Lawyer Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 Combat Mission is the best and most realistic wargame ever. Moreover, Mad Matt and the other mod artists are making it even better everyday. But, mein herren und damen, one key element of real warfare is missing.... War booty! That's right, there's no actual plunder, swag, or boodle in CM to motivate your troops, enrichen your coffers, and show your neighbors in order to flaunt your victories. The best you can get from CM right now is a poetic taunt from Senachai or the pleasure of seeing Peng humbled once again, but where's the cash value of such rewards? Well, here's my offer to supply the missing element of avarice to your CM gameplay. Yes, now you can experience the thrill of ill-gotten reward through violence that has driven soldiers and entire armies since Cain first waxed Abel. All you need to do is Beat the Lawyer at PBEM to take home some loot! IF you win, I will send you one of my prize personal treasures in the mail. I will even pay the postage. What a deal! Interested?? Do I hear the sound of greedy lips smacking across the land? If so, then read the contest rules below. But first, let's have a look at what Lawyer is offering to whet your rapacious desires... Prize No. 1 -- "From Hell to Victory" video, where a group of "closely-knit friends" are torn apart by WW2. Truly epic in scope, covering the entire war from 1939 Paris to 1945 allied victory. Like all quality videos, it starts with a warning to adjust your VCR tracking if the picture doesn't work (it does work). This treasure has an approximate cash value of $2.99 plus tax at Best Buy, but it is surely more valuable to true war movie fans. Lawyer's Movie Review: "From Hell to Victory" is so bad that it's good. It has every movie cliche ever seen, including predictable dialogue, black jacket Gestapo agents, stereotype French resistance fighters, garbled soundtrack music, and post-war U.S. training aircraft and tanks posing as Nazi weapons. It even features a poor man's version of the Dunkirk beach battle for "Saving Prvate Ryan" junkies. Low budget works here, gentlemen, just like it does in "Casablanca". "Basically, the story is that George Peppard (Banacek-era) and George Hamilton (tanned, fit, and ready as always) win the war with some help from Eddie Albert (Green Acres) and Capucine (the princess in the original "Pink Panther"). Poor Horst Bucholtz (whatever happened to Horst?) plays the German loser in both love and war. "Peppard features his trademark 'three martinis too many' bleary-eyed look, while Hamilton does the best 'Frenchy' routine since Jerry Lewis. Forget 'Patton'. War movies don't get any better or worse than this." Prizes No. 2 to whenever I get enough PBEM games -- Your choice of Half-Life, SimCity 3000, Close Combat 2, Hidden & Dangerous, Mig Alley, East Front, Return to Krondor, BattleZone, Quake II, or Unreal. These games represent my various attempts to find game satisfaction before CM. They may or may not have cash value depending upon your personal taste, but I guarantee they are all worthy of getting for FREE to hang in your trophy case as proof of your victory in CM PBEM. CONTEST RULES: 1. I play for fun using realistic weapons and tactics to the extent I know them. So must you. No cheap jeep rushes or uber-tank fests. 2. You must have a sense of humor and put up with my coarse attempts at humor. Sorry, no exceptions. 3. We play Version 1.05, either manageable QB or established scenarios, and try to make at least one turn per day. 4. We don't "disappear" when things get tough on the battle front. You don't get any booty unless you earn it, just like real life. 5. Contest is limited to U.S. residents, or maybe Canada since its close. I'm too cheap to mail something to Timbuktu where some of you guys live (and apparently don't get mail from the U.S. anyway from what I read about CM deliveries). 6. Game-play decisions are mutual, but Lawyer will make all prize decisions arbitrarily and capriciously. Hey, you get what you pay for! But I promise you will get something I value greatly. hehehe.... 7. If there is a stampede, I reserve the right to choose who I shall play. First winners will get first choice of prizes listed above until they are gone. Of course, that's only IF you win. MOST IMPORTANTLY!! To enter the Lawyer PBEM sweepstakes, please explain below on this thread which prize you seek, and why you believe you are worthy to win it. Well, that's the challenge and the potential rewards for a little PBEM action. I could have had a yard sale, but this seems to be far more of a contribution to wargame history. My email is jake3315@yahoo.com Play for pride, play for country, and play for greed. After all, what good is war without a little booty? ------------------ You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M. Bates Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 I might've played if you had a DVD of Private Ryan: but since I am in Europe and Private Ryan DVD is not available over here, I can't do either!! ------------------ [This message has been edited by an international conspiracy of Euro-Anarchists.