Roxy

No, NO, my brave Hakko!! I don't want a poolboy or a even a pillockboy. In an uncontrolled state they are much too dangerous. Think what might happen if a Lady were to find herself alone with one of the wretched beasts not on strong leash. Death to the concept, I say! It was merely a tool for helping persistent SSNs. If not supported from the Mountain then there can be no poolboy. We have only a vicious SSN of the lowest order in close proximity to The Ladies. Death to the concept, I say! (not that what I say means anything)

Sherriff Joe was right. I'll admit it, as much as it pains me to do so. Please, my Heroes, keep the poolboy away from me. He's a loose cannon, and he scares me. Hakko, You're my only hope. Kill the poolboy for me, would you please? I will pay you handsomely if you take MasterCard.

Knight Marlow, I'm merely trying to help the lad mend his ways for the benefit of The One True Thread. The "rules" are only for that purpose. If my Heroes prefer the status quo with Mike, then so be it. You can call him a poolboy all you want; but if it requires no change in him then why bother? In his present state, he will be of absolutely no use to us Ladies. Without enforced guidelines he is a waste of time. I will go back to drinking tea, and plotting with Hakko Ichio, and coaxing sing/songs out of Squire Athkatla. These are much more pleasant pasttimes than dealing with a recalcitrant "poolboy".

Edited because it was a bad idea. You really can't blame a girl for trying though. It's difficult for newbies to learn the limits, perhaps even more difficult for Lady newbies. [ August 19, 2002, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Mike, You underestimate the power of a woman. Consider Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Brittney Spears, Michael Jackson, and Roxy to name but a very few. Grog Dorosh, I'm going to push hard for you to get the death sentence in a 13th "Peng Thread".

Grog Dorosh, I AM a Lady and I'm NOT your PBEM opponent. I'm your Combat Mission instructor, remember? Why else would I play the same training scenario with you 99 times. Mike, Don't be so certain you've avoided poolboy duties. The Olde Ones may force us Ladies to accept you whether we like it or not. Remember, they like to kill poolboys. If they want you dead bad enough, you will be the poolboy.

Well,well...what have we here? Step inside warrior Hakko. Let me fix you a drink...a man's drink, served by a Lady even. I wish to learn more of your murderous exploits. You say you "work for no man". How do you feel about doing a job for a Lady? There are some MEANIES around these parts who need a small amount of death and dismemberment visited upon them. I think you might enjoy the work. Let me explain..... [ August 18, 2002, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Oh, bother...this will never do. Mike would need extensive training I see. Beer for the Ladies, indeed.

Oh please, Sir Berli, let us have Mike for our new poolboy. We Ladies will see to it he serves you only the finest of manly drinks. We will need to hose him off first. He doesn't smell good.

My brave Athkatla, thank you so much for defending me against that MEANY Booberry. Boo, Please, do get "medieval". Start with Panzer Leader or Athkatla. They will defend themselves valiantly, and I will be entertained. Hopefully they will tear you to pieces.

Lady Emma, Hmmmm....he looks like that adorable Nick Cage, you say. Perhaps we shouldn't call for his head then. After all, he has nothing against PoolBoys. He just wants to execute them after they serve him his drink. That is probably alright with me, since he looks like Nick. Squire Athkatla, My you look handsome today! Thank you for stopping by. I see you really know how to drive that BMW. Would you be interested in a job as my getaway driver? I've so much confidence in my lawyer that I'm thinking of expanding my "business" to include more lucrative activities. Oh, and thank you so much for the sing/song. You're such a sweetheart.

