (for those new to the program he was my aide, a sock puppet who claimed to serve in the "Legion Estranger"), the little bastard kept surrendering everytime the Germans showed up and then demanded he be called Vichy-PIPPU and that I sleep on the floor. So I gave him to the dog..oh ya who's laughin' now! I have a new aide...Fritzy. He has a little Prussian helmet and a moustache. "My Germany includes the whole Vorld!" is his favorite saying. He's not bad but is beginning to make me nervous... Now the topic of this "once every two week" post is the Ten Commandments. No, not the ones that Moses trucked up a mountain for, so that the Big Guy could lay down the "house rules" and generally take all the fun out of life. I mean who doesn't feel the need to worship a graven image now and again or sleep with our neighbors wife? Well except me of course because, She is the cream in my coffee, my fresh ocean breeze, owner of half of my earthly belongings...blah, blah, blah. No these are "The_Capts 10 CM Commandments". "What unholy power gives you the right and authority?" you may say. Good question...you see after playing the game for 24 hours straight without food or water I was visited by the Spirit of CM. Yes, Fritzy was sleeping fitfully by my side muttering "Slodat, vhere is you flamethower?!" and "Achtung Loser!!". When suddenly the normal chatter of CM faded and I heard the clear voice of the Bn CO. He told me that I had been chosen to deliver a message. The Message. The Light that will show them the way!! So I got out a paper and a pen and here is what he said... "In no particular priority or order: #1. Be a spice upon the wind and rain which runs down their backs and into their underclothing" Which I translate to be: You can never lay down too many ground rules. Oh ya, Fionn's 72 short Purple People Eater modified for the TH CAL Sunday after dinner rule. No Volkgrenadiers, No Guns, no Landmines, no flamethowers, no trees, no building..nothing just an empty map. May the best man win. "#2. Look to the ants of the field..do they not dance?" Translation: I you get foolhardy and break #1; you can never have too much infantry. And I mean it. Beg, borrow or steal. Infantry are the stuff of life, the blood of any organization. Throw them away like rice at a wedding. You opponenet will run out of ammo eventually or just let you win cause the slaughter has made him ill. "#3. For my wind shall break like thunder accross there backs and they shall be sorely afeared." Translation: Arty rocks! Mortars when on defence and big stuff whille attacking. Even if you can't hit f@#k all, it is a hell of a lot of fun to watch. "#4. It's one a.m. for Gods Sake! Come to bed!!" Translation: Time on setup is never wasted. Get into every trench, site every AT weapon. You may still suck at it but it wears down you opponent in a TCP game...not so much in a PBEM. "#5. Verly I beseach thee to eat ruffage and love thine colon." Translation: Pass the salad and the rubber glove!!! "#6. Upon thine horses will rest the heart of thine enemies and in their eyes you will see the golfers (not sure about that) of my blood." Translation: Buy cheap armour, you get more and it blows up just as well as the expensive stuff. "#7. Upon the fields of glory lie the blood of both victor and vanquished" Translation; No matter how good it may be going, you still have time to screw it up!! "#8. Foresooth, I say! Hold thine enemy close to thy breast and squeeze." Translation: Never be afraid to try something desperate. Hide in the corners, run away and force him to chase you around the map till he runs out of gas. "#9. I was looking back on my life. And all the things done to me... I am still searching for all the answers..Still searching for the key." Translation: ? I have no freakin idea. Could be something about Int gathering...hell send something in. "#10. Yea, I say to thee that thou shall have no other gods but me." Translation: If you buy any other game after this one you head will explode. Well there you go. Feel free to pick whatever nuggets you can out of that one. I'll be back in a couple of weeks with the next one...still working on the premis but I think the title is catchy "Your Penis, Churchill and CM: A love story". Remember: Play CM until you go blind then hire a monkey to play for you.

You can take out concrete pill boxes with Arty but it has to be the big stuff and actually hit. I've done it, on the scenario where the American Airborne go after the Eagles Nest or whatever, I can't remember the name but it was a good one. I was using the 200mm stuff and knocked out two but it took more than a few rounds.

