Roxy

Gaylord, I see a glimmer of hope in your last post. Notice I have bolded your name again. You are BEGINNING to show some humility. This is a very important first step. I'm proud of you. Really I am. Let me clarify something for you, lad. It is not that you CANNOT challenge the Knights, it's just that IN YOUR CASE, I think it is best if you stick to squires and serfs. This self-limitation will keep you aware of your status and help you to learn respect for The One True Thread. Now I want you to promise me one thing, lad. It will help you with your taunts. Promise me you will double-check your spelling. Too many misspelled words distracts the reader from your message. Keep it up, young Gaylord. I will help you where I can. Now go back to your reading...and GIVE ME THAT SLINGSHOT!! You've killed quite enough of my precious birds already. [ August 16, 2002, 01:34 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Herr Oberst: "Yes, Boxy is definitely on the move. I shudder to think what will happen when all her troops start moving as well..." You will have a stampede on your hands, you MEANY!!

Mr. Peng, You call me a "sissy". Your brain is pickled. You make no sense. How's a lady to respond to that? Should I be offended? Why? I've no doubt you are faster and meaner than I. You're a man aren't you? You were probably smarter too, at one time ; but I think your rapacious slaughter of helpless smileys over the years has taken its toll in this area. You have lost any keen edge to your tactics that you MAY have at one time possessed. To kill smileys in droves is not a challenge and deadens tactical creativity. I mean honestly, sir, even the AI can kill smileys in droves. For this reason I suggest you are NOT smarter than I. Because we have young serfs and squires here who have not yet learned how to treat ladies, it is not wise for me to get in touch with my masculine side and issue you a proper challenge. I'm afraid it would confuse the poor lads. For this, Mr. Peng, you should be thankful. For if I were to challenge, and you decline, you would look like...well...a sissy.

My poor wayward Gaylord, You have forced my to strike the bold font from your name. This saddens me. Come over here and sit down. Let me try to explain some things to you. You, lad, are but an SSN. Why do you toy with Seanachai, Mr Spkr, and The Lady Persephone? Do you not see the folly in this? Even Panzer Leader does not do these things. It is your place to read and learn, lad. Set aside some time each day to read the history and wonders of The One True Thread. Then, when you tire of your studies, challenge a squire or another serf with all the venom you can muster. In your case, I think it might be best if you leave your betters alone. Stay away from the Knights for now. Now run along boy, and pray you have not already stirred them to anger. ....and don't forget to read. [ August 16, 2002, 02:34 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Why thank you, Squire Khan of The Shavian House. I would certainly not want to forge the wrong name. Dalem's card will do nicely. Sherriff Joe, Note the kindness your new squire has shown a Lady. You're doing a wonderful job with him already.

Well, well, well....The Realm is a better place today I see, and far safer for a Lady. Why? The renegade squire, Papa Khan and his illusionary Panzer Armee have been captured, shackled, and delivered to the doorstep of Sherriff Joe. How delicious! I sincerely wish you the best of luck, Papa Khan. Yeknodathon, Your squire, Athkatla, surprised me yesterday evening with a beautiful sing/song in my honor. I attribute his change of attitude toward Ladies to you, sir. However did you manage it? Did you have to sober up to do it? I wish to know more about your "cornershop Wal-Mart". Tell me about "the other room". Do you have security cameras installed? Can a Lady In Waiting not be extended some credit? Mr Spkr, "Cash on the barrel-head" !? Why you....you....MEANY. We had an agreement, remember? You got to choose the game parameters, and I get FREE lawyering in return. Since you have been so kind to me in the past, I will forgive you this lapse of memory. In fact, I will even meet you half way if you insist. Let me explain. It was my good fortune, as I watched my Heroes drag Papa Khan through the streets of the village, to see a nice, shiny, MasterCard, slip from his pocket. Not one to pass up an opportunity I quickly snatched it up. Now, considering the fact that Sherriff Joe has the rebellious git under lock and key, I'm sure the card will not be reported lost anytime soon. This means I'm willing to pay you triple your already outrageous fees IF you take Papa....I mean MY new credit card. Do we have a deal? I thought so. ....and now to some game updates Herr Oberst, the biggest MEANY in The Land Of Peng, is currently hiding out in a vast forest, a Soldat behind every tree. He seems to find those ridiculous little flags worth fighting for. I don't even want the silly things. I want him to Die-A-Lot Now, and shall direct my loyal armies to "make it so". Mr Spkr has unleashed his artillery on my forces in the woods. They are suffering greatly. Luckily, they are just ex-members of Papa Khan's Panzer Armee, bought and paid for with his own credit card. Grog Dorosh has me just the slightest bit worried at this point. We shall see what the 3rd movie reveals. Thank you for your time, my Heroes. You may proceed with the brawl now. [ August 15, 2002, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Squire Athkatla, That was a beautiful sing/song lad; and you did it for me, too. How sweet you are. Your Knight should be very proud of you. Perhaps after he sobers up a bit. Here now, help me off this pedestal. I must retire to my chambers. It's been a long day today. Do stop by again soon.

