Papa Khann

Hey, SomeNachos, are you too busy contemplating your newfound Polar Bear dogma to play a little CM with one of the unwashed masses of nonbelievers? Seems to me you voiced some ambition to indulge me (no, not with that) before you went off to Canada to commune with Fred. Papa

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So you'll be sodding off then? Papa

Nice try, El Boobaloo. However, your remarks do not compute. First, I doubt you possess the brainpower to see past that giant proboscis you have planted beneath your lone rheumy eye. To consider that you could think far enough ahead to set out "bait" is doubtful at best. Of course in theory, THEORY mind you, you might possess just enough intellect to pull it off. Not that I've noticed any evidence of it in your previous posts. But lets say I'm feeling generous today and I cede that point to you. This would lead us to my next observation. Had any of us the tiniest smattering of pride, would we be here? Of course not. So whats your point, Boo-Hoo? In closing, I wish only to state categorically that your repeated emails, phone calls, post cards, personal visits (and I should warn you, Boo-Boo, that outside Akron these "visits" are referred to as stalking), and general pestering about my female relatives will get you nowhere. Whatever innocent comment I may have made that you've chosen to misinterpret as a sign of hope that one of them might consider you a potential suitor, consider it all a mistake and a fallacy. Thanks to your sniveling and cajoling, they all hate me now more than they ever have, so even if I were inclined to help you (which I'm not... I hate them all right back, but there's a limit on how much suffering I'd wish on any living creature) I couldn't. And that goes double for the cadavers in the family plot, Boo. Stay out! Papa

Joe needs no misspelling to have insolence heaped upon his aged noggin. It's a given. Oh, and biffy is slang for the loo. Papa

Here are a few suggestions. I'd try to settle myself down and offer more, but in my neck of the woods we refer to the gleeful state of mind and frenzied manner that accompany an opportunity like this as choking on the drool: 1) Joe Shaw 2) R_Late 3) Pantless Leader 4) Boo_Rattly 5) SomeNachos 6) All of the OddzStralians 7) BeerGut 8) Lard

Is that the worn patch of carpet in your dorm room between the t.v. set and the biffy? Pantless, isn't it time for nurse Ratchett to administer your daily injection? You appear to be overdue. Tall words, Pantless. Not particularly veracious, but tall words nonetheless. Makes me wonder what sort of drivel you'd spout if you were actually winning (not that I'm likely to ever find out). Papa

Pantless Leader, I am forced to ask two questions. 1) How on earth did you finagle that Panzer IV with the titanium armor? 2) What game are you referring to? Certainly not the one in which you and I are currently engaged. Admittedly, my Yanks have suffered a minor setback or two. But the towel thrown in? Hardly. Vengence may belong to the lord, but I'll still have your pantless arse hanging on the wall in my trophy room. Papa

Well, all right then! Let me be the first to rat him out. Back-stabbed in the finest traditions of the 'pool. Both our battles are/have been not ME's, but attacks. And him defending as the Germans, no less! Maybe you could forget to count them in the final tally? A couple of extra nights in the box couldn't hurt, either. I say this for his own good, you see. "New meat's got to learn the rules, same as everybody else. He got the box, 'cause he back talked to the man." See what ragging on me (so I forgot to attach the turn. Sue me) gets you, Pop Can? Any more parameters you were supposed to use?</font>

Wrong again, Boo-Hoo! The smoke you are referring to has considerably more flame associated with it. Papa

Yes, my Liege. I hear you and obey, my Liege. Boo_Rattly - I cry foul!! I was assured that due to his incompetence as a battlefield commander, Boo-Boo is an easy game. Tis true, he is incompetent, but not nearly as incompetent as I had hoped. Maybe I can continue to hide behind that giant smoke screen I created with all of my artillery while I form a new plan of attack. R_Late - He claims we're having some sort of email difficulties. I suspect the truth is somewhat different. He has grown to fear my superior tactical awareness and is hoping to delay the game until CM:BB is released and we both just forget about the whole thing. Pantless Leader - It all looked so promising a turn ago. His panzer sat in flames. His infantry on my left was in rout. Now the gamey bastiche has retaliated and evened the score in the center. Why don't they ever realize when my superior tactical awareness has bested them and just lay down like the dogs they are and surrender? Oh bother. Nobutt - Has started whining about how the computer generated forces aren't fair because I appear to have more boxy things with big pointy things sticking out of them than he does. Of course it appears that way to you, Nobutt. You who cannot appreciate the intricate and brilliant workings of my superior tactical awareness. If you had a butt, I'd tell you to prepare to kiss it good-bye. Joe - What can I say? Panzer Armee Khann in all it's splendor and glory, about to be bested by Joe and his bleedin' Frogs. I'll just saunter over to The Box and inter myself, my Liege. I have failed you and I have failed House Persiflage. Papa