Also keep in mind that those three guys, "Larry, Curly and Moe," as I call em represent up to 13 men spread out over a piece of ground. Which means that when a tank or MGs are firing, your hapless victims are in fact ducking behind trees and rocks and folds in the ground. Not just kneeling or lying in the spot in which the boys currently are. This is by far the most realistic representation of troops in combat.

Love to and tried that but I get no response. I do know he reads this forum, hence the message. I'll let it drop now cause he'll either respond or not.

Hey Tank Man, If he does e-mail you, pass on my thanks to him for bailing on our Bde(Attrition vs Manouevre) Campaign Game without even giving the courtesy of a good excuse. He may be some kind of wargame god but that smacks of bad sportsmanship where I come from. Nuff said.

Well if that was in fact Fionn then we have been the victim of a "hit and run". Kinda like someone who bails out of a TCP game when he doesn't like the look of it. As he can't respond here I will leave it to you to decide but I for one am not impressed.

Dunee, Well not quite. The game pits the two schools of thought against each other in a Bde setting. On side will ise the philosophy of aufstrastaktic while another Befelstakic(sp?). The control methodology and mentality of the two sides will drive the tactics used. Now for everybody else, here is what has happened. The one and only Fionn Kelly had volunteered to command the Manouevre Bde while humble ol me commanded the Attritionists. We developed a system of rules and got players and GMs. We played 2 turns in which we caressed recce elements but no fights. Then Fionn disappeared. I had no note as to why, after repeated attempts to contact him. I can't decide if he is being rude or something serious happened, either way once the other Bde lost their Comd, they kinda sat around like sheep. People started to lose interest. Eventually the GMs were ready to call us winners by default. Needless to say we were all a little disappointed and pissed that Fionn after much interest would disappear. If anybody is in contact with him please pass on to him that he should have at least dropped me a line. Unless of course it was something truly devastating then I can understand. Fionn was very interested and active, so his dropping out was a little mysterious...he owes me a game too. Anyway, the Manouvre Bde is planning to appoint another Comd and drum up another player. My Bde is short two people for Bn CO positions, so if anybody is interested (we're Axis) I am taking names. I hope we can get this thing going as it showed real promise at the start and could be a lot of fun.

I hit him with a chair while he was out here, I guess he decided to slink back to his satin bed and weep into his silk pillow. I am sure we will all receive legal summons for the law suit from his ol man.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>RiffRaff??? I could buy and sell all of your sorry asses... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well let's be honest here, cause this is that type of forum but I believe it is your "Daddy" who could buy and sell us all. You have to wait until your snotty little ass turns 18 before you can get your soft chubby hands into that trust fund. Then you can buy a BMW and become the rich idiot, fate has in store for us. You know the type who run over the Butler, "but that's ok cause so did my Grandfather and we own the law firm". But lucky us! We get to read all about your early years here in our little corner of the world. May I suggest that you go back top whatever board your "super 2000 Ghz 21 inch Flatscreen Pentium 8, but I still threw a hissy fit cause it was the wrong color" computer use to take you to and leave us poor bumbkins back in the outer darkness we used to call home before being blinded by your colourful personality.

Wow what a well written and thought out post. My faith in the youner generation has been reaffirmed. Thank goodness.

Hey Phillies, E-mail me, maybe I can help you out a bit. I am no Rommel mind you but that kinda score crys out for help.

One the obstacle "fairness" issue. I see it as one of common agreement between players. Kinda like Fionn et al rules for armour. But the ability should be there. In reality a lot of assaults had to be done thru minefields. Good point on the roadblocks which can be used like AT ditches but a re-visit of the expense has to be done.

Now Now, it is obvious that Kiwi has been playing in the little leagues prior to bumping into the majors. Perhaps the pool of players in New Zealand is small and limited in tactical prowess. I think Kiwi has taught us all a good lesson. "If you are winning all the time, you aren't looking hard enough." He is definitly eating it now, having made almost as many losses in about a week as he had in the previous year. To his credit he is taking it rather well, although the "whoops I forgot about the 150 spotter" is borderline but he lost that one anyway. So let's all welcome Kiwi into the greater community where all can be pounded upon and be made to feel like totally useless field commanders.

