dieseltaylor Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publikenthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merkin Muffley Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 The typeface - Sans Comic? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieseltaylor Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 I think so - and for afters: Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving. ' The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. 'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie. Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled, and with a big grin on his face. 'My god, what happened to you?' asks Cherie. The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. ' 'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. ' I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them: "I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow"'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmar Bijlsma Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Teehee, thumbs up to both. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalins Organ Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Old, old, old......but still funny 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunnergoz Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Loved both jokes, they made my day...even the wife laughed at the Lady Blair joke. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
souldierz Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 If lived in Europe, I would have gotten straight A's in English class when I was a kid if that Euro-English was ever adopted, but the teachers shunned me and gave me C's instead and told me I was slow! To bad they never figured out that I was a genius and ahead of my time. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 To bad they never figured out that I was a genius and ahead of my time. It wasn't so much that you were ahead...it was more like you were about to be lapped. :D:D:D Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merkin Muffley Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 How topical: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8519246.stm 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieseltaylor Posted February 17, 2010 Author Share Posted February 17, 2010 And do we complain about all the Saxon, Latin, and French words! We do complin about the Yanks but thats because they are awesome and have gross words like buglarize for burgle! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 How topical: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8519246.stm WTF??? In Finnish railways, nearly everything from tickets to signs to announcements is provided in three and often four languages: Finnish, Swedish, English (and Russian for the lines which Russian tourists most often use). And this has been no problem to anyone that I know, and locals and tourists are happy. Personnel might be hard pressed to actually explain anything in English, but other than that it works better than anything else in the railway company. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 EU has 23 official languages currently (this will no doubt grow as more nations are admitted in), but I think we should make it simple and make Italian the sole language. I mean, that way we might be able to some day understand what is going on inside Silvio Berlusconi's head... or not. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was under fire tonight after claiming Italy would only accept immigrants who were 'pretty girls from Albania'. The 73-year-old politician made the remark during a meeting with Albanian counterpart Sali Berisha at a summit and his guest was left visibly uncomfortable by the joke. The two, who had just held talks on the number of Albanians allowed into Italy, were speaking at a press conference in Rome when Berlusconi said: 'We will only accept pretty girls from Albania.' The Italian Premier, who is in the middle of a divorce battle with estranged wife Veronica Lario, 53, also joked with photographers: 'You know I am single now.' Opposition MPs immediately condemned the politican's comments. Paola Pellegrini said: 'Once again Berlusconi just doesn't give up on his barracks humour. 'Even in the face of tragedy such as immigration by desperate people, from in this case Albania, the Prime Minister repeats his obsession with woman reduced to fresh meat to be consumed.' Ms Pellegrini added: 'He is an indecorous old man who pretends to lead a country which has been subjected to the propaganda of his television and newspapers.' It is not the first time that Berlusconi has caused controvery with his comments, In 2003 he caused outrage when he said German MEP Martin Schulz reminded him of a concentration camp guard. Last year he raised eyebrows by calling U.S. President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle 'suntanned'. During as trip to the U.S. in 2009, he told businessmen that Italy was a great country to invest in 'because we have fewer Communists nowadays and beautiful secretaries, superb girls.' Earlier this year, Berlusconi was hospitalised after being struck in the face by a multi-spired statue of Milan's Gothic Cathedral. The billionaire was left with a fractured nose, broken teeth and severe cuts to his gums and lips following the attack by Massimo Tartaglia, 42, a man with a history of psychiatric problems, in Milan in December. Tartaglia has been in custody in a clinic since the attack and will go to trial accused of premeditated assault on a public official on May 7. He can ask for a fast track trial which means if found guilty he will get a reduced sentence. Earlier this week a report requested by prosecutors on Berlusconi's injuries said that the attack had 'permanently impaired his ability to chew.' Berlusconi has been under pressure for almost a year since it emerged last April that he had attended the 18th birthday part of underwear model Noemi Letizia, giving her a 6000 euro gold and diamond necklace as a gift. Two months later it was revealed that escort girls had been among guests invited to parties at his official residences in Rome and Sardinia. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandokan Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I think so - and for afters: Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving. ' The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. 'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie. Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled, and with a big grin on his face. 'My god, what happened to you?' asks Cherie. The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. ' 'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. ' I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them: "I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow"'. Ah?! In Italy there is the very same joke, but starring Mr. Berlusconi and a swine! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
souldierz Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 It wasn't so much that you were ahead...it was more like you were about to be lapped. :D:D:D Michael Kind of like the story about the race between the Tortoise and the Hare.... and we all know how that story turns out:D Mr. Berlusconi really takes the saying 'when in Rome' to heart.He reminds me of a Mob Boss more then a world leader. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gunnergoz Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I'm Italian and Berlusconi absolutely baffles me...his support among Italians is something I cannot comprehend. I know Italians are basically an ungovernable people, but the way he has managed to keep getting votes is just amazing. Perhaps because I live in the US and am beyond the reach of his bribes and propaganda, I can see what they cannot...? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Affentitten Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 WTF??? In Finnish railways, nearly everything from tickets to signs to announcements is provided in three and often four languages: Finnish, Swedish, English (and Russian for the lines which Russian tourists most often use). And this has been no problem to anyone that I know, and locals and tourists are happy. Personnel might be hard pressed to actually explain anything in English, but other than that it works better than anything else in the railway company. In Australia, railway station announcements etc are made in any language but English. Personnel are hard pressed to explain anything in any language. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dieseltaylor Posted February 17, 2010 Author Share Posted February 17, 2010 Perhaps B. owning the press and TV has a bearing on the Italian problem 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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