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: Combat Mission is the best and most realistic wargame ever. Moreover, Mad Matt and the other mod artists are making it even better everyday. But, mein herren und damen, one key element of real warfare is missing.... War booty! That's right, there's no actual plunder, swag, or boodle in CM to motivate your troops, enrichen your coffers, and show your neighbors in order to flaunt your victories. The best you can get from CM right now is a poetic taunt from Senachai or the pleasure of seeing Peng humbled once again, but where's the cash value of such rewards? Well, here's my offer to supply the missing element of avarice to your CM gameplay. Yes, now you can experience the thrill of ill-gotten reward through violence that has driven soldiers and entire armies since Cain first waxed Abel. All you need to do is Beat the Lawyer at PBEM to take home some loot! IF you win, I will send you one of my prize personal treasures in the mail. I will even pay the postage. What a deal! Interested?? Do I hear the sound of greedy lips smacking across the land? If so, then read the contest rules below. But first, let's have a look at what Lawyer is offering to whet your rapacious desires... Prize No. 1 -- "From Hell to Victory" video, where a group of "closely-knit friends" are torn apart by WW2. Truly epic in scope, covering the entire war from 1939 Paris to 1945 allied victory. Like all quality videos, it starts with a warning to adjust your VCR tracking if the picture doesn't work (it does work). This treasure has an approximate cash value of $2.99 plus tax at Best Buy, but it is surely more valuable to true war movie fans. Lawyer's Movie Review: "From Hell to Victory" is so bad that it's good. It has every movie cliche ever seen, including predictable dialogue, black jacket Gestapo agents, stereotype French resistance fighters, garbled soundtrack music, and post-war U.S. training aircraft and tanks posing as Nazi weapons. It even features a poor man's version of the Dunkirk beach battle for "Saving Prvate Ryan" junkies. Low budget works here, gentlemen, just like it does in "Casablanca". "Basically, the story is that George Peppard (Banacek-era) and George Hamilton (tanned, fit, and ready as always) win the war with some help from Eddie Albert (Green Acres) and Capucine (the princess in the original "Pink Panther"). Poor Horst Bucholtz (whatever happened to Horst?) plays the German loser in both love and war. "Peppard features his trademark 'three martinis too many' bleary-eyed look, while Hamilton does the best 'Frenchy' routine since Jerry Lewis. Forget 'Patton'. War movies don't get any better or worse than this." Prizes No. 2 to whenever I get enough PBEM games -- Your choice of Half-Life, SimCity 3000, Close Combat 2, Hidden & Dangerous, Mig Alley, East Front, Return to Krondor, BattleZone, Quake II, or Unreal. These games represent my various attempts to find game satisfaction before CM. They may or may not have cash value depending upon your personal taste, but I guarantee they are all worthy of getting for FREE to hang in your trophy case as proof of your victory in CM PBEM. CONTEST RULES: 1. I play for fun using realistic weapons and tactics to the extent I know them. So must you. No cheap jeep rushes or uber-tank fests. 2. You must have a sense of humor and put up with my coarse attempts at humor. Sorry, no exceptions. 3. We play Version 1.05, either manageable QB or established scenarios, and try to make at least one turn per day. 4. We don't "disappear" when things get tough on the battle front. You don't get any booty unless you earn it, just like real life. 5. Contest is limited to U.S. residents, or maybe Canada since its close. I'm too cheap to mail something to Timbuktu where some of you guys live (and apparently don't get mail from the U.S. anyway from what I read about CM deliveries). 6. Game-play decisions are mutual, but Lawyer will make all prize decisions arbitrarily and capriciously. Hey, you get what you pay for! But I promise you will get something I value greatly. hehehe.... 7. If there is a stampede, I reserve the right to choose who I shall play. First winners will get first choice of prizes listed above until they are gone. Of course, that's only IF you win. MOST IMPORTANTLY!! To enter the Lawyer PBEM sweepstakes, please explain below on this thread which prize you seek, and why you believe you are worthy to win it. Well, that's the challenge and the potential rewards for a little PBEM action. I could have had a yard sale, but this seems to be far more of a contribution to wargame history. My email is jake3315@yahoo.com Play for pride, play for country, and play for greed. After all, what good is war without a little booty? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Bring it on bubba,I'll donate the useless offerings to a CHARITY FUND FOR YOUR DISHONORED,DESTROYED UNITS Send me a setup-I've always wanted to beat a lawyer even if I have to use CM to do it warmeister@inetone.net Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest *Captain Foobar* Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 OK Lawyer, I want a shot at that bad movie. I meet the requirements, 1) I play for fun, and try to keep it realistic 2) I dont take it too seriously, taunting is good. 3) AT LEAST 1 turn per day... I like designed scenarios better than QB's myself, but its up to you.... 4-7 fine by me And furthermore, I HAVE SEEN BITS AND PIECES of that movie! Has there ever been a movie that you seem to walk in on halfway through every time? Thats the one for me. I have never seen a movie that did so much right and wrong at the same time!!! So if I qualify, I would love to participate in this sweepstakes. If somebody beat me to it, I will fight for one of your video games.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Commissar Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 Well, Mr. Sata - erm, Lawyer, I would enjoy a little PBEM. Why you ask? I could always use another ass kicking. If I attempt and fail miserably at getting prizes in the process, all the better! Err, wait, no it's not. Oh well. Anywho, if you would accept the challenge my unique "die die and die some more" playing style offers, I would steal from you your "Mig Alley" game. Yes, Mig Alley. Not much of a sim buff but I did hear good stuff about it in game reviews. Hopes to hear from you through the use of this here thread or maybe even through e-mail at sword_lover@hotmail.com ------------------ "...Every position, every meter of Soviet soil must be defended to the last drop of blood..." - Segment from Order 227 "Not a step back" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
windstarz Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 I havent played any pbem yet but would be nice to start with thrashing a lawyer. I would accept east front but would be more interested in west front. I didnt see it on your list so you might have to go out and purchase it? I have a great sense of humor and don't mind losing but I draw the line at losing to lawyers. If I am ever "elected" dictator lawyers will have to find a new domicile far far away. I even have an (ex) cousin who is one. He hasn't repented so will remain in exile until he sees the error of his ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mannheim Tanker Posted September 16, 2000 Share Posted September 16, 2000 Bring it on! Ever since my divorce, I've had a hard-on for lawyers I meet all of your criteria (especially the "realistic rules" part). No onslaught of sturmcrewtruppen from me! I'll take one of your old software titles off your hands when I win...perhaps SimCity3000 for my girlfriend to keep her off my back when I play CM (she loves the sims). Send me a startup file when you're ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horo Posted September 17, 2000 Share Posted September 17, 2000 I love bad movies, and like Captail Foobar, I have seen the same bits and pieces over and over again. I always seem to turn it on at exactly 27 minutes in, and then again about an hour later. Does anybody know how it ends? Who wins the war? Do the heros survive? How about the viewers? Should we send it the Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys? I have yet to play any e-mail games, but I don't mind learning. I always plan to win, but as we all know, the plans go out the window. (registered trademark, service mark, Microsoft Corporation. Thank goodnes I am a MAC user.) send me an e-mail and we'll see what happens. Contact me later, after you have given away all the good stuff. I have CM, I don't need any other software. ------------------ Ugati: You despise me, don't you Rick? Rick Blaine: If I gave you any thought I probably would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted September 17, 2000 Share Posted September 17, 2000 Typical lawyer,blows hot air,charges way too much for his services,then disappears and is never heard from again In the revised words of Winston Churchill: Never has such a profession [lawyers] produced so many, who could say so much, and convey so little! Dick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted September 17, 2000 Author Share Posted September 17, 2000 Well, well, well... The lure of lucre has indeed produced a fine bevy of the walking dead for my troops. And a bit of lawyer bashing to boot!! I am, of course, shocked that the mere mention of the Learned Profession should bring forth such unhealthy attitudes. Are you not familiar with the famous quote by Patton: "I only joined the army because I wasn't smart enough to get into law school." Here is where we stand, lads. Each of you is being entered into the Lawyer Victim Database, and will be contacted shortly. I will make every attempt to give you a choice of gaming thrills. However, I do get the feeling from reading your posts that some of you are worried about laying your mitts on the treasured prizes, apparently under the misguided notion that you will actually win. HA! It will take a better lot than you to pry them from my fingers. But if the worst occurs, I have the listed loot and MORE to guarantee a satisfying pay-off. A Special Note to Dick Reece: Antsy, aren't we Herr Reece (IF that's your real name). Perhaps you "lost" one of your patients last night at the hospital. "Mistakes" do happen in the medical industry that keep lawyers in the money. Or perhaps the rampant inbreeding in the hollers of your home state has altered your patience gene. Worry not! The Lawyer is on the job to make your gaming experience more humiliating through research, study, and applied genius. The wings of death shall visit you shortly. In the meantime, you can always get in your pick-up, drive 40 miles to a paved road, and blast holes in some highway signs to celebrate the Sabbath. Cheers to all. ------------------ Just call me Lucifer 'cause I'm in need of some respect.