PeterNZer Posted January 21, 2001 Share Posted January 21, 2001 Greetings everyone. I am designing a template for PBEM challenges between the cesspool inclined, and thought you lot might like a look. This template will not suit everyone, however, if you like it give it a go. DESIGN PHILOSOPHY: Some prefer Kant and so on, others the classical ones. But in general, philosophy is pants, so just forget about it. On with the template. ================================= PBEM GAME Greetings: ingrate / fool / sheep shagger Your choice of side / you are the most disadvantaged side Let me know if you agree with the situation and setup, either way this is the scenario we're playing. If you don't like it you can: die / sniff my rotten behind / cry like the girl you are. Alternatively please e-mail so I can: add you to spam lists / subscribe you to 'farm yard friends' / stalk you. Regards / Your mothers best lay, (Name) --------------------------------------------- SITUATION (background to the clash) for example: Your vomit-inducing presence has been felt on the board too long. I am here to teach you the meaning of the words 'you suck' and 'I rock'. or Your challenge to me causes mirth to swell from my belly like the belch after consuming a jar of pickled onions. You are no match for me you: crack loving panty wetter / anally-fixated carrot abuser / lint collecting dandruff snorter. SETUP OPTIONS (example below) You've been: set up badly / totally sandbagged / screwed beyond belief Force Type: Stuff with guns / stuff without guns / conscripts with toothpicks Force Composition: dark side / light side Force Purchase: gimped by a fellow pooler / AI / up to you to screw up on your own Battle Type: insane / laughable / crodaberg/ Force Size: 5000 / 5000 +10% / 5000 +20% Weather: fog / snow / night/ fog and snow and night / random TERRAIN crodaberg / random / the alps SPECIAL RULES no squealing on the boards/ winner controls sig file of looser for a month / promoted to squire if win / enforced servitude if loss E-MAIL PROCEDURES send a turn a day or: face ridicule on board / be accused of having 'other interests' E-mail file naming convention: now_you_die XX.txt / you_are_going_to_loose XX.txt PHILOSOPHY 1. My gaming philosophy is that I play to CRUSH YOU BENEATH MY HOBNAILED BOOT, not PLAY to crush you beneath my hobnailed boot. I play CM because it is fun, and I get to meet a lot of people with similar interests, then insult them, laugh at their ugly appearances, insult their homes, wives, jobs and sorry excuses for board postings. I like to win but I'm really more interested in grinding people into the dirt. If winning is ALL you care about then let's stop here because you're going to loose badly, and noone likes a crybaby. 2. I will accept any reasonable ceasefire if you plead for one by e-mail. If you're unlucky, I'll just demand we keep playing till every one of your men are so much red jam beneath my tank tracks. 3. If I haven't received a reply within 24 hours of e-mailing a PBEM file, I will not send it again. Instead, I will harass you on the Peng thread and demand you return to some semblence of manhood and send a file. 4. If I can't finish a game I won't be surrendering. Instead I'll tell eveyone I'm going to the south Pole and hope you've forgotten when I get back. 5. After the warm glow victory (or the cold, sludgy depths of defeat) we'll have debrief session of how the battle went. I find laughing at the looser in the debrief is as fun as the game - especially when you get to see the end game map and how badly you died. 6. Feel free to e-mail me your questions and comments before, during or after the game. I will most likely just ignore them, and if they're particularly stupid (eg. 'My wife beat me at CM' then I will post it to the thread. 7. Most of all, have fun dying. =============================== (with apologies to Beer_n_Pretzels) PeterNZ ------------------ "Don't F**K with Johnny Cash!" - Jon "I can be quite pleasant, you know" - Andreas "WHERE'S THE MOAT?!" - Jon [This message has been edited by PeterNZer (edited 01-20-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ales Dvorak Posted January 21, 2001 Share Posted January 21, 2001 Benny M.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beer_n_Pretzels Posted January 21, 2001 Share Posted January 21, 2001 Brilliant Now I know why the CM Forum has a cesspool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamstersss Posted January 21, 2001 Share Posted January 21, 2001 So, Peter, you haven't been paying any attention at all to the recent postings by the management, have you? Back in the Pool, Kiwi! ------------------ "My mortar refuses to fire! He's Yellow!" -Me "Send him to CM2." -Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterNZer Posted January 21, 2001 Author Share Posted January 21, 2001 Meeks, but this is genuinely ammusing And besides, it -is- a good template! PeterNZ ------------------ "I can be quite pleasant, you know" - Andreas "WHERE'S THE MOAT?!" - Jon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiram Sedai Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 I thoroughly enjoyed the template, Peter. ------------------ Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. - Blaise Pascal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
109 Gustav Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 LOL! Without a doubt, the best thing to come oozing out of the pool. ------------------ Well my skiff's a twenty dollar boat, And I hope to God she stays afloat. But if somehow my skiff goes down, I'll freeze to death before I drown. And pray my body will be found, Alaska salmon fishing, boys, Alaska salmon fishing. -Commercial fishing in Kodiak, Alaska Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted January 22, 2001 Share Posted January 22, 2001 Best Reference: "anally-fixated carrot abuser" Oh, my........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted January 23, 2001 Share Posted January 23, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer: Meeks, but this is genuinely ammusing And besides, it -is- a good template! PeterNZ <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I see. You post swill in the Peng Challenge Thread, where we have all implored you to better yourself. You ignore stern commandments from management to have your fun in the place designed for it. And you post this here. You are in for a damn stern whacking, young man. ------------------ Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties, Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices! But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli, All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother! We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more, We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted January 23, 2001 Share Posted January 23, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai: I thoroughly enjoyed the template, Peter. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Come on home, lad. ------------------ Tremble, tyrants and you perfidious opprobrium of all the parties, Tremblez! your parricidal projects finally will receive their prices! But these sanguinary despots, But these accomplices of Berli, All these tigers which, without pity, Bauhaus the centre of their mother! We will enter the career When our elder is not there any more, We will find there their dust And the trace of their virtues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted January 23, 2001 Share Posted January 23, 2001 Actually its a brilliant template, fits my personallity to a tee. I'll have to remember the naming convention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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