Hakko Ichiu

Normal service has now resumed, just in time for me to go away for the holidays. Fecking turns have gone out to all who were owed them. Fecking turns are owed by the following reprobates: Geier, Andreas, and some outerboarder. Now feck off.

Truly, he has achieved enlightenment.

Don't press him. He might fess up to being an American -- just think of the embarassment we'd all feel.

I'd like to thank the Academy...

Damn, and here I was feeling all cheery that MrSpkr was in a full-body cast and an iron lung. Oh well, I can dream, can't I?

No. That's just the room we lock the kids up in when they've been really bad.

All your concern has touched me deeply, although in a Croda-like, psychologically scarring, can't-keep-my-food-down kind of way. It could all have been a lot worse. My wife's boss (in one of her professional incarnations) won't have power until Saturday at the earliest. They'll probably come over here and stay at our place. Don't know what we'll do about their 400 lb. golden retriever with the IQ of a dalem. Anyone interested in seeing a few pics of the damage can click here. That long, protruding thing in the bottom photo is not a Yeknod, but a tree branch that violated the sanctity of the office of She Who Must Be Obeyed. --- Especially on those Japanese models. Finding spares is tough. Heal up quick, Steve.

Well, possums, I'm back, and I can't say that I've missed any of you. The power came on approx. 18:20 EDT today, after I had spent $800 cash and hours of my valuable time procuring and installing a household generator. I'd love to say that little encoded packages of Death, Doom, and Destruction will be winging their ways to my various opponents forthwith, but frankly I have more important things to do - brush my cat, for instance. There's also the matter of the two dozen or so large trees still needing to be chain-sawed and stacked, and figuring out how I'm going to be able to afford all the stuff the insurance won't pay for. You have to laugh. I take solace in the fact that it could have been much worse, and maintain perspective by recognizing that for many it is. And when despair started creeping over me like a wet, moldy blanket, I found refuge in the undying hatred that I have for all of you. They can take away my power, they can tear my roof, smash my car, max out my MasterCard™, and cover my hands in petroleum rash, but they can't take away my hatred. Toodles.

Nice picture, but what is that large, festering, pustulent sore on your forehead? It's turned orange and black for Gawd's sake. See a doctor, man! I want to thank you for posting that pic, as it reminds me that even though I have a hole in my roof, that the temperature in my kids' bedrooms was 40 degrees last night, and that at any moment my sewage holding tank is going to overflow and turn the downstairs of my house into something that looks like the habitat of the wild Peng, at least I don't live in New Jersey anymore. Ice storms are Nature's way of saying bend over and pass the Astroglide™.

Yeah, if David Price can tear himself away from saving the whales from American imperialism in Iraq and against working families, I might do that. By the way, don't you just love our 12th district . It fits in so neatly and is so logically drawn. And it conveniently assures that Melvin Watt is Congressman for life.

While I sincerely hate everyone in this thread, I must confess that I love nature. Of course, that relationship is not without its sado-masochistic overtones, which is why I currently have no power, no heat and a tree through my roof. The upside of all this is that I don't have to listen to my kids' tapes of Rafi and I get to play a lot with my chainsaw. It also means that I don't have to listen to complaining e-mails and whiney posts from you lot. So, sod off the pack of you. You want a turn from me? Then slip a benji to the Duke Power line crews and tell them to get off their union asses and do something. Fat chance of that. Feck.

More like delusions of adequacy.

Making a lamb roast this year?</font>

Isn't that -4 to hit because of the small target or somefink? Andreas and Jo Xia owe me turns. Why is that surprising? Oh, it's not.

How about a jolly singsong then: Up high upon a lonely moor A widow lived alone In an inn she kept and while she slept the pillows heard her moan For many's the time a traveler Has spent the night with me But there's not a man in all creation Gives content to me For some can manage once or twice Some make three or four What seems to be a rarity Is the man who can do more I'd give anything to find him In heaven or in hell And while the words were spoken then She heard the front door bell Cho: And the wind blew cold and lonely All across that widow's moor And she never ever turned away A traveler from her door Then boldly the widow she went downstairs And the door she opened wide And as she did a tall and handsome Stranger stepped inside She gave him bread and brandy And after he was fed He said My dear, well have no fear It's time to go to bed For I heard you call way down below And I've come to see you right But you must come to hell with me If I can last the night She said You randy devil! To this bargain I'm agreed For hell on earth or hell in hell It's all the same to me Then the devil and the widow they jumped in bed And the devil was working well And he thought before this night was through She'd be his in hell But when they got to number nine The widow cried Encore! And when the twelfth time came around She still called out for more At twenty-five the devil thought He had to take a rest But the widow still said Come raise yer head And put me to the test At sixty-nine the widow laughed Again, again she cried And the devil declared Well I can see Just how your husband died At niney-nine the devil he Began to cry and weep Oh I will give you anything Just let me go to sleep Before the morning light was on The devil hobbled home And the widow still unsatisfied Once more was left alone She lay there and she grumbled And she thought of niney-nine If only that old devil could Have made it one more time I'll call him up again tonight And see what can be done With a bit of application we Could make it to the ton But when she called him up that night No devil he did appear For the first time in eternity The old devil he shook with fear Of all the pain and torment I've witnessed here in hell I never knew what pain was 'till I rang your front doorbell Happy Happy Happy.

I say, nail his head to a coffee table and then use sarcasm. But then I say lots of things.

Such a large gun you have there, Seanachai. Do you have a bit of Yeknod in you? Or perhaps it's just a rather spectacular hemmorhoid.

And may I say you're not just getting older, you're getting more decrepit and corrupt.

I recommend 00 buckshot. All 18-year old males should be locked in dungeons until they reach 25.

Now, now, don't be hasty. Make sure you've taken out a supplementary term policy for, say, $2 million on him before you do anything.

As opposed to the "bad touch" that is on your rap sheet, I suppose.

YES

'Tis new to thee? Then hearken unto the Rules (as posted and amended. E&OE) before you go making a complete fool of yourself -- not that that will stop you. Aleph) Sod Off!!!! Null) If you haven't had the decency to Sod Off!! already, then challenge someone. Afterall, it's a challenge thread, innit? And by someone, we mean someone who'll actually pay any attention to you, unlike your parents, and unlike the Kaniggets, Seniour Kaniggets, and Olde Ones, because we have better things to do with our time, like de-lint our navels. After that, Sod Off!!! Eighth Trigram) If you're going to challenge someone -- and I really can't overstress this -- Sound off like you've got a pair!! Then kindly Sod Off!! Contrariwise) The corollary to the above is don't sound off about your pair. We couldn't care less for such trivialities. Likewise, keep the racism, sexism, speciesism, and phallocratic hegemony where it belongs, in government, but not in this, the Mutha Beautiful Thread That Will Always Be There. If you can't do that, or even if you can, Sod Off. Not to put to fine a point on it) Be nice to the Ladies of the 'Pool or face the consequences. Are you still here?) Sod Off!!!. [edited for the sheer, unadulterated deliciousness of it] [ November 17, 2002, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: Hakko Ichiu ]

Just don't go trying to sign up any poolboys.

Maybe we should start a collection or somefink. This poor woman needs our help. I'm sure MrSpkr will take her case (for his usual fee, of course).