Mark IV

Normally I would be hastening to heap abuse on LGMB for daring to post here, daring to post anywhere, posting an unfunny post, posting a foolish thread elsewhere, and drawing breath. However, there are very serious matters at hand. Occasionally the Cesspool springs a leak and HAZMAT teams are dispatched to protect the outside world. In very rare circumstances, an inverse leak causes the outside world to leak into the Cesspool. This is far worse, because our little wetland is a fragile ecosystem. The last page or so demonstrate that this form of pollution is the greatest threat to our little civilization since the automobile. The Peng thread is what jdmorses call an "attractive nuisance". If the gate isn't locked, and some microcephalic loser dweeb (as an example only, no offense to our many actual microcephalic loser dweebs) wanders in and drowns, are we liable? No. Why? Because other jdmorses have established the notion of "assumed risk". If you enter a freeway at 25 mph doing your makeup and talking on a cellphone of your own free will, you have implicitly consented to participate in a high-risk environment. So hypersensitive prigs with personal agendae, ankle-biting lackwit accomplices, and unfunny and imbalanced persons generally, take note: The Surgeon-General has determined that the Peng thread, aka Cesspool, may be hazardous to your health and self-esteem, and may cause pregnancy in defective humans. There. We're off the hook. Post at your own risk. We reserve the right to refuse service, etc. These thoughts are not directed at any individual, but rather several of them who have been singled out for special treatment. In no way do I minimize the valuable contributions of vagino-americans, groggo-americans, and the many other hyphenates which make up this great land. The Lord General is fortunate indeed that he is less significant than annoying; to coin a phrase, "not merely dull, but a source of dullness in others". He benefits from appearing at a moment of crisis, so that his pretentious drivel may be overlooked. Compared to whatever a "This Todd" is, he is positively readable. As we approach our second triennium, we must pause and reflect on the merits of our... ah, screw it. I blame Elvis for all of this; if it wasn't for his incessant whining about TCP/IP, none of this would have happened. I hope Peng uses the big belt with the studs and his name on the back, this time.

You might check your monitor settings. My Voodoo 3 works fine with snow (which is white). I've never seen this complaint here, despite much discussion of Voodoo issues. Not saying it isn't happening, but there may be another cause...

You LOST vehicles to him? I lost a GUN. A single-barrelled 20mm flak, who died heroically pounding a TD after ripping through some HTs (I only had 3 tanks and an AC to begin with, but there were some other battlefield assets ). 10 enemy vehicles destroyed, 91-9. He writes a mean taunt, though. I've tried to recruit him for the Cesspool, but to his credit he's beneath that sort of thing. Frognerd, I don't care if the movie is 16mm... the movie is a symbol. Ya think anybody takes the Stanley Cup home to swill Molson's from? It's about Greed... yeah, and pride, and stuff.

Thank you, russellmz. It's a close election in a big country. Why can't some people handle such a simple idea? We've waited for the overseas votes, because it is so close that they can make a difference. The legal challenges are a part of the system working, and insure maximum scrutiny. What do you think, someone's gonna roll over and play dead while they've still got a chance at the Presidency? I have strong feelings about the outcome, but I'm not ashamed of the procedure. No tanks in the street, no riots, certainly more peaceful than the night of a World Series victory. Thank god, no coalition governments; just solid, hardball party politics. If anyone is "ashamed" of THIS, they are really too thin-skinned to be American. Have a beer like the rest of us and enjoy the spectacle.

Very insightfle. Before readers subject this rebuttle to a casual dismissile, they should remember: Both Leon Czolgosz and Charles Guiteau had foreign-sounding names. All assassinated presidents so far have been born east of the Mississippi. So were both Bush and Gore! Bush and Gore both have 4 letters in their names- and there have been precisely 4 US presidential assassinations! Isn't this a bit much to be coincidentle?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: I am Peng's toadie. If you hurt me I will tell.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, I knew he'd beaten you, but I'd no idea he made you carry messages for him. Why not just curtsey and go tell your Master that I not only own all the Roman Numerals™, I am currently negotiating for the rights to arabic numerals as well, thus cornering the market on 1s and 0s and effectively controlling his livelihood? I hope he's not too angry with you... he's got quite a temper from what I understand.

