Andreas Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 My secret diary of the battle with Sergei By Andreas B., aged 35 Following an unstomacheable insult from that lowest common denominator of manking, Sergei, I had but little choice but to throw a challenge to him to meet me on the field of battle. Being the insulted person, I had first choice of weapons, and I chose - the Finns. The reasons for this were: a) Finns rock (in the game) They make noise in that guttural kind of way that I presume passes for a language in the forests yonder; that is kinda cute c) I win either way - if I lose the battle it is the fault of the Finns. If I win the battle, I beat a Finn. Sergei contributed an abomination of a map (don't tell him I said that) that seems to resemble what I have heard about Finland. Dark, dank forests, tit-shaped hills and fallow fields, criss-crossed by patheticn paths that seem to be the Finnish excuse for roads. I bought lots of Finns - with added stuff, either produced in Germany or the Soviet Union (we all know the Finns are only good at making things you can carry in your pocket, like ATRs, SMGs and mobile phones - I believe they fail to think big). So far, my forces have successfully advanced across large swathes of the map, without meeting his heroic, iron-fisted liberators of the suppressed workers anywhere. The only reason I have to believe that he actually has any forces, is that the AI has not yet auto-surrendered on him. For a while, Sergei tried to confuse me by sending multiple turns. Since I am not a Finn, that was a bit too simple to be confusing. He blames Fuerte, but we all know the score. I will update you on the glory that will fall to the Finnish forces - who finally see a competent commander (me). Alternatively, you will see me back in this thread, b*tching about the performance of my Finnish underlings. See, I told you, I can not lose. I am so evil, I think I have to go downstairs and purr a bit. War! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Ooh, you're taking our challenge public, are you? Be careful, the humiliation of your loss will then be made public, too. Then what are you going to do? Burn down Lapland? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted November 14, 2003 Author Share Posted November 14, 2003 Originally posted by Sergei: Ooh, you're taking our challenge public, are you? Be careful, the humiliation of your loss will then be made public, too. Then what are you going to do? Burn down Lapland? See item c) above You just can't win. Would anyone notice if Lapland burnt down? Hmmmm... chargrilled Reindeer... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Originally posted by Andreas: Would anyone notice if Lapland burnt down? Hmmmm... chargrilled Reindeer... The Lapps noticed the last time you Krauts pulled that stunt. Oh well, at least we got to burn and pillage most of Germany as part of the Swedish army in 17th century. Btw. if any of those hills reminds you of a female breast, I hope the German government or some Christian charity is going to offer extensive boob surgeries free of charge for the country's female population. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Oh no, now that there's an actual Kraut in command, I bet he does nothing else but stands fast, and enjoys the inevitable slaughter of his forces. Then he will go and burn Lappland down, naturally. :mad: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted November 15, 2003 Author Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Keke: Oh no, now that there's an actual Kraut in command, I bet he does nothing else but stands fast, and enjoys the inevitable slaughter of his forces. Then he will go and burn Lappland down, naturally. :mad: [Purr]Puuuuuurrrrrr[/Purr] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Keke: Oh no, now that there's an actual Kraut in command, I bet he does nothing else but stands fast, and enjoys the inevitable slaughter of his forces. Then he will go and burn Lappland down, naturally. :mad: Don't you have some buildings to burn down or sumfink? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Don't you have some buildings to burn down or sumfink? Just did and came back. :mad: I guess the map with big boobs is Portinhoikka, am I right Sergei? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Keke: ...the map with big boobs...A map with big boobs??? Don't tell Monkeybutt, he'll try to do something obscene with it. Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Keke: I guess the map with big boobs is Portinhoikka, am I right Sergei? No, it is a portion of Talinmylly. Of course, for such an explicitly deprived fellow as Andreas, even Mount Doom would remind him of his mum. Should someone send him a DVD full of Swedish pornography (no, not grog/war porn)? He probably is missing all that in No-Sex-Please-Britain, which is a great cultural shock after his career at Reeperbahn. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salkin Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Well , what's happening in the game ? Update us on the finnish armys prowess ! //Salkin [ November 15, 2003, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: Salkin ] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Other Means Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 ok, if you back away very slowly the two of you *may* get away with it. remember - this is how PENG started. