Seanachai

Lord love a duck! Why do you always have to be so freakin' nice? Can't you say something mean and rotten for a change? Now, look at these two words and see how nice the play with each other... Bauhaus SSN</font>

Yes, but you never come into the Cesspool anymore, Grog Dorosh. Don't think we haven't noticed your 'more whinging part of valour' behaviour.

Well, well, how very bizarre. DekeFentle is alive, and now they're calling out for the death of Bauhaus. On the whole question of Bauhaus, of course, I'm quite torn. To tear from him his Knighthood...well, we've never actually 'un-Knighted' someone, have we? But consider his crimes. He no longer plays any form of CM. He has neither purchased, nor even ordered CMBB. He has abandoned the Mac platform, and quite gaily natters on about the new 'Windows' PC he hopes to soon have. All of these, in my opinion, call for a serious 'knee-capping'. But I'm not sure I can see my way clear, as an Olde One, to actually un-Knighting him. I'm not sure why, when I come right to it. I think, perhaps, it's the whole 'Saint' thing. I mean, right now, Bauhaus is our only Saint. Oh, shoddy, of course, and disgusting, that goes without saying. But 'St. Bauhaus of the Immaculate Thingy' is a part of the Cesspool Lore. A Tradition. And without our traditions, we'd be like some sort of sorry wanker sitting around playing goddamn 'America's Army' and gibbering on how it teaches 'teamwork' and promotes 'not swearing'. Try as I might, I'm having a hard time with that 'teamwork and not swearing' thing. Now, as the Peng Challenge Thread is the last refuge of the 'Rugged and Shiftless Individual', and since we all maintain such tidy and particular language because without the good and proper Forum enforced code of conduct, a word that rhymes with 'duck' would be used in place of all other forms of punctuation, and meaningful discourse, such as it is, would be at an end, I find it hard to understand what it is that Bauhaus is trying to say in his own defense. But, before we move to the act of actually 'un-Knighting' him, shouldn't we first consider whether he is willing to mend his ways, moderate his behaviour, and set him, perhaps, a penance to do?

Dear Curious in Pennsyltucky: Ah, Peng. You complete us. A much greater man than myself (although not much better paid, when you get right down to it, nor any better treated), once wrote: Some are born to greatness, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them... You, my dear Peng, are a victim of all three at once. I would feel for you, indeed I would, if I hadn't actually met you, and realized just how appropriate it is that you, of all creatures, should be subjected to this treatment. Yes, dear Peng, you've been forced down the 'fame' path of the evolutionary ladder, and, in your own way, understand the stresses faced by Britney Spears, Tony Blair, and Mr. T. Once a simple drunkard raising a family in the backwoods of Pennsylvania, you made the mistake one night of raising your voice in a howl of disgust at the nature of the world around you. And that howl reverberated over, and over, throughout the world, and, like a broken tuning fork struck against the side of an empty beer bottle, it set up a resonance in an ever-growing number of souls, ampliefied over, and over, until the Peng Challenge Thread had become not only your pedestal, but your prison. And so here we are, MrPeng, in this new and dark America, and you have become the Evita of the Battlefront.com Forums. Don't cry for me MrPeng The truth is I never loved you All through those taunting days Our mad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance And as for fortune, and as for fame You never invited them in Though it seemed to the world they were all one might desire They are illusions They are not the solutions they promised to be The answer was here all the time I hate you and hope you hate me Now, Peng, send me a setup. Not more than 1200 points, mind. Preferably Early War.

Dear Spinlock: Thanks for your rare show of tolerance and understanding! Most people, after reading this thread, spend endless minutes cursing and sputtering. Of course, you could have asked a heartfelt question. Something about CMBB, or the Forum, or Life in General, and I would have been happy to take several minutes out of my life to make a reply. Not much of a return, of course, but you would have gotten something back. Still, it could have been worse. You could have spent several hours reading the assorted wisdom of Slapdragon and All Those Who Hate Him. If it will make you feel better, I'd be happy to sing you several jolly choruses of "The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All". Would you like that?

It has indeed, Lord General MB, and it was very good hatred. I immediately called up a friend and read it/described it to them over the phone. I think your future lies in graphic design and copy-editing! Thank you for your hatred, which was much appreciated by self, especially in the face of the unnecessarily nasty respiratory infection that I'm currently suffering from.

Always with the negative waves, Deadmarsh! I could, of course, answer that being a jerk is my idea of playfulness. But mainly, I'm just trying to sort out where you're coming from these days. You seem so uptight, so bitter. So unwilling to actually learn. It's so unlike you. I worry about you, lad.