Roxy's Game Updates Grog Dorosh and I have completed turn 4 of game 3 in our best of 99 series. Final score: Roxy 100, Grog Dorosh 0. He is improving, and he smells good. Mr Spkr mocks my tactics, but fails to send turns. The sight of hordes of Frenchmen sweeping the map has no doubt sent him into a panic. He keeps sending me incoherent legal documents, apparently arguing for a "stay of execution". Herr Oberst, that MEANY, is either still cowering in the woods or is in full retreat. I suspect the latter. Now to real life...... All Lady Persephone's jewels have been returned to her. I mean, all the ones she might MISS have been returned. Thanks, Persephone! That dreadful Hakko Ichiu is no doubt a hitman for Sherriff Joe. He has murdered the PoolBoy! He is the meanest MEANY in the land. We Ladies shall be discussing this over tea this afternoon. That's right. I said tea. Thanks to Hakko Ichio, our Mai Tais with umbrellas are just a fond memory. I want to see his protons decaying in short order. I'm sure the other Ladies will agree. Mr Spkr is stealing me blind with his "billable hours". If he wasn't so good at keeping me out of jail he would most definitely be, a MEANY. Nevertheless, I had an absolutely marvelous time shopping (I was shopLIFTING) with his charming wife, and look forward to doing so again. I'm hoping I can teach her the tricks of the trade. Lady Persephone, The swimsuit was given to me by Bill Clinton some time ago. It's a long story. He has given me several beautiful and expensive things. Some he knows about, and some he doesn't. Yeknod, In light of the demise of the Poolboy, I am not a happy lady. Please send Squire Athkatla by to cheer me up. You're such a dear. Oh, and keep your paparazzi away from my Cadillac, please. Lady Emma, Thank you for letting me wear your fine gowns. From a distance some even mistake me for you, I'm sure. I sincerely hope this will not get you into any trouble. If so, my hero Mr Spkr will take care of things, so you need not worry. I'm off now to see my pedicurist. I found the most darling anklet in Wal-Mart so I need to.....Oh, I'll send you an email. I don't want to bore the boys. Bye bye, my Heroes.

The radiant beauty, Roxanne, glides gracefully into the parlor. Attired in a stunning red gown provided by the sweet Lady Emma, she fully sparkles with the finest of jewels, liberated...er borrowed from the boudoir of Lady Persephone. Even her marble pedestal, on which her Heroes so gently place her, is adorned with ribbons, and flowers from the garden. What is the occasion? Why is the bonny lass not scrubbing the castles? Is that not her lot as a Lady In Waiting? After all, she's allowed to work at her own pace....and a slow pace it is, too. Is the lass daft? Does she presume to elevate herself to the status of, Lady Of The One True Thread? This after driving Sherriff Joe mad with requests for Pillock Boys? Has the Lady lost her marbles, perhaps in the same bog as Panzer Leader lost his yarbles? Gather round her pedestal. Listen to her soft voice. She will answer your questions..... What a gorgeous day this is....and so many of my Heroes here to visit with me, too! What do you think, boys? Would I not make a fine Lady of the Pool? Oh, don't get upset, Sherriff Joe. That is not what I am about. The occasion is the return of the Knights of yore. I've read so much about them. Welcome home, dashing Knights of Yore! Let us make merry, in your honor! Let us partake of The Cup Of Peng with zeal this day. Let there be jousting, and barroom brawls such as we've never seen before. Papa Khan should be released from his fetters for the occasion, and given a small Panzer Armee to play with. We should find a fine pair of marble yarbles for Knight Panzerleader, and Mohammed should come down off the mountain. Let there be an abundance of PoolBoys as caterers to the party, with foofie drinks for all the Ladies, complete with umbrellas! I want to see revelry and mirth abound! I want taunts and brawls penned with the cobra's venom. And finally, I want squire Athkatla to stand by me throughout the revelry. He can protect me from the errant bottle of ale that will surely sail my way. Welcome home, mighty Knights of Yore! [ August 17, 2002, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Emma, Sherriff Joe would not want a massage from me, even if I wore the red. In fact, he wants to put me in jail(like half the state of Texas)for whinning about a PoolBoy. To My Heroes A PoolBoy with a plagiarized signature. How appropriate. Perhaps we should encourage him to post with smileys too? I mean, he's dead at dawn isn't he? Please don't lock me up, Sherriff Joe. At least not until I beat the San Antonio thing. I'll be good. I promise. See, I'm scrubbing the floors now. Oh...PoolBoy....

Geier, If you really want Fallout 2, you can have mine, complete with manual. It won't work on my 'puter. Gaylord, How dare you serve me a Mai Tai with a smiley attached! Do you see any smileys in this thread?! Take this garbage away, and make me another one. ...and don't be lazy, boy! Make Persephone her own Mai Tai. Don't forget the umbrellas either.