I can't think of anything funny to post either. So I thought I'd resort to the time-honored tradition of taking a cheap shot at Boo-Boo. Here goes. {unserious}And has that helped to alleviate your loneliness?{/unserious} Papa

Ok. I expect a strange turn of events in the next file. (What, you actually put some thought into this turn?) However, I'd like to point out, Are_Late, that this whole "have CM, want to play game" thing we're having a go at would flow much more smoothly if you'd kindly: 1) Stop pattering on about how "Oh this turn is a doozy" and "Oh what fun you'll have when and if I ever get around to emailing this turn to you" 2) FOR THE LOVE OF PETE STUFF A CORK IN IT AND SEND ME MY BLEEDIN' TURN, YOU DOLT Papa

As a matter of fact, it often works better to actually do the sending yourself, when it is your damn move, Pop Korn. I don't give a rat's a$$ (which is far better than you deserve, anyway), what you want. I want to live a life of decadent luxury, but it ain't gonna happen, either.</font>

Goes with that big metal plate in your head then, eh Joe? And those replacement hips and knees and, um, "other things" you've got; did you get those before plastics were invented or after? Better be careful, Joe, you're going to start setting off the metal detectors when you drive past the airport. Papa

Well, you appear to be drawing breath anyway. Whether you're sentient or not remains to be seen. P.S. It would look more convincing if you stood up straight and stopped dragging your knuckles on the ground when you walk. I'm waiting my "fecking" turn, oh Pantless one. I've been waiting my "fecking" turn quite patiently FOR DAYS AND DAYS. I'm not greedy. Just forget about everyone else and send me what I need. For instance, A "FECKING" TURN. After that, you can go putter about with SomeNachos and YesNodUhhuh and the rest of your high school shop class dropouts. Papa

I think he should get another chance, but be made to perform some form of penance. Say, 1000 words on why he aspires to be the pissboy of us all. Wait, I doubt Ass Master knows 1000 words. Plus then we'd be stuck listening to him prattle on for far too long. How about 500 words? Papa

Tarnation! Just like an Aussie to go and pull a (shudder) valid excuse out of his pocket. Curses! Ok, Mace, you're off the hook. Temporarily. Now back into your cell and no more poking your head out until CM:BB beta is closed. Papa

Excellent. Only that will take up to an additional 9 weeks. Try checking a calendar, you wonk. Or better yet, learn to read (I'll bet you just looked at the picture in that press release, didn't you?). Or better yet, watch me slap you silly in the First Semi-Irregular Great CessPool House Tourney! A setup is on its way to you. Being the most integral component of Panzer Armee Khann, I shall play the Axis, you the Allies. Prepare to meet your downfall for the greater glory of House Persiflage and my superior tactical awareness. Papa P.S. Does anyone else suspect Joe worked the term Irregular into the title of his tourney because he's having another one of those days?

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Capt, I say this with complete and total honestly, from the bottom of my heart (wherever it is), without ill intention or malice, in complete harmony with myself and the universe... You scare me. Papa

Gee, Bonana, thanks loads (no pun intended) for the scatology. I realize that for one of your limited intelligence, it must be fascinating to probe the inner depths of your anatomy and examine what you find there. However, on behalf of the Pool, I'd like to take this opportunity to BEG YOU FOR THE LOVE OF GOD to spare us having to listen to you prattle on about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to drop in at the local clinic and inquire as to the possibility of having the last few hours of my memory wiped. I want to be able to sleep tonight. Papa P.S. And don't knock one-eyed fat men. Some of the great figures of history have been one-eyed fat men. And from what I hear this Berli fellow isn't ALL bad either. [ July 12, 2002, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: Papa Khann ]

Excellent. I'll stand right behind you. Now if you'll just step a bit closer to the flames.... Papa

Goanna. What the h*ll sort of name is Goanna anyway? Were you trying to cheer your sister on in a footrace? (And given the likes of AJ, Noba, Mace, and the rest of your inbred lot, lord knows the poor girl would have good reason to RUN FOR HER LIFE.) Oh bother. I suppose I should just let you off with a warning this time, Go-NaNa. But mind your manners, lest I be forced to exercise my superior tactical awareness and unleash the fury of Panzer Armee Khann upon you and your unfortunate mistaken-for-a-rest-stop-by-the-skipper-of-the-prison-ship continent. Papa

Actually, I remember one post where I made only 53.1 hard core references to your be(sotted)loved homeland. I may not have been feeling well that day. Papa [ July 11, 2002, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Papa Khann ]