If WW2 was fought by online gamers....

[Muh]

Funnay schitznitz...

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*

*Eisenhower has joined the game.*

*paTTon has joined the game.*

*Churchill has joined the game.*

*benny-tow has joined the game.*

*T0J0 has joined the game.*

*Roosevelt has joined the game.*

*Stalin has joined the game.*

*deGaulle has joined the game.*

Roosevelt: hey sup

T0J0: y0

Stalin: hi

Churchill: hi

Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!

paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks

T0JO: lol

Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!

benny-tow: haha america sux

Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?

Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever

Stalin: cool

deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help

Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy

Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry

Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me

Roosevelt: get antiair guns

Churchill: i cant afford them

benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?

paTTon: stfu

Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys

deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick

Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army

paTTon: yah hurry the fock up

Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded

deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck

*deGaulle has left the game.*

Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?

benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?

benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?

Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO

T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u

Roosevelt: wtf! thats bull**** u ***s im gunna kick ur asses

T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol

Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u

Hitler[AoE]: wtf

Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army

Hitler[AoE]: thats bull**** u hacker

Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler

Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!

T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard

Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path

Stalin: u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE

Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol

benny-tow: haha

benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1

T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full

Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help

Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya

Stalin: church help me

Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here

Stalin: dont be an arss

Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late

Eisenhower: LOL

benny-tow: hahahh oh **** help

Hitler: o man ur focked

paTTon: oh what now biotch

Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol

*benny-tow has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: lame

Roosevelt: gj patton

paTTon: thnx

Hitler[AoE]: eisenhower hax hes killing all my ****

Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record

Eisenhower: Nuts!

benny~tow: wtf that mean?

Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped

paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun ****socker

Stalin: rofl

T0J0: HAHAHHAA

Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay

Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city

*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*

benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself

Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL

Stalin: OMG LMAO!

Hitler[AoE]: i didnt click there omg this game blows

*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*

paTTon: hahahhah

T0J0: my teammates are n00bs

benny~tow: shut up noob

Roosevelt: haha wut a moron

paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?

Eisenhower: yah me too

T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol

Eisenhower: fock u

paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie

Stalin: go to hell lol

paTTon: fock this **** im goin afk

Eisenhower: yah this is gay

*Roosevelt has left the game.*

Hitler[AoE]: wtf?

Eisenhower: **** now we need some1 to join

*tru_m4n has joined the game.*

tru_m4n: hi all

T0J0: hey

Stalin: sup

Churchill: hi

tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!

tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz

tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple

Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets

T0J0: wtf is nukes?

T0J0: holy ****holy****hoylshti!!!111

*T0J0 has been eliminated.*

*The Allied team has won the game!*

Eisenhower: awesome!

Churchill: gg noobs no re

T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck

*T0J0 has left the game.*

*Eisenhower has left the game.*

Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****

Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss

tru_m4n: l8r all

benny~tow: bye

Churchill: l8r

Stalin: fock u all

tru_m4n: shut up commie lol

*tru_m4n has left the game.*

benny~tow: lololol u commie

Churchill: ROFL

Churchill: bye commie

*Churchill has left the game.*

*benny~tow has left the game.*

Stalin: i hate u all ***s

*Stalin has left the game.*

paTTon: lol no1 is left

paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep

*paTTon has been eliminated.*

paTTon: o ****!

*paTTon has left the game.*

---

BadMonkey on Ars added the following:

*poland has joined the game*

poland:HAY GUYS HOWZ IT GOIUNG DUDZ?

*poland has been eliminated*

poland:F***!!!11

poland:F*** U F***ING SPAWN CAMPERS!!!

[Blashy]

That's gotta be some of the funniest crap I've ever read.

[dragoon19]

Good Fun!

[pino]

LoL, this one is old man, have read it somewhere else a couple of months ago :eek:

Its still good though

[pino]

http://www.opentechsupport.net/forums/archive/topic/36066-1.html

[Jon Patrick]

Okay, I'd never seen that before, and it was friggin great! Who'd have thought of WWII as ... oh, that was great!

Thank you for breaking the monotony as we wait for our next most-loved game!

J

[zappsweden]

Oh, I have some material from Zapp Leno show. They gonna show it in their next show. But I can give you the preview already now...

[zappsweden]

When SC2 is fought by the good old SC gamers

*Terif (Germany) has joined the game.*

*Rambo (USA) has joined the game.*

*Hellraiser (UK) has joined the game.*

*Codename Condor (Italy) has joined the game*

*Dragonheart (Japan) has joined the game.*

*Liam (France) has joined the game.*

*Zappsweden (Russia) has joined the game.*

Zappsweden: Yo

Hellraiser: sup biotch?

Rambo: Hi

Codename Condor: Hi

Dragonheart: Hi

Terif: Hi

Liam: Hi

Terif: Kewl, SC2 has given Germany a start with Tiger Tanks!

Rambo: ?

Liam: Rambo, he was just kidding.

Rambo: ?