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joachim Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Originally posted by Other Means: ok, if you back away very slowly the two of you *may* get away with it. remember - this is how PENG started. Ooohh... It will be very interesting whose name will be immortal thru the next challenge thread. Gruß Joachim 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Andreas is the Peng of our era. :eek: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Originally posted by Sergei: Andreas is the Peng of our era. :eek: I thought he was a hoorsman. :confused: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Originally posted by Keke: I thought he was a hoorsman. :confused: Yes, he used to be a man-hoor, but that I suppose is only credit when trying to become the new MasterPengdale. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salkin Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Comments Andreas ? Are you trying to become the new MasterPengDale ? Wait, I'll try something: AGAGAGAGAGAARARARARARARARARAAGARAGRGRAGRAGARGRRRAAAR !!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: Hmm....I hope I didn't summon HeWhoDoesn'tReturnTurns ... //Salkin Slumming 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 Gamey updates - so far I am about as favourably impressed by the performance of my Finns (who, in between making 'ugga-ugga' noises seem to have cleared the map of Communist wannabe-worker-liberators = CWWLs) as I am baffled by Sergei managing to put in a non-appearance so far. I am sure he is trying the old 'let him have the VL, and then I bombard it' trick, that may have served him so well while playing Estonians, but of course won't work against a seasoned hand at this game, such as I am. Of course, these forests being Finnish, there is always a possible delay for invaders because they may have stepped into something, and now have to clean their boots. To escape the interminable boredom that so far permeates our game, I took a trip to Derby. Oh well, another pearl to the pigs, I think only English people will understand the irony. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runyan99 Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by Sergei: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Keke: I guess the map with big boobs is Portinhoikka, am I right Sergei? No, it is a portion of Talinmylly. Of course, for such an explicitly deprived fellow as Andreas, even Mount Doom would remind him of his mum. Should someone send him a DVD full of Swedish pornography (no, not grog/war porn)? He probably is missing all that in No-Sex-Please-Britain, which is a great cultural shock after his career at Reeperbahn. </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by Runyan99: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sergei: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Keke: I guess the map with big boobs is Portinhoikka, am I right Sergei? No, it is a portion of Talinmylly. Of course, for such an explicitly deprived fellow as Andreas, even Mount Doom would remind him of his mum. Should someone send him a DVD full of Swedish pornography (no, not grog/war porn)? He probably is missing all that in No-Sex-Please-Britain, which is a great cultural shock after his career at Reeperbahn. </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belaja smert Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by Andreas: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Runyan99: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sergei: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Keke: I guess the map with big boobs is Portinhoikka, am I right Sergei? No, it is a portion of Talinmylly. Of course, for such an explicitly deprived fellow as Andreas, even Mount Doom would remind him of his mum. Should someone send him a DVD full of Swedish pornography (no, not grog/war porn)? He probably is missing all that in No-Sex-Please-Britain, which is a great cultural shock after his career at Reeperbahn. </font> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by Belaja smert: Map That's weird. Somebody obviously had easy courses that term. Michael 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by Andreas: Of course, these forests being Finnish, there is always a possible delay for invaders because they may have stepped into something, and now have to clean their boots.Yes, I wish you didn't leave your bloated ego lying around. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 Contact! While I was still considering the Lappland option (just burn the whole bloody forest), in order to flush him out, his cowardly tank hordes showed themselves. No doubt driven to the front in despair by gun-wielding commissars. I know it must be so, I read it in a Paul Carell book. This lead to a highly exciting encounter in which Finnish and Soviet tank drivers celebrated the spirit of international worker collaboration and brotherhood, as well as the proclamations by the XXXXVIIICLVth Komintern Congress by repeatedly missing each other. More later, when my men have had their porridge (the only food that gives you the strength to take out a tank with a tooth-pick - in order to get at the rations of the crew), and his men have been shot by his commissars. [iNSERT FINNISH BATTLECRY HERE] Lalala [/iNSERT FINNISH BATTLECRY HERE] 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 :mad: Andreas :mad: please :mad: know :mad: that :mad: I :mad: hate :mad: you :mad: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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