Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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No I have not finished the third yet and heretofore and post haste do declare my desire to battle Nidan1 should he so desire conflict and malicious slander.
Ng cavscout how could you possibly give ammunition to the enemy and think that was a smart thing to do? PutzerMike was correct? Please explain to your squire so that I might learn what in hell was going on in your apparently deficient cognizant thinking ability. Never ever ever say anything remotely positive about any other House. Who trained this guy, who’s squire was he?
P.S. to sburke, nice selfie.
And notice gang, this is his SQUIRE saying this ... his freaking Squire! That Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke would never DREAM of suggesting that his Liege was wrong. Of course in his case he'd never have cause to say that. I hesitate to say anything nice about Watcher ... not just because of his diatribe above but because he's, you know, Watcher. But in this case I have to admit that IN THIS ONE INSTANCE AND ONLY IN THIS ONE INSTANCE he's spot on. NG Cavscout is a flaming idiot which made him the perfect candidate for House Rune. By inference the same can be said for Watcher.
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Stuka makes everyone uncomfortable. That's why the Australians exiled him to Moresandistan ... they don't want him either but apparently there was a transfer of hard currency involved.
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In your day Stuka, in your day? You never had a day, oh there was some talk at one point about giving you a minute but then someone reminded the Olde Ones that you were Australian and that put a stop to that foolish notion.Since when has a '5 minute squire' with only 2 wins to his name (against Watcher no less...talk about a gimme) get imminent elevation to the Kniiggetthood??Back in my day, a squire had not only to win practically campaigns-worth of battles BUT also post the AARs (screenshots included as proof) AND prove one's mettel in the 'parry and thrust' world of high level, heavy-duty taunting.
I recall having to play Croda on a huge sized ME, at night, in heavy fog whilst raining. I had 150mm artillery and no FO or target markers and at one point our tanks passed each other going in opposite directions (easily enough done with only 15m of visibility).
Now that is where a squire earns his stripes, not by bringing a shiny apple to teacher's desk every morning and being a supreme butt-sniffer.
Now as for YOU, Watcher...I've had quite enough of your mewling, 'fair thee well met', honor in defeat odes to sburke. It's sburke fer feck's sake! He didn't beat you...you were cheated! No squire should ever admit defeat, it is the AI's fault, gaminess on the part of your opponent or your addiction to drugs/porn that is to blame. The Cesspool was built on hate...HATE godammitt and that is whats kept it going lo these years. Seanachai, (may he rest in peace) has only our hate to thank for keeping him from being consigned to a cardboard box in a pauper's grave. You'll never do well to be nice to your opponent, oh no...
Your assessment of Watcher is spot on of course, the only reason he was taken to Squire is because he was, literally, the last available choice. That Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke put him to rout with ease not once but twice and Watchers mewling "well done" is contrary to all the finest Traditions of the Cesspool.
sburke, on the other hand, has proven himself in battle and on these pages repeatedly and well deserves the honor that will shortly be bestowed upon him.
You ... Well you fought Croda ... need I say more?
Joe
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And watch as property values plummet like the comet that killed all of Emerys playmates and dusted the entire planet with a thin coating of Iridium, not unlike the hair on Joe's scalp.
If anyone would know about reduced property values it would be you I imagine.
Joe
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NG Cavscout you call my tactics "gamey" and yet you employed exactly the same tactics against my scout cars earlier in the same game. Is it my fault that I followed your lead and destroyed the only vehicles you had the nerve to expose to my fire?
Also I'd suggest that before you blindly rush into my guns the next time you refrain from having your bugler sound "Charge" ... it does rather give away the game.
Joe
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It does a man's heart good to see that he is, once again, correct in his judgement of others.
I speak, of course, of that Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire to the Shavian House, sburke. I've had some squires of talent in the past, young Aqua Perdido was always solicitous of my health and offered to hand me down from the curb to the street as it was icy. We weren't to know that there was an oncoming truck bearing down on us. Good thing I told him simply to lay in the street so I could cross by stepping on him and thus avoid the ice. He recovered nicely.
Then there was the time he offered me some home baked cookies. I was so overwhelmed with his generosity and spirit of giving that I insisted he eat them himself as he was a growing young Squire. Sadly they had somehow been infused with strychnine but he didn't eat enough to warrant more than a couple of days in the hospital.
But I digest ... sburke is yet another who will someday, and right shortly too, grace the ranks of the Shavian House and bring yet more glory to it's shining name. Well done, sburke, well done indeed. I am indeed proud of you.