Mr. FooGore, I will not be conned into a "match" for something which is already rightfully mine. You can recount bodies all you like, but it is MINE-MINE-MINE. However, I have proposed an ongoing tourney in which the Movie of the Lawyer's Challenge passes to each successive victor, acquiring suitable marks of ownership along the way, in the unlikely event that anyone is able to take it away from me (because it is MINE, or did I mention that?). I have rather graciously offered to allow YOU the first feeble attempt at it. No need to insult my lineage, as I find you quite loathesome enough to annihilate already. We'll hear from the Lawyer soon enough, I reckon.

Foobs... I think we need to talk, man. About MY MOVIE... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I have made the Lawyer Thing a fair-minded proposal for its disposition, but he is up to some devilry of his own....

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: Darvied Atkin-Smythe-Blenkinsop IV<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sorry, "IV™" is MINE. The one thing Peng left you, and I had it first. You might be able to add a superscript "squared" or "cubed", or a different Roman numeral (for a small royalty, as I ™'ed Roman numerals some time ago), but not "IV". It would be awkward to end your name with a semi-colon but I believe they are still in the Public Domain™, if you're looking for a bargain.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra: Ah, Croda has just informed me that some brave soul has already written an auto-taunter<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I suspect some here are already using it. For instance, the hilarious concept of "slipping off one's meds" has been an internet standby for years, and appears about once per page in Poolishness. This could only be the result of an auto-taunter, since anyone whose brainstem ends in anything more than an ellipsis would know that it hasn't been at all funny since April, 1994, and had been declining steadily before then. Compare this to the rise and fall of animated smileys. The first one was funny. The second was tired. The third one was stupid. The subsequent 8000 showed only that a multitude of dullards had mastered the pasting of links into a UBB post. Now they have gone the way of the hamster and the chinchilla, which once roamed these swamps in herds that stretched to the horizon, victims of the white man's greed... err, where was I? Thingie references, and repeated admonishments to bauhaus, are of course genuinely (dare I say, bitingly?) funny, and powerful theater of the mind. They may be the product of advanced high-dollar professional grade auto-taunters. Meeksie's assertions that he actually does anything other than type, poorly, are side-splitting. The battle of "Kitty versus the Penis People" was not witty, but contained enough situational irony to keep us giggling. Examine posts for signs of auto-taunts, and you will begin to distinguish the original work of true artisans from machine-made wit. See the work of MrPeng, above, for an illustration of a true olde-world craftsman at his trade. [This message has been edited by Mark IV (edited 11-17-2000).]

8.62 Looking at the roster, the poor Maccies haven't much to choose from. I suspect the "1" votes are Florida Syndrome... no one could play the demo for three turns and give this a one.

Ahh, home from a hard day's work in foreign places, set down my faces-of-the-poor grinder case, turn on the light... GOOD LORD! Look at them scurry! All over the walls, the carpet, the counter... bastards have been active while I'm away. 4 pages of perfectly good cesspoolia ruined by the pests. (Picks up what appears to be the Chicago telephone directory): Ah! A brief note from the Cesspool founder. What says the sickly snowboy? (Reads): "Mark IV, my lord, master, twice-spanking mentor, doomed to be forever disappointed by my failure to learn the least scintilla of a tactic, abject apologies, as usual. "Meeks is loose and let the others out. They've gone mad, drunk up all the 409 under the sink, and fancy themselves a shadow government. Croda propped a carrot youknowwhere and declared himself divine. Pawbroom is speaking in tongues. Shandorf, odormensch, OSFG, and the others are all in on it, mocking the gods and worshipping graven images. There is a wench with them. "I didn't know what to do, but I'll be upstairs in The Position with the covers over me head" (followed by 3279 pages of celtic literary allusions). Hmm. The usual, just like last Thursday. Fortunately, with their attention span, it'll blow over in a day or two, just empty the roach motels and dump them back under the sink. Still... a title? Hmmm... it's tacky and trite. Other than that, there's little to support the idea. No mention of Germanboy in the note- wait, he HATES it! That settles it! Mark IV, Emperor of the Pool, Lord of Rodentia, Viscount de Methane, Grand Marshal de Topplement, Slayer of rune the Beta Ghost, Nearly Undefeated Military Genius Except for a Couple of Cheating Foreigners, declare that I haven't the slightest interest in meaningless titles except, perhaps, Pool Wizard. With Swords, Oak Leaves, and Diamonds. And a bit of ribbon to wear on my smock covered with mystical symbols. Bit over the top, that? No, quite measured, I think they'll buy it. (preens in mirror). It's good to be me!

