Seanachai

A red hat's spotted near your dog's arse, and suddenly I'm accused of something vulgar?! You've as much decency as Slapdragon. That's probably some wandering Gnome Vet, checking the poor Hell Hound for round worms. Good gods, Berli, what's that dog's ancestry? It looks like it's part beer barrel.

Either that or circus clown inspector, I have not decided which yet.</font>

My most cryptic and inane remark has been at least as relevant to the topic as 90% of the posts here. You cannot hijack a derailed train. Well, you can, but you can't take it very far. This thread currently seems to focus on the fact that Aunty Jack has the CES safely stowed in a steel cannister. Rather than explaining the significance of the CES, or it's relevance to this topic, it is apparently the one piece of an ancient prophecy needed by Slapdragon to fulfill his dreams of world domination, and Aunty Jack is taunting Slappy with the knowledge that it will never be his. As taunting goes, it's rather lackluster. Still, if keeping it out of Slapdragon's hands means foiling his rise to Empire, than I suppose the rest of us can put up with repeated references to it as being somehow relevant without ever making clear what that relevance is. Don't let him trick it out of you, Aunty Jack! Remember, no matter how many references he may give as to knowing what it is, he clearly still doesn't understand how it relates to Bren Tripods! Don't go mad in your taunting and supply him with that final key to the puzzle! You're our last hope! (if Slapdragon triumphs, I'm told my role in the New World Order will be touring the country lecturing school children on the dangers of 'Off Topic Threads', and leading them in sing-songs glorifying our new leader)

Well, I can't answer for the egregious Slapdragon. But we of the Cess know what Cess is, and what it's significance is. Basically, CESS is the concept of how many angels can relieve themselves on the head of a pin before they drown in their own excrement. It's a lot more than you might think, as this thread gives witness to. Of course, you have to apply the 'idiocy' factor, as the angry angels start shoving each other's heads under with derisive remarks.

True, you have me there. But, I maintain, it read fairly well. Unlike a lot of the whinging and posturing that's attended the totally unnecessary resurrection of this thread. But, Michael, your point bears serious consideration. I shall ponder this. Indeed, one should post better attempts at poetry on a thread as weighty and significant as this. Otherwise children might grow up thinking that the role of Bren Tripods in the European theatre of war was no more significant than bad poetry, or a bunch of otherwise educated and intelligent individuals casting bile and venom at each other. So, better poetry it shall be! Because the other's a bloody given, isn't it?

And rightly so. I only stray occasionally. Usually it's where the original post does not give scope to a prolonged and thorough treatment. Although, now that I think of it, there's very few posts like that in the Universe. I mean, a man should be able to spread himself widely on most any point. With most of this lot, it's a waste, of course. But the exercise keeps the mind supple, and the folk dismissive. "Wots all that mean, then? Lotta big words to say a simple thing. Bloody toffs. Think the whole worlds fer them, don't they?" sound of spitting

Do you know, after watching the rather sordidly prancing activities on the 'Bren Tripod Redux' thread, it's rather reassuring to come in here and read an ongoing argument on the movies of John Wayne. Makes more bloody sense. And the invective is clean, and a straight forward sort of 'you gibbering idiot, how can you begin to think that' opinionation, without that lip-wrinkling after-taste of Grog-smarm and dislike you see elsewhere in the world. I mean, wouldn't anyone prefer 'gods, you're a sodding idiot, but I suppose that's no fault of yours, given how many times fate has bashed you between the eyes for being a fool' sort of argument, as opposed to the snide, 'I am Ozymandias, King of Grogs' sort of posting you see in the Outer Boards all too often. Oh, tra-la. I come to the Peng Challenge Thread to soothe my soul. What a horrible concept. But when you consider all the posturing idjits in the world, all the horrible arrogance, viciousness, stupidity, and utter vileness... Well, it seems rather cheery in here, doesn't it? I mean, people ready to call each other fu...er, extremely bad things over their stance on 'Bren Tripods' seems utterly foolish when it comes to calling each other the same, perfectly true and applicable things over which John Wayne movie was the best. I mean, we're still watching John Wayne movies. No one's given a rat's arse about Bren Tripods for years. Probably better to get your knickers in a bind over something you might have shared last night, rather than something that hasn't mattered a damn in 50 years. Oh, and John Wayne was not, as Goanna has stated, a Nazi. He was, on the other hand, an extremely annoying and conservative fascist arse. It's not quite the same thing.