Frankly, since I regard you as both a liar, and a fool, I find these claims so much loud-mouthed posturing. Child, you've had to admit that most of your claims are wrong. The only thing that stands would be complaints about the 'index' in the manual (nothing to do with 'beta-testing'), and the 'uninstall' feature you so desperately need. Again, nothing to do with game play. Did CMBO, that you're such an expert on, have an 'uninstall' feature? This is, after all, one of your 'supporting points' about the 'need for a patch'. Again, I think you're a liar. I also think you're only point in posting is to cause trouble (I'm starting to recall when I last saw your name, and it was the same kind of empty posturing and baiting that we're seeing now). Deal with it? Why I am. I don't believe your claims, I think you're a liar, and I think you're a fool. Deal with that.

Bah! He's had so much fun spending several hundred man-hours proving the AI doesn't cheat that he's gone mad, and started testing random things for no apparent reason at all, and with no conclusions drawn from it. Anyone can toss out an observance like a lump of meat and then stand back to see if it'll be swarmed by jackals.

Depends. Will you vote the way I tell you?

You are well beneath humour. What needs patching is between your ears. You started up an entire thread that made very large accusations. You supported them with: One thing you were completely stupid about: the inability to turn off bases in setup mode) And another thing you were completely out of line about: the graphics of TCs on small, early war tanks. Since then, you've continued to post like a fecking idjit, trying to laugh-off your obvious stupidities, never once justifying or elaborating on your libelous claims regarding the game (which, may we just point out again, seem to be based on your own sodding lack of intelligence), and generally acting like an obnoxious arsehole of the first water. Thank gods you have single-handedly interested thousands of people in the game! Although this seems a little hard to believe, since you clearly have no bloody clue about the game. Oh, feel free to cover your almost incomprehensible lack of embarrasment and unwillingness to admit your error by calling me a 'fan boy', you useless git. [ November 05, 2002, 02:02 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Treeburst, is there some point you're after making, or do sudden observances just burst out of you randomly, Da Vinci like, as you piss around with the works in a random manner?

You may be misinterpreting what that state is intended to model, at least in this case. I don't think that "panicked" means that the troops are in a state of hysteria so much as that due to the hastiness of the order and their execution of it, they are presently in a disorganized condition and it will take a minute or two to get them straightened out and functioning as a unit again. Which would seem quite reasonable to me. Michael</font>

To OGSF, late, but heartfelt: She was a good dog, she was. There's none as can say better than that. "The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too." - Samuel Butler Words for the Cesspool.

You are a disgusting, DISGUSTING, little man. A complete disappointment to your sire, and a stain upon the honour of the Mutha Beautiful. Pillock</font>

No, i won't. Btw, thanks for pointing out that he was quaffing my BEER</font>

Dear Worried: Deary, deary me. You are in a bit of a pickle, aren't you? The answer, of course, is to consider all the blessings you've been given. A job commensurate with your skills, a fecund wife who has born you many children, and children, that dearest gift of all, that will live on after your job and family have killed you at an unnaturally early age, bearing not only your genetic material on into the future, but heartfelt memories of their Ol' Da', a beaten, whinging shadow of a real man whose major contribution to their lives was filling them with a sense of superiourity and pity. Seanachai's advice to you is that, after counting your blessings, you fake your own death, assume a new identity, and move out of that sodden wasteland of a State that the unenlightened call 'Texas', and the realists call 'Baja Oklahoma'. Then, after starting life over again in some happening community, I advise you to take up with a much younger woman with expensive habits and a decidedly ecclectic taste in immorality, and allow her to destroy you utterly. Finally, I advise you to meet me under the railroad bridge in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, right by where the city put the statue of David that they commissioned, and then found too 'artistic' (read: naked) for South Dakota, and shuffled off into an unused and unvisited part of the city. There we will share a bottle of very fine (for the price) wine out of a paper bag decanter, and exchange stories about the vagaries of life. [ November 05, 2002, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Dear Lost on the Steppes: While I know that that dear man, Berlichtigen, has already responded to you, I still feel you're owed a response of my own. Never doubt Berli, lad. You see, he's the Dark and Evil Lord. And you just can't go wrong with people like that. They're always there for you. Especially, of course, at the hour of your death, but often with great regularity before that great transition. For example, all I have to do is decide to stay up until 5 AM answering the lonesome bleatings of the 'Dear Seanachai' thread, and that will pretty much guarantee an 8 AM 'how's it going' call from Berli. It's not that Evil never sleeps, you see. It just knows when you don't. Now, if ever you're deeply troubled about the rate of return from Berli, you can stick your head into the Peng Challenge Thread, as that other pillock did, and yell out for a turn. Your message will, of course, not be passed on to him, but it does annoy the other inmates. As for the Peng Challenge Thread, well, the 'lasses' are indeed all quite nice. Unless you annoy them, and then they're not. But they'll be courteous, even while telling you what an arse you are. As for the lads being 'nice'...well, they are indeed. Very nice lads, the lads of the Cesspool. Only not 'nice' in its modern usage. Rather more as it used to be used, indicating 'precise'. Although some aren't very precise, and go more for the hack and slash approach. Still, you seem devoutly drunk and amiable, so I'm sure that you will be welcomed with open arms, probably of several different calibers...

