Yeknodathon
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Posts posted by Yeknodathon
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Get back in your Gates-slut persona! None of your alleged "champions" has shown any sign of freeing you to Peng again. If you slip up again I'll destroy another one of Berli's tanks.</font>Originally posted by chrisl:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrPeng:
w00t!!
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OGSF
Liege, *pant* *pant* news of me quest *pant* *gasp*
Liege, I'd like to tell stories of me hardships, the wonders I have visited, the monsters I've battled and the countless virgins who gather at me hooves. All for yer honour.
Er, right, yes... bit different. Ahem, well.. the difficult bit was getting through the door in me waterproofs. My, how one sweats under heavy-duty plastic with no ventilation. Anyway, the unfortunate accident with the sink plunger startled Mr Goggle Suck Shen-Chen into a stampede towards the outer precincts. Don't Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs shift with a partial vacuum near something tender? Well, off it shot and wham! Smacked its bonce on an Olde One refuse heap and keeled over.
Well, couldn't resist the chance of rummaging around the debris of such distinguished personages... empty liqueur bottles, stenographer-signed photos, Mormon genealogies, the odd badly composed court injunction, glossy "artful" magazines of the human body (female), scribbled half-polished poetry (with major corrections), a practice insult colour book, and a rather battered copy of "Darkside One-liners: A Layman's Guide to Scary Sarcasm"... usual rubbish... oh, and something else, something screwed tightly into a ball and meticulously wrapped in sticky tape. Well, this stuck out as something different... all 122 pages...
So I carefully removed the wrapping and laid the creased pages to dry in the sun while the booming voice of something Mini-iota echoed through me head, "do not touch anything".
Oh, right...
Liege, the studying begins...
Idjit Yeknod
[ February 15, 2002, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]
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... now far be it for me to give a lecture on edjiting I must point out that doors are, like most of the corporeal world, just a tad bit insignificant to the practicing idjit. No, for the true idjit doors and any sort of solid reality are just an irrelevance. Yer see there's a little trap-door in one's skull right back in the dark, misty sub-conscious and every now and then we "pop" through it and hurtle into the depths of blissful idiocy to bathe in lapping dementia... swimmyswimmyswimmyswimmyOriginally posted by CMplayer:Could someone PLEASE escort that donkey to the door!
Idjit Yeknod
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I think we can take some pride in having been among the first to not only discover his "DOU" (Degree of Uselessness), but to have actually done something about it, i.e. sent his whiny little butt to Coventry.Originally posted by Joe Shaw:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by dalem:
Steve just laid down the law http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=023523 so a shiny quarter says Mister Iron Chef gets exactly one more post. I predict that that one post will be quite interesting, if useless.
I find it amusing that, having failed miserably to "make it" as a CessPooler, he has now decided that he's a Grog and is attempting to "make it" as one of those.
Rather like a dog trying to mark his territory when he's out of "ammunition".
Joe</font>
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brrrr, cold, yes, coldOriginally posted by REVS:No
I want sennerkai to rant and rave. It keeps him, or her, warm during these many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold months.
Fancy a Pacific campaign, sennerikeye?
Brrrrrrrr. Hope your computer keeps you warm. Why live in such a dreadful climate? Surely you have the financial wherewithall to move to soemwhere less desperate? You mean you've fought for freedom all these years and all you end up with is this terrible bunch of claw-marks in a frozen, flat glacier?
What a rip-off!
You could have called yourself an Australian citizen and could have joined a land of sunshine, surf and very good living, a long, log, long way from anyone else.
And you chose Minnesota!
How about that for backing the 66-1 shot!
Good on you shhhernkeye!. Minnesota needs brains like you!
.... *sniff* *sniff* smell the odour of a cheery, self-satisfied and repugnant Nobbit... which means there are others *sniff* hiding somewhere... *sniff*... roast 'em, I say, roast 'em on their own barbies for our warmth and baste 'em in their own insipid, tastless lager.... sod off
Idjit Yeknod
[ February 13, 2002, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]
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Originally posted by Croda:
Keerist.I'm such a handsome brute... me royalties, where's me royalties?
