Seanachai

Hey, wittman44, how's your hug ratio so far? Feel empowered yet?

And now, to take care of some Thread business: v42Below: I did wish you a Happy Birthday on Tuesday. It isn't my fault if it was done from my bathroom rug in between choruses of: 'A Kiwi's Just a Hairy Fruit' (do not let the title fool you, as most every other nation is insulted in it, as well). Andreas: Congratulations, sir! And condolences to the wife. Do your children a favour and give them something to cling to: Tell them you adopted them after you married their mother. When they're older, if they start getting all snippy about 'dates' and such, take your belt off and whallop them until they accept it. After all, a really Big Lie is better than Despair. And whatever that Scottish puke says, OGSF owes me a turn, not vice versa. But, in the interest of not taxing his limited intellectual resources, I shall resend my last turn.

Okay, time for a new one, I guess. Go here: Oh, Mama, Can This Really Be the End?

Rules...rules...I'm pretty sure we're supposed to keep the Justicar happy by including something...just a sec... Rule 1: I don't like anyone, but I especially don't like you, whoever or whatever you are. The other inmates will like you even less, but that shouldn't faze you as they're a gang of gibbering chimps who fastidiously wash their hands after they fling their own feces at you. Welcome. Rule the Next: This is supposedly a 'Challenge' site, but I've gone right off the whole 'challenge' concept. Say something clever or funny, and we'll try and work it into some sort of challenge for you. Or simply insult me. I never get tired of that. You'd think I would, but I don't. I don't know why. Sometimes I think that the only reason I get out of bed in the morning is to see what insults have been flung at me. Of course, most days I don't bother to get out of bed. Rule with Beer in hand: Go ahead and boast. Posture, pose, carry on like a pillock. In a Universe increasingly filled with idiocy it's nice to know that no matter what else we run out of, we'll always have the boastings of fools. If we could find a way to use ego for fuel, we could reverse entropy. Rule la Penultima: Be courteous to the Ladies of the 'Pool. I don't care what the other kids at the orphanage told you, you did once have a mother. You'd want her to be proud of you, wouldn't you? Then don't abuse women. Rule Final: Accept without questioning any rule, law or tradition flung at you by the various waterheads who inhabit this place. They are all ridiculous, they are all pointless, and we literally have teams of otherwise unemployable lackwits sitting in poorly lit rooms coming up with new ones. In fact, here's a new one that just came through: During the month of November, Lars will always be addressed as 'Deirdre'. Why, you ask? Who knows, who cares. Just do it. Okay, I want to see a nice clean fight.

Good evening, and welcome to the Peng Challenge Thread. In tonight's performance, the role of Seanachai will be articulated by the clarinet, the characterization of the Justicar will be performed by the tuba, and the part of Boo Radley will be expressed by the double bass. Peng himself will be represented on stage by an unlit 40 watt bulb. A hand-held mike recording of puppies being drowned in a millpond will suffice for the bleatings of everyone else.

You long for our approval...

And while I find it hard to chastise a creature even as lowly as yourself for this sort of ignorance, it's the 'Captain and Tennille'...

Correct but for one: Alcohol will have been invented, but you'll be getting none of it.

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DALEM! I'm not like your family, you know. I'm glad you were born, and it is a big deal! For a left wing, lunatic fringe 'kill them all, and let Darwin sort them out' type like me, it's important that I not slip into an easy, self-righteous attitude of Being Correct. Abominations like you keep me honest. If you hadn't been born, I would have had to create you. Your existence is a great example of the pseudo-scientific gibberish of 'Intelligent Stupidity'.

I've been there. It's called Indiana. </font>

To the benefit of the neolithic site, which shone in the light of your inadequacy. I can almost hear the surly mumblings of the original builders: That's what's going to come out of this?! A tourist attraction visited by Right wing lawyers from Squarehead land?!! Let's just build a take-away Vindaloo shop, and sod it...

You're going to one of the less pleasant sections of Hell. Count on it.

