Hortlund
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Posts
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Posts posted by Hortlund
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That is only because everyone is jealous and we get all the girls.Originally posted by Nidan1:Hortlund is a lawyer, they are universally despised, regardless of national origin.
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wohoo...We are taking over!! Now there are at least 5 confirmed Swedes on this board.
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Jussi, could you post a link or a list of the names of the books?
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shut up shut up shut up!!!
I have only read the first book in that series and I loved it. I'm looking for the other ones, but I havent been able to find them yet.
NO SPOLIERS please.
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Yeah, yeah, I know I know. If at first you dont succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried.Originally posted by Lars:There's a lesson in there for you somewhere.
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Abbot, I have some (20 boards + a couple of historical), but not all. For example, I do not have 1-4, but I do have 5-11...etc
Shoot me a mail if you want them.
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hehe, the most bewildering part about the Vasa is the fact that for some reason we have raised the bloody ship from the bottom of the ocean, put it on land (so it wouldnt sink again one might presume), built a museum around it and is showing it off to the whole world.
Its absurd. Look at our greatest failure: yes, we suck.
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W H A T? Are you seriously saying that the British navy has had a ship named "Mars"? ANYONE with even half a brain knows that "Mars" is the proud name of one of history's greatest warships, the old Swedish battle ship.Originally posted by BilgeRat:... "Mars" sullying the name of these fine ships which fought on the glorious 21st of October
[History teacher mode]
The admiral ship Mars was one of the most famous battle ships in Europe during medieval times due to its formidable strength and the tales of the hideous curse resting over the ship. The curse origins from believes that the church bells that King Gustav Vasa claimed by force and melted down into canons annoyed God. Regardless if it was the curse or the overwhelming force of the Danish and Lubish fleet the Mars meet its destiny outside northern Öland in the year of our lord 1564 and disappeared below the waves and have since rested untouched and forgotten for centuries.
The ship measured 60 meter (200 ft) or more in length and had a width of 15 meters (50 ft) and weighted 2200 tons. She was armed with 173 bronze canons of varying size and legions of falkonettes and falkones and had a crew of more than 700 men.
[/History teacher mode]
The insolence is untolerable, the nerve of that british wannabe-navy that has never accomplished ANYTHING important WHATSOEVER in the history of mankind. Have THEY dared to defile the proud "Mars"? What pray tell was the british version of the "Mars"? A 10 foot longboat manned by drunken sods? How silly of me the WHOLE british navy has never been anything but a semi amusing gathering of drunken sods sitting in hollowed tree logs in various degrees of decay. There they sit drinking piss warm "ale" and name their logs after their imagined sexual abilities "Victory" (presumably after someone finally managed to get lucky with the town prostitute) "Repulse" (someone who failed the same endeavour), "Rodney" (someone naming his "boat" after his boyfriend) etc etc.
Well enough is enough. I will not accept this insult on the greatest navy ever to sail the seven seas.
*Takes off glove*
*slap*
Choose your *slap* weapons sire, *slap* slap* for I demand reparation.
*slap* slap* *SLAP*
*throws down glove*
[ January 29, 2003, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
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Does the pope wear a funny hat?Originally posted by Ubertracker:should I just shake my head, mumble something about people with too much time on their hands, and stumble off...
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Learned that song from your mother, did you?Originally posted by Moriarty:Oh, what can you do with a drunken sailor,
what can ya do with a drunken sailor ...
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Sure, why not? Dont picture it as a big gun crammed down into a trench, but a gun really well dug in and with added cover of sandbags etc. There are some pictures of AT guns dug in so the gun barrel is just centimeters above the ground. If you do that with a big AT gun (or even a flak gun) it would be horribly hard to knock it out.Originally posted by Rex_Bellator:Should AT guns be allowed in trenches?
[ January 28, 2003, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
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*tries not to laugh out loud*
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eat very bad baloney sandwiches
Im from Sweden and all, and all I know about american prisons is what they show us on tv, so I have to wonder if this is prison slang for something else?
