Seanachai

Yeah, yeah, Heaven stinks, and we're high. I know that. You like to pretend I neither pay attention, nor remember whose underwear I've got on. I bought a $10 river running hat. Ugly as sin, and makes me look like a complete pillock. Man, I am SO going to love this hat. A man without an ugly hat is...a woman. What the hell, Joe?! He's still a Serf? What the hell do I have to do here, give him tongue? How the hell do I move this process forward and get him to being a Squire? The fecking glaciers are going to return before we sort the bastard out. I'm sure it's just the endless round of rum, beer, wine, stray illicit pharmaceuticals, strange green pyramids improperly stored but found in the pieces tray of a long forgotten board game talking, but I actually got through college with less pomp and idiocy than this. WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE STURMY ONE OF US?! And anyone who answers 'A girl' had better be ready to prove that they've actually ever even fecking kissed a girl. I figure most of you new lot are living in your parent's basement and have practiced kissing with your family's spaniel.

Well thank the gawds that you didn't mention someone, anyone, posting about Sturmy's sexual orientation or there'd be nothing left for me to drink. Now where's that bottle? I'm thirsty. </font>

show me yours and I'll show you mine </font>

Of course he's still a Serf. My whole point is that Sir Sir 37mm is simply touching him occasionally, and then darting away, and then posting about how 'he's not yet ready', and then touching him some more. I can go to the men's rest room in half a dozen public parks in the Twin Cities and see this sort of 'mentoring'. I WANT TO SEE LIONS! I WANT TO HEAR ROARS! I WANNA SEE A BIG FREAKING GAY BELGIAN BASTARD LICKING THE JUSTICAR'S LEG WHILE THEY'RE ON PATROL FOR POACHERS AND GAY-BASHERS! It'll be like 'Daktari'. But with Big Gay Belgians. You know, now that I come to talk about it, it seems a bit strange.

I laughed. I cried. I did some shots. What a very good post.

Originally posted by mike_the_wino2: And a future Penger is born.....four of them in fact. Oh, please. If anyone is going to nail his own sister and get her with child, it's going to be a Cheery Waffler. You fecking people are the poster children for a bias against incest, given that your combination of annoying anarchism, out-spoken stupidity and dedication to spewing down your own fronts makes the 'Madness of King George' look less like a cautionary story about in-breeding than it does an explanation of where Goodalers come from. Our goddamn founders are still here, and actively posting. Yours? You couldn't tell us. You don't know. But I imagine that a short search of the Federal prison system could probably get you the last known address of your Founder, as well as an 8x10 glossy of his most recent colonoscopy.

Oh, please. If anyone is going to nail his own sister and get her with child, it's going to be a Cheery Waffler. You fecking people are the poster children for a bias against incest, given that your combination of annoying anarchism, out-spoken stupidity and dedication to spewing down your own fronts makes the 'Madness of King George' look less like a cautionary story about in-breeding than it does an explanation of where Goodalers come from. Our goddamn founders are still here, and actively posting. Yours? You couldn't tell us. You don't know. But I imagine that a short search of the Federal prison system could probably get you the last known address of your Founder, as well as an 8x10 glossy of his most recent colonoscopy.

I would not, for any money, be buried under a tombstone that read that. I would prefer to be buried under a tombstone that read: I Challenge You to Find Your Favourite Incidence of When I Was Tawdry and/or Vulgar!

While I can see the fun in all the Olde Ones giving Sturmsebber a 'hand up' to a 'Very Special Title'...well... I WANT A BIG GAY FREAKING KNIGHT OF THE CESSPOOL! I am an Olde One of the Cesspool. That feck 37mm is pissing in his goddamn shoes. And he's wearing pink socks. I will take Sturmsebber as Squire. Man, the last time I went to a Catholic church for 'An Important Occurrence', I didn't need to jump through this many hoops. Mind you, my knees did get tired. So, maybe there's a connection there, somewhere.

Stick out whatever you want. Now that you've managed to replace yourself on this planet, against all odds and to the detriment of Humanity, the fact that anything you stick out won't be any longer than your pinky simply serves as a rather risque take on 'The Little Engine That Could'.

I proudly salute the fact that almost no one knows what the hell you're actually saying here, Viljuri. It is because of that that I always honour you above all other Finns.

