jdmorse Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 I have been brooding in my sanctum sanctorum obessing over the disrespect, nay verbal disparagemment lawyers have been taking on this forum. It is time, I say to set things aright. Remember we, of the legal profession defend passionately (for a fee of course) your rights to be slack assed posterboys or zombie eyed CM addicts (mainly in divorce court but that's another matter) You, whether you know it or not need us. (hmm that should be sufficiently inflammatory) So, if any of you have suppressed sublimated longings to abuse your lawyer, but were afraid to, then I shall serve as a straw dog. Of course if you win I shall immediately file suit alleging tortious infliction of mental distress. So send me your set up and I shall pro hac vici, res ipsa loquitur, de minimus non curat lex, respond with my minions of darkness, dressed in pinstripe, the feared brief in hand, to bury you under paper, interogatories, request for productions, motions, appeals and the occasional move. Be forwarned said litiga..er combat may take years until only one is left standing. Are you man enough to take on a Public Defender of Truth , Justice and the American way? ------------------ "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" -- King Henry VI, Part II, Act 4, sc.2, l.86 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colin Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 Wait...so the Superintendant didn't know...internal affairs was involved....oooohhh a bird! ------------------ And if we abandon any platform, I can assure you it will not be the Macintosh. -Steve My website! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Babra Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 I am reminded of an anecdote regarding that inspired General and one-time President US Grant. It was after the Civil War and our man was on his way to Philadelphia. Now, there happened to be a meeting (one of the first) of the American Bar Association going on there at the time, and every inn was filled with the creatures. It was a particularly violent night, raining and thundering, and Mr. Grant, who was never one for fine looks anyway, entered the common room of an inn unshaven, wet, muddy, and looking quite bedraggled. "By God," said one of the esteemed barristers at his haggard appearance. "You look like you've come through Hell to be here." "Why, so I have, sir; so I have," said our hero. "How was it?" yelled another litigator. "Why, much as it is here, sir: Lawyers huddled closest to the fire." ------------------ It takes three years to build a battleship. It takes three hundred to build a tradition. Admiral Cunningham, Aegean, May 1941. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hakko Ichiu Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 There was a young lawyer named Rex With a very small organ of sex When charged with exposure He said with composure "De minimus non curat lex." ------------------ Ethan ----------- Das also war des Pudels Kern! -- Goethe [This message has been edited by Hakko Ichiu (edited 08-14-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fionn Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 jdmorse, It'll be a pleasure, a GREAT pleasure to rip a lawyer apart... So, I'll be Germans, 3000 points for defender, large map, modest hills, light woods, farmland terrain, dry groun . I'll attack ok? Ps. Use a disposable password in case it makes a good AAR . You can never tell which battles have turns which make interesting AAR talking points. My email is fionnk@esatclear.ie and I'm your worst nightmare . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L4Pilot Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 Actually, it's only 98% of the lawyers that give the other 2% a bad name... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdmorse Posted August 14, 2000 Author Share Posted August 14, 2000 Fionn: I welcome the opportunity to meet you on the field of combat. That being said, as a lawyer you know I have no soul,conscience, or feelings of compassion. I shall not offer nor accept any quarter. You have quite a rep around here and we shall see if I can sully it a bit. I shall send you a setup per your suggestions upon getting home tonight. Worse nightmare? I think not. That's my ex wife. Rather, I detect a certain note of cocky over confidence. Interesting, very interesting. Prepare to be humbled my good man. The law is a harsh mistress, and perhaps a taste of her lash is something you deserve, you naughty monkey. (hey w/ have hamsters, chincillas, voles etc. lets at least get a primate) John Morse, Esquire [This message has been edited by jdmorse (edited 08-14-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 I knew the lawyer challenge would draw FIONN to the fore. Having seen his unkindly comments regarding Legal Eagles near my own innocent posts, I thought he might be lurking about for some action to work out his unhealthy attitudes toward The Most Ancient and Learned Profession. So FIONN takes the bait, but did he ask Herr Morse about the inevitable billing arrangements? Does FIONN know that EVERY MOMENT of a lawyer's life is billable time? Even playing CM? Could it be the ulimate revenge of The Law? Well, I know of such things. So I was prepared when the Morse-Man appeared out of nowhere (literally -- Vancouver, Washington?) to serve his challenge upon me over the weekend thorugh a personal summons. Think not, Gentlemen, that Morse spares his Breathren of the Bar from his misguided need for a sound thrashing. And so he will Pay The Ultimate Price to play The Lawyer. DOOM stalks Morse at every moment of his terror-filled day from hereon. Now, I fear there are sick minds on this forum who would say it is a non sequitur for the "best man" to win when two lawyers commence mortal combat. Like watching nude mudwrestling by Roseanne and Rosie O'Donnell. Fugly!! Just remember that when two evil monsters fight, one emerges stronger to plague the entire world. And the other will soon be back for more. Finally, I noticed FIONN mentioning on another thread that he is associated with the medical establishment. Lawyers love medical people! They are, in fact, the most dependable source of business for a hungry attorney. Perhaps FIONN should also realize the LAWYERS ARE DOCTORS TOO. He He He He..... Ooops, gotta run. There goes an ambulance. ------------------ You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingfish Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The Most Ancient and Learned Profession.