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted September 17, 2000 Share Posted September 17, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: Well, well, well... The lure of lucre has indeed produced a fine bevy of the walking dead for my troops. And a bit of lawyer bashing to boot!! I am, of course, shocked that the mere mention of the Learned Profession should bring forth such unhealthy attitudes. Are you not familiar with the famous quote by Patton: "I only joined the army because I wasn't smart enough to get into law school." Here is where we stand, lads. Each of you is being entered into the Lawyer Victim Database, and will be contacted shortly. I will make every attempt to give you a choice of gaming thrills. However, I do get the feeling from reading your posts that some of you are worried about laying your mitts on the treasured prizes, apparently under the misguided notion that you will actually win. HA! It will take a better lot than you to pry them from my fingers. But if the worst occurs, I have the listed loot and MORE to guarantee a satisfying pay-off. A Special Note to Dick Reece: Antsy, aren't we Herr Reece (IF that's your real name). Perhaps you "lost" one of your patients last night at the hospital. "Mistakes" do happen in the medical industry that keep lawyers in the money. Or perhaps the rampant inbreeding in the hollers of your home state has altered your patience gene. Worry not! The Lawyer is on the job to make your gaming experience more humiliating through research, study, and applied genius. The wings of death shall visit you shortly. In the meantime, you can always get in your pick-up, drive 40 miles to a paved road, and blast holes in some highway signs to celebrate the Sabbath. Cheers to all. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hahahahahahaha!! What can I say,other than touche'??!! I enjoy a good laugh,and I thank you for yore post [....load the sawed off with double-nought bubba,we got a leetle trip tuh make,we'll find somethin ta eat along the way] ROFL ROFL That was a great response ,and I look forward to more in our upcoming game [at least until you see that I'm winning, at which point you'll probably start babbling incoherent latin phrases at me ] As a matter of fact,A recently divorced patient came into the ER last night,severely depressed,financially broke,homeless,and destitute.Laboratory investigation revealed he had a serious case of rectus lawyerus.A large dose of Flagil [a potent anti-parasitic drug] cleared the problem up completely.Now he only need contend with a mild case of doctorus walletus,and he'll make a complete recovery! Dick [ yes that's my real name,the obstetrician who delivered me,named m,e when he said "My Gawd, the boy's all..... " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted September 17, 2000 Author Share Posted September 17, 2000 Hellooo... Mr. M. Tanker.... Where are you?? Your effort at stealth warfare is most impressive. Nonetheless, I cannot engage you in mortal combat unless you give me your email address. Or are you hiding in fear from the Lawyer? ------------------ Just call me Lucifer 'cause I'm in need of some respect.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mannheim Tanker Posted September 17, 2000 Share Posted September 17, 2000 I have now uncloaked to give you a fighting chance (Check my profile - I had the email turned off - Doh!) ***Mannheim Tanker licks his chops in anticipation of Lawyer blood*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted September 17, 2000 Author Share Posted September 17, 2000 Excellent! All present and accounted for. Let the games begin! Perhaps you should all start humming the song "I fought the law, and the Lawyer won!" ------------------ Just call me Lucifer 'cause I'm in need of some respect.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mannheim Tanker Posted September 17, 2000 Share Posted September 17, 2000 I'm humming "Another One Bites the Dust"! LOL! Much taunting to come. My only request is if a QB that we make it a ME since that's the most unbiased setup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Reece Posted September 17, 2000 Share Posted September 17, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: Excellent! All present and accounted for. Let the games begin! Perhaps you should all start humming the song "I fought the law, and the Lawyer won!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My guys are already singing a Christmas carol about your dead soldiers: "Chestnuuuts,rooooaaastttiiinnnng on an oooppppennn fiiiire.............shrapnel,niiipping at your noooose........... I'm at work,but as soon as I get home.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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