Roxy puts down her scrub brush and slowly rises to face the glimmering sabre perched on the mantle. She moves toward it with awe, her eyes fixed in wonder at the beautiful, and lethal weapon of war. Grasping the weapon firmly in both hands, she raises it high over head. With the fury of the gods she chops her imaginary enemies to pieces. Again and again she beheads and impales them. She knows what it is to be a Knight! Fully in touch with her masculine side, she cries out: "Holy Shi&tte, this is one funny thread!!" [ August 16, 2002, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

Hmmmm.....The PoolBoy.... culled from the SSNs for displaying almost no potential, but admirable desire...an everpresent reminder of why you all have retreated (I was rescued) to this foul smelling domain....an outer-boarder who resides among us, whose mere presence is the ultimate taunt. A mascot.... A slave to the fair Ladies of the Pool....someone to bring them Mai Tais while the men are doing battle....a helper to the Lady In Waiting (There are A LOT of castles to clean around here!). When his chores are done he could help Panzer Leader search for his yarbles. The one and only PoolBoy. There can be no more. The One True Thread could not survive it. Then one day, when the first proton begins to decay, The Olde One's may see fit to make him a Serf. ______________________________________________________ Oh my! How the mind wanders while scrubbing castle floors. Whew! It's time for a break....and just in time for my favorite soap too.

Be not troubled, Sherriff Joe. I was just trying to help out my Heroes if possible. I shall happily go about my chores, in the castles of the valiant knights, content with my exalted status as a Lady In Waiting. I will mind my place. Oh, while you're here, dear sweet Sherriff, let me say that an occasional foofie drink would be quite refreshing as I toil in the castles (Knights are messy). Could you see fit to provide me with a foofie drink mixer? No, not a blender my good man. I was thinking of Panzer Leader. I would call him Foofie. (sigh)...I thought not. Oh well....you can't blame a girl for trying, now can you. Good day to you, Sherriff Joe. Mr Spkr, You shall have your shopping spree, sir. You did a marvelous job for me; and yes, I will need your help again. Something is brewing right now in San Antonio. It's all lies of course, concocted by those wretched prosecutors. I'll be in touch soon. [ August 16, 2002, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

That's wonderful, Athkatla. I'm sure Lady Persephone will think so too. You've done a marvelous job with him, Knight Yeknodathon. You are to be commended. In fact, I will move yours to the top of the list of castles I need to clean. Besides, I want to catch a glimpse of that squire of yours.

Aaah....how nice. My favorite squire has dropped in, and full of piss and vinegar I see. Hello Athkatla. How goes your battles?

Dalem, You just may get your credit card back for that. I'm tired of scrubbing these castle floors myself. Considering he is an SSN on VERY shaky ground, being poolboy to a mere Lady In Waiting could be considered a demotion from SSN even. He would be considered a child, still home with a nanny, under strict supervision. Compare this with what the pool really is. The Pool is a place of verbal combat among men where cyber-battles are arranged. To be in the care of the poor lass who scrubs the floors of the castle is indeed a lowly place to be. To accept that fate would require fortitude and a real desire to be a part of theMBT. [ August 16, 2002, 03:39 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

It all depends on how patient The Membership wishes to be with him. BTW, why would Panzer leader try to make a squire out of an SSN? And him a neutered knight? He was certainly asking for the moon there.

Forgive me. I thought the boy was already a serf. I guess I need a dose of my own medicine. (reading). I do not wish the boy promoted. Far from it. I just thought a little pre-squire training and extra help might solve the Gaylord problem. By giving me a poolboy he would have to officially recognize me as his tutor. I would not presume to prepare him for knighthood. I would just prepare him for serfdom. [ August 16, 2002, 02:32 AM: Message edited by: Roxy ]

I agree, Chrisl, poolboy is better. I will train him for squireship. When he is ready, a Knight will take notice of him and bring him to manhood. That is, if I'm allowed to have poolboy.

Seanachai, Would it be possible for a Lady In Waiting to take on a houseboy? The chores here are getting a bit tiring. How about the boy, Gaylord? May I have him for my houseboy? He owes me some labor for the birds he has killed in my garden anyway. I will of course give him up to a Knight when and IF the time comes.