Idjit Yeknod
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Dark Lady, pah, the Duck ain't no Hercules... come an clean me stables, Augean loserOriginally posted by Persephone:Duckweed, actually you could "muck out" Idjit Yeknod's paddock...I don't think it's been "mucked out" for several years now.
Persephone
Idjit Yeknod
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OGSF
Battle reports:
Liege, I bring a new meaning to failure:
PondDuck negotiations underway to resume hostilities. I've made arrangements for incontinence.
Berli after much advanced sneaking and lurking the Gopher has finally arrived... I've yet to score a hit, Liege, and the endeavour is pitiful. Rest assured, Liege, the wimpering has begun with abandon.
BodgedInBehind... strange, the enlightened (sic) carpenter has beguiled me into a state of reflection and sarvodaya. Activity involving loin cloths, latrines and spinning cotton has begun in full earnest. Everything is peaceful. Can't we all be friends?
Nobbit has become fixated with a Stuart. He wants me to move it. I refuse. Nothing happens. He takes a holiday. Liege, a pattern is beginning to form. We must not underestimate the power of depression.
Marine-buoy has become strangely quiet. Who knows what my half-traks have been doing... decimating another company, perhaps?
Gates-slut after a bright and joyful start the game has been reduced to a form of inertia and despair. True, he's winning the game but there's much mirth in the paddock that all meaning has been drained from the encounter. Liege, a grinding tedium has taken hold. I expect mental collapse to occur at any time.
Idjit Yeknod
[ February 12, 2002, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]
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Yes, I see.Originally posted by chrisl:So much abuse. Where should I begin?
As for some of the suggestions as to what we should do with Shaw. I would strongly advise against trying to pull a vacuum on him-- he's an infinite source of hot air that will burn out any pump you put against him. Accelerating him into an anti-Shaw might be effective. We need to find one of those lurkers with a member number in the double digits and total posts in the single digits. It's a rather cruel thing to pull on such an unwitting victim (the lurker, not Shaw). Cryogenics would be my recommendation-- condense all the hot air around him into a puddle and freeze him into a block of whatever jelly substance he's made of. A quick trip to Minneapolis this time of year might be enough for that. The other option is a launch into space-- send him as a pizza delivery boy on Space Station, but without the spacesuit. Outer space ought to provide enough vacuum to suck out all the hot air.
Errrm, not looking for Shaw to circumnavigate the paddock at a blistering pace, just enough impetus for it to engage in a clueless amble. Yes, yes, nothing new here, but it needs careful direction towards the oncoming projectile. Tricky... how exactly is a Shaw controlled under laboratory conditions?
Idjit Yeknod
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Dear chrisl
Noted with interest occupation as physicist. Is this "physicist" as in "sub-atomic"? I hope so because I've a notion to build a particle accelerator around the paddock. Just wondering what might occur if Shaw is whizzed in one direction and something of equal useless mass in the other. When allowed to to collide, what is likely to be flung off (toupees and surgical socks excluded)?
Idjit Yeknod
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... air sickness, bummerOriginally posted by Joe Shaw:THIS is no improvement! Last thread we had the idiot SSN/Squires to deal with (who DID ask Donkey-A-Thon to stay anyway? I'd bold and spell his name right but I don't feel well enough to look it up and don't really care anyway and am quite sure that the rest of the CessPool will come to it's senses, declare that his Knight is a flaming idiot and send him back to SSN land where he belongs). NOW we have to listen to the interminable chrisl/dalem/Croda/Hiram show.
It's enough to make you spew ... in fact I think I will.
Joe
Yeknod
[ February 11, 2002, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]
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Think again, BodgedInBehind, just because its over doesn't mean I'm free to woo one of his squires. It's a move down the social ladder, don't you know?Originally posted by Sledge59:This was written by Ano-somebody...
And also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be
connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Idjit Yeknod
[ February 11, 2002, 01:56 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]
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No, I'm somewhere near Scunthorpe, pillock.Originally posted by Leeo:A bunch of whinging.
Isn't he somewhere near Coventry yet?