Dalem, I was thinking the same think about Donkey's post. Maybe he sobered up. Chrisl, Please, kind Sir, do grade my "Newbie" post above. A self taught peasant girl like me would really like to improve her writing skills. Pretty please? [ August 15, 2002, 03:43 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

A Newbie Looks At Newbies by Roxanne, the comely peasant girl, rescued from her evil ways(mostly) by the honorable Knights of The One True Thread or, as some would have it: Boxy the Bovine, the Girl of Great Girth from the Isle of Guernsey (This is of course untrue, unless I really do eat that last gallon of ice cream) Section Four In this world of immediate gratification, the typical newbie seizes The Cup Of Peng with his filthy paws and gulps down the succulent nectar like it was a slop bucket full of Miller Lite. When chastised for this sacrilege, the ignorant newbie says, "What, this is the peng thread, right? I thought we partied in here, and called each other 'dicks' just for fun. BTW, who's the babe?" Now begins a time of great tribulation for The Membership, which could be easily avoided for the most part IF the newbie would just read. CHAPTER 7 Yes, newbies need to read. They then need to do a little reading, followed by a good dose of reading. If they do this, they will soon know just how much they DON'T know about The One True Thread. Awareness of ignorance is the first step to growth. This state of awareness will instill in the newbie the desire for more reading. As the newbie continues to read, he will learn. As he learns, he will come to respect the history and traditions of The Cesspool. He will learn humility, and develop respect for The Justicar, The Olde Ones, and the senior Knights. He will know of Croda, Lorak, MarkIV, Mr. Peng, and many more. He will learn of Kitty, Emma, and Persephone, and the place of honor bestowed upon all ladies brave enough to dwell in The Land. He will beg for the privilege of building finely crafted pedestals on which to gently place these jewels who bless The One True Thread with their presence. He will learn the etiquette of The Taunt, and that losing is more important than winning (unless you win). At this point the newbie would probably find himself elevated to Serf, and I MIGHT even let him take me out to dinner and a movie. I said, "MIGHT"; so don't get your hopes up. Besides, I'm a little infatuated with my lawyer right now. So, if you are a newbie, and wish to participate; do yourself a big favor and read before you write. When you think you're ready to write, think better of it and do some more reading. When you do finally write, give it some thought first. Take it from me, a newbie, and a lady who is allowed to be kind to you; reading is your ticket to The One True Thread. Preface, Glossary, Index, and Annexes 6b-127.4 Please don't get Mr Spkr riled up. I need him in court Friday, and he has to be sharp. Now then, my heroes, how 'bout a little sing/song, or even a good barroom brawl. Wait...let me get on my pedestal first. There now, have at it. [ August 15, 2002, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

My word! We have a neutered Knight in The Realm?! So much wonderful history and no time to read it all....(sigh) I can just imagine...."I dub thee Canker Keeper, proud Knight of the House of Eunuch.

Mr Spkr's logic is irrefutable as usual. This is just the reassurance a girl needs from her lawyer. BTW, Mr Spkr, that reminds me...about that MEANY prosecutor in Dallas, are you going to be able to take care of him, or should I go to Mexico for awhile? As Herr Oberst would say, "He's after my bovine butt", and he smells bad too.

Oh, Emma, you're such a dear. Thank you so much. I feel much better now. Pondscum Tanning process? I tan all the time. It's quite relaxing.

Oooops, spoke too soon. Must post faster.

Well now, it's good to see everyone playing so nicely together. Herr Oberst has even seen fit to refrain from comments regarding my bovinity of late. This pleases me. On a related subject...would it be possible for me to have a lower, heavier, somewhat larger, steel reinforced pedestal to call my own? You see, I didn't get my security job at Wal-Mart. This upsets me. When I get upset, I eat...and eat...and eat. So please, boys, build me another pedestal... one suitable for my imminent bovinity. Emma, I will soon have a BIG fasion crisis, if you know what I mean. I will need your help. Perhaps some skin tight leather is appropriate?