But all parents (and Lieges) must at some point realize that their young charges are no longer in need of instruction and are capable of venturing out into the world on their own. sburke is very near that milestone.
I have long made it a policy that Squires to the Shavian House must not only complete my course of instruction but must also complete three battles against others before they gain their spurs. sburke has completed two battles. Should he complete the third I shall be privileged to make him a Knight of the Cesspool as is my right and obligation as his Liege and as a Seniour Knight of the Cesspool.
So lay on with a will young sburke and defeat your next foe in the superb manner you've so far achieved. Do attempt to find someone worthy ... pretty clearly Watcher isn't ... big surprise, his Liege is NG Cavscout and they're both of House Rune {snicker}.
Your Liege,
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
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It's only complicated for the feeble minded such as yourself. Need to talk to your health care specialist and up your meds.
Or decrease them ... my Gawd what the hell was I on when I did THAT? That must have been that trip to Denver when I ... well, no need to get into specifics.
Pity, there's nothing for it I suppose ... fine Watcher ... by which I mean not fine at all.
It still doesn't excuse Nidan1, but then nothing excuses him.
Joe
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By the way Nidan1, sburke is an Official Squire of the CessPool and therefore worthy of having his name bolded ... just like your name ... stupid name though yours is.Not your best work there, Sparky.Watcher (spelt but not bolded) is a mere Serf to the CessPool as a Hole and therefore his name is NOT bolded.
Sorry, is this getting too complicated for your retired mind?
Joe
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Great news lads, NG Cavscout has finally managed to send a file.
Now to be sure he put it in the wrong dropbox, no doubt hoping I'd overlook it and thereby gain himself a few more days of reprieve from his inevitable defeat at my hands ... again.
And, as a professional trainer, I was tempted to just leave it in the wrong place and point out his error at another time to drive home his mistake. But then I remembered that I was dealing with NG Cavscout and as a member of House Rune he'd already made the biggest mistake of his life so this really wouldn't be a good learning experience.
So I pulled the file, loaded it and ran the turn.
HE USED ARTILLERY!
That's right, no straight up "mano a mano" or even "tank a tank" for him, no sir, having lost two of his vaunted T34/85s in the same turn he petulantly started pounding a poor defenseless wooded area to splinters just out of spite.
Now granted there may ... or may not ... have been elements of my forces in those woods but what kind of cavalryman would stoop to such inhumane tactics ... obviously one "schooled" (if I can use that term in the loosest possible manner) by House Rune.
Still, it WAS a turn ...
Joe
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I've consulted with my oracle on the matter of their prediction today and they profusely apologized ... turns out they used CHICKEN entrails ... clearly turkey entrails were called for in this matter.Scoff if you all will, lesser men, but today my Liege Joe Shaw Knight Champion of the M.B.T., Justicar for Life of the Peng Challenge Thread, Creator of the Peng Challenge Thread Podcast, CessPool Drain Commissioner and Founder of the Shavian House showed magnanimity beyond belief. I am sure he wanted to keep it secret, but I have word that he made a formal request to Jerry Jones to throw the Thanksgiving game as a gesture of appreciation for having to tolerate House Rune.My Liege there are no words to express my appreciation so let me try another method.
There once was a slow thinking lout
who's handle was ng cavscout
try as he might
to once get it right
he could not get a turn out
Your Liege,
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
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I'm so sorry you can't find any value in my posts ... feel free to leave.You really are a dolt. And it's really not funny any more. I mean, it used to be that you might now and then provide a little mild entertainment where the rest of us could pause to stand around, point and snicker. But the joke has grown stale. Even kicking your various parts is losing its entertainment value. I guess the only thing left is to start taking bets on what kind of pattern you will make on the sidewalk when thrown out a seven story window.Michael
Joe
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You need a slash in front of that final serious ... also the first Serious tag was capitalized and the final one wasn't.Versus the class and panache shown here : (montage for brevity)No doubt you ARE the standard for Shavian House, high quality, extremely intellectual, upper class wit.
[serious] may all the Americans have a Happy Turkey Day surrounded by friends and family [serious]
If you have any.
I'm just saying ...
[serious] And the same to you and yours my friend, for more than a decade I've enjoyed and been thankful for the comradeship and fun we've had here in our own Peng Challenge Thread. Long may it wave. [/serious]
And, hopefully, may the wave crest high enough to wash SOME of the filth from the House Rune.
