Edward Windsor

I second that emotion. I'm sure the yoof of today has a much more colourful vocabulary than any of us old farts here and there's little danger of offending them (or even teaching them any new words - in fact, the reverse is probably true). However us super secret agent types, along with our stiff upper lips, have very delicate sensibilities and firmly believe that profanity only exposes a poverty of language, which is why we always blush when reading the Wife of Bath and the constant references to her "queynte". Axe, you maggot, still no sign of a turn when I collapsed into bed last night. Which is a shame - I wanted to see if you'd nailed my Tiger by the bridge yet :mad: You will be pleased to know, however, that since arriving in the office this morning I've had my breakfast (a large Americano), surfed the net, read the papers, caught up on my email correspondence and will be starting to get down to some work very, very shortly. Toodle pip, Teddy

Thank you, kind sir. I'll look forward to seeing pictures of Paula pulling grenade pins with her teeth, pulling a pistol from her garter (which will be blue, old and borrowed, of course) and storming my Tiger The last file I have for our game is 093, which I sent on Monday. The last mail I received from you arrived on August 16 Any ideas? Maybe it's worth trying my hotmail account instead (in the profile)? The world of cyberspace seems rather screwy at the moment - shades of T3 (which I saw last night and was nowhere near as terrible as I expected). On a brighter note, my inbox is full of turns from all the other maggots, so my impassioned plea must have worked. Cheers chaps, Teddy

Sounds just my cup of tea ... where can I find it? What does anyone know about Squad Assault West Front? Axe, if you want pix hosting, mail them and I'll stick them up at my website when I get a chance. Teddy

I'm just about to disappear for lunch (liquid, as usual), with one of the fragrant young ladies in the office. A couple of hours of long, meaningful glances, fluttering eyelashes (mine, of course) and idle banter. Bottoms up! Teddy

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*SOB* I switched off the PC five minutes after posting in a fit of pique. Now I'm strapped to a gold bench with a laser heading towards my crown jewels and can't check for approximately 10 hours Why can't the rest of the world switch to BST? :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: Teddy

Enough with the Canadian trinkets already. Where are my turns, you maggots ? :mad: ? :mad: ? :mad: ? Now my game has finished with Gentleman Dave I'm relying on you muppets for the vast majority of my CMBB fix. I even found myself firing up A Battle Of Minors this afternoon (after remembering reading here that somebody recommended it) to play against the bloody AI Hurry along Mikey, MG and Axe, or I'll tell Soddball you collect shaved goats and before you know it he'll be camped out on your porches with a rucksack full of sugar lumps. Teddy Edited to add: Please [ August 27, 2003, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ]

Quick updates on Brood games: Dave H and I have finished Cheery Waffle version one. It's pretty bonkers and the Russians have a definite advantage, but a little fine tuning (which I gather has already been done for Take Two) should make it a worthy addition to the Soddball canon. Further feedback is available on request. I give it a :mad: :mad: :mad: I am still reliving the misery of the Eastern Front with Mikey, in a grinding battle between green/conscript forces and "light" tanks. It's hard to say exactly what is happening on the bleak steppes, but unfortunately it appears the Krauts may have the upper hand. It could be the moment to call in my KV reserves. In a race against time, Axe and I are trying to complete our AAR before the impending nuptials. Paula is praying we don't get too far into extra time, otherwise the honeymoon may have to be delayed... MG is on fire - the turns are returning at a fast and furious rate. Although it is a monstrously huge encounter in every sense, at this rate we could be finished before CMAK arrives. Speaking of which, all that dust looks rather testing - I just hope my kit is up to the job of playing it... PIII 650 256MB ram 64MB Geforce 2Ti 20GB HD 17" monitor Windoze98SE Cable modem Teddy Edited to add: Soundblaster Live [ August 26, 2003, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ]

I have been very busy dishing out double entendres and sticking up for Blighty, but you don't get off that easily you big hairy maggot. I've only been out of circulation a week and had to wait at least that long while you were camping it up in Canada. Having neutralised my pathetic Tinpot70s with your PzIIIs, maybe you haven't got the stomach for a prolonged, painful death by a thousand AT rifles? Stuff should be done tonight ... off the top of my head that means turns for Mikey, MG, Axe and Dave, plus a lovingly crafted piece of Traveller* characterisation for Soddy. Down the hatch, Teddy *I have had a certain amount of success tracking down some of the "classic" books, supplements and adventures - if you want to take a trip down memory lane and reminisce about your acne-ridden youth, get in touch.

You are all, of course, maggots. Word has reached the chateau that MasterGoodale intends to pose as Jimmy Hoffa, back from vacation. All labour leaders will bow before him, and help him utilize the giant industrial complex to build The Forced Vertoconvector. It will create millions of tiny steaming geysers that will actually lift people several inches off the ground, immobilising them - enabling him to take over the world with his ant hordes. I shall therefore be gone for several days. Try not to miss me too much. Teddy

I'm sorry to hear about your computing woes - PCs are the work of the devil, thrown together when he was in a particularly devilish frame of mind. I'm playing through a scenario with Axe that you originally designed for a Lt Hortlund and MasterGoodale PBEM. Both sides are writing up an AAR as we go and the intention is to eventually stick it up at my website - after subjecting you maggots to it first. I've thoroughly enjoyed the experience so far (the map is especially groovy) and was wondering if, when we've finished, you'd care to write a short (or even long) piece to stick at the end, explaining how and why you designed it the way you did, and whether the results tied in with what you expected (sadly any successes I've had are more to do with hardware than tactical cunning). Drop me a line if you’re interested. Bottoms up, Teddy Edited for extra :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: [ August 10, 2003, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Edward Windsor ]