[ January 28, 2003, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
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Fancy that, I didnt know Lord Nelsons flagship was named "Dr Banana"...lucky guess I suppose.Originally posted by BilgeRat:Lord Nelson'd be rising up from 'is very grave at the name of his flagship being attached to such an undertaking.
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Its that time again kids...
Quest for the anointed armored car
Battle #3
Lt Hortlund vs sgtgoody
AAR
A dozen ships flying the Soviet colors were rapidly approaching from the east. There were no time to prepare defensive positions as the Commies would be within firing range any minute. As the tiny frigates were trying to move north to evade battle the warships set battle sails and formed a defensive line to block the red ships. Only 5 warships were included in this line. Soon the first ships opened fire.
At the far south of the Axis line the 32 cannon frigate "Audacity" engaged two Soviet ships closing in on her. The hostile ships did not even try to maneuver, they just kept going straight at her at full speed. They probably wanted to board her to make most use of their advantage in manpower. "Audacity" was dividing her firepower to inflict as much damage as possible on the two ships before they could grabble her. Soon the sound of musket fire could be heard from the south, the Communists would soon be within boarding range.
The main thrust came in the middle however, where 6 red frigates were trying to force an opening in the Axis line. Here, just 3 ships, "Mars", "Victory" and "Dr Banana" lay between the Soviets and the tiny frigates. A bad move by one of the Soviet ships put her right in front of "Dr Banana" who managed to rake her twice with full broadsides. This put the soviet ship out of the action and she was last seen trying to retreat south. Meanwhile "Mars" and "Victory" were engaging 3 Russian ships a bit further to the north. It was impossible to see how the battle went over there due to the large clouds of smoke from the cannons. The communist ships were at a serious disadvantage though as they were all still flying full sails.
Undoubtedly the vile Soviet admiral had his sights set for the tiny frigates, and wanted to breach the axis line as soon as possible. This led to the red ships being more vulnerable to chain shots however, and soon two more German ships were forced to retreat south without any sails. At the extreme north of the Swedish line "Bedside Romeo" was fighting alone against 3 Soviet ships. No news were heard from that part of the line, and nothing could be seen through the thick smoke. Musket fire could be heard though.
The Axis line was rapidly deteriorating, as the engagement turned into a melee of ships. Tactical control was lost as every ship tried to survive. "Dr Banana" was hit by two broadsides that took out most of her crew. At the same time "Victory" managed to rake a soviet ship with her left broadside, and just a few seconds later fire off her right broadside against a soviet ship maneuvering to get behind her. "Mars" had been rammed by a soviet frigate and a vicious melee was taking place aboard both ships. Further south "Audacity" had driven off one of the soviet ships engaging her, and she was desperately maneuvering to avoid being boarded by the second ship.
At this critical time of the battle axis morale was very low, close to the point of breaking. Then, at this critical moment, two things happened. First, two soviet ships collided as they both were trying to move within grappling range of the crippled "Dr Banana". At the same time the captain of the frigate "Victory" managed to maneuver his ship behind the now disabled soviet ships. She pumped broadside after broadside into the helpless russians. Suddenly one of the communist ships exploded with a thunderous roar. The ensuing fire soon reached the other ship too, and they slowly sank together. The three still floating soviet ships within sight of this disaster quickly decided that the battle was lost. As they were trying to escape south, one was sunk by a broadside from "Victory" and the other one lost most of her rig.
Meanwhile, the crew aboard "Mars" had managed to save their ship against the boarding Soviets. The red army soldiers soon surrendered when they saw "Victory" approaching from behind, ready to blast both ships out of the water if the axis sailors should loose the battle. And thus the battle ended, with 2 axis ships badly damaged but still floating, and with 5 soviet ships lost. It was indeed a magnificent victory for the young axis navy.
Key:
Change all references to ships, naval battle, and medieval weapons to appropriate armored cars, land combat situations and ww2 weapons.
Change the scenery from "the ocean" to "land"
Instead of "vile Soviet admiral" insert "sgtgoodey"
Short version:
Yeah, I won this one too.
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Oh yeah? Well I faked every last one "honey"...It wasnt easy, but I did it.Originally posted by CMplayer:Yes, Hortlund gubben, It's me. And believe me I'm soooo glad to be free of you and that infernal strap-on you always made me wear.