Panzer Leader, I took no offense at your post. In fact, I think your, "she makes me uncomfortable" post is a valid concern. That's what prompted my poll. Why can't Roxy reveal her ID AND stay in the MBT? Possible answers: 16) She is already a member of the MBT trying to inject some spice into the thread. 3.9) She is somewhat of a celebrity whose identity, if known, would ruin the MBT. Think about what would happen here if Burt Reynolds or Paula Zahn were known posters here. 8.423) She is one of the people who are no longer allowed to post to the Combat Mission forum. C) She's just an internet junky who takes advantage of the anonymity of the internet for fun, and hopefully the fun of others. If her "victims" don't enjoy her little game, then she must move on to another crazy forum as there is no fun for her if she's a known.

Let's take a vote for the good of The One True Thread. Your choices: a) Roxy adds fun to the MBT because she is a mystery. She should remain a mystery and continue to post. 4) Roxy (deliberately not bolded) should spill the beans, and/or leave the MBT. She makes me uncomfortable and detracts from my enjoyment of the MBT due to the questions surrounding her. Her deceit is not fun or funny. 3b) I don't give a hootin' holler in hell about Roxy, or Roxy, one way or the other. She can stay or leave as he/she/it pleases. C'mon now, polls are open. Speak your mind. [ August 14, 2002, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

[serious] Guys, you can give me a hard time if you want since you do not know if I am a he, a she, or even a he/she for that matter. You DO know for sure that Emma and Persephone are ladies. I feel certain that both would prefer to be spared some of the remarks that were made recently. Seanachai asks only that you put ladies on a pedestal. Surely you're all men enough to do that. Move the ladies to the balcony, then start the barroom brawl. [serious off] Good night, gentlemen [CRASH!! CLATTER!! Thump] Oh dear, .....fell off that blasted pedestal again.

Mike-You-Idiot, Mike-You-Idiot, Mike-You-Idiot There, I've got that one down pat now.

How big is a power shower? If it won't fit in my biggest purse, I won't be able to get it. Mr Spkr, How nice to see you, sir. My records show that it is my turn. I will process your file immediately. In the meantime, enjoy your popcorn; but I think Emma has retired for the evening.

No Lady Of The Pool is JUST another woman. Have you not figured that out yet? We are quite special women for obvious reasons. We ARE "just another few women" who wouldn't give you the time of day, however.

I seriously doubt Terrence could get a date with a hooker.

Milady Emma, I value your fasion advice Milady, and I thank you for it. It is difficult for me to make such decisions on my own. It's just that I have such a large wardrobe. How's a girl to decide without help? The Cesspooligans would indeed die happy if they knew who I really was. It's the "dying" part that I would like to see most. Perhaps it would be worth it to reveal my identity someday. You're welcome, Hiram

My dear Hiram, I will NOT be "putting juice on shelves" should I get this job. That would be FAR beneath my dignity and would surely cause frequent runs in my hose. Did you not read the title of the job I applied for? I would be in charge of preventing people like Roxy from stealing. This of course will enable me to steal them blind, with the added benefit that they will be paying me too. As for your comment about my "eyebrow" let me just say that you are a...a...MEANY, and a wimpy one at that. I shall send you my photo just to prove I have TWO distinct, and very pretty eyebrows. BTW, I know there are openings for juice stockers at Wal-Mart. You have no excuse for being on welfare. You're just a lazy leech, and a burden to society. Shame on you Hiram! Get a job, or at least steal for a living.

Greetings Ladies of The Pool. Oh, and you boys too. Herr Oberst, that MEANY, has been sent his first file. I sincerely hope he detests the parameters I have chosen. Today I applied for a job with Wal-Mart. Yes, that's right. I'm actually going to make a feeble attempt at earning an honest living. The opening I applied for is Director of Security and Loss Prevention. It seems a recent rash of shoplifting has brought on the premature demise of the former Director. Ah well...survival of the fittest. YK2, My job interview is scheduled for tomorrow. I feel the red is a bit much for this. Would you agree?

Dalem, I very much doubt I will ever become a Lady Of The Pool. I'm far too scandalous for that honor. Besides, Persephone plays Combat Mission. Seanachai said so, IIRC. All the games Berli wins are probably really Persephone's games. Mr Spkr, Ooops, so sorry. I will process your turn at once. You must have discovered the group move feature, right? It will be a challenge to see if I can prevent a full scale retreat of your forces.