Jim Boggs
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Posts posted by Jim Boggs
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Persephone posts Peng porn pictures personalizing personae's posturing posteriors.
Crikey! Berli posts in Aussie dialect
McEverybody else posts McWeird dialect
Coventry has been bypassed so often that that the Welcome sign has been taken down.
Justicar has seen the Rules violated so much that he is on the verge of a much needed Hissy
dalem's bong was stolen, leaving him with the moral dilemna of using JOB's, which is made in France, or Buglers, which is considered "bad taste".
Lars is upset because he wanted his picture taken in his "pretty pink trench coat, with the pockets cut out"
MrSpkr has abandoned the MBT for the General Forum, where he "can enlighten the great unwashed".
In closing, let me add that it is really nice to see the Peng Challenge Thread back to Normal.
All we need now is for OGSF to thing the Dear Miss Emma a Birthday Thong.
[ March 25, 2003, 01:16 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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In honor of Boo Radley
After the match, the losing coach from India was interviewed.
"What happened, they took such a huge lead, you never really had a chance did you?"
"I will protest this to the International Cricket Federation, the Aussies violated every rule of decorum in the book! We were unable to concentrate, as our performance shows. That kind of distraction is clearly illegal"
"You mean the last minute uniform change?"
"Of course, they came out wearing:
Spats!
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With his new work Modern Major General rocketing up the Best Seller Charts (up 6 slots to an all-time high of #63), the Australian fantasy writer AussieJeff reflected on his new found fame.
"I originally tried chimpanzees, but found their random typing skills would sometimes even confuse ME, so I decided to take a page from my love life and 'Go it alone'".
The results have been astounding, by Aussie standards. His first attempt was The Smeller's the Feller and Other Witty Sayings
which did fairly well in Australia, but AussieJeff wanted international recognition.
Determined to be "as famous as General Blamey", he began writing fantasy novels.
To stir his creative juices he traveled to Canada to experience first hand many of the situations in his classic I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay. "I almost got arrested when I attempted to discover how the Mounties got their name. It apparently had nothing whatsoever to do with sheep."
Now he has hit his stride. Fluent in four languages (Aussie, American, Pirate, and Italic) his vast experience with language is sure to ensure his continued suckcess.
As to his future plans, he remains noncommital, "I intend to have a few brews, put my shrimp on a Barbie, and relax for a few days".
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On board a Coast Guard Cutter patrolling the entrance to the Mississippi Delta:
"Sir, I'm picking up a funny noise on sonar, bearing 045, moving into the Delta"
"What kind of noise, Seaman?"
"Well sir....I would say.....well sir...."
"Out with it man!"
"Well sir, it's.... Sheep! ".
Eight Hours later:
"Why wasn't this reported immediately!", Boggs was furious.
"Well, you know, we were awaiting...uh... confirmation."
"Where is the track now?"
"On the Ohio River along the Ohio, Kentucky border."
With a flash of insight Boggs knew!! The evil Aussies were after Boo Radley , and he knew why. They were after the one thing that Aussies prized above all things. The one thing that they were prohibited from having. The one thing that could give them some small token of self-respect and pride. The one thing that would allow them to walk erect.
Yes, they were after: SPATS!
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And so the ill-fated Aussie expedition turns back in utter defeat, without a shot being fired. It was a classic example of deception and cunning.
Having infiltrated the enemy's "high" command, the ever-valiant Sir Lars managed to convince the Aussie's to launch thier underwhelming offensive (this is in addition to the Aussie's normal offensiveness).
The ingenious plot of Boo Radley to replace their ship's compass with a drawing compass was a complete success.
And finally Sir Lurkur lured the Aussies into their radioactive destination with his adaptation of the old Hansel and Gretel ploy.
After landing confused and bewildered, the Aussies underwent a command shakeup with Mace replacing AussieJeff as leader.
Embolded by his sudden sobriety, Mace renamed his unit (not that unit!) to:
Down Under Militia Brigade-Auxiliary Services Section
[ March 22, 2003, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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just sit right back and listen to
a tale of a tiny ship
five passengers set sail that day
for a three hour trip
the weather started getting rough
the tiny ship was tossed
if not for the courage of the fearless crew
the Aussies would be lost
Welcome to Berlichtingen's Island Aussie Style
Featuring:
Berlichtingen as himself
AussieJeff as The Skipper
Mace as The Millionaire
Lenakonrad as The Professor
Noba as the Invisible Man
Plus assorted small and medium sized mammels to play the other roles.
Episode One- Noba begins glowing in the dark, but nobody can see him.
[ March 21, 2003, 11:42 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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Oh Please Kind Moon, Please send this to the General Forum. The natives are restless and looking for new...uh.....material.
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A wee dittie... *ahem*Originally posted by OGSF:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone:
A thong!
Thing! Thing a thong!
Thing oot loud,
Thing oot long!
Thing oot happy, noo sad,
Thing oot guid things, noo bad!
Didnae worry af'n at's noo guid enuff,
Fer any other bastarrrd but yoo,
Jus' thing, thing a thong!!
*sweepin' bow* </font>
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ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ..*snort*...*cough*..*rolls over*.....ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ.......Originally posted by Mace:*ahem*
Circumstances force us to take drastic action.
We have no recourse but to activate one of our sleeper agents currently positioned in the US heartland.
Mace
[ March 21, 2003, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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Sir Lurkur
If you really want to piss them off and make them show their teeth:
Drop Water Bottles instead!
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The Wusstralians and the Illini Illiterate Berli are of no concern. On the other hand Sir Lenakonrad bears watching. He's the one who thought to bring a compass.Originally posted by Boo_Radley:All the Oddztralians in a boat, eh? Not to mention Lenakonrad (but there I went and mentioned him, drat!).