Hush, unicellular ones. I speak: Some actual yuks have been restored to the pool. The spleen run free in our forests, and the rivers are thick with chortles and sniggers. Even Speaks-like-the-Wind has hit a funny bone or two lately. Even Pawbroom has mastered enough of our tongue to convey his native state of confusion, and mistakes our derision for encouragement. Even our brown little squire-brothers splash in the oozing currents and play at men's war. The hunting is good. The spirits are kind. This morning, before I left on my journey, I skinned a Lawyer and it was good. I fleeced a kiwi and saw its spirit sucked under a rock (I ordered bauhaus to sit down, or at least find a bigger rock). I dreamt of a canuck, and sacrificed its distant spirit to the Manitou, at about 600m. I felt the shadow of a germanboyouk and turned a wall of blazing quad 20 mike-mikes upon it. The hunting is good. The spirits are kind. Cherish these times, o my brothers. The winters will come again. Post Wampum: rune with a small "r", the result of a hunting accident he prefers not to discuss, was here when most of you were still primer caps. He died, and you all will too, but he died with far more skill and aplomb. Strive to die like rune, and your reach will already have exceeded your grasp. He is now a beta-ghost and his spirit walks amid our fires. Speak not lightly, of that which you cannot comprehend.

Sorry to hear it, Shatter. My dad, whom I wrote about here once a while back, died just before this last Memorial Day, also without warning. He was an AA gunner in 1st Army, and not long before his passing I reviewed as much of his WWII story with him as he would allow. Glad I did. Now they're both gone but their story and sacrifice live with us. Good luck to you in this difficult time.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer: I am tired of life and wish to die horribly and publicly<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Very well, my little spitoon, my 75s shall do my squeaking for me this very evening. Bid adieu to your kin and for god's sakes remove that bit of fleece from your zipper.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra: Bow down, children, Daddy's home. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Gawd, they must hate that. Lorak! Chalk up another, laddie, for your smiling local god of war (that would be moi, contact PawBroom for a translation), and a defeat for Mr. Shaw. Sadly, he was compelled to surrender by external factors before I could ride down the remnants of his dazed forces, in particular the crew of a farging Chaffee which killed a Panther. Hope he's back soon. The Lawyer is spitted and just about done- the juice has quit running out, anyway. He's not a Cesspudlian but ought to be, and one should always brag up lawyer-killin's. Hakko Achoo has either succumbed to his disgusting ailment or has deliberately taken poison. The posthumous kanigget Formerly Babra has once again had the temerity to indulge my whims for wanton destruction; just beginning. Saving the last for, well, last, the wretch Gerbiltoy has tricked me into a scenario pitting Cub Scouts against the SAS or somebody, and has given me some double-decker tour buses so he can brag up fighting an "armored" force. The little cubbies are responding well to my guidance, however, so this will be a slugfest of some kind at some point. That's it for current pool smacktivity. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"Please Crodachoo you're getting too excited, that's my leg, go find Mark IV"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Neither of you is even permitted to think, much less utter, my name. I remember when Crudda was recruited, and failed to exercise my awesome veto powers when I had the chance. I was there when the Curious Fruit was exiled to Mother England and supported it in Parliament. I have found greater annoyances than either of you (and with considerably more personal appeal) in my hankie.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Let me understand this, your mother's maiden name was Panzerkampfwagon V?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What's so funny about that? Mark IV (And it's not a bloody wagOn, you twit, with a little handle and wheels and red paint, but wagEn, with a great honking gun and mean-lookin' crosses and stuff. So there. Grog THAT.).

