Buzzsaw
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Posts posted by Buzzsaw
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MrSpkr
This lout you have sent me (Lars) really is an embarrassment to you and whatever knigget was foolish enough to sponsor such a ninny. As expected, I am crushing his pitiful defenses. I have found that his shattered pillboxes make nice temporary morgues for his Fallschirmjager squads, but they are quickly filling up. The most telling incident so far has come when one of his shreck teams, about to wet their pants from fear, exited their foxhole for relief, and was instantly gunned down by 4 distant tanks. In the end, that shreck team will be considered lucky; I am planning a much slower, more painful death for the rest of his defenses.
Far more embarrassing, however, is the tone of the messages he has been sending with each turn. There were a few turns where he whined about (real and imagined) jabos, and one where he commented on the diminutive size of his sponsor’s armored codpiece, but most missives have been blase or even bordered on being outright cordial. I submit these two messages as examples:
"Here you go, good luck!"
and
"TTFN - ta ta for now"
What the heck is this? Maybe he is trying to disorient me, but I think it is very distasteful. Is this any way to treat an SSN? And "ta ta for now"? Is Lars a wannabe limey, or does he have a stuttering problem?
Must I climb the cliffs of Crodaberg before I am allowed to strike a blow at MrSpkr himself? If need be, I will pile the broken bodies of Lars’ men into ziggurats so that I my reach a level high enough to give you a good, hard kick in the shins.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Panzer Leader:
A lot of Stinking Suck-up Non-Entities have the audacity to poke fun at Little Buddy's name. Have you seen your own asinine nember namews, bub?
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Buzzsaw.
Whaddya a G.I. Joe action figure?? Gimme a break. Go Joe!
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<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
How dare you! A G.I. Joe action figure! I'll have you know that my screen name is based on a Transformers action figure. I wouldn't expect you to have an 1980's based name, since, at the time, people in Kansas City had never heard of computers and were using an intricate system of rock piles to count dead cows. Furthermore, Heinz Guderian was nincompoop, and I'm happy that my name is based on a cheap plastic toy and not someone who's greatest achievement was sharing his first name with a bottle of ketchup.
[ 08-21-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:
Did you say ignore? What a good idea.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
CMplayer
Please don't take my metaphor too far. Unlike my dirty laundry, when ignored for several days you will not get done by my wife. She has seen your screen name and concurs that you are probably a boorish git with the brain functions and imagination of a fruit fly.
[ 08-20-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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MrPeng
Its a sad day when another one of these shows up in the Cesspool
That's right, a disabled smilie -- an escapee from your laboratory. He has been knee-capped and his tongue has been cut out, and yet he managed to escape and is still bravely smiling.
I, for one, find this horrifying! Your security is obviously far too lax, and your procedures wholly inadequate. To allow a smilie, even a maimed one, to escapee from your lab is inexcusable. Perhaps you would like to visit my institute, where we have been breaking smilies into their basic parts, and putting those parts to good use in grammatically correct (more or less) English sentences. You will find the body parts of several smilies put to use as periods and parentheses in this very post.
I am sure that, as the preeminent researcher in our field of study, you will quickly reform for practices, and that we can look forward to your positive contribution to the science of smilie eradication.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:
Well isn't this Fuzzpaw so cutely self
effacing! Why don't you put yourself side
by side with me. I'll do the poking
with sharp sticks, and you can take care
of the drooling bit.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I'm still waiting for the pointy stick. So far it's just your inane screen name that makes me want to mop the map with your soldier's carcasses, and I'll need a few more reasons.
Are you the player who poked me with the pointy end of two Cromwells in a TCP/IP game a week or two ago? Revenge is always a fine motivator, however, proper taunting must be observed first, and calling me self-effacing just won't suffice. Frankly, at this point, I feel as if I'm standing side-by-side with a pile my own dirty laundry. It smells, and I really should do something about it, but I can safely ignore it for a few days.
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MrSpkr
Feed me another squire!