(Damn that mad-Scott OGSF!)
It's "mad Scott"; sort them out, hyphen-pillock.
Idjit Yeknod
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PondDuckOriginally posted by PondScum:Pah. DOUBLE pah.
Now Yeknod, you flea-bitten old nag, your crimes are legion:
Numero uno: bothering the ladies.
Part deux: being fickle with your affections.
Drei: squire to OGSF, the MBT's answer to Cro-Magnon Man.
Charge-the-fourth: NOTE TO SUB-ED: insert some trumped-up charge to justify total war here.
Yes, oh mangy one, I am offering you the chance of REVENGE. Let's see if you can do better than EIGHT POINTS AGAINST THE FRENCH this time.
Alpha:Bother?... oh, I feel very desperate
Part ducks: ...I suppose it could have been worse, water fowl have a tendency to shed feathers.
Tres:Oh, the sloping forehead and antiquated, redundant language? Hmmmmm, it is a bit a strain. Though despite his burdens, me Liege is beyond reproach, shut yer cretinous bill, water-sod
Answer-the-fouth:NOTE TO SUB-ED... the duck wants to trump. Methane bubbles, pathetic. Offer me the chance of REVENGE. Like LAST TIME. Oh, deep joy.
Just wait...uuuuggggggggh.... I'll give it another go.... uuuuuuugggggggg.... just once more.... uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhgggggg.
I'm trying to get excited but it hurts.
You are insolent baggage; a babbling sack of half-congealed, bobbing guano. Your quacks and quocks and fluttered natter disturbs me ruminations... Yer pitiful haranguing is a boil in me ear. Quiet. Liege, the cement-mixer. Master PondDuck is to be given the concrete foie gras experience.
Idjit Yeknod
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I had high hopes for you. I felt that, wound through the stream of gibberish and idiocy you rambled on with, there was yet a thread of wry humour, a brighter note of whimsy and ability.</font>Originally posted by Seanachai:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:
Although me relationship with Seany-babe is physical...
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Well...furry gophers certainly are nice and cuddly aren't they? Wait a minute! Idjit Yeknod, don't you even think of it...Berli's already taken!Originally posted by Persephone:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:
So, why is...Berli is so nice and cuddly?
Persephone</font>
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Squires.....watery-eyed twits an' noo mustake. Di Ah haftae trrranslatae every bleedin' worrrd o' tha Mother Beautiful Tongue fer ye? At's nae sae harrrd mon....ye've bin gifted tha road tae tha grail. Nooo, ye kin keep us regailed aboot ye prograiss an' ultimately returrn triumphant wi' a evoka-bloody-tive ballad type o' thang aboot ye quest adventures....an' tha glory o' encoonterin' tha grail atsailf.Originally posted by OGSF:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Yeknodathon:
Quest Diary of Irritations and Assorted Things of Slight Interest
Day One
Me Leige: making no sense again. Something about a "granite bog" and "leek"... keep nodding I say, and smile a lot... he likes that.
Yeknod
As far as Ah kin taill laddie, ye've selaicted ye travellin' companions wi' a keen eye fer tha task ahaid o' ye. Ah am mildly, almost off-handedly, curious aboot ye "secret infalatable bag" noo.
An' haes a wee clue fer ye...."leek" as MBT fer "like".
Festin' pillock....sent tae tree us, these Squires....</font>
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...anyway, what's all this Peng stuff about? Only dropped to do some posting on the Scunthorpe CM:BO Idjit Players' website. Well, I thought, this looks the place for me. Well friendly, by Scunthorpe standards, and knowledgeable enough to give me tips and strategies and advise on the armour penetration of 0.50 calibre half-track mounted MGs against SEA-WEED FESTOONED AMPHIBIOUS BASTICHE HETZERS THAT ROAM BEFORE ME EYES AS IF THEY OWNED THE PLACE...
So, why is Seany-babe so awful and dark and Berli is so nice and cuddly? What's a knigget? Why don't people speak proper, like?