I would see Heaven Itself overthrown on the 'drunken whim of an Old One'. That's where you keep getting into trouble with me, Old Foul Joe. You're a Hospitaller. Or perhaps a Templar. Early period. But, man, you're an acolyte of St. Peter. Keeper of the Gate. Now, Old Man Kangaroo, he tells me, he'd like to see Sturmsebber go walk about a bit, eh, make some of the people be different, man like man, woman like woman, and all in a place where no one likes anyone too much. Joe, the Thread is neither the Holy Sepulcher, nor...okay, well, it is a bit like Golgotha. But you want everything on clay tablets, 'So it is written, So it shall be done' style. You want...Rome. Here, mate! Let's you and me split this tinna, and go look at those rocks, eh? You ever see rocks like that? 'Course not, mate! They didn't exist until you and me went over to look at them!

Jesus Christ with a lobster fork and bib, waving at the Rabbis. I've had hang-overs that were less painful than some of Shaw's posts. And I want you lot of tossers to know that I approach the creation of every single hang-over as part of my in-house training for being able to cope with an Eternity in Hell. So I don't skimp, as they say. Once again the fecking Justicar has wrapped himself in the goddamn Thread and is striking a pose that would make a goat void it's bladder. Hell, it would make the goat void the warranty on its own bladder. Now will come a tumult of Shavian posturing, idiocy and furor, signifying nothing. Or everything. Who the hell can tell? After the third or so post of 'I Stand for the Peng Challenge Thread!', I'm forced to use feminine hygiene pads to stop the flow of bodily fluids from places that I normally have unconscious muscular control over. So thanks, Joe, for posting a level of authoritarian gibberish that has given me new insights. Christ, women have a hell of a time of it, don't they? And old people. How humiliating when your body just... Anyways, you get my drift. A Toast, Ladies and Gentlemen! To the Justicar! The swine. Now, I shall do all that is in my power to thwart, bedevil and screw the bastard over. Gods, I love the Peng Challenge Thread.

Well, since you asked, you can't be a kaniggit because I say so. I'm sure I can get Berli or The Bard to second, then, laddie me buck, you are STUCK as a lowly squire for ever. Not even The Justawindbag can over-rule a 2 out of three decree of the Olde Ones. Ha! </font>

Yes, and we're all starting to ask why. As a Knight, you're given a puppet of clay, and from it you sculpt a hawk free to fly. WHAT THE FECK ARE YOU DOING? STOP KNEADING THE PLAY-DOH, YOU GODDAMN HALFWIT, AND GET ON WITH IT! Jesus Christ! If I'd spent this much time slapping the puppet into shape, people would be asking me if I needed more kleenex for the clean up...

I believe I will have to piss upon you from a considerable height. Straight down a two hundred foot cliff, with whatever passes for intelligence in your tide-pool brain wondering why the rain tastes slightly of lemon, garlic and ammonia. And if you could actually post in fecking English, you halfwit, it's 'you're welcome'. Not '-your welcome'. 'You're' being a contraction of 'you are'. This is a basic ability for anyone for whom English is their First Language. But it's okay. We all make mistakes. There're whole web pages dedicated to my mistakes. Just don't - ever - fecking do it again. Because I notice you posting a fair amount. And I'm not a tolerant man.

Closes one eye, peering down the hull of the kayak in the living room. Makes an adjustment to the bundle of socks that keeps the craft from rocking over too far to one side on the hardwood floor. Roight, then! Everybody, sing! I am Henry the Eighth I am 'Enry the Eighth I am, I am I got married to the widow next-door She's been married seven times before And every one was an 'Enry She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam I'm her eighth old man named 'Enry 'Enry the Eighth I am! 300th verse, same as the first! sound of breaking glass and weeping from upstairs I am Henry the Eighth I am 'Enry the Eighth I am, I am I got married to the widow next-door She's been married seven times before And every one was an 'Enry She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam I'm her eighth old man named 'Enry 'Enry the Eighth I am!

I have no idea what this thread is about. But I know that Captain Foobar is dead.

Oh please. 'Leshawn Campbell' was another hideously un-funny incarnation of Benny Manieri's need to do 'Bigot Humor'. Worthless little pissant.

UNITED KINGDOM UPDATE: Okay, I've got a 'Final' on Dublin. We're going to be there March 29th thru April 1st. As far as I can tell, we're going to be in Belfast April 2nd. Need to check the odd detail. Such as where we'll be staying, exact times, whether I'm expected to be sober at any particular moment....

You sick little puppy. The only question about your state of mental health is whether you'll go into spasms when you're tazed as they come to drag you away from finger-painting on the walls with your own filth. I will return to the Peng Challenge. Not at your bequest, but because it remains the only place where a man of intellect still has a place. Take care, Tom.