It is not so much that Lars is disagreeable (although he is – greasy and in need of seasoning, much like the roast opossum served in Waxahachie’s finer restaurants), but rather that he is taking a long time to digest. Perhaps there is another toady that you can send my way?
It certainly doesn’t need to be a squire, but you must remember that SSNs and serfs require the proper leadership. If you place two of us side-by-side, it may be necessary to prod us with pointy sticks before we begin fighting. Left to our own devices, we tend to do a lot of standing around and drooling.
And remember, whoever does come my way will just be an appetizer. I won’t be sated until I have roasted you on a spit, and made your liver into a fine pâté.
[ 08-19-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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I find the concept of referring to anyone hereabouts as “My Buddy” really distasteful. True, that inane doll was most suited for flammability testing and BB gun target practice, but do you really want to have to refer to CMPlayer as your buddy?
I am not certain, but I think that the original “My Buddy” song was a moving number about a friend killed in World War I. The getting killed in combat angle would make it very fitting for CMPlayer, but I think that Hasboro or Mattel has really ruined it.
“My Pet Monster” is also a bad idea.
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Mrpkr
You had better get another one of your boot-lickers to clean it off this time. And please leave MrsSpkr out of this -- I have no quarrel with Leeo.
[Not edited because there is no need to spell that pillock's name correctly]
[ 08-16-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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Lars
You live in Mound Minnesota!?! The land of 10,000 mosquitos? I bet the buzzing of my Jabo sounds very familiar to you.
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If Lars seems dazed lately, ask him about his recent losses in our battle. I don't want to give more details for fear of spoiling the scenario (although I think everyone has probably played it before expect for us, and it is such a twisted and rotten scenario that it was really spoiled even before Croda finished it).
MrSpkr, I think you are going to have to find a better second to fight your battles. Lars has been doing alot of simpering about how I spot shrecks in foxholes from 600 meters. Also, One of my crews appears to have gone fanatic (suicidal is more like) and has charged up the hill. He'll probably take the VLs himself and capture the rest of those nasty Germans.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Origianlly posted by Stalin's Organ
Buzz thingie ...
some weak explanation about why destroying 5 pillboxes on turn one wasn't lucky but instead master stroke of tactical genius...
Come to think of it I have just the scenario to send you - you get Panthers and Pillboxes, I get Shermans and Cromwells - you up for it boyo?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Bring it on, you pitiful excuse for a commander. Leave your tanks in the open against me and we will see what happens. I guess your infantry will at least get some cover from the burning wrecks.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:
Who the fek are you?
Obviously some gamey upstart puke ersidue trying to use tactics or sumfink...whadya do...try to hide your tanks then move them out to get ko'd one at a time?? You total wally!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Who the fek am I? I am your worst nightmare, Mr. Organ. I'd like to see your "tactic" of placing all your AFVs in the wide open against me. Stalin's Organ indeed! Maybe his appendix, or possibly his gall bladder, but nothing more important than that. The only way to find out is gpoing to be to pierce you and see what kind of humor flows out.
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Well, that treacherous Lars is making mincemeat out of my attacking forces in Crodaberg. Goddamn pillboxes. I wonder what the turn one record is for AFV losses. I might have broken it. I am pretty sure he is only using about one quarter of his force to hold back my mad assault.
I did find the scenario briefing amusing. Does this mean that there is another scenario from Croda that features the Seanachai river (as mentioned in the Crodaberg briefing)? Something tells me that I don’t want to know about the headwaters.
MrSpkr
So Lars may be able to get the upper hand when attacking from pillboxes a top and 200 meter cliff. Can you or one of your squires take me in a manly Meeting Engagement? I think not! You are a cowardly cur; I hope that you catch a hantavirus from snorting powdered hamster droppings.
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LArs
No file from you yet. I will assume that the dimwitted MrSpkr is still struggling with the scenario editor. I sincerely hope he does not create something too silly (e.g. sharpshooters versus King Tigers at night with dense fog).
I will enjoy slaughtering your troops. You should know that I will be more inclined to accept your surrender if you pile your corpses into one massive ziggurat proclaiming my greatness.
