Hakko Ichiu Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Since Stuka is off to the pub for his wedding within the hour (surely, "church"? - ed.), I offer these words in the hope that he will maintain his sense of priorities: The Betrothed "You must choose between me and your cigar." -- BREACH OF PROMISE CASE, CIRCA 1885. Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout, For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out. We quarrelled about Havanas -- we fought o'er a good cheroot, And I knew she is exacting, and she says I am a brute. Open the old cigar-box -- let me consider a space; In the soft blue veil of the vapour musing on Maggie's face. Maggie is pretty to look at -- Maggie's a loving lass, But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass. There's peace in a Larranaga, there's calm in a Henry Clay; But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away -- Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown -- But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o' the talk o' the town! Maggie, my wife at fifty -- grey and dour and old -- With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold! And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are, And Love's torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar -- The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket -- With never a new one to light tho' it's charred and black to the socket! Open the old cigar-box -- let me consider a while. Here is a mild Manila -- there is a wifely smile. Which is the better portion -- bondage bought with a ring, Or a harem of dusky beauties, fifty tied in a string? Counsellors cunning and silent -- comforters true and tried, And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride? Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes, Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close, This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return, With only a Suttee's passion -- to do their duty and burn. This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead, Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead. The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main, When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again. I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal, So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall. I will scent 'em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides, And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides. For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o' Teen. And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear, But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year; And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light Of stums that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight. And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove, But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o'-the-Wisp of Love. Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire? Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire? Open the old cigar-box -- let me consider anew -- Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you? A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke; And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke. Light me another Cuba -- I hold to my first-sworn vows. If Maggie will have no rival, I'll have no Maggie for Spouse! - Rudyard Kipling ------------------ Ethan ----------- "We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech." -- Dr. Kathleen Dixon, Director of Women's Studies, Bowling Green State University Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croda Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Kipling was always so long winded... How about a good old Australian Hemmingway: "Good luck, mate." ------------------ WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! - THIS SIG FILE BELONGS TO A COMPLETE FOO. MR T WOULDN'T BE SO KIND AS TO WRINKLE AN EYEBROW AT THIS UNFORTUNATE BEING. PLEASE OFFER HIS PARENTS AND COHABITANTS ALL SYMPATHY POSSIBLE. MAY BE CONTAGIOUS. CONTAINS ARTIFICIAL SWEETNER, INTELLIGENCE AND WIT. STAND WELL CLEAR AND LIGHT WICK. BY ORDER PETERNZ Damn Croda. That is one funny sig!!! must suck to be you - Hiram Sedai Croda, you rock! - Meeks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 I recommend to Herr Stuka: four beers, quickly, immediatly prior to the event: you can still function perfectly, but you really wont give a rip...nine years on, I've got the ring to prove it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPeng Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Congratulations to you Stuka! Best of luck to you and your new wife. May you have a long and happy life together. Peng Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chupacabra Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Best of luck, Stuka! Be sure to do something funny involving cake and your tux ------------------ Soy super bien soy super super bien soy bien bien super bien bien bien super super Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevetherat Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Stuka Just stay away from lamposts and rope. Punch anyone who attempts to derobe you. Drink only shandy. It's a girls drink, but who can tell? You're then less pissed than your mates and ready for a swift counterstrike. Eat a big breakfast. I have seen a few people fall over at the altar. And, even less attractive, empty the contents of their stomach over the preacher, or your intended. Have a lovely day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I/O Error Posted February 3, 2001 Share Posted February 3, 2001 Just remember you're just making the bond that you've held for years official. No need to be nervous, you love her and she loves you. More powah to ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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