SPW 234/3 with a Vet crew, for me (or PSW as listed). 84 pts. Speedy multi-purpose killing machine and the perfect shortstop for any situation. It may not do anything really well, but it can kinda do almost anything really fast. StuH right up there for many of the same reasons- substitute FP for speed.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wayne: Why would anyone go to all this trouble to cheat on an e-mail game? What do you gain by cheating? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Cheating is serious business, if you're playing for real money. To get that gut-wrenching sense of urgency, most of us are now playing for house-payment-sized stakes (aren't you?), and lemme tell you, it's a whole different game. You'll think twice about cresting that hill with your TD when your kid's orthodontic bill is on the line. At the Sports Book room in Caesar's Palace, a whole annex has been sectioned off for off-line CMBO betting. Players recline in plush red leather seats with drink holders, and peer through the cigar smoke at 50-foot screens which run QB movies, tallies, and odds from all over the world, 24 hours a day. Scantily clad hostesses scurry discreetly from seat to seat with betting cards and complimentary single-malts, murmuring directly into the ear to be heard above the din of 120 simultaneous sen-surround firefights. Even the glitteratti are getting into the game. On a recent evening, a leggy Natasha Hentstridge ("Species", need I say more) was seen in knee-length black boots and backless, strapless, plunging camo smock, on the arm of her latest beau (a well-known California product manager), placing chips on the green felt for "'Schreck Kill". The glowing beauty cooed, "Roulette will never excite me again", as her hollow-charge hit home for the money, and the croupier scuttled to rake over her coin while the embers of a hapless Sherman flickered in the background. Casino lobbies are now scrambling to jerk out the forlorn one-armed bandits and replace them with video Combat Mission machines, which play one-minute mini-turns against a player's best moves. One Japanese tour bus operator remarked, "They'd pull in twice as much if only they'd do the PTO". If you're still playing CM for free, you're missing a bet.

I was enjoying reading along, and have found the links of great interest. Tumbling off the truck at Ft. Knox in 1977, there were... a bunch of drill instructors screaming at the top of their lungs, fwiw (and I'm sure it wasn't s**t compared to the USMC). Being a veteran of Catholic schools (nuns), I admired the DI's professionalism and creativity in this department, but it was apparent that many others on the bus had never been yelled at by pros. I found many of the expressions quite amusing, and actually laughed- once. It was easy to see the psychology at work (actually, it's easier now), and it was remarkable, the change it wrought in the "troops" in fairly short order. Among other things, it let you know that whatever the recruiter promised you, you were now in a very serious environment, where listening well and responding promptly were in your immediate best interest. This was obviously a new concept to many of us. Think of it as a filter... the few people weeded out by yelling alone, have no place on a battlefield. A kinder, gentler boot camp with future employability as a major goal is fine training for handing out food parcels in the third world, but not what I want for training the Armed Forces. So, back to the changing world of doctrine (a revealing word in itself)....

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elvis: I put a pretty good load on last night and woke up thinking I had posted something really bad on the board here.....It appears I didn't. Good.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> LOL, that's one of the funniest things I've read in a while... I know this feeling. Then there's that feeling, right after pressing Submit Reply, of seeing a spilled drink in mid-air and knowing there's nothing you can do about it, 'cept get the Edit mop and wipe it up... LOL.

I associate Withdraw with a "destroy this unit" command, and quit using it altogether. I would rather have the guys die in place, while taking one or two more of the enemy with them, than get destroyed anyway being shot in the back. The remnants of a squad that Withdraws under fire (and why else use it?) are generally useless for the rest of the game, in my experience. Either I don't understand its use, or that's how it's supposed to work, or it isn't right, in descending order of likelihood. As soon as those guys turn to scoot they start dropping like flies. So I personally decided that if I want to decimate my own forces, I'll buy some jabos.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WendellM: Bleh! That sounds terrible! I guess I'm blessed, then, since I've never seen anything like that on my AGP V3 3000. That does make me hesitant to download the new driver, though: if it ain't broke....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My sentiments exactly... never seen it, don't want to.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng: "my muse is a whore" If I am alive in the spring i might have something to say to you bastards. In the meantime continue to send games.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That was beautiful, man. They said you had no softer side, but who could not be moved by this. So, no Peng, Slaw, Meeks, Ichiu's down for the count, Berli's been well-nigh invisible, Goanna the Wonder-Lizard is all hostaged up in the Middle East... this is all a little suspicious, no? Could there be a pool stalker, one of the emotionally-stunted twits we've driven away in the past, surreptitiously taking out our luminaries (and Meeks) one by one? Who's next (spooky organ music)(sit down, all of you, it's a keyboard, for crissakes)?