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Lars
I have updated my profile so that you will not embarrass yourself again by appearing to believe that I am actually a Capybara rancher. (Although it just now occurs to me that no one would willing admit that they came from a place called Waxahachie....)
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MrSpkr
Ha! I guess that shows where you rank on the totem pole. The best you can do is try to scare up Lars? He is worthless piece of wet phlegm who makes coherent posts about as often as MrPeng and rarely has the courage to actually email turns. Face it, MrSpkr, you don’t even command the respect of real squires, and are pretty much here to lick the boots of the other knights.
I really want to get back to this point of your being a “legal professional”. When did the good people of Waxahachie step outside of their revival tents long enough to legalize “professionals” such as yourself? And when did their recreational habits change from bingo and Tupperware parties to seeking carnal pleasures from carnival freaks? Something is rotten in Texas, and it isn’t just that pee in bottle called Lone Star beer or the pile of corpses outside your state correctional facility.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng: A texas chainlinked-buzzsawcagedanimal-deathmatchfromhell.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Should I be honored that a senior knight has mentioned my name, or frightened because I was accidentally included in the random ravings of a lunatic? I guess I will wait with a combination of longing and fear for the (distant) day when he includes my moniker in a complete sentence.
MrSpkr
Or should I call you Mr Inquisitorial Lackey? Does that mean that I really must deal with you first? I see from your profile that you are a “legal professional”. And I thought that they only gave licenses for your line of work in certain counties in Nevada. Funny, it’s not unlike the role you serve here in the Cesspool.
Elvis
Your total lack of response to my jibes reveals a little more intelligence than I though you had. Discretion is the better part of valor and all that. Don’t get involved in a fight you can’t win. Or is the underlying principal “never do something yourself when your lackey can do it for you”?
Berlichtingen
You remain a cave-dwelling, simple-minded boob. Your low member number is remarkable only because it exceeds your IQ. The only reason I even chose to address you in the first place is because of your bizarre screen name, which I now suspect was just some spelling error on your part. You can stay in your cave eating raw frogs for the time being. Once I’m done with MrSpkr I’ll return to you.
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MrSpkr
Thank you for so eloquently refuting all my points. Now, if you will kindly turn around so I can remove that stick from your arse and beat you senseless with the dirty end.
Such airs! Such bombast! And from such a lowly wretch. The other knights obviously only tolerate you because they can throw you at newcomers and watch with amusement as their servile vassal plays and being lord. Well, it won’t work with me. I recognize you for what you are: a freakish, disfigured court jester. Step aside; I have maters to discuss with your masters.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Originally written by Herr Oberst:
I saw we deny him his CM fix on the grounds of bad form and watch him writhe around on the floor for the weekend. If we throw some soap down on top of him, he might actually scrub the floor for us, lord knows (apologies Berli) the floor needs it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Well, I can always head outside the Cesspool to find a match. I am just fearful that I will end up playing a pimple faced 15 year old who wants to discuss Britney Spears, or cantankerous grog who wants to discuss muzzle velocities. While either one would present a much better CM challenge then Elvis or Berlichtingen, I had originally thought that I might find one the two nights more amusing to play. As for using my delirium tremors to scrub the floor, I think you can skip the soap, as the froth pouring from my mouth should do nicely
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally written by MrSpkr:
Lots of silly rules and very little of real interest<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Now these supposed rules really are amusing. They are just a feeble attempt to impose some order on the chaos that actually rules the Cesspool (and that rules inside that vacuous melon on top of your shoulders). Senior knights, hah! You are all a bunch of horses’ patooties. Trying to identify the lower order knights in this lot is like trying to fish the stinkiest turd from the toilet bowl. If your mindless quoting of these “rules” identifies you as that turd, I’d be happy to give you a lesson in both CM tactics and original thinking.