Stuka, dear lad, it is a form of raw and badly preserved meat that will cause Grogs to fight like Pit-bulls for the chance to sink their teeth into it, claim it as their own, and warn off all others with their angry growls and threatening behaviour. Alternately, it is a tale told by an idjit, filled with sound and fury, and signifying nothing. Finally, it is a strange form of children's poetry as written by drug addicts. beware the jabbering Grog, my son the jaws that bite, the claws that catch beware the running HMG, and shun the frumious Bren Tripod! Other than those, it seems to be a way of exposing one's self in a Grogly contest of 'whose information is more pointless'.

What else were they going to do? Another 'if pigs had wings, how strong would umbrellas need to be thread', with everyone covered and stinking from the results of the 'live fire' tests. Bugger, do I owe you a turn? Hmm, yer roight, lad. I'm on it.

Don't sulk, Stuka, it's not right for your...idiom. Yes, indeed, I have to announce that I have crushed another Australian, Stuka, in fact, who'd quite handily won both our previous games. What made this game more significant than our previous games is the fact that I won, I won quite well, and that it resulted in the Crushing of another Australian! It was also distinguished, I have to admit, by the fact that I simply can't imagine how Stuka's American attackers could have won this one without direct, heavenly intervention (apologies, Berli). He did try, and showed quite credible fortitude (although no more sense than one of Mace's sheep). But in the end, the unnaturally one-sided scenario, and the forces of Righteousness triumphed, and Stuka was properly humiliated. He, of course, poor lamb, points out that Alexander the Great couldn't have won this one from his side of the map. And all I can say is, "well, yes, Stuka, but he never got the chance to ride silly motorcylces, either, and the gods weren't cruel enough to make him Australian, which is how he got the whole 'the Great' thing tagged on. So it's still a bloody big fat loss for you, my Aussie nemesis." Now, we will play another, most likely a good scenario by Andreas, who's a good designer. The tide having swung, I imagine this will also result in another, hopefully humiliating defeat for Australia's dirt-bike Warriour.

Ignorance. These are all posing, contemporary idjits who are not 'heroes', although they fall all over themselves like street-walkers diving after a loose tenner to play them in the movies. An Australian 'hero' that immediately comes to mind is Ned Kelly.

Good lord, Stuka, you're flying planes and having some sort of illicit affair with Keith Richards? You dog, you.

As I thought. He thinks of me constantly. I'd feel ennobled, if he wasn't a bloody Southerner. Isn't it nice to know, Hakko, that we are always here? You are never alone, my son.

Spoken like a gentleman! And you can't ask more fair than that. As for Slapdragon, lad, you have to understand: We all hate him. Sometimes I hate him so much, I can't get to sleep at night. But that doesn't necessarily invalidate the things he says. Sometimes, hateful as it is to even contemplate, the useless sod might actually be right! I don't know, surely, but sometimes I think he might be. And I do notice, despite his 'tone', that he will 'discuss' things. Mind you, a dark street corner, no witnesses, and a scatter gun filled with light enough shot to seriously perforate his buttocks without crippling him, and me for a hearty 'Woot' and pulling the trigger! But perhaps that's just because we're involved in a game, and he's being a swine about dying. Mind, my taunts are way better than his.

O for a voice like thunder, and a tongue To drown the throat of [Grog] war!—When the senses Are shaken, and the soul is driven to madness, Who can stand? When the souls of the oppressed Fight in the troubled air that rages, who can stand? When the whirlwind of fury comes from the Throne of God, when the frowns of his countenance Drive the nations together, who can stand? When Sin claps his broad wings over the battle, And sails rejoicing in the flood of Death; When souls are torn to everlasting fire, And fiends of Hell rejoice upon the slain, O who can stand? O who hath caused this? O who can answer at the throne of God? The Kings and Nobles of the Land have done it! Hear it not, Heaven, thy Ministers have done it! -William Blake This Pondscum lad. He's got his head in the classics, whether he knows it or nought. I'm glad we made the silly ****e a Knight. I'm after noticing the similarities between his post and Blake. Not a bad connection drawn, and to the idjit's credit. More credit than can be given to the Forum's Grogs, just now. One of them throws out a coin with a laugh, and the rest fight like whores over it. Is that the sort of behaviour that makes them the Forum's 'elite'? Better a member of the Peng Challenge Thread, thank you very much, than that sort of 'contribution'.

