_Axe_ Posted June 3, 2003 Author Share Posted June 3, 2003 Paging Edward Windsor. Paging Edward Windsor. Check your e-mail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Paging Edward Windsor. Paging Edward Windsor. Check your e-mail. Sorry Axe ... I've been busy driving Ferraris, drinking G&T and entertaining beautiful ladies. Once I've apprehended the evil Professor Skwarkenklux, rescued Agent 57 and adjusted the Earth's electromagnetism to restore gravity's pull, I should be able to return to my secret chateau, fire up the old Kray and check my hotmail account. Give me a few hours. Toodle pip, Teddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 3, 2003 Author Share Posted June 3, 2003 And I thought my life was exciting from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: And I thought my life was exciting from time to time. That was pretty stupid of you, really, wasn't it? You should know that compared to Teddy Windsor, babe-magnet and ultra-secret agent, your life is even duller than MouldBasher Antmaster's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 3, 2003 Author Share Posted June 3, 2003 Where's my setup you latex-loving maggot? :mad: :mad: :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Where's my setup you latex-loving maggot? :mad: :mad: :mad: Madame Spank currently has me tied to a chair and is smearing whipped cream across my genitals. Mike the Wife is jealous, but his saggy titties do little to arouse me any more, whereas this delectable strumpet sends me crazier than a Goodale on sherbet. Setup to follow when Madame Spank frees me from her all-too-satisfying bondage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 3, 2003 Author Share Posted June 3, 2003 More diary translations from Jean-Paul Baptiste, after the fall of Quebec City. "Sept. 15, 1759 — ARARAAAGGRGRAAA!! I have finally been reunited with my family after two days in the woods. We will have to start our life over after the maggoty Brits have taken over this mosquito-infested swamp. C'est la vie. Sept. 21 — AAGRGGRAAA!! The bugs are terrible!!!! I have started work on our new home but the work is slow with my dull axe. I really wish I had some TNT to chuck at these trees!!! Sept. 30 — GARAGAAAGAGA!!! The snow has started falling already!! Now I really need some TNT!! Oct. 15 — The home is finally finished. We have met some natives and when I asked them if they wanted to trade for some TNT, one of them said, "How would you like a f**king oar upside your head?!?" Maggots!! Oct. 21 — GRAAAAARGGGAAAA!!! We thought we were snug in our home for the winter when, to my disgust, I found it has become infested with mold!!!!! GRAAAAGARRAGAGA!!! Nov. 10 — RGAGAGAAGAGRG!!! The mold has made my daughter sick!! She vomited all over my musket, ruining most of the TNT I have left!!!! Nov. 26 — GRAAAARGGRA!!! My wife has told me I spend too much time in the woods chucking TNT at animals for dinner and not enough time with her and our family!!! No turns of TNT chucking for a fortnight!!!! Back to the mold and vomit!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robohn Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Snarker My computer is back up and running. Healed itself after two days of loafing about. Time to finish off the rest of Jerries kids..... :mad: :mad: :mad: Maggot Lover Robohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snarker Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Do you know what makes me angry??? Besides what ever just popped into your maggot infested noodles. :mad: :mad: Yes, the current lovely state of the internet. Robohn sent me an email stating his computer was down from a friends computer. Then apply the above message. He sends a turn. Feckin' turn gets here before the message telling me his computer is down... :mad: Oh. yeah. Walkway done and looks nice. Nay-boors want to know how much I charge. More than they can afford. Maggots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 3, 2003 Author Share Posted June 3, 2003 Working away at more of the diary translation. Working title: It's how you play the game — the life of a French TNT chucker. Jan. 1, 1760 — A new year brings new hope we can soon rid ourselves of the mold. My wife, the maggot, never stops nagging me to get rid of the mold!! Until I do, no more TNT. I have tried a combination of squirrel meat, wild mushroom and gunpowder. The result was not anticipated. Work will begin on reconstructing the west side of the house tomorrow. Jan. 6, — Ah the desolation, the boredom, the ennui. Snow, snow and more snow. At least the copious amounts of mold are serving as good insulation. Jan. 20 — Had a visitor today, the first since we built our humble home. He called himself "Michael l'ivre." He claims to be a vintner and promises a fortnightly delivery of a cask of wine in exchange for