You are an idiot. Except about the beer thing. Beer is very good. Now bugger off while I help the confused, the lovelorn, the heartworn, and those who've forgotten to take their de-worming pills. [ November 04, 2002, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

KHAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! SEND AN EMAIL, CAN YER, WHEN YA' CHANGE YER STINKING EMAIL ADDRESS?!

Deary, deary me. Where to begin? ...we all have our problems to bear, some more than others, and we all have to cope in whichever way we see fit in order to get through those. But Hatred is a terrible emotion, it serves us no purpose other than make us dislike ourselves and life even more, Please don't encourage people to feel hate, especially towards yourself. You do know that story? The one about the goat, cursed and reviled, laden with a tribes woes and sins, having stones cast at it and driven out into the desert? Well, dear, that goat served a very real purpose. It gave entire communities a ritual that allowed them to maintain the fiction that their sins were removed. I perform the same function here. An entire Forum of people are invited to cast all their complaints, stupidities, and angers unto my shoulders, in the form of letters, cards, and postcards. Of course, most of them aren't coherent enough, from day to day, to actually accomplish that. So they post, instead. But this goat isn't necessarily going silent into that good night. This one's heaving a few stones back. I figure on at least holding my own, with a 30-70 chance of driving the community out into the desert. Might as well be hung for a goat, as a sheep. You see, I am one of those optimistic sorts who thinks that everything in life happens for a reason, the good things make me happy to the point of euphoria, the bad things don't make me feel anger or hatred, just hurt, sad and scared. Scared that maybe someday, I will turn into one of those angry twisted people so full of hatred that I will see nothing good in life..... one of those people who are so afraid to smile in the face of darkness for fear of allowing themselves some happiness. Then, of course, this will not happen to you. Fear of becoming stupid, angry, hate-filled, hateful, and unhappy is a reality check. The other part of my problem is understanding why you ask for people to send you cards full of hatred! Well, here we run into one of those eternal 'difference between genders' issues. Now, I mainly ask this because the Forum is full of men. Men understand hatred, especially when it's presented as a humourously interactive option. It's a way of telling someone they're significant to you without being required to date. When I tell my male friends about asking an entire Forum community to send me their letters, cards, and postcards filled with hate, the response is "Really? Gotten any really interesting or humourous responses yet?", while the reaction from my female friends is "That's horrible! Won't you feel awful if people send you things filled with hate?". If someone can tell me how much they hate me in an interesting and amusing manner, I'm ahead. My life is made better by stirring up enough interest in them to make them think it through and express it, and I might even learn something from it. If all they can manage is to just hate me, I'm still ahead, because if they can't manage to hate me in a way that makes me regret that they don't like me, then I've given them an angry and stressful moment, but I don't need to have any regard for what they think of me. This is, of course, a very male way of thinking. Remember men can say 'I love pizza', and turn around and say to a woman 'I love you', and not only mean both things, but hold them in rough equivalency. The rather primitive thought process behind them is that both are enjoyable, both are regarded as good, both make them happy, and both make the universe a better place. When a man strays into the realms of philosophical metaphysics, he'll hit a hazy area where he comes to realize that, while he might be able to live without pizza, life without 'you' might be more difficult. At this point, of course, most men become uncomfortable with the whole thought process, and go off to have some pizza. Conversely, a man can tell another man 'I hate you, you bastard', and still sit down and have a beer with him. That doesn't mean he'll be pleasant, just that now that things are out on the table, he doesn't feel the need to go on about it. On the other hand, if a woman was to tell me she hated me, and meant it, and I'd already posted my address here in the Forum, I'd move. It's just safer. Women don't use that term in as low-key a fashion. My guess is, that most of those cards sent are actually nice..... and why? Because you sir are a nice person. I have this sneaky suspicion that for every card you receive with even a sniff of hatred, there will be six more full of cheerfulness and love. People are unspeakably perverse. I think in my next pointlessly annoying thread I will request that hundreds of attractive women not have sex with me. You Seanacoochie are fighting a lost cause, for the truth is that the majority of people on this Forum LIKE YOU and that Sir is something you will have to live with. There are none so blind as those that will insist that most of the world are actually very nice people. Well, they probably are. I, on the other hand, am not one of them. Still, I understand how difficult it is to accept the exceptions. Unless, of course, they've just eaten your cat, or have been taken into custody for proving how much damage you can do with untraceable firearms. Still, I thank you for your kind words, and kinder thoughts. They are easily something I can live with. And, like a fine wine, they fill me with a warm feeling and nicely compliment the meal that I just ate of chat avec le romarin et les oignons