Been wondering where the hell you were. Good to hear from you again, you pillock. Stay safe and sane, and remember: I know where your house is, now. Next time I come through, I'm taking you with me to meet Berli. He loves Army types like you...

Okay, I can't be bothered with reading the next four pages before I respond to this, because, quite frankly, I don't need to see what the rest of you much beloved feckwits might have had to say before I respond to this. Nobility? Courage? Inner Strength, respect, honesty and love? That's a whole lot of dog****e to lather over the feet and lower legs of a man who didn't do anything more than follow his calling like any other willing to serve his country without concern for what that meant. If you're all so down-home ready to give it up for nobility, courage, inner strength, respect, honesty and love, you useless little 'where is the Captain who will stuff me roughly from behind' git, why not choose the screenname 'Martin Buber', or 'Paul Tillich' or any number of others who looked at the empty nightmare that was German Militarism given hideous currency by the vileness that was Nazism, and who chose to simply say: No. Oh, no. Why give a nod to people who actually had the courage to say 'No' to the horror of Nazism, rather than those who shrugged and decided that 'being a good German' was the same thing as being a good German? But, nope. You decided to cuddle up to someone that turned 'courage and inner strength' into a warriour's gamble on killing the other guy, rather than someone who was willing to go into the Camps because they knew what was right. Feckstick. And Australia would have spat your useless arse out onto the sidewalk of history. You could say much the same thing about Stalin, or any number of scumbags. What you're saying to me is: I really don't know anything about moral courage, choices, or ethical behaviour. I simply picked out one of those 'cool' German officers that seemed to me less tarred with the 'nazi' brush than most, and used him for my screenname. Aren't you late for a meeting of the local 'Fight Club'? Shouldn't you be exposing your privates to tourists through the window of a car? You display all the 'courage, respect and inner strength' of a bully who wants to be admired for accomplishments not his own. If you had any of those qualities, you'd simply have said "Yeah, I screwed the pooch on that one. I'm coming back with a screenname that is me." But instead you tried to justify your starry-eyed swastika licking with a whole lot of absolute ****e. Huge breasted? Jesus to Jesus and eight hands around, but you're a sorry specimen of manhood. I've pissed a better specimen of manhood into a jar. Too much said, from you.

The only thing preventing me from kicking you to death is the necessity of actually driving to Ohio...

You're right, of course. It should have been 'cite'. Thank you for the correction. You're also right in thinking that I'm a vindictive bastard who will have an eye on you from now on, you weasel. Pray I stay sober.

Dear freaking Australian lunatic: Did you not deign to notice that I said 25 copies had been sold, and that twenty-four copies had been returned? My gods! Must I do the thinking for the entire planet?! I'm not cut out for it! I'm insane, and not very bright! Why am I surrounded by fools?!

Thank you, thank you. As I've said before: I'm here until the Apocalypso. Which is already in progress. Like St. John, it doesn't matter how whacked out and insane I sound. It's just my job to let you people know what's coming...

Ah, when Kennedys ruled Greece!