Goddamn it to hell, Slapdragon, what are you doing in here?! You were favoured to take 'Grog Most Likely To Provoke Others'! You pillock! You've just invalidated about $450 worth of betting, you idjit! Isn't it enough that you repeatedly turn up in these insufferrable 'Grog Fights' without attempting to influence the betting?! [ April 17, 2002, 01:49 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

My gods, lad, but you have strange obsessions. Perhaps if you bought yourself a pet? And then shot it after calling it to yourself? [ April 17, 2002, 01:38 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Well, and no surprise. The 'Bren Tripod Redux' thread has already turned nasty. Hell, it's like post 46! Anyone want to get some money down on when it gets locked, and which Grog or Grog-wannabe gets cautioned most strongly by BTS? Which is the first to go completely over the top? I mean, the possibilities are endless! My categories for a 'Cesspool' award for stupidity are: A) Grog who becomes the most belligerent 2) Grog who is the most provoking @) Idjit who becomes almost insufferable in their chest-clutching, eyes cast up to heaven participation while maintaining their innocense and persecution by 'the mob' (alternately, the BTS supporters 'mob') Zeta) The Poster most likely to take any attempt to caution them on their acidic posting as 'Censorship'. Dogsleg Left) How many posters who should know better will post their opinions (again) before this annoying piece of ****e is closed down (again)?

Ooh, that'll win friends and influence people! You're after being the next ambassador to achieve World Peace, and no mistake! What's your day job, lad? Customer relations for British Air? Australian Telecom? Or Microsoft? Sorry, a word, Grog types and Pseudo-Grog types! We've got some money down on this one, and would ask that none of you lot read the Peng Challenge Thread, because we don't want the betting prejudiced by fore-knowledge, as it were. You just carry on in the way that you're so nobly going, and we'll just get some money down on...well, there it is, eh? No peeking, now!