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Even when we rewrite the game engine.Originally posted by Battlefront.com:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />
Steve </font>
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C oalition of theOriginally posted by lenakonrad:Coalition Of The Unwilling To Row
U nwilling to
R ow
The Aussies and the Aussie lovers are now going by the acronym CURS .
How appropriate!
[ March 21, 2003, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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Very good observation! The story, as was printed in the Melbourne Times said that during one of Aussie Jeff's legendary binges, that he approached his date...uh dingo from the wrong end.Originally posted by Boo_Radley:Speaking of the English language, why does the phrase "barking mad" spring to mind whenever I think of Aussie Jeff?
Hope this helps!
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In an effort to get to the bottom of numerous Aussie Myths, we have on the phone from downtown Sydney, the Dr. Ruth of Australian sex advisors:
"Roo" Paul . We would caution those of you under 18 years of age to look away, quickly.
Thank You, and now to proceed.
Reporter: Thank you for joining us. As the Guru of Australian sexual assistance, you have indicated that you wish to clear up some common misconceptions regarding Aussie men.
"Roo": That's correct, the Aussie's are indeed sly and cunning and have perpetuated numerous myths which today I will expose!
Reporter: Excellent. Now it is our understanding that Australia was first settled by prisoners from Britain, a Penal Colony so to speak. You say this is incorrect.
"Roo": A true Australian myth, the original settlers were not convicts, but instead the "sissy boys" who suffered from Penile Disfunction. Ergo the Penal Colony myth.
Reporter: Very interesting. You also claim the Australian greeting "G'day Mate" has been totally misunderstood by non-Aussies and has led to some hard feelings.
"Roo": Correct again, the actual phrase, which originated during the early days of the penal colony, was in fact a cheap pick-up line used against any mammel which would allow them to get close. The original version was "G'day. Mate?"
Reporter: Makes sense. You have one more?
"Roo": Yes, the most devious of all. The term "Put your shrimp on the Barbie".
Reporter: Sounds innocent enough.
"Roo": But that is the danger of the Australian.
Actually, "shrimp" is a local slang word used to describe an Australian's "manhood". The "Barbie" is Australian slang for "any type of Blow-up doll that is fairly close anatomically to a female human, sheep, dingo, whatever." I don't think I need to go further with that.
Reporter: Oh My God! Well thank you for this insightful interview.
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Before rushing headlog into the fray, let us pause a moment and learn some Geography of the Australian Continent. There will be three points of interest that we shall explore one by one.
1. What do Australian men carry on their shoulder?
Answer: Their Perth
2. Where can you find an Australian's toilet?
Answer: Outback
3. Where do Australian men keep their brains?
Answer: Down Under
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Seanachai :
Well if you mean ALL Australians. That would certainly be more sporting! Serf 3rd Classless Boggs reports available for muster. If we allow the Aussies to gain any sense of respect for themselves, they would probably start demanding Human Rights.
[ March 20, 2003, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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HJ and Seawolf:
Thanks guys for the info. It's always a pleasure to visit the SC Forum! The old Afrika Korps!
Whatever happened to 21st Panzer and 90th Light?
If I recall didn't 21st Panzer launch the ONLY armoured counterattack on D-Day in Normandy?
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LOL! When I was in Germany, I learned two key phrases which helped me survive:Originally posted by xwormwood:no, no secrets. We just found out that we live in the same city, quite amusing
Ein Bier, Bitte.
Vo ist der Toiletten?
They seemed to be related.
By the way, during the Sicilian evac, wasn't the 15th Panzergrenadier Division and elements of the 1st Parachute Division also evacuated? If I recall the 15th PG was an "elite" unit, do you have any info on this?
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nichts verstein zie Deutsches postenOriginally posted by xwormwood:da sag ich nur: schönen Gruß aus Schwachhausen
Sachen gibts ...
Haben sie secreten nur sharen mit ussen?
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With all due respect oh Great One if it be the same lot that joined your crusade against the Great State of Florida then I would suggest you change your request to:Originally posted by Seanachai:Who's with me?!
Am I alone on this one, too?
[ March 20, 2003, 01:33 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]
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New Poll released today:
Crowd Favorites:
(Tie)1. Rambo & Wachtmeister
Thanks for an excellent AAR!!!
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I'm afraid its coincidence ,but very funny indeed.Originally posted by lenakonrad:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone:
]Lena and Konrad are two copper mines in Poland.
Persephone
Thank you , Persephone.
Sir konrad
Faithful Squire To SIR AUSSIEJEFF </font>
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The din of angry Serf voices carried into the night. A recurring theme could be discerned:
"Boggs, you dumbass"
"Boggs, you IDIOT"
"Boggs, what were you THINKING"
Then a deeper voice spoke and all became silent, the Old Serf.
"Boggs, you have pissed off the Justicar and for that affront WE will ALL pay dearly".
"But old one, I was concerned for his hygiene!"
At this the gathering erupted into tumultuous laughter. After several minutes, the Old Serf held up his hand, and once again, silence.
"The Justicar is the Drain Commissioner of the Cess Pool He has absolutely no thoughts about hygiene. All this time he's hosing the floor, he doesn't even know it. He even complimented Fluffy on how clean he was keeping The Bucket . Now he knows the TRUTH and he is VERY UPSET with you Boggs."
"Why is he so cranky with everybody? I was just trying to help." Boggs pleaded his case.
The Old Serf glanced to each side, as if afraid. Looking Boggs straight in the eye he spoke very softly,
"He's...a...BANKER!"
A hard earned thirst deserves a Peng Challenge
in Combat Mission: Barbarossa to Berlin
Posted
To Whom it May Concern:
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful E-mail.
Your wish is my command!
POOOOF!! Gone..............