Buzzsaw
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Posts posted by Buzzsaw
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Actually, it is the bombast payload that I'd like to reduce. Doesn't seem to be adjustable on this version of Joe. Maybe in a future release.Originally posted by CMplayer:Just reduce the bomb payload...should work okay.
[Editing becuase I can't type or spell]
[ July 12, 2002, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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I'm diligently working on all requests. Here is the outline for one of the essays you requested.Originally posted by rune:This explains his lack of response to my Blood Hamster Feud . Anyone who says Buzzsaw is MY serf, has my vote to the position. [slightly bend with Bauhaus behind you].
BUZZSAW, you twit. You have not responded to boot the tasks I have boot assgined to you. You must boot post your latest AAR boot and send a picture boot to the Lady. Now, boot I hope I am making boot myself perfectly clear on this. boot boot boot
Rune
If Pigs had Wings, they still Couldn't Fly
Why Joe Shaw cannot fly an IL2
1. Legal Considerations
</font>
- a. Is Joe allowed to cross county lines?
</font> - b. Prohibitions against the transport of hazardous materials via aircraft
</font> - c. Minimum IQ requirements for a pilots license
</font>
2. IL2 Flight Characteristics and Weight Restrictions
</font>
- a. The obesity epidemic amongst Utahan mortgage bankers
</font> - b. Methods for calculating the weight of Joe’s ego
</font> - c. How “dense” is Joe?
</font>
3. Complexity of flight controls in IL2
</font>
- a. Why the IL2 cockpit does not have a “Go” button
</font> - b. Trying to teach Joe appropriate uses for a joystick
</font> - c. Keeping sharp objects away from Joe
</font> - d. Can Joe even spell “IL2”?
</font>
- a. Is Joe allowed to cross county lines?
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I have found one good thing that came out of my stinking draw with Harv -- we were able to start and finsh our game before Joe Boy was able to get in one word edgewise. (Seems almost nothing happens in the Cesspool without his Lordship's comment). Well, phhhhtt!, Joe. We've already finished it, and you'll get no game reports or snippets of emails. Actaully, maybe I can find something in my outbox for you ... here it is:Originally posted by Joe Shaw:Harv you have my permission to play this Serf but I shall require that you post relevant portions of his emails to you so that we may all judge his worthiness vis-a-vis (and come see, come saw) to play against us in the future.
Joe
Originally written by Buzzsaw in a private email:Please tell Joe to stick a sock in it.
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Rune, how shameful that I have failed in this most simple quest. The summary is goes something like this:
1) I commit the fatal error of allowing Harv to chose the battle. He chooses an Omaha beach inspired scenario, with yours truly playing the noble American paratroopers, and Harv playing the stinking German swine.
2) It is only 12 turns long – not quite long enough for the cumulative effect of Harv’s tactical incompetence to ensure his defeat.
3) The Americans are given ½ Company to attack a full company of dug in Germans. My biggest firepower comes from a pair of fearsome 60mm mortars.
4) Because of the short duration, I decide to setup my forces fairly far forward. Unfortunately, both of my mortars, and ½ of a platoon are directly in the line of fire of a MG bunker.
5) Despite 1 thru 4, I am able to knock out the MG bunker, rout the defenders from the VLs, and place the remnants of one of my platoons right on one of the VLs. Unfortunately, Harv’s uncoordinated counterattack has left just enough of his cowering survivors in the vicinity to make the VL contested at the end of game.
Excuses, excuses, I know. Suffice to say, I have learned from my mistakes, and will give the little whelp a right sound beating next time we met.
In my other game, I have chosen to “probe” Lars across a largely open, medium- sized map. I have just now realized that a “probe” offers the defender all the advantages of defense, but gives the attacker less of a numerical advantage. I think this battle will break my string of draws.
My pictures from celebrations of this weeks “National Nude Recreation Week” should be developed soon. I’ll get digital versions of the best ones, and forward to Persephone ASAP.
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Well, there are certainly plenty of likely targets, but I must admit, one little cretin has caught my attention recently. I didn’t think it was possible to get lower than that mental midget Joe Shaw, but his sycophantic squire has proven me wrong. Harv, son, you had better stop groveling on your belly in this Cesspool muck – you are going to give yourself a rash. It was amusing at first, but now I’ve come realize that it is some sort of sick compulsive behavior, probably brought on by childhood trauma. If you are looking for some kind of father figure, perhaps I can fill the role by giving you a stern spanking on the CM battlefield?Originally posted by rune:Awaiting buzzsaw's attempt at actually challenging someone. Kinda like an IQ test that is stacked against him.
I challenge you, Harv! I challenge you to show me that you are more than Joe’s obsequious jellyfish. I challenge you to raise yourself from the Cesspool floor long enough for me to smite you. I cannot undo the cruel trick that evolution has played on you, but, perhaps, the scar tissue I leave behind will be rigid enough to substitute for a spine.