I for one would seriously like to see a re-tooling of engineer works in CM2. The use of AT and AP Obstacles on the Eastern Front was prolific. I am tired of expending 20% of my points to purchase minefields which are too small and in the case of AP damn near ineffective. A single Engineer Platoon can emplace 1000m of med density AT minefield (.5-.75 mine/m frontage with about 50-60% stopping power) in about 6 hours. The mine field will consist of 6 rows spread out over a 400m depth. If you do the math that minefield ( will cost (at 6 rows of 30 each) 1800 points to purchase. 1800 points to buy what a single platoon with mines can put in in about 6 hrs or even say 8 in darkness. Meanwhile a AT gun concrete bunker which takes the same platoon about 3 days (if they are hopping, it is sunny and have heavy equipment support) to construct. But you can get one for a couple hundred points I also don't buy the "well mines are expensive" argument. A standard AT mine has a much cheaper dollar and deployment cost than an arty round but for 1800 points you can buy oodles of arty. Minefields need to be cheaper or longer, same with wire. AT ditches (which we know were used extensively) should be included. As should tank run up positions. Craters abatis and dragons teeth, the list goes on. Ask yourself this, when was the last time you used obstacles and when was the last time you used Engineers to breach a large minefield in a QB. OK I am done ranting. It is just that almost every wargame out there under uses engineer works or their effect on the battlefield, CM though better than some still has a long way to go.

Ferdinand, Thanks, I musta missed that month in grade 10 Biology...The whole thing is a joke my boy, the sock puppet should have given it away. I used Darwin to puctuate the emphasis of the evolution of a CM player, not as a direct link to his theories. I have obviously confused and hurt you, for that I apologize. So does PIPPU .

Again my pleasure writing it. Spook & anybody else; Post it where you like, spread the joy! ferdinand: Uh ya that's it :confused:

Them's fightin words! How about a real test Allied Defence (you), Axis assault (me). Grossly unfair but if you are as fantastic as you say, it should be no problem. Or if you want a real dance we can do an allied attack(you) vs axis defence (me) along a "short side" advance. I have argued with Fionn Kelly, I have played Fionn Kelly And you sir are no Fionn Kelly!