I'll drink to that, my elusive chum. Did you get the begging email I sent a few weeks ago, pleading for enlightenment on your scenario design methodology? Teddy

I couldn’t agree more. Plus profanity doesn’t make your points any more persuasive, amusing or lucid. Teddy President for the campaign to Cut Unnecessary Naughty Talk

After learning the follies of agreeing to bring T-70s to a PzIII fight, in the best tradition of military disaster I'm improvising :mad: :mad: :mad: Of course it will be enough, maggot. I'm impressed you've heard of Man Utd, but less impressed that you think I'm a member of the prawn sandwich brigade. Everyone knows that the only team worth supporting that plays in red is Forest :mad: :mad: :mad: And I trust Arnie can rely on your vote. I'm sure the world will be a much safer place in a few years when the Terminator is president. Chin chin, Teddy PS In other news... Dave H and I are nearing the climax of Cheery Waffle version one. There's plenty of evidence of the designer's trademark rubble and burning stuff. I feel Axe and I are now entering the end game in our AAR encounter. We will, of course, be inflicting it on you maggots. Look out for a tale of derring do and heroic sacrifice - coming soon to a website near you and your favourite forum. MG is a vomit encrusted, ant shagging, no turn sending maggot.

Your wisdom is only surpassed by your beauty. I fear you are right - if I ever get anything from the worthless maggot again I'll offer my unconditional surrender in a futile attempt to improve his percentages. Sadly it seems that the world of entertainment becomes less dazzling with every passing year. Mumsy is resigned to the fact that distractions are rapidly becoming a rare commodity on the increasingly depressing planet upon which we are trapped. Which is why I love this thread and the drivel it contains so much :mad: :mad: :mad: All the best Jim Bob, Teddy

You are all, of course, a bunch of maggots ... but I've missed you all desperately. Has anyone else had a turn from the vomit-encrusted ant-shagger in the last fortnight? Playing a game with MG is like Chinese foreplay. Chin chin, Teddy

Word has reached me that MasterGoodale is attempting to use the power of static electricity to conquer the world. Static will entrap the world in its own garments. To generate global static cling, he is labouring in his basement to construct a massive clothes dryer. Behold, the Titanocycle 4000, with three speeds and automatic wrinkle guard. It will be huge ... the lint screen alone will be a half-mile long. Defeating this menace to global harmony could take me a while - no turns for any maggots for at least a week. Chin chin, Teddy

:mad: :mad: :mad: I want to suffer like my little pixel men, to understand what they're going through as I march them to their doom. As the aforementioned unleavened cakes are apparently available in Sainsbury's (which is where Jamie Oliver and all posh, middle-class, Daily Mail-reading folk shop), queue-busters who now scan AND pack will ensure I'm through the checkout in a jiffy. Leaving me more time to chuck TNT. Bottoms up, Teddy

For the more cultural maggots among you, who are fortunate enough to live in Blighty and like to indulge in a little dunk with their cup of char, I have just heard some very exciting news.. Tasty yet authentic war-tested comestibles that "hark back to a simpler age of biscuit eating, and definitely taste home baked". Perfect for the Limey grog in your life. I'm buying a pack to sustain me during CM sessions and expect my PBEM performances to improve dramatically. You have been warned. Teddy

Keep the Python nonsense in the Peng thread where it belongs. We like ants, mold, maggots, Dave H, TNT and waffle here. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Sadly not. What can I say? It was early, I hadn't had a G&T yet and I'm a maggot, but thanks for caring. Here's a little GRRGGRRHRHRAA-HA-HA! for you. Chin chin, Teddy

:mad: :mad: :mad: I've been so busy planning what to blow up next with my Tigers* and lovingly crafting our AAR, maggot, that I haven't had a chance to check out the forum for a few days. But if you must know, I didn't get a bean (Mumsy won't let me earn a living any more). However I did have to carefully vet potential leading ladies and you'll be pleased to learn Natalie Imbruglia thoroughly deserved her role. Toodle pip, Teddy *I have no idea how the battle will be resolved, but I think it's fair to say whoever reads the finished article will be rather less than astounded by my tactical genius. Does Abbott still read this thread?

Just a quick ARARGGHGHGARARHA!!! to let you maggots know I'm still avidly reading this drivel, despite my lack of posting (for which I'm sure you're all grateful :mad: :mad: :mad: ). I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm neglecting them, but when I'm not saving the world as we know it or sneaking around MG's lair (you should see some of the snaps I got of Skunknads...), all my creative juices are being poured into an AAR for my super website, which now even gets a mention here. Axe and I are a third of the way through and, much as it pains me to say it, trying to craft my own literary landmark makes me appreciate what a good job the vomit-encrusted maggot-shagger did. And considering Soddball is a wiper of other people's bottoms, his is rather splendid too (but where are the screenshots he's crayoned all over?). It's a funny old world. Chin chin, Teddy PS Isn't it time for some more tantalising CMAK teasers?

There's mindless gun-play, and then there's senseless destruction... That's only because you lost your H/Ts* before they had a chance to torch anything * At this point I should emphasise that this had less to do with my competence at CMBB and more to do with the fact my guns overlooking the God-forsaken town lasted long enough to slot them as they materialised at their reinforcement markers. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

I'm not sure how much TNT will be waiting for me when I return to the chateau tonight, but I could be busy over the next few days - word has reached me that an evil genius is planning to stop Big Ben at precisely 4pm, causing infinite tea time in Blighty, allowing him to take over the British Empire, and then the world... Turns out tonight and possibly tomorrow morning, but then all maggots will have wait until I'm back in circulation (which allowing for a little flirting, a few witty one-liners and some mindless gun-play could be Sunday evening). Chin chin, Teddy