...oh, talking of the Gopher, must post a warning:
Dear Everyone
On account of the following incidents involving a volley of rocket-exploding twinkie bars thrown at me from over a ridge and an in-depth study of shells lobbed from me Hellcat and their trajectory towards exposed and retreating armour, I must point out that me true and perfect aim was "deflected" by an "unseen" and most definitely "unnatural" force. Now, even with the effects of gravity, I expect me shells to arc gracefully down towards me target. I don't expect them to deviate skywards at the last moment and gain enough energy to enter orbit. Unnatual, I say, bleedin unnatural.
This Berli is tricky little beast, and its employing all the tricky little, unnatural, scurvy and downright sneaky tweaking of Newtonian physics for his own ends.
... not that I care having just entered a new spiritual plane... no, no, me chakras are balanaced, me karma good, me breathing controlled..
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, DO THAT AGAIN, GOPHER-NOSE AND I'LL SET MANFRED ON YER...
Idjit Yeknod
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Quest Diary of Irritations and Assorted Things of Slight Interest
Day One
Is it worth the bother? I really daren't consider this one...
Met Moribundity trying to flog some cheap tat at the paddock. Claims to know the answers, don't they all? Ha, didn't fool me. Quest-chasing hustlers, pathetic.
Advice from Seany-babe... gawd, he's getting a bit clingy, but I don't want the attentions of a jilted gnome... best keep 'im hoping.
Me Leige: making no sense again. Something about a "granite bog" and "leek"... keep nodding I say, and smile a lot... he likes that.
All packed up: water-wings, plunger, divining rod, water-proofs, Manfred Weasel and Mr G. Suck Shen-Chen and... and me secret inflatable bag.
Yeknod
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*sqeak* *gnaw* *rip* *squeak* *squeak*
Manfred, behave yerself, this is serious, I'll not endure rodent levity
*squeak*
[ February 07, 2002, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]
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Now, what a thorougly rude fella? Seany-babe, we can have our civilised chat. Where were we?Originally posted by OGSF:Rrrright! Squire, ye quest as tae seek oot tha ancestral haim o' tha
Cesspool, tha well spring o' at's spirit, tha most ancient an' fetid granite
walled bog hole an' all o' Olde Christendom. Havin' foond at, tae present
at tae tha assembled Olde Ones, Seniour Kannigets, Kannigets, an' assorted
fetid scum.....noo, ferget tha assorted fetid scum, ain tha manner o' ye
choosin'. Ah wid suggaist tha manner bae along tha leens o' a vivid an'
evokative word-scape, a wee ballad af'n ye leek. Wun or more pictures o'
thas hallowed place wid bae tae ye credit as waill.
ooooooooooh, a portal into the very fabric of space and time... cripes... will I need vaseline to squeeze me way through?What he means is that you are to seek out the original Peng Challenge Thread, the immortal Cesspool that rose to some 3,000 extant posts before disrupting the Board and collapsing into a black hole. The Original Thread that could no longer even be entered by normal means, and which could not even be properly padlocked and shutdown because of the disaster.
Ooh, too bad then... I guess it's back to the virgins...I don't even know if you can reach that original Thread nowadays, what with archiving, and changes to the Board.
....Seany-babe, yer just a cheeky little tinker...But, Donkey, there is this:
Eh? aaaaaaaah, we're talking alchemy.... ahhhhhhh, the Alchemist Donkey, like it, like it... the whiff of sulphur: sublimating and precipitating...No one who read all three thousand some posts of the Original Peng Challenge Thread came away unchanged.
Oh, right, okaaaaaay, sounds a bit, ahem, serious.... ennoble? Me a donkey? Take to the purple? And what's with the rolls? Egg 'n bacon? I'm partial to a thistle roll meself, or the odd mud role. I'm not sure a donkey roll is too good. Though I know how to make a Swiss Roll. Push 'im down a mountain...I believe your Liege feels that doing so will somehow change you, perhaps even ennoble you, and make you someday worthy of Knighthood and inclusion into the rolls of the Cesspool.
