Doug Beman Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 I have no stake in this thread, but I cannot resist the urge to get in on the lawyer jokes. Among the passengers on a cruise ship are a lawyer, a cop, and a paramedic. One night they are at the rail, talking, and suddenly another passenger falls overboard. The paramedic says "I have rescue training. I'll save him!!" and dives into the water. Suddenly, a bunch of sharks appear and rip the paramedic to shreds. The cop says "I have training in self defense. I'll fend off the sharks," and dives in. But the sharks are too fast, and they rip him apart. The lawyer calmly dives in, and the sharks keep their distance while he swims over to the passenger and keeps him afloat while the rescue ring is tossed down. As the lawyer is being brought back aboard, the captain says "why didn't the sharks attack you?" The lawyer responds, "professional courtesy." DjB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 WHOA! and snapdragon arrives to shoot one across my bow! Apparently I am not the only one using hallucinogenics. Slappy? I would love to smite you, but you never sent me anything, you boob. Now if you would like me to teach you some things, we can get one going, but for the record I am only going to explain what "bounds" are one more time. If you dont get it this time, you will have to look it up. Oh, and your references to my profession are barking up the wrong tree. I have no pride invested there, who was it that said Work is the curse of the Drinking Class? I only do electrical work to pay off my long distance phone bill. Selling hemp backpacks at local fairs gets me all the Benjamins I need.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Q. What's wrong with lawyer jokes? A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie Smith Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 LOL Foobar Thats the best of em all I've committed that one to memory Craig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapdragon Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*: WHOA! and snapdragon arrives to shoot one across my bow! Apparently I am not the only one using hallucinogenics. Slappy? I would love to smite you, but you never sent me anything, you boob. Now if you would like me to teach you some things, we can get one going, but for the record I am only going to explain what "bounds" are one more time. If you dont get it this time, you will have to look it up. Oh, and your references to my profession are barking up the wrong tree. I have no pride invested there, who was it that said Work is the curse of the Drinking Class? I only do electrical work to pay off my long distance phone bill. Selling hemp backpacks at local fairs gets me all the Benjamins I need....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> So be it Foobar -- I will send an attachment your way AGAIN hoping you were not downing those benjis while grounding the outlet your computer is on. By the way... I just recently had the most amazing experience since I was 15 claiming to be 17. I forget who the one was about 7 million posts ago who was telling me Hellcats were worthless hamster balls, but look at this one that handed me a major victory in my most recent game. This one stalked a 234, turned and bounced a second AC and a Stug at high speed and shot both in 60 seconds (actually he was coming off a high speed sprint into a hunt and serpentined behind the pair), turned the next turn and flamed a second stug racing in to aid the already dead pair, and then shot over top of a Jackson to kill a Tiger (which, sadly, killed my Jackson first) using, for the first time, a tungsten round but shooting so slickly that my opponent thought it was the Jackson that has somehow got the shot off. Tell me whose bad here! [This message has been edited by Slapdragon (edited 10-04-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Now slappy, I am not interested in any of your gamey jeep recon techniques, so we will play a designed scenario. Send me one over here, like arnhem or something and I will smack you down.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapdragon Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*: Now slappy, I am not interested in any of your gamey jeep recon techniques, so we will play a designed scenario. Send me one over here, like arnhem or something and I will smack you down.... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You have just become scared seeing what my uberhellcat did to the last poor sod who faced me in the fog. Far from gamey, this was sprint and hunt par excellence, killing befuddled lumbering Germans as they vainly cowered in their mobile death wagons. Oddly enough Clinton is facing me also at night and the Hetzer proved to be quite the match for the Alligator. So run those crews at me as I flame your tanks down Foobar! [This message has been edited by Slapdragon (edited 10-04-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark IV Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Whoa! You blasted a great honking armored car with a mere Tank Destroyer! You da man. Amazing you could hit anything with your gamma set like that- guess that's what it looks like through Yankee optics... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapdragon Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV: Whoa! You blasted a great honking armored car with a mere Tank Destroyer! You da man. Amazing you could hit anything with your gamma set like that- guess that's what it looks like through Yankee optics... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You are just quivering in front of your misadjusted 14 inch PC monitor as you look through the fog and see uberhellcat in workstation brillance appear from the gloom and collect a whole row of your comical toys. It was batting away Stugs and ACs left and right as they all tried to take him, even as my stealthful infantry captured the victory zones. [This message has been edited by Slapdragon (edited 10-05-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark IV Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon: ... your comical toys.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Not mine, sport. I'm just a malicious bystander, gaffing otters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 OK OK, we need to get back on topic here, which is me winning the contest, and receiving my grand prize war movie starring George Peppard, entitled "Corny as Hell" or something to that effect.. Q. What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? A. hooker will stop f***ing you when you're dead. (sorry I know it was crass, but I had to... ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Guys,I've got dibs on the house and swimming pool, before anyone else lays claim to it . Anyone who doesn't agree will have to face me in a meeting engagement.I'm sure there are no takers for that,you quivering masses of CM jellyfish are all alike . What we need here is a "Lawyer Playoff".Anyone who beats lawyer..........has already received there reward .What better way to spend your time than crushing an evil attorney,especially one with a mouth like Jake's ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slapdragon Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Foobar-- "mailbox you are sending to is full..." I will try to send it tonight again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 "Never have so many owed so much to so few..." Res ipsa loquitur ------------------ Just call me Lucifer 'cause I'm in need of some respect.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Message from Earth to Dick Reece: Unfortunately, you will not be participating in any Victory over Lawyer contest. Your forces are thoroughly beaten in a brilliant triumph of good over evil. BTW, Bubba says it's your turn to play the part of the sow when you go to bed tonight. Jake ------------------ Just call me Lucifer 'cause I'm in need of some respect.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 "Unfortunately, you will not be participating in any Victory over Lawyer contest. Your forces are thoroughly beaten in a brilliant triumph of good over evil." So then Bielzijake, you finally admit that I've won .I accept the 1.29$ trophy movie graciously, with an humble heart.Just send it where you've sent all the others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Oberly Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Q:What's black and brown,and looks good on a lawyer? A:A doberman. Just one of my favorites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mannheim Tanker Posted October 5, 2000 Author Share Posted October 5, 2000 Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A: My Panther G's! Herr Oberst Jungmann: "Ja! Deutschland!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Message to Mark IV: To give you a fair chance in our game, I let you shoot a few US AFV's to reduce my advantage. I knew you would be embarrassed if I just shaved the points off up front, so I gave you a nice way out. The courteous method of responding to this generous act of kindness would be a simple "Thank you, Lawyer". I may stop being so nice if you don't stop touting my gifts as your tactical genius. ------------------ "One must gratefully acknowledge that the real reason for Allied victory over Germany in World War II was the superior skill of the enormous army of lawyers filing suit against Hitler in the Federal courts of the United States." Churchill -- 1945 [This message has been edited by Lawyer (edited 10-05-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 Message to Mannheim Tanker: When gazing at innocent citizens in the Falls Church area from your satellite, you should notice a big round "full moon" with a hairy crevice staring back at you. For all you do, this moon's for you. ------------------ "One must gratefully acknowledge that the real reason for Allied victory over Germany in World War II was the superior skill of the enormous army of lawyers filing suit against Hitler in the Federal courts of the United States." Churchill -- 1945 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mannheim Tanker Posted October 5, 2000 Author Share Posted October 5, 2000 Humph! And all this time I thought I was looking at a new fault that had opened up in Virginia. The cash sticking out of the back pocket of your khakis should have tipped me off. ------------------ "Gun damaged are rare on Shermans because they die like red shirts on Star Trek" - Slapdragon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark IV Posted October 5, 2000 Share Posted October 5, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: I may stop being so nice if you don't stop touting my gifts as your tactical genius.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Please. You offend my humility. Tactical genius? I placed my guns and clicked Go. Since then, I sit with my scotch and watch you feed the shredder. Go. Shred. Go. Shred. I should have bought a jeep to order around behind the lines, so I can feel like I'm participating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted October 6, 2000 Share Posted October 6, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I accept the 1.29$ trophy movie graciously, with an humble heart.Just send it where you've sent all the others.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> WHOA WHOA WHOA.. NO prizes should be given out UNTIL all the battles are finished!!! If different people have designs on the same prize, they should have to FIGHt for it. I want the movie. When I finish my victory against the lawyer, I am perfectly willing to fight it out with the other victors for the right to the prize. Lawyer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted October 6, 2000 Share Posted October 6, 2000 OK, lawyer, your turn is sent back. Keep em coming... I want to be watching my damn movie by the end of next week.. A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Billy, you be first,” she said, “What does you mother do all day?” Billy stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.” “That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie?” Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.” “Thank you, Amie,” said the teacher, “What about your father, Tim?” Tim proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse.” The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Tim’s house and rang the bell. Tim’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Tim’s father said, “I’m actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted October 6, 2000 Share Posted October 6, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*: WHOA WHOA WHOA.. NO prizes should be given out UNTIL all the battles are finished!!! If different people have designs on the same prize, they should have to FIGHt for it. I want the movie. When I finish my victory against the lawyer, I am perfectly willing to fight it out with the other victors for the right to the prize. Lawyer? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hah!! Infidel!! My winning is a cinch,you'd only lose.The movie is mine,doitbag! Mine I tell you,MINE.......mwwwaaaahahahahahaha!!Lawyer has no say in it,besides, he's an attorney,surely you don't believe any of his bottom dweller slime ? You can challenge me for it if you like,or hire someone to do it for you,if you lack the courage Dick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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