Jesus to Jesus and eight hands around... You're still playing that annoying tosser?! Given that I know for a fecking FACT that you are neither a tolerant nor a patient man, I would be oh so deeply moved, Squire head bobbing, pulling a forelock, to know why the hell you're still pissing about with him. Does he have pictures of you nude astride a donkey, waving a confederate (not capitalized because they were scum and they lost) flag? So, I was at Dalem's the other night, and the Weather arrived. But we were, until we had to go out and dig out the cars like fecking coal miners, discussing the usual 'Who Would Be Who'. And Dalem and I had just been after watching 'The Man Who Would Be King'. So, if, amongst the Three of Us, I was to lay it all out... Berli would be Danny (Sean Connery), and Peng would be Peachy (Michael Caine), and I...well, as is only proper...I would be Billy Fish. So sorry! Billy Fish Gurkha! Gurkhas are infantry, not cavalry! And then I would pull a knife and throw myself into a ravening crowd of Heathens, taking as many of them with me as possible, so as to give Peng and Berli a chance at escape. All to no purpose, of course. Berli would be killed for being an intransigent bastard, Peng would be hideously maimed and allowed to go on his way, and I... I would fling myself into crowd of Heathens, of perhaps even Belgians, in order to preserve my friends. The halfwit bastards. Just as a footnote, the 'Who Would You Be' game is something that Dalem, or perhaps Papa Khann came up with. It's a game that children have played since time immemorial, but the Peng Challenge version isn't 'Who do you think you are, or who would you choose to be'. It's 'Who Does Everyone Else Think You Are, You Worthless Sodding Bastard.' Dalem is pretty much 'The Operative' from "Serenity". And Dalem is SO FECKING AMAZINGLY Brian Dennehy from "Silverado".

You annoying halfwit bugger. Don't re-title something people are posting to as the means of keeping it active. Simply post again. Or start another thread. There are times when I worry about your mental abilities...

I'm not worried about their 'engineering problems'. I'm worried about my bloody Immortal Soul. I'm not an Evangelical Christian, so I'm not going to be able to either bribe or kill my way into heaven. I'm going to have to depend on how I've treated the Planet, good works, acts of charity and whether or not I protested when Microsoft rolled a pig-shaped idol covered in bronze-colored foil into the middle of the compound and started rounding up everyone who didn't fall to their knees in front of it, while ignoring the boxcars behind them that were being loaded with everyone who fancied the right of choice in their software and hardware. Umm...how to make a Customer still feel valued, even though you think they're a goddamn whack-job? Oh, no, wait! You mean, despite the fact that you know they're a goddamn whack-job! That's just because you believe that, by retaining me as a Customer, your current 'Appeasement Policy' towards Microsoft (Read: being able to make money), will leave you, somehow, Untouched By Evil. It will not. You have, fundamentally, been corrupted. I cannot, as a Way Freaking Weird Mac Customer Who Began the Peng Challenge Thread, return you to Innocence, and Purity. The best I can do is Remove the Stain of Sin that attaches to you, and all your actions, since you chose to surrender yourselves to The Great Satan. But you must, to some degree, actually regret the fact that you have surrendered yourselves to the Realities of the World. Always blaming ME, the freaking VICTIM! I don't want to talk about the Hardware right now. I just want to shower, over and over and over again, until the memory of how you lured me into playing Combat Mission and then abandoned me to that whore in fish-net stockings, with her Syrian boob-job, fades from my memory... Then...that means Little Johnny might grow-up strong-limbed, literate, and able to blink? Bloody leaping hell, let's see...You lot have had to ban me once, you yourself have personally brutalized me in an email at least once, I've personally pissed on every concept in sight like a rotating sprinkler in overdrive... I guess I can play mumblety-peg with Boo until you feckers sort things out. It's a freaking gift. Personally, I figure the only reason you bastards keep producing something like a Mac version is so that I'll come 'round and talk trash, versify, tell stories, gibber on like a Psych Ward regular, and lead everyone in the odd jolly singsong. I like to think that I add a certain cachet to the whole place. Let's face it. You buggers are dealing with the need to balance between things like Grog Dorosh and John Kettler. Angry Syrians, and equally angry Israelis. The entire Cheery Waffle. Mac and Windows. I'll wait and see what's coming. And if I can't play the new game, well, Steve... We'll always have the Peng Challenge Thread. We didn't have it, we'd lost it, until you came in here. We got it back with your post.

Will be back. Busy. Back soon. Busy, back soon...