BilgeRat

Aaaarrgh! BilgeRat rolls out of his hammock with a thud and peers out at the rest of the shipDouble aaaaarrgh! blinks repeatedly to dispel the vision before him Damme, what is this the HMS Pinafore? Some sort of genteel ladies sewing circle? scrambles back into hammock and closes eyes all the while muttering Damme, too much grog, too much grog....

Aaarrgh! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>No, no, no, Bilgerat! Pawbroon is French, and Shandorf is an Idiot. Thus, he is a citizen of the largest nation on earth.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I thought for a second it was a squall humming through the rigging but damme if it aint the ship's purser muttering in my ear and blinking owlishly in the unaccustomed daylight. Is there some sort of quota of one on the French, if so zero would be better. It seems then another has slipped through the net. French is not just a place but a state of mind and there can be no doubting the Frenchness of Monsewer Jeffrey. Tha Poltroon is French in a sort of quasimodoish lurking obscure sort of way. Monsewer Jefferey is French in a pestilence upon the face of the earth sort of way, a cowardly prancing braggart, posturing on the quarterdeck. There is no denying the Frenchness of this fellow when the gallant Babra was swept upon the lee shore he didn't offer succour but gleefully claimed victory as the crew perished in the storm. French through and through I say. Hopefully soon he will be cut off at the knees by British chain shot. Turning to the mousey little fellow you have taken under your wing. Let me remind you of the Kings regulations regarding such practises. Perhaps the best way to deal with Pantaloons would be if the Cap'n organised a boarding party the capture his flagship the CM2 FAQ. That would take the wind out of his sails. Methinks the South Seas Parrot is squawking loudly and repetitively at the moment. He seems to have partaken of the same mouldy batch of hardtack that Pantaloons has been nibbling. As for Mr Spkr his performance has improved but he is no Mr Shkspr.

Aaaarrgh! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Unless one of you really think you got the stones I really think the choice is obvious. Bah!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> There is nothing so unseamanly than this blustering braggart <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>This chest beating comes with an spine back 30 day gaurantee! If I don't kick the **** out of you, then I'll send your spine back to you unharmed and whole!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Alas the pompous prancing poltroon has spoken, bullying his way to his objective and setting an example that constant bleating is successful. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So what do you say fluff boy? Care to put you panties where your mouth is?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Having got his way his slimey charm is to the fore as he attempts to remove tha ships panties. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Babra: He has givin up on life as we know it... He has *gasp* stop playing CM. No matter since I was beating him 60 something to 30. So he has surrendered. ME: winner by a TKO.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The cowards true colours are revealed! Down with his flag of convenience and up with the tricolour. Only a Frenchman would stoop so low as to dishonourably seize upon his opponents indisposition to slip the stilletto into his back then crow "I win! I win! I am the greatest!" There can be no doubt that this Monsewer Jefferey is French. The Frenchness shines through in his dastardly and despicable posturing, his sleazyness and his ungentlemanly crowing. Only a Frenchman upon seeing his opponent aground upon a lee shore would not offer the succour that a true seaman offers even his opponent in peril but rather give the hapless a couple of broadsides. Damme ye Jefferey you are as foul a scoundrel as ere swung from the yardarm. In the words of the immortal: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You must hate a Frenchman as you do the devil. -- Admiral Lord Nelson<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The French.....these pests of the human race- Admiral Lord Nelson<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No doubt Jefferey is a martinet and a flogging captain, for what crew would willingly follow such bombast. He fancies himself as the reincarnation of Boney hisself as he lays waste to all and sundry. Boney and his French rabble met their match in Nelson and the British Tar and let me remind him of Boney's Lament: "I did pursue the Egyptians sore, Till Turks and Arabs lay in gore; The rights of France I did restore So long in confiscation. I chased my foes through mud and mire Till in despair my men did tire. Then Moscow town was set on fire, My men were lost Through winter frost; I ne'er before received such blast Since the hour of my creation." So come out from whatever bolthole you are lurking Monsewer and face my brave British lads who fight for King and Country not at the behest of tha 'cat' or in fear of the guillotine. Come what may we will not shirk our duty nor flinch from the fiercest broadside. While there's ship's grog to be had the British Tar will not be flaunting hisself about for the sake of a couple of barrels of colonial wine either. "Lord Nelson bold, though threaten'd wide, And many a time he had been tried, He fought like a hero till he died Amid the battle gory. But the day was won, their line was broke, While all around was lost in smoke, And Nelson he got his death-stroke, That's the man for old England! He faced his foe with his sword in hand And he lived and he died in his glory." Should you accept you can expect to hear from my second in due course if not then you will be blockaded.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I've stopped many times in the middle of a game, because it was pointless to continue.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Spoken like a true Frenchman.