A height, somewhat elevated, above a gray and brown landscape without other features. A gray, sourceless light exposes, rather than illuminates, the land. Three figures sit on the height. One is a dark figure, wreathed in smoke, with a hint of crackling flame, and eyes that glow red from the shifting mass. Another is a stern, disgruntled looking figure with crossed arms who seems to be mumbling something about an 'Alison'. The last is a short, grinning, half-mad figure singing a song about 'waltzing with matilda'. When they are looked at in one way, they seem to be sitting cross-legged atop termite mounds. But another look presents them on folding lawn chairs. It's hard to get a hook on this one. Peng: I'll be damned— Berli: And you are. Peng: They're starting up the 'Bren Tripod' thread again. Seanachai: up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred...that can't be right, Peng. That annoying piece of ****e was put to sleep weeks ago. Peng: Have a look out there, if you don't believe me. There's bloody useless Slapdragon off the block even as we've been talking. Berli: He's right. I can see Kettler chortling to himself and having a beer. Seanachai: Unbelievable! It's like the very antithesis to evolution! Who'd have posited a system where the most would battle over the least for all the most stupid reasons? Berli: I'd believe it. Seanachai: Oh, but Berli, you're always after enjoying the worst in everyone. I mean, really, here's some of the best— Peng: And worst Seanachai: —of the Forum out there arguing about whether 'nose hair tweezers' were a significant factor in combat in Commonwealth units. Peng: Bloody pitiful. Berli: Indeed. Seanachai: Sad, just sad. the soughing of the wind winds past their lonely elevation, stirring up dust devils and carrrying with it the sound of high pitched bickering, like a group of camp followers arguing. Peng: 2 to 1 Brian shows up. Berli: No money there. 3 will get you 2 Grog Dorosh will show up and be reasonable and polite. Seanachai: That's not a bet, that's a given. silence Berli: Okay, how 'bout 2 to 1 that Slapdragon will go 'Grog Heavy' and piss off half a dozen people? Peng & Seanachai: That's not a bet, that's a prophecy fulfilled! both laugh. It echoes over the Wasteland Peng: What about Simon getting cautioned for hating Slapdragon? Seanachai: Hmm. What odds? I think Foxibus is above that. Peng: 2 to 1. Berli: Better, I'll give you 3 to 1 on $20 US. Seanachai: Done! They watch the Grayland beyond even the Wasteland for a while Seanchai: Bugger. Berli: Told you. Seanachai: Here's your money. The sound of distant bickering fades, and the wind rises Seanachai: Do you suppose it's wrong, standing off and mocking like this? Peng: Dog fights are wrong. Cockfighting is wrong. Grog fights are nature's purest form of amusement. Berli: True. A dead dog is a sorrow for everyone. A dead rooster is too tough to eat, and so a total waste of life. But a brutalized Grog...well, that's a laugh that even God won't forego. And believe me, I know. Seanachai: I suppose. Anyone for a jolly sing-song Peng: Shh! I think that Britisher John Salt is about to start whinging again! [ April 17, 2002, 12:45 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Well I'll be damned. After more (or rather, less) sober reflection, this would, indeed, seem to be Fionn Kelly. A special dispensation's been granted? Perhaps just to visit the finest Thread on the Forum, the Peng Challenge Thread? Or has the man rehabilitated himself? Or perhaps, all the original participants having died, and the grudge being finally buried, BTS has declared Fionn to be the recipient of the Combat Mission tontine, and as the sole survivor he's regained the right to post? Well, in any case, you're quite welcome here, Irisher. Well, as much as anyone is welcome, which, admittedly, is not all that much. The rest of you lot, climb off it. Stop badgering the man. If he wanted a game against pillocks, he'd have come in like any other good lad and picked someone out and taunted them proper. He knows the drill here. Behave yourselves, or you'll get a bren tripod roight up ya'. [edited to strip out that hideous number of smilies from Fionn's original post, which were, indeed, excessive] [ April 16, 2002, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Good lad! I know that Lady Persephone will only use her powers for Good, and not for Evil. Not that that matters much, because the results will be the same, in any case involving the idjits of this Thread, and we shall be treated to some brutilizations of your (undoubtedly) vile viseage. It occurs to me, however, that you're such a tender, newborn lamb here on the Thread that Persephone may not have much to work with in terms of personal info. I can remedy that, somewhat, by filling in a bit of background. Persephone, dear Lady, the young R Leete is quite mad. Like myself, he currently seeks gainful employment after unworthy treatment by the Financial Powers That Be (the bastards). His current personal project, by which we may judge his overweening insanity, is that he is trying to build a scale model Tiger tank that he can actually sit in and drive around the neighbourhood. One can only hope that he has no plans to add working armament (except, perhaps, Nahverteidigungswaffe to keep the neighbourhood dogs respectful). Other than that, he's just another poor fool sucked by life into the Cesspool, and doing his best to keep his chin up (as are we all).

Alright, Grog Dorosh, alright. You're properly anxious now. The psychological game is done, and we can begin the real game. Turns to follow at something like a normal pace. Good gods, was that Fionn posting?! I shall have to come back here later when I'm coherent and check again.

Er, Persephone, dear Lady, could we have that same picture again from Peng's perspective? And without imposing any Thread member's face on the young lady? I know it would make me feel young again.

Sgt...er 'K'. Well, let me be the first to welcome you here with a jolly 'Sod Off', you annoying bit of unflossed spoiled meat. It's lovely, isn't it, to wander around in the Spring, and, perhaps dead drunk, fall face first into the Peng Challenge Thread, and then, after a few hasty words of intent, crawl back out, having dragged yourself through the little act of elimination you performed just before you started posting to the Thread of threads. Lovely, yes. We look forward to your return, with an actual Challenge, the way we look forward to flowers, and robins, and rotting bits of damp dog ****e, and all those other joys of Spring. And don't be afraid, lad, that you won't find acceptance and jolly camaraderie here in the Peng Challenge Thread. Because you're not going to find it anywhere, actually. It's just going to be so much more brutally honest here than the usual places you go poncing about after understanding. Still, you never know. You could shuffle back in here, cap in hand, and make an actual Challenge worthy of the name, and amuse us all. Well, not likely, but you might amuse one or two. And then, well, we'd have no choice but to really get medieval on your arse, now would we?