OK as you can tell by the title, things at the ol' Capt house have been pretty busy. My wifes hatred for CM has hit new heights, my kids will now only speak to the back of my head as the front "is too unfamiliar" and the cat has undergone started the long road to gender reallocation, for which we are all really supporting it and hope her..him..it the best in uh whatever's new life. Good luck Tiger..er Fluffy we are all pulling for you! I also made a sock puppet...PIPPU. He is my CM assistant. He has a foreign legionaire hat and speak with a continental accent. "Remember your old amis PIPPU!" "Oh non, 'ere come the Algerians!". The kids love him but he really hasn't helped my game much...damn French make lousy fighters. OK enough rambling. This bi-monthly topic is that of the evolution of a CM player. How we came from the primordial soup of the ocean of consumerismismism to become higher thinking animals of the polygon orgy..Combat Mission; Beyond Overlord. The Customer: When we first hear about the game thru media or dream insertion. "Well doesn't that look interesting" stage of play. On the forum it is easy to spot these souls cause they always have the best questions. "Where is the lens flare" "I want a campaign where you can name each man and cry over their graves" "Those tracers look hokey" "Is the game any harder than the demo, cause I rock on the demo and I think I'll rock in the game!!" Now our party line is to placate and act friendly to this sort because they actually havn't purchased the game. We all act like shareholders and sing praises to this "best game I ever played".."Saved me from Satan!" piece of software. The Newbie: Clean as the new driven snow. Soft and supple, sweet as peaches. The newbie is the junior member of the crowd. These guys (and girls..ya right!) always ask the technical questions about which there are already about 200 posts. "Why won't my tank fire t rounds?" "My infantry can run but my MGs can't?" "What planet is this?" "How do you breathe?" It is at this point that the knives come out and you realize just how crazed some members are. The truth is that the truly obsessed ones get pissed cause they actually had to waste game time to read your post..hence the anger. Most Newbies are smart enough to stick to the AI. Which is kinda like playing Mom. You know she will pretend to give you a good game but you are going to win anyway. Why? Cause like Mom, BTS loves you. Now a few Newbies don't think MOM is good enough for them..oh no they have played wargames before...they rule Command and Conquer. They even finished Close Combat so hey, "What do I need to play MOM for, I think I will kick some butt and feel like a man". This subset can also be refered to as Sacrifices to the Ladder. They are the ones who rush for the flags, actually think the Panther is bullet proof and believe infantry and armoured cooperation is for losers. They do learn eventually but long after their china doll skin have been ravaged and the haunted look in their eyes says that they have been abused in ways which men should not have to endure. The Grunt: OK so you've played MOM pretty much to death, it is time to branch out. The grunt begins to wonder about things like mods, terrain tiles and usually opens the scenario creator for the first time. The grunt also discovers "a great truth of life". In fact let's call it "Capts' Great Truth of Life #1": Things you started doing alone, really take on a new light when you do it with someone else. Multiplay. Ususally PBEMs at first. One then two until you find out that it is actually possible to spend on hour on E-mail turns alone. You join a ladder so you can prove to your wife that this is worth the time and effort.."Look honey I am in the top 250!!! My life has meaning...now you can give me NUM-NUMs..after I am done of course." The you try a Network game. This is like going to cocaine after trying coffee. Network games add the instant gratification which we all seek and transend CM from the fuddy-duddy, stodginess of "turn play" to fast and furious action. The problem is of course time. Even the most dedicated CM player may spend an hour or two PBEMing but a Network game can make three hours disappear faster than **** thru a goose. Much to the deight of your loved ones and/or pets. True story; I actually got so involved in a game that I forgot to let the dog out. She is old and really needs to be let out on schedule. Not only did she pee on the carpet..she did so about three feet away from me. I didn't notice until I stepped in it at the end of the game. The Scientist. OK you've progressed this far now the nest step. EXPERIMENTATION. "Hmm I keep losing, what gives...now I wonder just how effective those MGs are...maybe I'll set up a scenario and.." Stop right there! You are entering the third level of the descent into madness. Once you cross this point there is no going back. You will find yourself testing out new units, weapons and vehicles in a myriad of different combinations. Offence, Defence and Meeting Engagement. All in pursuit of the perfect game. Or should I say "The Perfect Game". The one where it all goes right and everything goes your way. Oh ya keep dreamin cause the sun is never gonna shine! Scientist, get dragged into effectivness threads like ducks into an water intake valve. MGs, bazookas (or zooks as you call them now), FTs, Jags, HTs. You down load spreadsheets with all the stats. You my friend are Geeking out!! The Historian: Oh ya you are too far gone at this point. You begin reading history books on the units and weapons. Spending work time surfing the web for good sites on tactics. You even think about making historical scenarios. You rarely even post on the forum cause you know the answer. You are near the end. The Lost Cause; It is the first thing in your mind when you get out of bed. The After Action Report of your last battle carries you off to sleep. Sex has no appeal anymore cause hey "It's a frontal advance into close terrain, dominated by high features..only an idiot would go there!" You begin eating meals in front of the computer. Your ladder score is soaring. You are Rommel..right PIPPU? "That is right mon general!!" Then it happens..The Perfect Game. The enemy actually goes where he is supposed to, the arty lands on time. Your Hertzer gets first shot kills. You take the flags and hold them for you country. PIPPU is screaming "Today we are Gods!!!!" You re-surface with a total victory sitting in a pool of your own waste. The Dog is dead, starved to death, judging by the fact that it died gnawing on it's foot. Your wife is gone and there are 10 messages from her lawyer. She has found someone who doesn't even own a computer. Your kid call him "Daddy with a Face". And then when you think it is over, you've had enough they release CM2.... Happy Addiction Capt

For the sheer rush, I did a tank assault scenario in close ground using FTs, zooks and 57mm RCLs. The enemy had Tigers, KTs, Jpanthers and JTigers. Two of each all veteran. It was a massacre. Every German vehicle was taken out with about 10 US casualties. Anyway relevant to this thread...I watched a FT Team take out a JagTiger from the flank at about 40ms. So I am beginning to re-think the use of those flame units. The key I believe is ground and sighting of these troops.