Aaaaaarrgh! Cap'n Yuckertoo gave the order to fire on the uproll. As the 18pdrs roared our shot went high flying straight over the Oberst. "The Oberst seems to have a lot of space in the rigging!" exclaimed the Cap'n.

Aaaarrgh! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Quam se ipse amans- sine rivali!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aaarrgh! O the Chesapeake so bold Out of Boston she was towed To take an English frigate Neat and handy, O; And the people in the port, They came to see the sport, Whilst the music played up Yankee doodle dandy, O. Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Now the British frigate's name, 0 that for the purpose came To cool the Yankees' courage Neat and handy, 0, Was the Shannon, Captain Broke, With his men all hearts of oak, Who for fighting was allowed to be The dandy, 0. Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Just before the fight began, Said the Yankees with much fun: We'll tow her into Boston Neat and handy, 0; And then afterwards we'll dine With our sweethearts and our wives, And we'll dance the jig called Yankee doodle dandy, 0. Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Now the fight had scarce begun When they flinch-ed from the guns, Which they thought that they would fight So neat and handy, 0; Then brave Broke he drew his sword, crying: Now my lads we'll board And we'll stop them playing Yankee doodle dandy, 0. Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! They no sooner heard the word Than they quickly jumped on board, And haul-ed down the ensign Neat and handy, 0. Notwithstanding all their brag, Soon the glorious British flag At the Yankee's mizen-peak it looked The dandy, 0. Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Here's a health, my boys, to you, With your courage stout and true. Who fought the Chesapeake So neat and handy, 0; And may it ever prove That in fighting as in love That the true British sailor Is the dandy, 0. Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy! Hi! Yankee doodle doo, Yankee doodle dandy!

Originally posted by JasonC <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It is just bilge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Aaaargh! You rang? [ 06-08-2001: Message edited by: BilgeRat ]

Aaaarrgh! As we closed upon the enemy line they opened fire at long range with shot and chain aiming at our rigging. But their fire was ineffective humming through our rigging or raising great spouts around our ship. The men stood to their stations waiting. Occasionally now the ship trembled as a shot thudded into our hull but their fire was sporadic and ill-aimed. Thank god they had not the skill of our own gunners or our plight would be grave. The Cap'n gave the order "Wear round on the starboard tack and bring us across their bows at pistol shot range" "Gunner, double shot the guns, fire as you bear". There was a cheer from the starboard chaser crew as one of their shots brought down the top of their foremast. The enemy had their chance to cripple us and had failed. Soon they would know with regret the difference between their rabble and a British crew.....