Seany-babe, Liege OGSF, I prospose to be accompanied in me difficult quest. Apart from me chukker, Manfred Weasel, I wish to bring along me Vietnamese pot-bellied pig Mr G. Such Shen-Chen. On account of his one-eyed wandering stare known to us all as Google Suck Shen-Chen. Bleedin quick, he is, fastest pot-bellied pig I've known, aint he, Manfred?So, Donkey, it is up to you to see if it is still possible to get to the ancestral Thread. To aid you in this noble quest, I will tell you that it was named "Peng, I Take Our Challenge Public!"*squeak*
Ooookay, cokey, "don't touch anything". Not a problem. Hear that Manfred, yer not to nibble anything.Also, to be truthful with you, I know for a fact that there are ways to still get to this hallowed place, all 122 pages of posts. But should you actually arrive there, remember to touch nothing!It is a Holy Place, now, and must be treated as such.
*squeak* *gnaw*
Yer, little seducer, you. Yer, going to have to do better than that to get me all inflamed.... luuuuuuurver....Should you be at a loss, Donkey, email me, and I will do what I, as an Olde One must, when approached by one on a QuestRight, well, that's all clear then. Between a sales rep know-it-all oaf and tinker-tips Seany all bleedin mystery and sense of adventure has gone right down the plug hole. Can't wait to get started. Well, Manfred, I'm looking for Cesspool water nymphs and I don't care where they originate from... and I'm going to touch 'em...
Manfred, Google, the quest
Idjit Yeknod
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Oh, very nice, Moriarity! Nothing like a 'Noble Quest' where some pillock waltzes in and points at the third plain silver goblet from the left and says: that one there, lad, that's the goddamn Holy Grail!Originally posted by Moriarty:</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Moriarty:
Idjit Donkey boy can look here. Good grief, if he goes to Senility he'll have to fill out forms in triplicate and listen to myriad sing-songs.
http://lindan.panzershark.com/cesspool/007077.html
Provided courtesy of Pawbroon
Well, I hope you're right there and ready with your helping hand the next time he's incontinent, so you can wipe his arse with a handful of thistle leaves!
Bloody hell. A Knight of the 'Pool sets his Squire a Holy Quest, with a 'Lo, Forsooth! Go, thou, and seek out the Wellspring of the Peng Challenge!' (through the Broad Scots gibberish, mind), and up shows Moriarity with his paw waving frantically over his head going 'ooh, me sir, me sir! I know how to get there!' like some sort of poxy little pre-teen selling 'maps to the Quest for the Peng Challenge Thread' from a cheap lawn-chair by the side of the road.
You're a nasty little know-it -all trollop, Moriarity.</font>
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*bang* *crash* where's me water-wings? *smash *bang*...Originally posted by OGSF:Rrrright! Squire, ye quest as tae seek oot tha ancestral haim o' tha
Cesspool, tha well spring o' at's spirit, tha most ancient an' fetid granite
walled bog hole an' all o' Olde Christendom. Havin' foond at, tae present
at tae tha assembled Olde Ones, Seniour Kannigets, Kannigets, an' assorted
fetid scum.....noo, ferget tha assorted fetid scum, ain tha manner o' ye
choosin'. Ah wid suggaist tha manner bae along tha leens o' a vivid an'
evokative word-scape, a wee ballad af'n ye leek. Wun or more pictures o'
thas hallowed place wid bae tae ye credit as waill.
Originally posted by Seanachai:[qb]
...*bang* *bang* *craaaaunch*....sink plunger, I must have me sink plunger... *bang*...
Eh? What? Look, Seany.... errrrrrr, a quiet word, yer see... look I'll come back in moment there's another of 'em pointing at something....
Idjit Yeknod
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(as dusk gathers around the paddock to welcome a particularly gloomy night, something can be seen at the far end throwing a bit of a strop)
... waterproofs, where's me feckin waterproofs... I AM NOT GOING TO GET WET... *bang* *crash* that, PondDuck, is NOT FUNNY *smash* *bang* oh, bleedin hell *bang* *smash* *crash* where's me divining rod *bang* *crash*
Yeknod
The Peng Challenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold...
in Combat Mission Archive #4 (2002)
Posted
</font>
Idjit Yeknod