At cost of betting banned I think I should say something. Steve: You gave a very comprehensive review of the problem and what you guys are doing to address it. By the tone of your post, I can also tell you are getting somewhat frustrated by the subject. I would ask your patience and I to be frank I think BTS does owe us, the community, a little bit. We have supported, touted, ran free beta/bug/playtest, marketed, voted and generally sang praises to the world about CM. Add to that, the actual purchase of the game. I think that gives us all the desire to see CM2, that much better. Some of it is bone-idle "bitching" but some of it is honest concern and request for change. I don't think you guys want to stifle that input as it does make the "eyes on" the game broader and deeper. Your point is valid that CM is not perfect and neither is any wargame. But that should not discourage anybody who thinks they can make it better from trying. Now while I have your attention let's talk about engineer obstacles...

I will add my two cents worth. The MGs in CM are weak. Not totally ineffective but weak. I have run no tests but I have seen way too many human wave assaults suceed when they really shouldn't. I have seen two well sighted MMGs in action and the damage done to a coy in open ground was truly horrendous. It wasn't one squad or two, the whole coy was in the dirt. Mortars finished them off. The problem is that MGs have a "beaten zone" which is an area on the ground where the bullets will land. For the ole 1919 MG or C-5 GPMG as we refered to it the zone was (and I may be a little off it has been 10 years) an about 50x100m egg-shaped circle on the ground. Anybody in that circle when the BBs are flying is going to duck or die. In CM there is a "beaten zone" but it is far too thin, you will catch three squads if they are line abreast (in defilade) but if they stagger forget it. The beaten zone needs to be "widened". Lastly, crews for like mad when being close assaulted (from another first hand observation). They will burn out barrels if a squad or platoon starts charging. In CM I have yet to see an increase in fire when this happens. An MG needs to be rendered like the area weapon it is, capable of covering an arc and beaten zone, as well as situation increased fire. Now I don't know if that is possible from a programmers point of view, I am only stating the facts from what I have been taught and seen. Of course everybody needs to remember that this is a "game" and not everything is going to be modeled perfectly, so you need to adapt your tactics to fit.

Thanks fellas, I had a blast writing it. I will post a quick response to a couple of people though; Micheal. Your comment on my view being simplistic is "bang on". Everybody here is a mix of all three with a dash of "peppa". With the exception of you who seem to contain a healthy dose of vanilla . Seriously you seem like a great guy, let's get together, get loaded and skeet shoot chickens sometime. ScoutPl. I am hurt, I love Grogs. And you sir, are definitly well entrenched in their camp. So using basic logic. I love you, Mr ScoutPl. In a macho, manly way which does not involve anything sticky. Let's get drunk and skeet shoot chickens, you can bring the WWII K98 and we can test out you theories. CM till you go blind, then hire a monkey to play for you! The_Capt

