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Satire is in order here....


Guest smbutler

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Guest smbutler

I'm not sure BTS would like a post that encourages disparagement of other companies, but after looking at screenshots for Hasbro's

so-called Squad Leader, I think some good old fashioned public castigation is in order. What, then, are your "predictions" for upcoming projects from other companies?

also from Hasbro: Horse Commander: a first person- sim of a French Hussar during the Napoleonic wars! Ride,charge, stab,etc. your way into history! Reaching a higher level will allow players to obtain new techs-- machine guns, death rays, rocket horses, --which will allow them to leave huge piles of bloody corpses on the field! Players will fight along side and against historical figures such as Napoleon, Wellington, Batman, and Hulk Hogan! A compelling, ultra realistic presentation of 19th century warefare!

[This message has been edited by smbutler (edited 06-02-2000).]

[This message has been edited by smbutler (edited 06-02-2000).]

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id Software's Virtual Rebel: A FPS Civil War game where you can assume the role of a soldier fighting for the North or South. Technology advancements include the improvement from Muskets to Sharps Rifles.

Battle will rage all around you. Arms and legs will fly! Bayonette charges! Cavalry charges. Cannister shot. The whole works!

Hey actually that don't sound like a bad idea for a massive on-line multiplayer game. Just think of it. Hundreds of people trying to line up in formations to march or fire at the enemy all the while under the command of one guy. Oh wait, that sounds like WWIIOnline. smile.gifrolleyes.gif

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Maxis software's new title: SimDishwasher. Where you control the awesome destiny of a...dishwasher! Load, unload, rinse, agitate...It's all here! And, for the grognard, a special "Hand-washing" setting, to simulate the sculery duty at a major metropolitan diner! Fun for all ages!

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Sierra's new game simulating the adventures of an Army Base's latrine cleaner's duties. Tools will include plungers, scrub brushes, you name it! It's all there. Will be compatible with the new smell-o-vision cards to get that full feeling of really being there.

You say that it would stink?? You bet it does!! biggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

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"While stands the Collosseum, Rome shall stand.

When falls the Collosseum, Rome shall fall.

And when Rome falls -- the World."

**Byron**

[This message has been edited by Maximus (edited 06-03-2000).]

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SSI's new release of - Wargamer Software Tycoon. Brainwash the masses and get them to buy a crapload of your games, and then take the money and run while you refuse to support them. Alienate more customers than your competition to move to the next level. Also, stay tuned for the sequel, OS Tycoon!

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Guest smbutler

An add-on for the above:

S*I 's upcoming MARKET WHORE: Seduce promising software developers with quality ideas into your parlour and sC*#w them as

you mutate their brain children into bastardized, glitzy, mass-appeal products.

"What a way to show off your Bottom

......line!"

--Glitz and Gop Online

"MARKET WHORE will test your watering-down and over-simplifying skills!"

-- Clickfest Magazine

"I never knew there were so many ways to prostrate yourself to the almighty dollar!"

-- Kaabooom Weekly

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Coming this summer from makers of NHL '99, it's Beer Golf Pro 2000. Play, get drunk, and get kicked out of up to 32 famous courses .

Using a new revolution in 3D virtual simulation, Puke-o-vision, this games takes the user to new heights in the simulated beer golf experience. The terrain and weather are accurately modelled, so you can trip over those oddly shaped clumps of grass while playing those summer afternoon 'lightning' rounds. With all the other features, you can do just about everything you've always wanted to do in Beer Golfing. Play without pants. Bludgeon the wildlife. Play golfcart polo. Go swimming in the pond. And much, much more....

Schnapps not included.

Voted Sports Game of the Year by the Vaporware Press.

[This message has been edited by Jeff Pattison (edited 06-02-2000).]

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"The most compelling game we have seen..." PC Gamer

"This game will BLOW YOU AWAY!" Games.com

"5 years in the making and it shows." Games central

This is just a sampling of what top computer game publications have to say about our newest offering. The level of detail has never before been seen. The 3D enviroment will make you think you are living this game. An in game AI with over 200 Billion options in defense alone! Ground breaking graphics which actually show in game characters facial expressions during combat! Sounds? OH YES! We offer a totally 3D sound environment that will wrap your ears in gaming pleasure. All this and more await you!

PRE-ORDER NOW!

***NOTICE...as of June 1st 2000 this product has been cancelled***

of course the above never happens with games that NEED to be cancelled...Braveheart? LOL

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"If they are waiting for me to make the first move then I'll trick them and make my second move first."

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Guest Mirage2k

From the makers of "Deer Hunter", comes "ROADKILL SCAVENGER"

That's right! Spend hours of stare-at-your-screen boredom in a photo-realistic environment as you stake-out your favorite strip of I-95 in hopes that someone will run over your next meal...

-Andrew

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New from EA Sports, the makers of the NEED for SPEED series, comes the next generation of racing games.

***ASSAULT TANK RACING***

YES!! Coming Soon to a retail store near you!

Operate a variety of the World's most famous tanks in a RACE of DESTRUCTION around a virtual battlefield.

Featuring the following eras of tanks:


  1. <LI> WWII
    <LI> Korean War
    <LI> Arab-Israeli Wars
    <LI> NATO vs WARSAW PACT era
    <LI> Desert Storm
    <LI> Yugoslavia Conflict

Featuring such tanks as


  1. <LI> PzV Panther
    <LI> T-34
    <LI> M18 Hellcat
    <LI> M47 Bulldog
    <LI> M60
    <LI> T-72
    <LI> Leapord I & II
    <LI> Challenger I & II
    <LI> M1A1 & A2 Abrams
    <LI> T-80OU
    and many more!!

You'll never play another racing game again! Not only are these tanks multi-ton behemoths, but they are armed!! That tank in front of you that won't let you by, shoot him in the ass with an AP round. But be quick, cause turrets can rotate around and fire back!

Race in all sorts of environments ranging from Artic Wastelands to Tropical Jungles. Each "track" will demand a different strategy. ex. "Shall I pull ahead and set up an ambush behind that hill, or shall I hang back and try for ass shots." Yes that's right, Ladies and Gentlemen! The choice is yours!

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"The greatest risk...is not taking one."

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If racing tanks isn't your form of fun, then try Frontal Lobotamy's new release - "Figure 8 School Bus Racing". It's the most red-neck fun you'll have outside the barn. Just listen to these reviews:

"So much fun I dropped my chew!" - Jethro "Backhair" Higgins

"More fun than a cockfight in the bayou" - anonymous

"Just like the real thing, only without the bribes" - Sheriff Coletrain

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