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, I always thought prostitution held that title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 Ethan, You've gone too far this time, my friend, insulting me and all Rex-kind. Commenting on my organ was bad enough, but implying that I'm a lawyer as well! Sheesh! I'm hitting you with a slander suit that will make your head spin. If only I could find a lawyer... Rex PS. Testimony from my girlfriend regarding the size of my organ will not be allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philistine Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kingfish: Hmmm, I always thought prostitution held that title <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You imply there is a difference? --Philistine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 There are some things that prostitues won't do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailor Malan Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 I am reminded of a very old joke.... Lawyer goes on Caribean yacht cruise with some clients (would have taken his friends, but lawyers don't have any(!) ). Goes for a little stroll on deck, but falls in. Clients all rush to side, fearing the worst...triangular fins circling, rhythmic beat to the background music (der dum...der dum (sorry can't do Jaws sound effects)). Gasp from boat as a huge shark dashes towards our hero(?!). Then much to the watchers surprise,the shark balences lawyer on its nose, and pushes him gently out of the water. Lawyer daintily steps off shark back on to the deck. "Oh it's a miracle" say the clients. "No" responds the lawyer "just professional courtesy"! (Ducks incoming law suit) ------------------ The conception of such a plan was impossible for a man of Montgomery's innate caution...In fact, Montgomery's decision to mount the operation ...[Market Garden] was as startling as it would have been for an elderly and saintly Bishop suddenly to decide to take up safe breaking and begin on the Bank of England. (R.W.Thompson, Montgomery the Field Marshall) [This message has been edited by Sailor Malan (edited 08-14-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Babra Posted August 14, 2000 Share Posted August 14, 2000 Three surgeons were discussing their favourite patients. The first surgeon indicated that he preferred to operate on librarians, as their organs were organized alphabetically. The second surgeon indicated he preferred to operate on mathematicians as their organs were arranged sequentially. The third surgeon voiced a preference for lawyers as they were heartless, gutless, spineless and their head and ass were interchangeable. ------------------ Lucasta, when to France your man Returns his fourth time, hating war, Yet laughs as calmly as he can And flings an oath, but says no more, That is not courage, that’s not fear— Lucasta he’s a Fusilier, And his pride sends him here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdmorse Posted August 14, 2000 Author Share Posted August 14, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: Think not, Gentlemen, that Morse spares his Breathren of the Bar from his misguided need for a sound thrashing. And so he will Pay The Ultimate Price to play The Lawyer. DOOM stalks Morse at every moment of his terror-filled day from hereon.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It is soooo embarrassing when a "senior" member slips out of the home, and goes running down the street, stark naked, drooling and yammering. Perhaps Lawyer will consult w/ Dr. Fionn about adjusting his meds.....I'm sure a nice cocktail can be brewed to take care of our little "problem". Lawyer, you are already beaten, you just don't know it yet. Kind of like the Stegosarus, your hind brain hasn't cottened that your head is off. And that is only after your set up! I had to lure Fionn, you think YOU are a challange? Well only to the addled and weak minded perhaps. As to Fionn, I shall take care of him quite nicely. Lets see, research into his past AAR's, 3.5 hours @$475, then there is the "interoffice consultation" and expert depositions, interogatories and of course the motions and collateral suit re subverting of the extradition treaties.......I think our esteemd Mr. Fionn will rue the day he impetously offered THIS challange. Of course as to the game, he may whip my ass, but Lawyers, NEVER go away. ------------------ "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" -- King Henry VI, Part II, Act 4, sc.2, l.86 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thomas Norton Posted August 15, 2000 Share Posted August 15, 2000 Lawyer jokes are many, but most lawyers enjoy the jokes that make us look clever. The one told at last years bar convention is an example. The old man is about to die, he calls in the three sons, a doctor, a minister and a lawyer. Gives them each an envalope with 100k and tells them they are to put the envalope, with the money in his casket when he dies. The old man dies. After the funeral, the will is read. Only the son, or sons, who faithfully put the envalope, with the full amount into the casket, will share in the old man's millions. Each son is shot up with truth juice, and is asked did you put the full amount into the casket. The Minister admits he held out 10k to help build the Sunday school building. The Doctor admits he held out 50k to help build the new childrens wing at the hospital. The Lawyer admits he put the whole amount into the casket, and thus is given the whole estate. His brothers are shocked at his faithfullness and will power and ask him how he was able to withstand the temptation and put the whole amount into the old mans grave? He replied, it was in fact very easy. He wrote the old man a check. ------------------ "The Legitimate object of war is a more perfect peace." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fangorn Posted August 15, 2000 Share Posted August 15, 2000 What? By being a lawyer one can face Fionn without having to wait in the line? Great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdmorse Posted August 15, 2000 Author Share Posted August 15, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fangorn: What? By being a lawyer one can face Fionn without having to wait in the line? Great! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Neener, neener, but then again my spilled guts are so much more satisfying to him. ------------------ "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" -- King Henry VI, Part II, Act 4, sc.2, l.86 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fionn Posted August 15, 2000 Share Posted August 15, 2000 "That being said, as a lawyer you know I have no soul,conscience, or feelings of compassion. I shall not offer nor accept any quarter. " Funny, I have neither soul nor conscience nor feelings of compassion for lawyers either. OTOH I also have access to many, many drugs which can incapacitate or kill you in a variety of painful ways and you know what we doctors say don't you? Yes, that's right, "Dead lawyers don't sue." Lawyer, As regards billable time.. Definitely BUT I figure he's billing some other poor schmuck whilst cowering in fear behind his desk as his email downloads my next PBEM file. Kingfish, Prostitutes, lawyers? You mean there's a difference? I know Phillistine beat me to it but one's deeply-held views must sometimes be expressed even if others have gone before. And lastly Fangorn, Good point, email me and we'll set something up today although, trust me, anihilating you won't be HALF as satisfying as slowly dismembering jdmorse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilhammer Posted August 15, 2000 Share Posted August 15, 2000 A guy walks into a bar and sits at the counter. He moans to the Bar Tender, "All lawyers are a**holes!". The guy nearest him at the bar says, "Better take that back, or I am going to beat you." Our man says, "I did not mean to offend, are you a lawyer?". "No, I am an a**hole" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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