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Well I haven’t yet riled Berlichtingen or Elvis to the level of accepting a challenge (I’ll keep trying), so I’ll try a wider plea:
If any of you cretins are interested in starting a moderately sized QB, I can promise several turns this weekend, and nasty insults packaged with each turn. Say the word, and I can wing you the file to right away. I haven’t the time for gushing invective right now. I need my CM fix.
Berlichtingen and Elvis are still worthless gits, but I will deal with them later.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lindan:
Busssaw, you owe me five dollars, or what else they take for money in the sinkhole you live in.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I’ll keep my wampum to myself, thank you. You should be paying me royalties for posting my work in the web. I have done you one favor, however, and listed Lindan’s Wargasm on several porn link web pages. Enjoy the new traffic.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
Wonderful job of research you did there... too bad you haven't a clue. Feel free to contact me when you get one<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Although that page is a little hard to follow, it seems clear that if it were a ladder, your rung would be at the bottom, completely buried in ****e. When I contact you, it will be with high velocity shells against the sides of your AFVs. You mother was a cave newt and your father smelt of pickled dung beetle larvae.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>A very accurate description. Sod off and go play in the traffic was appropriate then, and it is appropriate now.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Ah, Berlichtingen, I see from Lindan’s archives that it was with you that I was scheduled to duel (before I bravely ran away). Seems I was also trying to rile Elvis, so let me attempt to renew the animosities:
Elvis
At first glance fighting you would seem beneath me. Berlichtingen once called you the Cesspool lackwit, and it seems you have done little to raise your status since then. You are like the mangy mongrel that begs for scraps at the knights’ table, but I have decided it that it would be most humane to dispatch you first. That way you will not have to see your masters humiliated when I move on to them. So, if you have not choked on your blood hamster, and are done having you belly rubbed in that obscene post by Seanachai, let us tangle in a Quick Battle. Come, Elvis, come! Be a good boy -- come on.
Berlichtingen
I had somehow got the impression the first time around that you were a decent CMer and might be able to last a few turns against me. Now I see from Lorak’s Cesspool page that you actually have a worse record than Elvis. Your only remarkable achievement is the sheer quantity of games you have played (apparently with a total disregard for the quality of those games). I would be happy to help you chalk another one up in the loss column. Lets have at it, you dimwit.
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What was once flushed from the Cesspool has returned!
While I cannot claim to have been present when Seanachai first struck the rock with his staff and tapped the fetid spring that has so amply filled this Cesspool, I did bathe briefly in its medicinal waters about a year ago, trading posts with a few of those who seem to now be considered learned “Elders”.
Some of the “Elders” will doubtless dismiss me as a brief and minor distraction. Others will claim no memory of me whatsoever (this may be true, as their wandering, barely intelligible posts often reveal a disturbing inability to remember what they have written in previous paragraphs). Most have been secretly yearning for my return, for the day when I would again taunt them mercilessly.
Well, you mustard-seed brained, knuckle dragging proto-humanoids, your wait is over. Rest assured that my absence has not changed my lowly opinion of your writing skills, intellect, or parentage. Better still, I am prepared to bestow a gift upon a select few of you. I will give your otherwise miserable and empty lives a special meaning by soundly thrashing you in a Quick Battle.
Now, allow me to peruse the archives to see who is most in need of lessons in tactics and taunting....
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I think the crew soiled their pants and then threw the MG in the river.
Peng Challenge Thread - From Barbarous to Boring
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
Now look here lad, The things that are of the CessPool STAY in the CessPool, the things that are NOT ... are NOT IMPORTANT. In other words, posting emails or portions of emails (except under exceptional circumstances) is just NOT done. If they were not writ in the CessPool, let them remain beyond the CessPool.
Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yes, the thought that I was breaking good BBS manners, and quite possibly even violating what passes for etiquette in the Cesspool crossed my mind -- and convinced me that I should go ahead and post. If I over stepped boundaries I am sure that Lars will be happy to tell me himself. Besides, I only revealed what everyone knows: that Lars is a blithering idiot.
(I guess I also indirectly revealed information about your anatomy that, presumably, only Lars and Bauhaus know.)
Please go back to posting pictures from your family photo album.