PzKpfw 1 Posted August 13, 2000 Share Posted August 13, 2000 LOL couldn't resist shareing this off the funjokes daily laugh list: Is the Human Race doomed through stupidity? Here are some actual label instructions on consumer products that may tell us that we are; 1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. 2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. 3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. 4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. 5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. 6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.) 7.On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET. 8.In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END. 9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL? 10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. 11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. 12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. 13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)- DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. 14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. 15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. 16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. 17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. 18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. 19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. 20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. 21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. 22. On some frozen dinners SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST. 23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box FITS ONE HEAD. 24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY. 25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY. 26. On Nytol sleep aid WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. Regards, John Waters ---------- "Go for the eyes Boo, go for the eyes!!" [This message has been edited by PzKpfw 1 (edited 08-13-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Formerly Babra Posted August 13, 2000 Share Posted August 13, 2000 Hey now. I've been smokin' for twenty years. Please don't make me laugh like that -- it hurts ------------------ It takes three years to build a battleship. It takes three hundred to build a tradition. Admiral Cunningham, Aegean, May 1941. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fionn Posted August 13, 2000 Share Posted August 13, 2000 " 20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS." The bit I like most is the fact that they specify genitals here. Now, leaving aside the fact that anyone who tries to stop a chainsaw with his or her hands is obviously a moron just HOW MUCH MORE STUPID would you have to be to try to stop a chainsaw with your genitals? Oh and as for "funny" things.. How's this for a note I found inside the box in which my computer was delivered.. Note... said note was taped to the INSIDE of the box. And I quote.. "Warning: Check that all components are present prior to opening the box as opening the box invalidates any return to base warranty on this piece of equipment." 1. Box was not transparent. 2. Sticker was inside box. 3. They gave me the wrong bloody videocard. Fionn's solution... Bull**** the English company about non-existent Irish laws and secure for oneself new videocard WHILST keeping the old one ( as I sure as hell wasn't going to pay to have it returned). End result... 2 videocards for the price of one... Excellent ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Michael emrys Posted August 13, 2000 Share Posted August 13, 2000 I've come across this list many times and it STILL makes me laugh. For some reason I'm reminded of a folk saying from west Texas: "He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel." Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BasilD Posted August 13, 2000 Share Posted August 13, 2000 When in doubt, blame the lawyers. ------------------ As the victors define history, so does the majority define sanity... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Airborne Posted August 13, 2000 Share Posted August 13, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Michael emrys: For some reason I'm reminded of a folk saying from west Texas: "He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel." Michael<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This was in the movie "Gettysburg". The one Maine Regiment deserter uses this to refer to the Union high command... ------------------ Land Soft--Kill Quiet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subvet Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 These are pretty damned funny! Thought I'd bump it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fieldmarshall Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 Speaking of stupid notices here is one that came with a camera I just bought, Quote: "Caution, camera will not function properly if film is not loaded" what is that?! Who on this earth can't figure that out on thier own...? -Fieldmarshall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 A sticker on the tank of the Yamaha 600 'Diversion' Motorbike : "Warning, Do not eat any part of this bike!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madmatt Posted August 14, 2001 Share Posted August 14, 2001 Moving to correct forum. Madmatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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