Joe
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I notice with interest that YOU made no claim to victory, for obvious reasons. I, on the other hand (the middle one) hereby and with malice aforethought proclaim the Shavian House, as represented by that Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke, the winner of the first Quasi Annual Haiku and Limerick Challenge.As a completely objective evaluation can clearly not be gotten from any of you maroons, I have to say this can only be fairly judged by a certain gnome well known for his versifying and pontificating.Therefore, as creator of the Haiku-off, I say the results shall not be finally determined until Seanachai shows his rosy cheeks, curly toed shoes, and slightly misshapen cranium here in the Cesspool to judge the relative merits of the submissions.
Foul Shavian House
Ancient master with evil grin
his last tooth shines forth
As evidence of that I need only point out that you felt compelled to post your OWN haiku as that of Watcher (spelt but not bolded) was so clearly inferior. Yours, just as clearly, was no improvement not to mention ineligible for the competition as you had foolishly designated Watcher (spelt but not bolded) as your designee.
I also note that you and your "representative" of the House Rune Watcher (spelt but not bolded) have to resort to a judgement from someone who will not show up here to make such a judgement. I suppose if you can't actually WIN you must hope for a draw through nefarious means.
Second, sburke has the right of it yet again when he reminds the denizens of House Rune of my admonition earlier ... Less Crass, More Class.
Joe
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Once again that Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire, sburke, has risen to the occasion and has not only created a masterful haiku but has gone above and beyond the Call of Duty ... not that we refer to the abomination of a game by that name ... and has crafted a superb and accurate limerick as well.
It's obvious from the pathetic attempts at a limerick by Watcher (spelt but not bolded) that the Shavian House has routed House Rune yet again ... it has always been so and shall always be so.
Frankly my Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire I doubt that they knew the difference between a haiku and a limerick. Indeed, judging by the "quality" of the limerick provided they barely knew that ... perhaps if we had suggested a "TV Jingle" off they'd have done better ... but probably not, we'd have just seen an attempt to make the "Mike, Mike, Mike, what day is it?" commercial relevant.
They'd have failed at that as well of course.
Well done lad, well done indeed.
Your Liege,
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
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Aren't you busy crashing our brand new helicopter or something?
I know you are used to getting your Thanksgiving meal from the microwave or the local Chinese takeout, luckily we are not all such barbarians. The lovely Mrs ng cavscout and I are brining a turkey overnight and I will be putting together a home made sausage and herb stuffing in the morning.
Watcher, be a good Squire and compose a limerick or a haiku about the lowly Shavian House.
At least I had an excuse, my tail rotor stopped working ... admittedly when it hit a tree but still it was clearly a mechanical malfunction.
You, on the other hand, managed to lose our HMMWV with ALL our loot in it.
And the lovely Lady Linda will be making a traditional Shaw family Thanksgiving feast of roast turkey and southern cornbread dressing ... which should nicely set off the warm glow from the inevitable victory of My Beloved Dallas Cowboys early in the day.
The fact that your Chicago Bears will have lost even earlier is only icing on the cake ... or whipped cream on the pumpkin pie perhaps.
And Watcher (spelt but not bolded) couldn't tell a haiku from a cuckoo. I'll match my Boys Marching Ban ... uh ... my Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke's ability with haikus against your SERFS feeble attempts any day of the week.
Joe
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I tell you lads, the quality of the SSNs these days is dropping like a booze paralyzed Seanachai ... although there probably isn't any other kind of Seanachai now that I think on it.Yeah, u go girl! Tell him off! That dirty rat! The nerve of that guy, showing up in the MBT. Hah!Ni!
Were it not for the presence of that Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke I'd have given up on ever having a meaningful contribution made by another SSN. Luckily he has restored my faith in humanity and proven, yet again, that my judgement in these matters is infallible.
Also ... it's another day without a turn from NG Cavscout ... he'll probably claim he was busy helping his wife with Thanksgiving preparations ... which in his case likely meant downing another beer.
Joe
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It's a wonderful thing to see a Squire such as that most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke take the teachings of his Liege to heart and embrace the mantle of the Shavian House. Now if we could just get NG Cavscout to send a turn ... pretty much ANY turn ... pretty much any game, it doesn't even have to be with me ... life would indeed be good.
Joe
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Okay ... What the hell ... By the powers vested in me by the Olde Ones in convex met, I hereby Doeth proclaim that the Serf known as Watcher (spelt but not bolded) is now and shall be considered a Squire of House Rune and of the Cesspool.
Much good may it do him with NG Cavscout as his liege. The poor lad will be yet another in a long line of Latchkey Squires foisted off on us by an uncaring and unwatchful Liege but what can you do.
If we had a Division of Squirehood Services as I've lobbied for or if more Lieges would take up my exemplary ... Uh ... example then perhaps we might have more Squires like that Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke.