Dear Dysphoric Michael: Lad, all this proceeds from the fact that you simply don't know me well enough. We should spend more time together, Grog Emrys, so that you can feel strong and comfortable in that decision to 'cross the street'. Then, after smashing my face into a utility pole, we could go have a pint. Drama is good, Michael. Drama keeps the little things filled with significance. Because, Michael, I am not simply the rest of humanity. The rest of humanity won't buy you a pint, for one thing. Cheap bastards. So send that letter, card, or postcard now. Because it's the 'little gestures' Michael, that keep Drama in perspective, and the World turning over nicely.

Dear Befouled in Germany: First off, let me begin by apologizing for my dear colleague, Joe Shaw. Joe normally deals with SSNs in the Peng Challenge Thread, you see, and is used to an approach that emphasizes hob-nailed boots, and the feeling that 'due process' is something that perpetrators earn. He is not, like myself, a sensitive individual, experienced in helping others through the confusions and pains of life in the Real World. One of these pains, of course, is coming to realize that, no matter how much one might whimper, beg, and even piss themselves, Mutti might still remain an aggessively unloving alcoholic, Vati a coarse, brutal and silent disciplinary figure, and the political and economic realities of the World might require the almost cosmetically insignificant substitution of the the term 'Waffengrenaderie' for the far the more salutary and satisfying-in-a-leather-and-homoerotic-way 'Waffen SS'. Still, just as nothing is more 'realistic' than having to drag your cursing mother down the hall to her bed when she's fallen and can't get on her feet again because of the empty schnaps bottles underfoot, or the unutterable 'realism' of your brooding father's belt cracking against your raw buttocks, nothing says 'realism' like having to bow to another nation's laws, your fear of the perhaps completely arbitrary rulings of a quasi-official software rulings board, nor the need to maintain a contractually regulated relationship with another company in order to not lose tens of thousands of dollars, if not more. So you see, BFC has fulfilled every promise they've made to you. This is the most realistic wargame on the market. On the other hand, if what is desired is to stay safely bemired in a world that imbues the term 'Waffen SS' with a special magic and siginificance far beyond any historical usage and accuracy, then you might be happier with fantasy and role-playing games aimed at that portion of the game playing community that favours 'dressing up', 's&m', and 'supremacist rallies'. Thank you for your willingness to 'transfer your hate to me'. I'd take it as a mark of special and very appropriate significance if someone's anger over the slighting of the 'SS' was aimed my way. It makes me tingly. Be sure to send your letter, card, or postcard to commemorate this important moment. Sorry, though. No garden to napalm. That bit about gnomes standing around in gardens is a myth. They're constantly pictured that way because it's where they stop to have a slash after leaving the pub. [ November 02, 2002, 03:22 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

Dear Ralph: What an appropriately named little boy you are! Indeed, Ralph, I am 'weird'. Or, as you're parents would put it "come away from there, Ralph, stop staring at that man, and don't talk to people who sing to themselves." But, Ralph, although I may smell weird, I cannot, do you see, smell weird in the same way your old nanny did. For one thing, Old Nannies are a very powerful Guild, and do not permit anyone but old nannies to smell like Old Nannies. Believe me, it's far better to get cute with Organized Crime than screw with the Old Nannies Guild. As for 'why do I smell', well, first and foremost, it's because it is one of the senses gifted to me by nature, and second, because I eat a lot of Greek food.

We are saddened to hear that you have determined to stop posting. Please reconsider.