Hellraiser: Rambo, there is nothing fishy going on, seriously.

Zappsweden: Hey Terif, lets bury the hatchet. I will never attack you, I swear...

Terif: sure, whatever

Zappsweden: kewl

Hellraiser: Hmm, Liam you know what we should do? LC Gambit, you gotta move those units exactly as I tell you before too late.

Hellraiser: Liam???

Terif: Ah, Poland and LC surrender to Axis. I got it all figured out...

Hellraiser: Liam!!!!! :mad:

Liam: Sorry guys, I was saving up money for a bomber. I will listen to you next time. I promise.

Rambo: Liam. On paper, you should have the best damn ground forces on the planet. Now make sure you defend the whole border not just the Maginot Line.

Game Sound Effects: BOOM! CRASH! BOOM!

Liam: Emergency! Germany broke my lines! BEING HEADCRACKED! Help!

Terif: Paris in April, not bad....

Dragonheart: Bye Liam, thanks for your short participation

*Liam (France) has been eliminated*

Terif: Now Condor, get in those boats to Africa. We gonna swing around Zappswedens Russian flank and get Russia from 2 sides.

Condor: Sir, Yes Sir!

Terif: Dragonheart, what is taking so long? Start doing some action around there

Dragonheart: Oh, reading the lastest updat files and checking all the new units in SC2. I am not gonna do anything in haste here.

Hellraiser: WTF, Terif has long range. He is sniping my HQ and killing air

Zappsweden (thinking): Hehe, Good. Let those Capitalistic nations destroy themselves.

Rambo: Hellraiser, you twat. You have no AA research???

Hellraiser: No, I thought the AA Research was not allowed. Terif is the AA Bug still there in SC2???

Terif: No, it has been removed.

Hellraiser: I cannot afford em anyway. Rambo, gimme Lend Lease. FAST!

Rambo: Son. I know you love America and wann be like us but you are not and you will never be. Swim or Sink, Pal!

Hellraiser: Rambo, if you do not lend lease and Axis conquers Europe you will gonna pay HUGE for it later. Come on dude, don’t be a biotch.

Rambo: Ok, I’m sending one boat, ONE BOAT. I will load it with plenty of marines. That’s all it takes to conquer the world.

Terif: Hehe, got em...

Game Sound Effects: BOOOOOM!

Rambo: Germany sunk my ship. YOU FUKKED WITH THE WRONG MARINE! :mad:

Rambo: Ok, That’s it! I’m getting pissed off. Gonna use my All-In strategy now. Soldiers do your duty, man the boats!

Terif: What? Does SC2 include a force pool? Even I have missed that rule. Yikes, 20 US armies deploying on the US East Coast.

Zappsweden (thinking): This is looking better and better. Those Evil Nazis fighting a fierce war against the English dogs and now the American swines getting losses too, hehehe

Condor: Terif Sir, I am moving the pieces according to the SC2 Cookie Cutter Document you sent me. Regardless, I seem to get headcracked. My Spaghetti Soldiers are just having bad luck, I am sure it will turn soon.

Terif (thinking): Grrrrrr, I did not count the Morale Penalties of Italians, Russians and other bozos when doing the cookie-cutter. I need to be flexible now.

Terif: Ok, Condor. I send some forces to Africa. We will get Egyp in time for Barbie, no problem

Condor: Sir, yes Sir!

Terif: Dragonheart. Have u moved your units yet?

Dragonheart: Wow! You can read my mind. I was just planning to move some units when u said “Have u moved your units?”

Condor: Sir, We are short on oil. The Cookie Cutter papers did not say anything about that. Terif Sir, what is happening?

Terif: Zappsweden. I am sorry, but your empire must be destroyed. Chaaaaaaaaarge!

Zappsweden: Arse! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE

Terif: Nah, there are no pacts between Lion and Men.

Condor: Hehe, go get him Sir Grandmaster Yoda Terif.

Zappsweden: Hey, Yankee Rambo. You gotta land in the France now. Early D-Day, C’mon!

Hellraiser: Listen, Zapp you Biotch. You tried to get a stand alone victory for Russia. You let Liam be eaten alive. Hehe, not that I liked the French anyway, but after France I am the one taking those Stukas up the UK arse. Please do not missunderstand. Both me and Rambo want you alive you pig, so that we can beat the Axis.

Rambo: Yeah, you are a Commie! Die Commies!!!!

Hellraiser: Relax Rambo, it is just a game. Just a game.

Rambo: Don’t give me orders, SON! I call the shots around here.

Zappsweden: Wow, Russia get to start with 10.000 MPP, can research snow skiis, get winter equipped men and tanks, invoke Russian partisans and have a special Winter Bonus. Kewl. SC2 rulez!

Terif: Leningrad, Moscow and Stalingrad trenches brought down, will be conquered next turn

Zappsweden: Ahhhhh, the Russian Winter Coming.......

Hellraiser: Rambo. Lets hurry up dude. Russia is gaining ground now. We need to get started in France.