I was contemplating a new topic for the discussion of the week (CM and 19th century existentialism, or however you spell it) when I noticed that the evil topic of gameyness has resurfaced. So in an attempt to dispel all doubt on what is right and wrong from the minds of the unwashed masses here is a re-print (and slightly re-edited) of my spin on the subject. For those who have already read it, I apologize, so go read something else. My spin on the greatest question of our generation: "When are you being gamey?" My opinion All of CM is "gamey", not unlike a fine free range North West Territory ptarmigan. For those who don't know what a ptarmigan is, it is like a partridge (not the dysfunctional 70s family but the bird, although you could shoot and eat the family but I have no idea how they would taste. Although the older sister...what was her name again...whoops, time to come back, this is not that kind of forum). CM is a game after all and not actual warfare(although if you've spent more than a few months here on the forum you may argue that point). The creators have kept this in mind by allowing players to do, whatever the hell they want(c'ept Fionn of course Hey easy now I joke cause I love). The only "rules" are those agreed upon by two opponents. In my opinion some members of this community wish to pursue CM as a historical simulator. I personally think this is an empty goal and unattainable. And I can sight dozens of problems between the game and reality, like the little men in CM are NOT REAL!!..BUT it doesn't make it any less fun nor negate their attempt (though somewhat sad in my simple mind) to try. So if you want to recreate a WWII battle down to "cap badges and weapons sights" go ahead. And try and find like minded players who are also willing to play in this frame. BUT you are not better or superior because you do and we are not lesser people undeserving of the "holy piece of software, sacred binary code upon whom all others look pale and pasty, that's right, put your hands together. Can I have an Amen! Praise Combat Mission!! Ahem, cough cough." You (and I am talking to mostly Grogs here) have only decided to play the GAME a certain way. The rest of us (and I group myself)look at CM as a game and will use everything we can in the game to win or (lose as has been the case lately). So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON! Problems and conflict arise when one camp bumps into the other. A die-in-the wool Grog meets a half-liquored Friday night CM Goon whose girlfriend/wife wants nothing to do with him (or her...well you know what I mean just switch the gender labels around for you girls...both of you). They fail to establish "ground rules" and charge into a doomed battle. The Grog, with his AFV posters and manuals is slaving over which Allied doctrine to try and modelling his unit purchases against WWII OOBs. "Now did Capt Johnson have a single or gold plated command rating? Well let's see how he fought at Anzio..." and so on. The Half-Baked Goon; "OK let's see what a map with nothin but Arty FOs and freakin TRPs will do..heh,heh. Oh ya I'll throw in 12 jeeps cause they burn good....man I am hungry....and thirsty. What is taking this guy so f#$4ing long." Now our two warriors meet. The Grog has a perfect Bn advance as per the "Closing of the Falaise Gap"..."Now which coy actually was forward left..." The Goon sits and giggles "C'mon you pansy assed Brit Sh$t eaters...come to Fritzy....atta boy" Boom! Arty starts dropping like bird crap at a beach wedding. The Grog "oh my now what was the allied drill...ah yes...very good..oh my he is using it all up at once...I think vonGoosestep tried that in Italy but this is France tsk, tsk." Goon " WOOOO-HOOO!!....(to sleeping boy/girlfriend)...you see that?! Now for the big stuff, 300mm and another beer...belch". BOOM, KA-F$#%ing-BOOM!!! Grog; "Oh my, well let me see an Axis SS Division has ###long range arty assets...oh my! That doesn't seem right. My opponent will very "red-faced" when he sees his mistake, tee-hee....Oh dear there goes Stanley's Coy.." Goon; "TAKE THAT!! AHHHH-HAHAHAHAHA. I love this freakin game, I swear I saw bodies flyin. Oh sorry dear.....And now for the jeeps." Jeep assault onto hill 130 is carried out. Grog; "Now I am afraid he has gone too far...time for a stern chat message.." Goon; "I wonder what's on Fox or wait I think that Arts channel has Euro-porn on at 11..." Chat message: GenAllisterMontegue: "Excuse me for saying but your force purchase seems a little excesive in the Artillery and Recon assets." JOhnnyRottAN: "What do yu meen?" GenAllisterMantegue: "Well if you consult "ALL THINGS AXIS" the 1998 edition, you will see that you simply do not have the amounts you are using here." JOhnnyRottAN: "Hey pal! If it works, it anin't broken...you callin me GAMEY?!!!:{" And we can all see hard feelings and anger which will result as the exchange degrades into....a forum thread. As an aside the freaks out there have a slightly different approach, they establish ground rules then quickly proceed to ignore them. ALL'S FAIR IN LUST AND WAR DICK_HEAD!!!!! I RULE!!! WASSSUPPP!!! So the only rules are ones you mutually decide on and in the long run it is only God you will have to answer to in the end (and yes I am sure He plays CM, big on Allies but he really hates the Sherman). So happy gaming and let's just be friends. And go our there and kill each other CM style! Authors Note: Now for any out there who feel that this is a cheap re-post of a former topic to avoid having to actually think this week, you are absolutely right. I figure I can get one more mile out of this piece of work and then will actually have to pump out something original and if you don't like it SCREW YOU DICK_HEAD!!! I RULE!!!! WASSSSAAAAAP!!!

A wonderful mongrel