dieseltaylor Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Summer Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, June 24, 2011 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THE CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays-- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor -- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM Class 6 Loss Of Identity -- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion : Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I have done this course, results as listed. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays-- After numerous spills and freezing the trays to the floor of the freezer they have moved over to a higher state of being and now fill themselves. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Yes it does, we determined in my group that they must be similar to leaves on trees, falling as needs be then regrowing. Toilet roll holders are evergreens. Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. After many, many hours of practise I got down to a 200mm CEP, acceptable apparently, however the required concentration spoils the enjoyment so largely overlooked. Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor Bit of a waste this one, there is no discernible difference. Class 5 Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? They do, but only when put in context with Class 14. Class 6 Loss Of Identity -- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Simplicity itself, all you need is to do it once so she can watch "Brothers and Sisters" then ask her to quickly check the footy on the other channel. The stress and panic of determining how to change it back to B&S before the end of the ad break will guarantee possession of said control for time immortal. Class 7 Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Using the afore mentioned Qudos from Class 6 ensures that future searches will be executed quickly and quietly with missing items produced as required. Ironed in most cases where appropriate. Class 8 Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Apparently true, long term baseline studies in progress. However resultant gratitude is worth the investment. Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. No they don't. Class was a parade of limp-wristed, geographically challenged, clowns. Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Class name errata: It is Genetically Impossible for her to Parallel Park Was a pleasant interlude to swap some yarns. Class 11 Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Superficially yes, fundamentally no. Why do you think they hate each other so much? Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion : Get used to carrying stuff and develop the skill of picking the best of the 57 identical garments presented for you to choose from. Remember you are only there to quell the conscious your opinion is only required to forestall any future complaints about overflowing wardrobes of pristine unworn clothing and shoes. Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates Class cancelled, deemed unnecessary as she will leave more than enough hints. Class 14 The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. This is the crowning achievement of the entire course and indeed the only one truly required. Entering the kitchen you will discover that it is easy and you are far better at it. Resultant guilt and gratitude will make all above mentioned Class skills redundant. Magpie_Oz - B.App.Man Stuff (Hons) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Yes, it is. You don't want to be meter from the curb for the rest of eternity, do you? Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Affentitten Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Funnily enough in my house lessons 1 and 2 are on a reverse gender basis. I'm always screaming about her not doing either of these things. Including her amazing trick of having four separate ice cubs trays, each with a single cube left in, thus giving rise to the excuse "It wasn't finished..." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Funnily enough in my house lessons 1 and 2 are on a reverse gender basis. I'm always screaming about her not doing either of these things. Including her amazing trick of having four separate ice cubs trays, each with a single cube left in, thus giving rise to the excuse "It wasn't finished..." That does seem to be a much overlooked subject in this course, maybe a Post Graduate line of study? My house if brimming with a multitude of items not quite empty or long ago made redundant "Not empty/finished/all used" and "Just in case we need more one day" long after any expiry date has passed ..... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 That does seem to be a much overlooked subject in this course, maybe a Post Graduate line of study? My house if brimming with a multitude of items not quite empty or long ago made redundant "Not empty/finished/all used" and "Just in case we need more one day" long after any expiry date has passed ..... Yes, I am finding that I have to steel myself to throw out stuff before it becomes dangerously toxic. I hate to see anything go to waste, but then don't find myself wanting to eat/use it before six months have elapsed. One of the worst is fresh meats I have placed in the freezer and then left there until they become as aged as my grandfather's carcass. Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Affentitten Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Hopefully your grandfather's carcass isn't in the freezer, Emrys. But haven't you ever seen women sharing a cake? There will be one slice left and they will gradually pare it down, just taking a small slice off the side. Because then nobody can be accused of having a "whole" second piece or have it said that "Claire finished off the cake". In the end you have to throw out this sliver of cake that's about three atoms wide. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Hopefully your grandfather's carcass isn't in the freezer, Emrys. I hope so too. Both my grandfathers have been dead for 70 years or more. In the end you have to throw out this sliver of cake that's about three atoms wide. In my house that sliver would disappear on the way to the trash. I love cake. Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
