J. J.

Ha! J. J. the Cheery Waffle Thread Stalker here (and yes, you must ALL capitalize my title, my pweecious wittle maggoty crotch bulges. So what does Google searching "maggot needs" bring to light? Lets take a gander at the top ten, shall we? I think it speaks for all of you sacks of putrid tea bags: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: 1) Maggots need access through an open wound. (like Prince Eugen, mainly) 2) Maggots need only feed for a day or two. (Unlike Axe, who kills and eats children for sport seven days a week) 3) Maggots need a supply of dead flesh in order to grow. (I think that speaks for most Canadian maggots) 4) Maggots need moisture, so if the wound is dry or sloughy, pretreat it for several days with a hydrogel dressing. (hydrogel dressing taste great on Aussie salads!) 5) Once in a while, the maggots would need to be removed ahead of time. (like all of you here) :mad: 6) After a few days, maggots need to be removed before they turn into flies. (Yeah, ALL of you need to be removed...before you breed again!) 7) Maggots need air so they will be found greedily munching on damp vegetable or other similar waste products in the open. (pretty much sums up life at no_one's house.) :mad: 8) The maggots need to *feel* slimier and more disgusting...give them more thickness and depth. (lots of thickness around here...not much depth though!) :mad: :mad: 9) "What asshole drowned a maggot?" (said by dike_the_weiner_2 after waking up in a pile of of his own vomit) And, the Piece of Resistance <<< - pithy French phrase, not to be attempted by anyone... 10) The Maggot Page was written from scratch with a miniscule amount of knowledge and a lot of plagiarism...(pretty much sums up what I just did) If I continually am forced to cease stalking this thread and post brilliant and confounding prose to offset the spittle that oozes from your sad, swollen, maggoty faces..well then just call me Word Master Genius and send me a damn blank check so I may buy you putrid sacks of spooge a clue! The hell with all of you.

The Red Sox game? Simple: 1) White Sox come out swinging hard, thus pwning Red Sox 2) Red Sox, now helpless, pull pants down and grab ankles 3) White Sox continue sodomization of Red Sox 4) Red Sox clean 'selves up after said White Sox violation and sheepishly ask "Will Isee you again?" 5) White Sox zip up pants, bitch slap Red Sox, send Red Sox out in streets to service the perverted sexual desires of random maggots. My other job? Sports writer. Yep.

Sweet. I'll be picking this one up next week, fo sho'

What the hell is that? A bottlecap off of some bottled Canadian swill? :mad: :mad:

(sound of door creaking open) Hello maggots. It's me...the resident "I have nothing to contribute so I guess I will stalk the Cheery Waffle thread" guy. I live in central Mississippi near our capital (that's Jackson for all of you slope headed ninnies who are still living in your parents spare bedroom). We are slowly getting our stride again now that we have some gas in our tanks. Just wanted to let you know that this lame (like Axe), pointless (live Dave), and often incomprehensible (like Prince Eugen) thread has made me laugh quite a bit since last week. I (regretfully :mad: ) have to thank all of you piss-filled hooligans for contributing in ways your obviously small little minds can not begin to conceive. As a state we have a loooooong way to go yet. While we Mississippians may be poorer than most other states, we are an incredibly resiliant and resourceful people. Our faith is only matched by our drive to rebuild. It's gonna take a lot of time, heartache and money...but we'll be all right. Now...that being said, please send us all of your maggoty-laced, putrid smelling cash so we can get 90,000 square miles of our state rebuilt! :mad: :mad: :mad: And if Canadians are actually using paper money now for legitimate transactions instead of sun-dried moose paddies, we will even be glad to get some of that as we are running low on toilet paper down here. :mad: So, a hearty thank you and and please...sincerely....kiss both of my moldy, flake encrusted, pimple scarred butt cheeks. :mad:

(pokes head in door) ...and bring your love of all things SEC with you, too. College football...SEC...go Mississippi State University....screw Ole' Miss...they think they're in the league of the likes of U. of Texas, Oklahoma, etc. just because they can graduate some Manning spawn every 15-20 years...the Ole Miss "dynasty"...yeah, right...have you ever heard Eli Manning speak in public?...sounds like a retarded hillbilly who smokes WAAAYY too much sansamia...had a former co-worker who graduated Ole Miss in journalism tell me that Eli like to smoke the ganja quite often...what a horrible mutilation of a perfectly good Southern dialect (see if you can spot the irony in that one)... HAPPY NOW, DAVE???!!?? :mad: :mad: :mad: (slams door) [ March 11, 2005, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: J. J. ]

(sound of door slowly creaking open) *sigh* All right, maggots. Because of the massive intellectual downswing this particular waffle thread has taken, I, as a lurker/stalker of this thread am now forced to break in to shake up these lame ramblings of incoherent and slobber-ridden brain farts that manifest themselves as "replies" on this thread. I deduce from reading MASSIVE numbers of posts that it is, apparently, cold as hell and snowing up north where a lot of you maggots reside. NEWS FLASH! This is (***SHOCK***) nothing new!!! If you dim-witted, slack-jawed, Cro-Magnon, navel lint encrusted geniuses don't realize that as soon as you go above the Tennessee state line, you are living in the ARCTIC CIRCLE, then I really don't SEE what your MALFUNCTION is! Guess what, maggots? I live in the Deep South. Where the national landmarks are well groomed trailer parks that make it on the cover of Southern Living magazine. Where you can marry that first cousin and nobody thinks it's an outrage. Where you actually shun the use of eating utensils and just use your hands to stuff your overwight butt with fried foods and watered down swill. But you know what? NO SNOW! So, if you're gonna complain "WAAAHHH!! I CAN'T SEND MY WIDDLE TURN BECAUSE I HAVE AN ICEBERG THAT HAS MIGRATED DOWN FROM THE ARCTIC CIRCLE AND KNOCKED OVER ALL MY POWER LINES!" then my advice is to pack up your dried foods, your moose (Canadians need only apply) and what little DIGNITY you have and take the Interstate SOUTH. Just make damn sure you bring a love of guns, your sisters, and sickeningly disturbing hyper-obsession with NASCAR with you. Us folk don't appreciate Yankee freaks and your "blue state" ways down here. And for God's sake, stop reading books. Now, FOCUS MAGGOTS. DANCE, little maggoty puppets. DANCE I SAY! (door creaks shut) (edited for spelling mistakes because reading pisses me off)

(continues to lurk)

Yes, I freely admit...'tis quite embarrasing. Not off to a rousing start, but from what I read here in this maggot infested wasteland of deranged grognard's it's no big loss. :mad: :mad: But accusing me of being a fanboi Canadian like Axe...well all I can say I've got shotguns that are brighter than them folk. OK, Ok...I'm not lurking like I said I would. I shall trouble ya'll no further. :mad: My local EB has a copy of CM:BB for $10 and it's been slowly decaying on the store shelf for the better part of a year. Should I pick it up?? (Seriously, you guys crack me up. I appreciate it. Makes for better day at work).

Aiight Pengers.... I've been silently reading these wack Cheery Waffles threads for at least a year now. They offer me a mixture of entertainment and abhorrence that I cannot find in other wargame threads...and I've looked. Believe me. But this current fetish involving posting of song lyrics has got to cease. The only song lyrics I want to see are from Generals Patton and McAurthur and maybe a few ballads from Stalin. But none of Mussolini's operatic hard rock. That crap stinks. So as a Waffles thread stalker, I humbly ask that you guys continue to entertain me with your incessant sarcasm and LAY OFF THE LINER NOTES! Get back to PBEMing each other and tossing TNT-flavord insults. This silent "fanboi" has spoken. I shall disappear once again. And I just have CM:BO. And it's not installed at the moment.

(oops, wrong thread) [ January 14, 2005, 09:51 AM: Message edited by: J. J. ]