jdmorse Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 All right you legal beagle's I know you are out there.... Since as a class of scum sucking bottom dwellers and despised by the world at large, even though they need , fear and pay us we are not given our due. Not grognards, 'poolers or hamsterlovers, yet we inhabit this space in the nooks and corners, unrecognized and unacknowledged. The time to change this is at hand, to emerge into the light, our stolid and staid ranks of grey pinstripe glistening in the sun.... Recently, one of the few self acknowledged, out of the closet lawyers, Jake (the Lawyer) had a little mini tournament. Well, I have recently challenged THE LAWYER to a rematch of an earlier game. So thinks I, why not have a little world of PBEM opponents of the various Bars of the world? So let the call go forth, from this place and time, if you are openly a lawyer, member of a recognized bar, have a JD or similar degree, work in the legal profession or append esq. after your name, I invite you to post here, with your thoughts and suggestions and start drafting up the summons, subpoena duces tecum's, interrogatories and start filing and serving away. ------------------ The Lawyer's credo: Covering the earth like a plague of locusts - Mace [This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 11-20-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Heidman Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 Or alternatively, we could use this space to post bad lawyer jokes! Who's first? Jeff Heidman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 I'm actually a pre-operative translegal, but I do play the part of a lawyer on TV. Yes indeed, I have agreed to again mudwrestle poor (spiritually and figuratively, not financially) Morse. We have settled on dueling Beamers and Gucci's at 30 paces. Last man standing has to pay the weekly tab at Morton's. Sic semper Lexus ad nauseum ------------------ Only the Lawyer knows what Evil lurks in the minds of men.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 Hey wait a minute, Morse! I just noticed you are using my monicker "Lawyer" in the title of this thread without permission, thereby diminishing the value of my franchise on the CM forum. People may mistakenly associate this pathetic attempt to win friends and followers as an authorized Lawyer product. I have a competing Lawyer's Cup thread going with very high stakes involved. Did Captain Foobar put you up to this shameful act of franchise sabotage? I demand a cut of any funds raised through this effort, and order you to cease and desist! Your only attracting the sicko element that will insult our Honored Profession. ------------------ Only the Lawyer knows what Evil lurks in the minds of men.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chupacabra Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 Are either of you ambulance chasers? Cos I have this trick where I can throw out my shoulder. Say the word, big money. ------------------ Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdmorse Posted November 20, 2000 Author Share Posted November 20, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabra: Are either of you ambulance chasers? Cos I have this trick where I can throw out my shoulder. Say the word, big money. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Chuppie, baby, have your girl call mine and send me the freakin turn or I'll get jake the snake to bite ya. Jake.....no, sorry, I fail to see that you have trademarked nor registered with the appropriate governmemt agencies. Besides, I am posting from a location where such laws are studiously ignored. Nonetheless, in the spirit of compromise .... any semblance betweent this thread and that of "Lawyer" is purely accidental and/or coincidental and/or deliberate, but we don't care. So sue me big boy. ------------------ The Lawyer's credo: Covering the earth like a plague of locusts - Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 Au contraire, Dr. Morse. The carefully cultivated Lawyer franchise is already going down the drain. I just received an unsolicited email from one "Fionn" asking if I am the lawyer he "drubbed". Ever heard of him?? However, I quickly set him straight that he must be mistaking YOU (a losing lawyer)for ME (the Lawyer Himself). I'm putting David Boies on the case before this gets out of hand. Public Notice: This thread is not officially endorsed by Lawyer. Accept no cheap substitutes. Go directly to: http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/012780.html The Lawyer has spoken. ------------------ Only the Lawyer knows what Evil lurks in the minds of men.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moriarty Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 I once was named an honorary lawyer. Does that count? (Oh, and I lose a lot to jd). ------------------ "I came to Casablanca for the waters." [This message has been edited by Moriarty (edited 11-20-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiram Sedai Posted November 20, 2000 Share Posted November 20, 2000 I once gave a sum of money to a lawyer to make my evil ex-wife go away. ------------------ Did someone compare this to the Peng thread? I've apologized for less. -Anonymous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruno Weiss Posted November 21, 2000 Share Posted November 21, 2000 The much maligned lawyer. To whom we owe so much. Shame on all of you who would seek their demise. Who else would you turn to when in a crisis of marital indicision? Where would one turn when the neighbors tree limb falls on the car. And when the dog up the street bites the mailman, where does he turn... That's right, the LAWYER! What would ambulances be without lawyers? I ask you for that matter, what would elections be without lawyers? Why, our very cosmos was negotiated no doubt, by lawyers. I say, don't let yer sons grow up to be Doctors. Marry a lawyer, buy a lawyer, help a lawyer today! ------------------ "Gentlemen, you may be sure that of the three courses open to the enemy, he will always choose the fourth." -Field Marshal Count Helmuth von Moltke, (1848-1916) [This message has been edited by Bruno Weiss (edited 11-20-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted November 21, 2000 Share Posted November 21, 2000 Hmmmm.... Bruno's either on to something or up to something, JD. Better send him your firm's helpful "information pack" since advertising is unprofessional. In any case, get your hand into his wallet, quick! This man is a walking goldmine. ------------------ Only the Lawyer knows what Evil lurks in the minds of men.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Babra Posted November 21, 2000 Share Posted November 21, 2000 Although I am no longer an officer of the court, my Commission for Taking Affidavits does not expire for another year and a half -- do I still qualify? ------------------ I remember it perfectly: The Germans wore grey; you wore blue... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmac@work Posted November 21, 2000 Share Posted November 21, 2000 I would love to get a piece of lawyer ass (on the digital battlefield of CM, of course). Not just you "Lawyer", but all your legal compatriots. You're a blight on society and responsible for the demise of this once great country. I've also had the pleasure of drubbing one of you bottom feeders in the real life courtroom, when one of you scum suckers told my (thank GOD) EX wife that she could not only take ALL I have, but entitled to a weekly bleeding of 1 pint of blood, deliverable on the Tuesday of the week preceding... I went pro se, because I can't trust any of you as far as I can throw you. I not only whipped his ass, but hit her with legal precidences that had both their heads spinning. The judge found it quite amusing... Law isn't hard. Lawyers make you think we need them, we don't. Your local library or courthouse has EVERY piece of document you may need for whatever case you're involved in. Read, study, prepare, win. It's all written down. Lawyers are nothing but expensive secretaries... My Ex's lawyer had the audacity to tell me after our hearing that I missed my calling, I should have been a lawyer. My reply... "I have WAAAY too much self respect". Notice, there are NO smiley's in this post... Where's my blood pressure medicine?! OK, cool down Bob, it'll be OK.... 10, 9, 8, .... Good day! Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted November 22, 2000 Share Posted November 22, 2000 Ummmmm, Mr. BigMacAttack: I'm going to refer you to my colleague, Dr. Morse. Yes, to make your blood pressure rise again, lawyers are indeed Doctors of Law, and should properly be addressed as such. Also, don't you think "blight on society" is a tad too harsh? How about "blemish" or "pimple" or something a little less inclusive? Dr. Morse, there's a Mr. BigMac here who would like a piece of your ass... Could you please accommodate the gentleman? Thank you very much. ------------------ Only the Lawyer knows what Evil lurks in the minds of men.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Babra Posted November 22, 2000 Share Posted November 22, 2000 So do I qualify? Puhleeeeeeeze? ------------------ I remember it perfectly: The Germans wore grey; you wore blue... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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