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Why thank you, Joe. Likening me to a bad penny implies that I have some worth in your eyes. Five of me put together and you could get yourself tasteless gumball. Not much, but, apparently, I still rank higher than the average SSN who is, by definition, worthless.Originally posted by Joe Shaw:Who IS this fellow and why does he keep showing up like the proverbial bad penny?
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Lars has already confessed to leering at members of the fairer sex as he swills beer on his beloved lake. On rare occasions he has been known to brush the potato chips from chest, stand up, and make obscene gestures with his fishing pole. Still, I imagine that he fares better than you do. I hear you have had a dry spell since Minneapolis area nursing homes required doors to be locked during "nap time".Originally posted by Papa Khann:The sad prattle of a mindless old codger...
Now what would either of you two snot nosed whelps do with a soccer mom? Or for that matter, any member of the fairer sex old enough to have a drivers license? Come to think of it, ANY female that exists outside your sordid imaginations?
Papa
[Edited for poor typing skills]
[ July 03, 2002, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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Lars please stop abusing the elders. I think that your talk about soccer Moms has encouraged Papa to renew his Viagra prescription.
What you sould be doing is carefully positioning your doomed soldiers in the setup I sent you.
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I haven’t posted here is quite awhile. Not since I was subjected to the nightmare that is Crodaburg. The scenario itself was bad enough, but worse still was Lars’ masterful manipulation of the final outcome. Throughout the game he tantalized me with false hopes of victory, at one point sacrificing a whole platoon of Tigers in 27 seconds just the have me believe that victory was within my reach. But victory, in and of itself, is not what I most craved. What I needed most was resolution – an ending that justified the carnage left on the plain below Crodaburg. Even a defeat would have allowed an epitaph that spoke of the heroic, but doomed assault on Crodaburg. But Lars denied me even the honor of a noble defeat. Months of toil, and all I had to show for it was a shameful draw!
I still get pretty nervous in traffic jams on mountain roads, but my therapist says that I am finally ready for another CMBO game. How about it Lars? Maybe something that requires a little more skill than defending Crodaburg? (Did you ever do anything but blindly press the Go button?) I see you’ve been promoted to the esteemed position of Knight of the Cesspool. Does that mean that you now have some lack-wit to fight your battles for you?
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Yes, Lars spoke the truth, our interminable game of Crodaburg finally ended in a most unsatisfying draw. I imagine that Lars, hunkered down in his foxholes and ensconced in his pillboxes found it less tiring than I did.
It is also true that I should have won. Aided by a Jabo that took out a few key guns, and the "23 seconds of baazoka hell", I really had the upperhand -- I just never knew it.
Probably no CMBO until after Christmas. I'll return to begin insulting someone then.
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Lars, you ninny, I am again waiting for a turn from you. Your ploy of waiting two weeks and then asking me to send it again will not work this time. Crodaburg will be mine!
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I humbly submit that Catch 22 belongs on any Cesspool reading list, ranking right up there with the many great books Peng listed.
Lars
My condolences on your knighthood.
If you wanted a speedy advance on Crodaberg, they you shouldn't have put up so much barbed wire. Patience, my firend. Death will come to you in its own good time.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dweezil44:
Like small asteroids that venture too close to a black hole, one cannot help but be drawn into mocking you.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Despite Joe Shaw's praise, this is an incredibly foolish statement. Small asteriods that venture too close to black holes are pulverized. The only parallels between Slapdragon and a black hole is that both are incredibly dense, and both suck.
[Edited becasue I don't seem to know the difference between an adjective and an adverb anymore]
[ 10-13-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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Lars
Turning tail and running like a dog. Pretty funny to see a King Tiger run like that when it sees a couple of infantry squads. You are a yellow-bellied, Crodaberg-hiding bastiche. I will root you out.
Regrettably, most of your men did not have a religious affiliation marked on their dog-tags. I have decided to give them full Zoroastrian burial rites.
(For those who don't want to follow links, it basically involves bathing the body in cow urine, and placing it in a well to be eaten by vultures and decay in the sun.)* I hope this meets with your approval.
Stalins Organ
A rousing good match we had with 'In the Shadow'. That was the first game I have played where one side (usually mine) wasn't completely routed before the last turn. The last turn, gamey flag rush came very naturally to me. I think my proudest achievements in the game were knocking out that ridiculous AVRE, and finally killing that mobile pillbox called a Churchill. This game ended in a draw, a result which,
I suspect, is of little interest to anyone but you and me.
* Please do not construe this as a knock on Zoroastrians. From the little glimpse I had on that web-site, I find just a decent and silly as I find most religions.**
** Hmmm, I guess you might construe that as a knock on Zoroastrians. Go ahead then.
[ 10-04-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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Lars
I will try to get a turn out this evening.
I am enjoying trampling all those crew members lined up on your right flank. And what is that big ugly hiding behind the roadblock? (No, I know it isn't MrSpkr's sister).
No time for a longer post. I spent too much time reading long-winded posts of dubious merit. I'll leave mine short and unquestionably lacking all merit.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:
...Cleaning up is a snap when you take care of your bodily functions in the shower. Don't you all agree?