Well I'll be goddamned. Yes, yes, we all know I will be, it was just an expression. I actually googled to find a line. But I encountered...the Past. Here's something I wrote...hell, like five years ago! posted 07-24-2000 02:48 AM Let it be noted that on July 24th, the Army of Peng (at least those portions which had not defected to Berli some time ago), surrendered to my triumphant Canadians. Peng had been defending a ridge line with a few scattered structures on it. His and my forces both had been generated by the computer, which had given him a slightly odd defending force. He, as the German, confronted me with several (3-4) HTs, 2 StuG IIIs, 3 81mm mortar HTs, 3 HMGs, a Pak 50mm, and some various other miscellaneous units. I had a Canadian Rifle Company, 4 machinegun carriers, 2 Humber scout cars, a Churchill VII, a White's Scout car, an M3 HT, a 4.2cm mortar FO, a Vickers MG team, and I think an extra Piat and 2 in. Mortar team. Peng had done well, and had, by turn 7, knocked out a couple of the MGCs, the M3, the White's Scout car, one of the Humbers and had messed about one of my platoons of infantry. I, in turn, had knocked out 2 of the Mortar Carrier HTs (with 2in.mortar fire), the 50mm Pak, and had steadily advanced to control one of two minor Victory Flags, and was threatening the major victory location. Peng, worried to the point of madness by the ponderous, but steady, advance of my Churchill up the left flank, and having realized it had finally reached a position to start handing out some serious unhappiness, made his move in turn 8. Perhaps the stress of waiting had unhinged him. Perhaps the cruel defeats Berli had visited upon him had worn away all hope and optimism. Perhaps even my savage tauntings had filled him with despair. Perhaps, in the end, the vision of all those maimed and dying smilies was more than his soul could bear. We may never know what decided him, what demons drove his next actions. What we do know is that he decided to rush my Churchill with his 2 StuG IIIs, which were ahead and to either side behind buildings, and try for flank shots. Rushing a fast-turret tank with assault guns... As the final turn began, a 251/1 HT that Peng had run across in front of my Churchill (whether as some sort of blood sacrifice to propitiate evil gods, or to distract me, I cannot say) went up in flames as the Churchill put a round into it. As the 2 StuG IIIs advanced at the lope, my Churchill spun turret to put an AP round into the one to the right, which went up in a cataclysmic explosion. No crew popped the hatches on that one. Then the Churchill spun turret left, and nailed the other StuG (four shaken crewman crawled away as that one continued to roll forward a few meters). After that, the heart seemed to go completely out of Peng. He sent me word of his impending surrender. By the next turn, it was done. Canadian Total Victory. Autumn leaves, swirling down through the hot breeze from Peng's burning assault gun, fell to dapple the fields, covering the blood of Peng's troops. And so, I have my victory over Peng. But I remember not the victory, but the man. Who bravely took up my challenge, though I was unknown to him. Who taunted me unmercifully, with great malice, and venom, making me proud that English is filled with so many vindictive and vulgar words and usages. And who, in the end, when all hope of survival was gone, surrendered to spare his troops further carnage. What is victory? A handle of leaves, fading, fading. However, these leaves are covered with the blood of the Army of Peng, so excuse me while I fashion them into a jaunty war bonnet, pull it on, and do a little dance while singing: Ya ti puckety, ring, ting, fatoo ni ni ni yaroo! Bugger. I believe that is the description of my Victory Over Peng in the battle that resulted from my very first 'Challenge to Peng'. I can't believe that sort of ****e is still out there, and can turn up when you Google something as simple as trying to come up with the 'Ya ti puckety' song from Monty Python...

Here, lad pats shoulder. Here's a soft place that will comfort you, and listen to you! Screw 'Jason's MO'. You're abusing him for dismissing 'Eyewitness Accounts'. What are they? Cite them. Name them. Juggle them like pretty glass balls! Are you claiming that he has, since Time Fecking Immemorial, dismissed 'Eyewitness Accounts'? Prove it. Post a link to a thread showing this 'reckless disregard' for 'eyewitness accounts'. Or are you talking about his brutal and vile dismissal of 'eyewitness accounts' in this thread? Because the only eyewitness accounts I've read of here are Guy Sajer's. And before you accuse me of 'shilling' for JasonC, you should be aware that the man doesn't like me at all. But I forgive him for that. Goddamn it, Hortlund, you need to get a grip. Frankly, I know that you're not stupid. But you get a wasp up your arse, and you look stupid. Don't just froth and gargle anger at people. Make a realistic fecking point! Seriously, I worry about you and that throbbing vein in your forehead, lad.

Wow. Screen name is borrowed from a dead, overblown German tanker. Appended with a "44" just in case the WWII theme wasn't clear. Then some babblage in its sigline about a Tiger tank, no doubt one of the overengineered hunks of wreckage that the Nazi "tank ace" himself put-putted around some battlefield or other at some time. I have decided to hate this one. </font>

Your degree is obviously the result of duplicity and liberal bias. Haven't you ever heard of the theory of 'Intelligent Historical Design'? And you call yourself a student of WWII? By my lack-of-a-patriarchal-God, man! 'Intelligent Historical Design' was an article of 'spiritual' belief of the very people who sent Sajer to the Easter Front! Are we to so blithely dismiss the Social Science equivalent of the very thing that the American School System is being ordered to regard as a Revealed Truth?!