costard Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 6 was solved when God appeared to his favourite prophet, Charles of the Jar, in a dream. The chosen people gladly give up their rights to the remote in exchange for time with CM. 12 is easily solved with "Babe, your ass is fat. Doesn't matter what you put it in, its still fat." Bingo, no more shopping trips. Conjugal rights are a little tricky to manage after the use of this tactic, but when were they ever easy to negotiate? At least this way you go with dignity, your integrity intact. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalins Organ Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 12 is easily solved with "Babe, your ass is fat. Doesn't matter what you put it in, its still fat." Bingo, no more shopping trips. Conjugal rights are a little tricky to manage after the use of this tactic, but when were they ever easy to negotiate? At least this way you go with dignity, your integrity intact. ....if not your body...:eek: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 ....if not your body...:eek: Yes I was intrigued to know how one would survive that encounter, much less if your relationship would survive. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
costard Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 She gets a new pair of squishy earrings and I get to keep my dignity. As a bonus, I don't have to go shopping with her and, possibly, she'll do something about that fat ass. (Not that I'll get to enjoy it, but there you go - it was never about me now, was it?) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 it was never about me now, was it? well at least you have learned the first principle. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieseltaylor Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Nice stuff costard! You sure live dangerously!! You know the toilet seat thingy. Well we re-fitted the bathrooms and they have those nice self-lowering seats. Invariably in her bathroom the seat is up!!! Guys we get a bad rap. TWo bathrooms inuse cos' she gets up around the 4 am mark ... and I don't. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 i have never understood the whole toilet lid thing? Is it because it is machinery and they don't understand how to move it to the required position? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugged Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 ...and, possibly, she'll do something about that fat ass. You are of course referring to yourself here, yes? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
costard Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Hi Bugged. She would if she could, but she won't so she can't. A bit like toilet seats. Ok, so I get that females have less competent immune systems and don't wash their hands; fair enough, we males should make sure the lid is up. But I'd like to know why we have lids on the bloody things if they're supposed to be open all the time? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 But I'd like to know why we have lids on the bloody things if they're supposed to be open all the time? I don't know about you, but I like to sit on mine when toweling off after a shower. There are other times I may sit on it as well. Also I may find it a handy place to put cleaning products when I am in one of my (rare) house cleaning moods. Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
costard Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Michael, all of those [non-excretory] activities require the lid to be down, no? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpie_Oz Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 ok we are moving into a weird area here 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Michael, all of those [non-excretory] activities require the lid to be down, no? Yes. Which was my point. They don't have to be open all the time, and when they aren't, they fulfill a useful function. And how did we get onto lids anyway? I thought the traditional female complaint was concerning the seat being left up. Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieseltaylor Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Fair point. But why have lids at all? Does that help : ) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 ok we are moving into a weird area here Oh, you haven't seen weird yet. We've barely started on weird. You want weird? How about the family dog drinking out of the toilet? Then he wants to come over and give you a big, sloppy kiss. I can go on... Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Fair point. But why have lids at all? Where else am I going to sit when toweling off? Or put cleaning products? Think, man! Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugged Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Ok, so I get that females have less competent immune systems I've never heard that women have weaker immune systems than men. Apparently there's science that supports the argument that people (men or women) who exercise daily have stronger immune systems than those who don't. So I guess that should be taken into consideration when doing a study comparing the immune systems of the two genders. ...and don't wash their hands; fair enough, ... I've heard the opposite. In North American studies, women wash their hands more often than men. Maybe it's a cultural thing? I know I was quite put-off during a trip to Australia to find the toilet in a room of its own - and was told this isn't completely uncommon. In order to wash my hands I had to leave the water closet and walk into another room altogether. That didn't stopped me from washing, though. But I was left with the impression that hygiene isn't high on the list of priorities in Oz (not to offend anyone there, but that's what I observed). But I'd like to know why we have lids on the bloody things if they're supposed to be open all the time? In addition to the answers you've already received, I'll offer this: Although I don't subscribe to this thinking, I've heard that whatever is in the toilet is partially vaporized upon flushing. Years back, a friend of mine asked her male roommate to always put the lid down before flushing because she didn't want her towel, which hung above the back of the toilet, to get contaminated. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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