....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Actually, I have always thought that it is one of life's strange little quirks that the need to pee when in the shower is so easily met, but that the call to a bowel movement is such a major pain.
Gee, I think I'll go back to posting about football.
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MrSpkr
Well, I was mistaken. I see that the rescheduled game was with some powder-puff team from the Big 12.
In related Sooners news, I see that a defensive end has quit the team because of "depression". I don't want to make light of a serious illness, but I can't help but wonder if this wasn't brought on by the quality of the opponenets the Sooners have been playing. Something akin to the ennui I am felling after blowing through Lars' ambushes so easily.
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Pig-boy
I suspect that any game you play against a person whose intelligence is approaching that of a mollusk will be unbalanced in your opponents favour. Jabo or Crodaberg will not help.
I would suggest you challenge your friend to a game of Tidly-Winks, but I doubt you have the required motor skills. Maybe it would best best if you would just SOD OFF!
[Edited multiple times because I made the foolish mistake of reading my post after pressing reply]
[ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
[ 09-17-2001: Message edited by: Buzzsaw ]
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There once was a teacher from Wisconsin
who found that humor was beyond him.
A referrence to poo,
was the best he could do
No doubt it will next be his Johnson.
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A few comments before I head to the salt mines...
Lars
Perhaps my advance would not be going so slowly if you would return the fecking turn, you pillock. Recent references to Crodaberg do have me a little worried about what I'm going to find when I do reach the town, but if you don't send we the next turn, I guess I don't have to worry about it.
MrSpkr
Your Sooners remain undefeated only becasue their first REAL game of the season was postponed. Not that Texas is a real football team, after the ass-whupping they took at the hands of a certain Pac-10 team last year.
Various other pillocks
Piss off, you jelly-bellied bottom wipers.
(That's "wipers", with one "p" not two, you deviants).
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Not much time for posting these days.
The pace in my game with Larshas picked up considerably. However, he a created a roadblock out of three of my burning tanks, so it might take awhile to get back on track.
MrSpkr, I am happy that your Okie football team is 3-0. Unfortunately, I don't have the Comedy Channel, so I wasn't able to watch those games against North Texas, UNC, and the Joe Garage Pop Warner team. The airwaves out here are reserved for real football games.
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Well, having failed to sustain even a semblence of dialouge with several of you, I am forced to start quoting myself. This will be like the discussions I have with the voices in my head, except there will be, hopefully, less yelling.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>
Originally posted by Buzzsaw
MrPeng
Its a sad day when another one of these shows up in the Cesspool
. . )
That's right, a disabled smilie -- an escapee from your laboratory. He has been knee-capped and his tongue has been cut out, and yet he managed to escape and is still bravely smiling.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
[smilie now disected]
MrPeng
After performing a vivisection of this smilie I discovered what appears to be highly localized modications to its DNA. Although not sterile itself, this smilie was modified so that all of its offspring would be sterile. While I like your approach, I would urge to remember the maxim which you yourself have always lived by: "The only good smilie is a dead smilie".
Perhaps, rather than releasing modified smilies into the wild, you can introduce modified DNA strands into the food source of wild smilies (which is, of course, the mushy brains of the people who use them, like Stixx and CMPlayer). Or, why not take it one step further and work on sterilizing those two individuals (although it already seems highly unlikely that they could successfully reproduce)?
Lars
If you had not machine gunned all my trucks, I might have a more organized attack going on here. So you really have yourself to blame for the current pace of our game.
MrSpkr
You are a pillock. I have thrown the gauntlet -- nay, I have soundly slapped your buffonish face with gauntlet. Hold that, I have soaked the gaunlet in a marinate of hamster spittle and kangaroo dung and stuffed it down your throat.
You were the first (and only?) to respond to my feeble posts, and now you must suffer the consequences. I shall continue to torment you with silly, error filled posts until you stoop to swat this fly yourself.
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lars:
Buzzbuzzbuzz,
...The incompetent boob that is issuing them orders (YOU, you lackwit) is wasting their time running them around the bottom of the hill machinegunning helpless broken crews. Meanwhile, up on top of the hill, the rest of my Fallschirmgerbils are dying from laughter at the pitiful excuse you call an attack. Even Stalin is already at the top of the hill. Grow a pair and get a move on, even the AI is getting bored. ....
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I'm not heading up that hill until I've stepped on every damn minefield down here, thank you very much.
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Joe Shaw
I reread my last post, and wanted to clarify one point.
You are a pillock.
There, that should do it.
Distributing the Peng Challenge In Europe: No Rest for the Wicked
in Combat Mission Archive #4 (2002)
Posted
Game Updates
Lars is shelling what he (correctly?) believes is the only avenue for my attack. Has he seen men entering those woods, or does he just hate trees? (My god, he hates trees!, Get away from these trees! Ah, more trees!) Actually, about half of his shells are landing in wide open spaces where he should be able to see that I have no men. Maybe he just hates this whole map. I know I do.
Other Games…
Oh, I don’t have any. That is a bit of a problem. I’ll have to see if I can fix that….