For a straight-forward, truthful answer, there's BFC. For everything else, there's Seanachai. To date, BFC has sold 6 million units of the various 'Combat Mission' games. Little Known Facts about the sold units: 1) The Pentagon purchased 212 copies of 'Combat Mission: Afrika Korps', and used them to plan Operation: Iraqi Liberation (they could have used that one, despite the acronym, as no more oil has been forthcoming). Sadly, because CM is a tactical level game without an 'Exit Strategy' module, that's as far as things got. 2) Karl Rove and staffers bought 3 copies of the entire 'Combat Mission' series and used them to help the Bush Administration win the Presidential Election. Sadly, as the Presidential Election was a tactical level game, with no 'strategic level' module, winning the election was all the Bush Administration gave us. 3) The Australian Government bought 24,000 copies of 'Combat Mission: Bugger the Afrika Korps, Mate!'. Beer sales in Australia increased by a staggering 24%(anything that could make Australian beer sales increase isn't simply staggering, but almost other-worldly), and Australia has been effectively neutralized from conquering the entire Pacific Rim. 4) Exactly 1 copy of each Combat Mission game was sold in Hong Kong, and 500,000 copies are currently being played in the Far East, where gamers are treated to soldiers who shout 'My leg, it has been injured by agents of the Presbyterian Church, I think fully!' 5) 4,700 copies of the game have been sold in the former Soviet Union, none of which has fallen into the hands of the military, which is thinking of marketing a competing game entitled: Combat Mission: School's Out Forever! Battlefront.com quietly contemplates donating proceeds of Russian sales to the 'Mothers of Beslan'. 6) An incredible 100,000 copies of CMBO and CMAK are sold in Finland. 7) 2.6 Million units of 'Combat Mission: Barbarossa to Berlin' are sold in Finland; approximately one for each 2 inhabitants. 8) LucasFilms, Inc. bought 10 copies of each game, and has recently announced their decision to completely flush the game down the toilet by producing three movies depicting the events the lead up to the action in the original Combat Mission series. 9) Sales in America have been equally split between Red and Blue States. Anxiety about pre-release orders of the next Engine is high, and is being carefully monitored by the world's various Arms Suppliers. 10) 1 copy of 'Combat Mission: Afrika Korps' has been shipped to an unnamed American military prison. 11) 125,000 copies of 'Combat Mission: Beyond Overlord' and 'Combat Mission: Afrika Korps' have been sold to Canada, and 25 copies of 'Combat Mission: Barbarossa to Berlin' have likewise been sold to Canada. Twenty-four requests for refunds for 'CMBB' have also been received from Canada, along with the complaint: This game simply isn't redolent with the bacony stench of Canada. So there you have it. The numbers. The stories. The lies. [ September 19, 2005, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Just when despising you seems like the only option, you post something that makes me realize that despising you is simply the most satisfying personal option. I dunno, this seems a bit daft to me. It might make some sense for crewed units, like mortars or bazookas (why they'd be moving up in tandem, and why 'equalizing' ammo would necessarily make sense to the crews is a question left begging, rather than the crew with more ammo simply trying to achieve what they could with it), but for units like infantry, the logistics of everyone 'swapping around loads' until the two units were a bit more on par would seem to be outside the scope of what's normally been depicted in a CM game. Mind, with this whole '1 to 1' representation, it might be a different thing. But frankly, in a squad of 8-12 men, I already figure a certain amount of 'ammo-swapping' is going on. So now we're to envision a group of 16-24 guys somehow coming together on the map and redistributing ammo? Frankly, it would seem to me that the ability to maneuver squads together simply to 'share ammo' would result in unrealistic behaviour on a tactical battlefield, contributing to the 'Overlord Effect' of CM battles, in which you, the godlike commander, tell squads to do things that would be simply bizarre in combat.