Rambo: Nah. My American units are not good enough yet. I need to build the 101st Airborne first

Game Sound Effects: BOOOOM!

Dragonheart: Take that Bimbo Rambo, whatever. Your navy headcracked in Pearl Harbour. Did you expect me to just sit on my ass and be slow?

Rambo: Frankly, I DID!

Dragonheart: You should have prepared dude.

Rambo: You are going down for this, Dragondirt. I am gonna nuke your ass and feed it to all the poor happy (gay) ppl living on the streets here in my country.

Zappsweden: Gonna get Berlin and convert the whole Germany to Communism. Yeah!

Hellraiser: Rambo, the boats are loaded. We need to get rdy for D-Day now. Use your American HQ’s so we can get supply after we landed.

Rambo: This is too easy. Hey, lets just send the Airborne and Marines. They are bad ass!

Hellraiser: No Rambo, your units suck and so does your tanks. Send them in numbers. Expect high casualties because those Gerries can fight and Terif has all the hedge row hexes occupied giving him a nice defence bonus.

Game Sound Effects: Boom!

Rambo and Hellraiser: Yeah, Finally a foothold in France

Zappsweden: Guys, I have already liberated all Russia.

Rambo and Hellraiser: Yeah, we got France.

Zappsweden: Guys, I have already liberated Eastern Europe

Rambo and Hellraiser: Yeah, we got LC, Italy and Half of Germany.

Codename Condor: Terif Sir, I could not hold em off. They are chasing me, gimme a hand.

Codename Condor: Those Allies look nasty, Hey we surrender, don’t shoot, don’t shoot.

Terif: Italian fools, I take over from now on. Bring in our reserves to northern Italy, we gonna reconquer it. In fact, it will be easier now, when Italians don’t get in our way.

Rambo: Hehe, youre headcracked! Terif, give it up now. We gonna hunt the Eagles nest and we gonna bomb all your cities. On second thought, don’t surrender, It’s payback time! We gonna bomb it anyway

You fukked with the wrong Mariiiine!!!!

Rambo and Hellraiser: Yeah, Finally Berlin. Took long time because we had to stop on the way and plant some bombs in German cities.

Zappsweden: Berlin? Me too!

Rambo and Hellraiser: What? We just entered that hex.

Zappsweden:, Yes but the game does not end with Berlin

Rambo: Whatcha talking about???

Zappsweden: Since I chose the “Russia alone” option, the victory cannot be split. You can figure out the rest... BOOM! OOOPS there goes your Eisenhower HQ. Muahaha!!!

Rambo: I cannot take this bull****. This is a waste of time. CU

*Rambo disconnected*

*Rambo (USA) has joined the game*

Rambo: Well, I just forgot one thing. Unfinished business. Dragondirt, take this!

Game Sound Effects: BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!

*Rambo disconnected*

Dragonheart: Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!!! Rambo used NUKES over my Japan. That was low!!!!

Hellraiser: Zapp, lets call this a test game just, not a “game”

Zappsweden: No, this WAS a test game. But now I am WINNING. No test game, dewd. This is fo REAL!!!

Hellraiser: How long can the game last?

Zappsweden: ?

Hellraiser: In case no side gains the upper hand, what year?

Zappsweden: I heard the Stalemate is in 1949 in SC2 but the game wont last that long really.

Dragonheart: hello??? FYI, I am still alive. I can fight on forever, no problem. I wont quit.

Zappsweden: Damn. Dragonslowheart is alive. On second thoughts Hellraiser, this might become a VERY SLOW affair. I offer a draw.

Hellraiser: You kidding me? Dragonheart and I just made an alliance and we can then split the victory. I got the slowest ass player on my side now. Dragonheart, start giving your units the crawl orders now, nice and slow now.

Dragonheart: Roger That!

[ September 08, 2005, 05:01 AM: Message edited by: zappsweden ]

[zappsweden]

EPILOGUE:

Zappsweden surrendered just weeks after the final offensive was started by the new Japan-Anglo pact. His Soviet Union was dissolved after the peace. The opposition party took over and Zappsweden was replaced by a new kandidate and retired from Politics.

Dragonheart succeded in grabbing a large chunk of Russian land in the peace with Russia but the A-Bombs had already taken their toll. Dragonheart passed away in cancer the year after.

Hellraiser rised to become the new unrivaled ruler of Europe. Some say he was worse than the Nazis. His empire (also called “The Evil Empire”) was split during revolts after he passed away.

Rambo retired from his post after the war and built a great Farming empire (mostly Potatos) in the Western USA. He is now one of the richest ppl in the world and the sole producer of french fries for one of the worlds largest hamburger corporations.

Codename Condor was forced to resign after his bad war efforts but continued being a Politician in the same party.

Liam ruled France for over 30 years after the war but was later jailed for his cooperation with the Evil Empire ruled by Hellraiser.

[ September 08, 2005, 05:17 AM: Message edited by: zappsweden ]

[jon_j_rambo]

classics!