Funniest jokes at the Fringe.

[dieseltaylor]

1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."

6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."

10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."

[Lt Belenko]

Mitch Hedberg: "I like rice. It's really good when you are hungry for like 2000 of something."

Mitch Hedberg: "A friend said "Want to see a picture of me when I was younger". That's really stupid because all pictures of you are when you were younger"

[Lt Belenko]

Lou Holtz (American football coach): Wants his head stone to read "See Honey, I told you I was sick".

[flamingknives]

Spike Milligan beat him to it.

[dieseltaylor]

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to

jump off a bridge, so they stop. The

leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you

doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did

not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an

opportunity,

so he asked,

"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a

Kiss?"

So, she does, and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I

have

ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You

could be famous.

Why are you committing suicide?" "My

parents don't like me dressing up like a girl!"