Aaaarrgh! Cap'n tha bilge is particularly odious on this voyage and may have to be pumped. The ships surgeon says the health of the crew is at stake. Some reports from the scurvy dogs in the midshipmen's berths: Panties is inciting the crew to mutiny and licentiousness. If he is not flogged soon I fear he will be "lost overboard" thanks to the disgust of his messmates. Some snippets overheard from Panties on this voyage: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What was that disturbing de smooth glasslike surface of my pool?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Panties suffers delusions that he is the Cap'n, inciting mutiny, thankfully ignored by the crew. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hey YK2, you know, in a way, you are kinda like my sister, what with Paw and all. I still wouldn't mind seeing you naked though.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Smutty. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Geez, Sis you sound like you have a crush on him or something. That is, to put it mildly, Grody. Why don't you forget playing the Islander and welcome your new boyfriend to the club? Maybe he can se you naked, humph!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Inanity.."present!" Scintillating wit.."absent" <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Awww Cripes, how did I happen to attract the attention of a stupid newbie GIT??<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Spends time gazing in mirror. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Who are you, what do you want, and what the hell is that supposed to mean?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Totally ignorant of the traditions of the service. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You must be one of the knights who say "Nee!"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Subtle! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Plus, it places an emphasis on that area of the anatomy which I am attempting to steer clear of (in casual conversation that is -- tee-hee.)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> More of the same. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The Self-Proclaimed Thread-Master of the Official Unofficial CM2 FAQ<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Wears his abject failure as some sort of badge. Is it any wonder Cap'n that Panties is detested by his shipmates, Seaman Phan declares he is cute but sodomy in the King's navy is a hanging offence. Organ grinder was pressganged when we made port in kiwiland and has all the traitorousness and depravity his countrymen are known for. He has been witnessed in traitorous consultation with the enemy plotting a cowardly attack upon the ship and was overheard declaring HM navy was an "abomination". <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now for all those pengsters who keep expressing curiosity as to why I'm still here...well it's 'cos of that famous Maori comedian Wittee Repartee (now sadly dceased and much missed). I miss him (sob), and while collectively you're not fit to recycle his shaving foam, you're the best this board seems to be able to offer.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Organ grinder and his bike riding monkey have been sickening the crew with their "comedy" routine. Probably not suprising coming from the nation which invented woolen dental floss but even the hardened mariners of the lower decks develop "seasickness" when Organ grinder appears. Witness this: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Try using some KY-Y2K - alows 4 digits to fit where only 2 did before.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ewww. I fear if the admiral sees any of this on the ship he may decide to disband the crew. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If you want a challenge then here's one - GET A LIFE<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> More kiwi wit. Ironic. Finally I must discuss the work of former masters mate Mr Spkr. In the past a valuable shipmate, but a shadow of hisself after the taking of the Indomitable in '04 when he was crippled by a musket ball and the surgeon had to amputate all his vowels. He is falling sadly short of the standards required Cap'n and should be invalided out of the service, preferably on some deserted south Atlantic rock. Some examples: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>What, they repossessed his sheep ranch?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Original! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>SIX whole games? Wow. Don't want you to strain yourself or anything.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Biting Sarcasm! In conclusion if something is not done about these malingerers Cap'n I fear the ships crew will mutiny or the Admiral will see us as a blot on the service and disband us.

Aaaaarrgh! Mace has raised a 68pdr carronade from the wreck of the Santissima Trinidad. He plans to blast the misbegotten annoying little twerp Patsy tha Lubber right out of the Pool. Next he will load a barrel of vowels and give Spkr a broadside. The cheers of the crew will be deafening.

David Aitken says: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mods are dumb, who needs them<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>BTS says: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I don't play with Mods<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Clearly you are all infidels.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: Arrrrggghhhhh!!! Whats that on the horizon? Its a stampeding horde of SSN's and Newbie wannabees! Get them thar wagons in a circle, man the battlements, heat the pitch barrells, raise the yardarm and stow that scuttlebutt soldier! Prepare to repel boarders!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Aaaargh! Belay that Mr Stuka. There'll be no mixed metaphors on this ship. Back to yer station and stop running round the quarterdeck or I'll have ye flogged. Pray tell the gunner's mate to load grape.

Aargh! Mutiny on the lower decks! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>As some of you may know there is a census coming around on August the 7th. For those who don't know, a census is where the government collates general information about it's residents (number of people living in your house, religion, etc). If there are enough people in Australia, who put down a religion that isn't mentioned on the census form it becomes a fully recognised and legal religion. It usually takes about 10,000 people to nominate the same religion It is for this reason that it has been suggested that anyone who does not have a dominant religion to put "Jedi" as their religion. Send this on to all your friends and tell them to put down "Jedi" on their census form. And remember ......If you are a member of the Jedi religion then you are by default a 'Jedi Knight'. So If this has been your dream since you were 4 years old.... Do it cos you love Star Wars, if not........... then just do it to annoy people or the Government, or because you think it would be fun.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> [ 04-23-2001: Message edited by: BilgeRat ]

Aargh! before Gustav could decide, the press gang entered the bar, knocked him unconcious and dragged him off to serve in His Majesties Navy. Lt Bates questioned him closely but when the ships surgeon examined him he found...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Maximus: Make him walk the plank! :eek: Just like every bloody scurry dog should do under terms of mutiny!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Aaargh! Your dogs may scurry but methinks this one is of the scurvy variety.

Arrrgh!