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Annelie, (My ex-girlfriend) is that you?Originally posted by CMplayer:But more amused would I be to see you tied up in a burlap sack and flung from a flatbed onto the freeway.
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Oh, that reminds me
Quest for the anointed armoured car
AAR 2
Lt Hortlund vs Mike
Vini...
Vidi...
Vici.
(I dont know how else to put it really. Yes, he tried to put up a fight...for about three turns, then he surrendered to my mighty cars {Romanian captured BA-10s} so...much like Caesar...I claim victory -against a pitifully weak opponent, yes -but nevertheless a victory)
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To my knowledge tracers were common. More experienced units tended to discontinue the use of tracers though, especially at night where using tracers is about the same thing as yelling "here I am".
I've read accounts of soldiers putting sacks over the muzzles of their weapons to dampen the muzzle flashes.
I dont know if you have fired a machine gun yourself, but lets just say that if you are the gunner, those tracers dont to squat to improve your aim. It is more like -aim, shoot, reaquire target, aim, shoot. The idea is that the observer/leader observes the tracers and calls out corrections to the gunner. But at normal combat ranges (up to 700m) the observer can tell where the bullets are hitting from other visible signs. Dirt cascades where bullets strike, brushes and small trees being cut down etc.
My own personal opinion about tracers is that while they look cool, especially at night, they serve no real purpose, and they are outright idiotic to use at night.
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Please dont ever upgrade the forums ever again *shakes badly*
I had to endure several hours at work today without access to the BB It wa...*eyes begins to tear up uncontrollably*
it was so horrible. I had to surf weird weird sites in order to avoid having to work.
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It wasnt a joke. It was my way of showing my appreciation of the not-yet-crowned-but-acting-as-if-he-was-King and his merry men.
[ January 23, 2003, 07:13 AM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
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This is something you should all think about...it could happen to you.
Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
The lady asked, "What's that?"
"A condom, the other lady responded. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet."
"Where did you get it?"the other lady asked.
"You can get them at any drugstore"
The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
"It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
[ January 23, 2003, 05:20 AM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
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Quest for the anointed armoured car
AAR Battle 1
The Italian/Hungarian/Romanian BUT NOT FINNISH forces of Lt Hortlund faced the vile green Soviet armoured cars commanded by inept Nidan1
The outcome can best be described with a song.
Where have all the russians gone
Long time passing
Where have all the russians gone
Long time ago
Where have all the russians gone
Nidan1 killed them everyone
When will he ever learn, when will he ever learn
How did Nidan1 kill them all
Long time passing
How did Nidan1 kill them all
Long time ago
How did Nidan1 kill them all
Forgot to check the flanks of his
When will he ever learn, when will he ever learn
So where have all his green cars gone
Long time passing
Where have all his green cars gone
Long time ago
Where have all his green cars gone
Turned to wrecks now in the sun
When will he ever learn, when will he ever learn
Where have all the burnt out wrecks gone
Long time passing
Where have all the burnt out wrecks gone
Long time ago
Where have all the burnt out wrecks gone
Young girls picked them everyone
Where have all the young girls gone
Long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone
Long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone
Gone to celebrate LtHortlunds victory everyone
(apologies to Kingston Trio)
[ January 22, 2003, 02:10 PM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
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The text I want:
Under "My daddies:"
Abbott (donated by LtHortlund)
Abbott, this is my way of saying thank you for a wonderful map, a great balanced battle, and a very interesting choice of forces.
[ January 22, 2003, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]
MasterGoodale's Mystery WWII Photo Thread (Pics Posted!)
in Combat Mission: Barbarossa to Berlin
Posted
Guy in the background in the second picture...doesnt he look a bit like Hess?
Oh, and "Stalin" doesnt it look like he might be wearing SS Obergruppenfuhrer (or some similar high rank) collar...collar...cant find the word in english...the rank on the collar...arguhhh help me with the word.
[ January 31, 2003, 05:08 AM: Message edited by: Leutnant Hortlund ]