Good luck Watcher, you're going to need it.
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
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Well done lad. In recognition of your actually sticking through and completing a scenario reaching a typically Shavian House level of gaminess, combined with your impressive display of scathing and amusing abuse, I have decided to promote you to the exalted rank of Squire to House Rune.
You may immediately assume all titles, privileges, and duties associated with the rank.
Not so fast NG Cavscout ... which, by a strange coincidence, is likely what your tank crew said to your driver in the T-34/85 just before it ran into my tank ... NO ONE is made Squire in the Cesspool until I say they're a Squire in the Cesspool.
Of course it's just like you to make a Serf a Squire on the basis of a LOSING battle. Doubtless it's the best he can hope to achieve but it does set the bar a bit too low, even for House Rune ... What am I saying, you can't get any lower than House Rune.
And I'm sure you can hardly wait to exercise Primae Noctis ... Say did we mention that aspect? It may have slipped my mind ... Well you'll just have to wait lad, I'm a busy man.
Joe
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Well My Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke, Your Devoted Liege hasn't been idle on the CM front either.
Dedicated readers of this thread, and really, who isn't, will remember that NG Cavscout was crowing about killing a scout car or two a few pages ago. Well I must report that in one single turn the forces of all that's good and true in the world today ... i.e. MINE ... killed two of his vaunted T-34/85s.
It is a Meeting Engagement and, true to his cavalry roots, he completely ignored that and, having secured the Victory Area, decided to boldly charge forward ... right into my guns.
Custer would have been proud. N.B. Forrest maybe not so much.
Once again ... I expect his surrender momentarily.
Your Liege,
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
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Ah Watcher (spelt but not bolded) ... more class, less crass.Way to the CessPool named Shavian Way? Kinda like calling the large intestine a butt tube to the anus? Something we finally agree on,You got my vote.Joe
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
Well done and well done again My Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire sburke.
You are well on your way lad to becoming yet another sterling example of a Knight of the CessPool in the grand and glorious tradition of the Shavian House.
Speaking of which, I really think we should rename the main passage down here to ... wait for it ... the Shavian Way. Kind of like the Appian Way without the, you know, Apps.
Your Liege,
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
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Wait, you mean that was supposed to be FUNNY? Well you see the problem with that, it sure looked like a documentary to me ... but then I don't have your finely tuned OHIO sense of humor honed, no doubt, by decades of chortling over Three Stooges reruns.Oh... Joseph, you try so very hard, but as always you end up piddling on your own feet.As it said on the website you found (Oh, and I imagine you were so very pleased with yourself when you found it! You were probably beside yourself with joy, which means there were two of you and that's 12 too many): "Akron After Hours is an Emmy-award-winning sketch comedy show created and run by students at the University of Akron in Akron, Ohio."
But being A. From Mormon-Land and 2. Working in the banking trade and III. Well, just being a tremendous git, really... you completely lack an understanding of humor.
Which is ironic, seeing how clownish your antics are.
Joe
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sburke, if you ARE taking notes ... which I find highly unlikely ... you might want to steer away from Akron ...Why? Taking notes for whenever puberty kicks in for ya, Sparky?http://www.akronafterhours.com/video/mating-rituals-clip-103/
Mind you the first lad they demonstrate really does remind one of Boo Radley doesn't he.
You Liege,
Sir Joe Shaw JFLPCT
The Peng Challenge: Thread Blunder
in Combat Mission Red Thunder
Posted
And, once again I am proven that I can spot talent ... and a lack thereof ... from miles away. I knew, immediately, that Voyeur (neither spelt nor bolded and damned lucky that I refer to him AT ALL) was not CessPool material. He really wasn't even House Rune material though the bar is set pretty damned low for them. They're kind of the Hufflepuff of the CessPool, TECHNICALLY part of it but ... not really PART of it if you get my drift.
That being said, it also illustrates the dangers inherent in creating a Latchkey Squire. A Squire is to be instructed, tested and molded to the House standards. Now clearly the standards of House Rune require the use of Playdoh rather than honest modelling clay in order to mold their Squires but you see my point. My Most Loyal and Trustworthy Squire, sburke, on the other hand took my course of instruction to heart and emerged clearly the better man for it. He has been an excellent Squire for the Shavian House and will make a fine addition to the Knights who proudly bear that shield into combat.
NG Cavscout has been remiss in his duties as Liege and deserves this rebuke ... albeit from the likes of Voyeur and therefore not really much of rebuke ... but a rebuke nonetheless.
Joe