venison. When I told him my TNT chucking had been curtailed to essential chucking only, he became furious!! GRAAAGAGARRAAA!! He called me his wife and threatened to make me change my God-given name!!! He was dispatched with several gamey kicks to his backside and a clever flanking attack by my broom-wielding wife. Feb. 8 — No sooner were we visited by this Michael character, than we were set upon by one calling himself David. He hails from the wild frontiers south of the Great Lakes and has travelled a great distance to speak to Lower Canadians. He said our finances could be vastly improved if we were to let him look at our books and "analyze" them. As I have no money at present, I said no thank you, and let him leave with a bellyful of food and drink since he was so polite. Nauseatingly so, for one from his part of the Americas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robohn Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Snarker That is pretty bad. I sent the message that my computer was down at least 24 hours before the thing decided to work again. Looking forward to more turns.... Robohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 What Robohn meant to say: Maggot , that makes me head boil with molten TNT, you puss-filled sack of ant vomit :mad: I spewed forth the warning my apocalypse abacus was moldy before MG sent his last turn :mad: Stop choking your chicken and send me a file before the next electrical storm :mad: Your Daddy to be :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: Edited for extra fury: :mad: [ June 03, 2003, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 3, 2003 Author Share Posted June 3, 2003 Hey Mikey, According to my Forgotten English calendar, today is the Feast Day of St. Morand, an eleventh-century patron of winemakers, who purportedly fasted through the forty days of Lent, eating nothing but a single bunch of grapes. I'd like to see you try that! Maggot. :mad: :mad: Jas :mad: n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snarker Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Bah! I once made it through Lent on only two cases of beer. The tough part - what days to drink the extra eight beers on? :mad: :mad: :mad: Enough niceties, magpies. Where be me turns? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave H Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 No turns from me tonight, maggots. The reason is: Because I didn't feel like it. Maybe tomorrow you'll all find out about the latest death and destruction you've caused. Or maybe not. Did I mention you're all maggots? That includes those of you I'm playing now, those of you I've played before, those of you Waffleheads I've never played, those of you reading this thread who don't post here, and everyone else who will never read this. It even includes members like Mike the wino2, who is only a figment of the imagination of a real maggot in California who confuses tanks with armored cars. So there!! :mad: :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike_the_wino Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Hey Mikey, According to my Forgotten English calendar, today is the Feast Day of St. Morand, an eleventh-century patron of winemakers, who purportedly fasted through the forty days of Lent, eating nothing but a single bunch of grapes. I'd like to see you try that! Maggot. :mad: :mad: Jas :mad: n That's all I normally eat...all the carbs in the liquor fuel my system. Alas some wicked malady, most likely contracted from a MasterGoodale email...no wait that twat never sends em. Felt well enough after my nap yesterday to BBQ have a few bites, go to bed and repeat today. Finally got through my old turns new out tomorrow. Filthy maggoty hoors the lot of ya. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nippy Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 PlatypusCmdr is back from his hiking trip, meanwhile I'm tripping myself after my Endosocopy. Dear God that camera was f'n huge! The least they could have done was knock my sorry ass all the way out. Also, the nurse told me that I shouldn't any important decesions for 24 hours. I'd make more snappy comments but I feel more of the banana flavored battery acid (read: numbing agent) they rammed down my throat working its way through my inards. the 500 cubic feet of air they jammed in my guts isn't helping. Edit: I got your "Mild discomfort" right here: :mad: [ June 04, 2003, 02:15 AM: Message edited by: Nippy ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Nippy, you Alaskans certainly have a strange way of killing time. I hope your bottom is feeling better soon. And speaking of bottoms ... Arse69, I had a little spare time today in between battling arch-villains, averting the end of the world as we know it and feeding witty one-liners to babes in leather catsuits. See what you think. Chin chin, Teddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Angry Out Loud! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: [ June 04, 2003, 07:23 AM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 4, 2003 Author Share Posted June 4, 2003 W :mad: :mad: t!! W :mad: :mad: t!! A big shout out to our resident stylin' secret agent Edward Windsor. With typical British aplomb and grace, the lad has quickly posted my mini-AAR of my humiliating loss against Snarker here. Edward is hereby resolved of any stupidity in the AAR. That is all my doing. And a big thank you to Edward. Not that I care what any of you maggots think :mad: :mad: , but feedback is most welcome. Cheerio, Jas :mad: n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edward Windsor Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: And a big thank you to Edward. You're more than welcome, muppet. That was a damn fast reply - I hope your editor knows you spend all day surfing the net :mad: Let me know if you want to indulge in more AAR fruitiness if 1.03 ever arrives. Teddy Edited to add: If Snarker would like to add his side of the story (such as gamey use of guns on ridges in 1.02), he knows who to get in touch with :mad: [ June 04, 2003, 07:32 AM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Axe_ Posted June 4, 2003 Author Share Posted June 4, 2003 Originally posted by Edward Windsor: I hope your editor knows you spend all day surfing the netI'm doing....research. Yes. Research. That will do. Oh, and anything Snarker says should be taken with a stone, lot, kilo, pound, tonne or ton of salt. [ June 04, 2003, 07:45 AM: Message edited by: Axe2121 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 w00t! My tank hunter teams are on a roll against MasterChickenchoker. One exploded a house and finished off its nasty flame throwing inhabitant, and another just toasted one his tanks! w :mad: :mad: t! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 Originally posted by Axe2121: Not that I care what any of you maggots think :mad: :mad: , but feedback is most welcome.Axed, you suck big time! :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soddball Posted June 4, 2003 Share Posted June 4, 2003 ARGHARGHARG! :mad: :mad: This place makes me sick. I disappear for 8 hours and no single post of wit and serfisterikayshion appears, not one!! You're a disgrace to the species. Goodale (top of the list boy, suck it up because you're going to be my wife, and soon) has just reminded me of a song we used to sing at school. It went "naaa naaa, you suck, you are useless naa naa". Great tune, lyrics not up to much though. Never mind, because it's true. He really sucks at CM. I mean really, really really just sucks so much!. Who ELSE IN THE WORLD would carry out their probe and recon with 2,000 points of armour, only to lose it all, then wait and attack with 2,000 points of infantry? I'm pretty sure that Goodale is in fact strapped into a chair, where he conjures up sentences on the keyboard by means of the little straw attached to his head. This also explains why I only get one turn a month, because the mouse is so full of saliva and mould that it takes forever to push round. Might_be_a_Whiner cowers feebly like a big cowery weasel at the back of a sack of apples in your shed. I wipe my bottom with the skins of his soldiers. Total annihilation in the city is the way to go on this crazy arse scenario. It's a bit up close and personal for a peace-loving Brit like me, but a colonial like Mike will appreciate it - coarse and smelling of cooked fat, like him. Teddy Windsor has been flambed and is now sobbing his heart out at the thought that my sig is going to be liberated from his rancid perversitudes - for which I will blame MasterNoGoodale and his spastic scenario-making. Teddy's army has been - is annihilated too harsh a word to use? I think not. I have only captured one soldier, a MG crewmember, and he has escaped with what looks like two squads out of two full companies plus arty spotter, mortars and MGs. Pity I don't control the flags, but then, wasn't it Saint Jerome of Nimes who once said "Flags suck. Whup arse and fist your opponent like he's a 5-dollar ho." Snooker and I continue to nob each other firmly in our QB on a snowy landscape. I am hoping that his remaining Panzer IV gets bogged down in the deep snow and spares me the ignominnymonnymonony of total annihilation. He's also opened up on one of my stretcher bearers with a gamey AA gun which is sat at the back, gamily being gamey. Nobody else is important enough today. Setup negotiations out to BallyWob and BurytheAxeinMGsSkull. Axe, you 'ho', how are you getting on with "Forward Recon"? Not much TNT to chuck in such a weeny scenario. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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