Seanachai

Because you can saute them, then. If they're scrawny, you pretty much have to go with stewing. You know, you can actually taste the difference between those that have been fed exclusively on dry food, as opposed to wet...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MILADY! I'll even refrain from any 'catty remarks'...

Yeah, you were right, I was at work. Now I'm not. </font>

Just for the record, Speedy? None of us are sure just what the hell you are. We'll take what comfort we can in the fact that you like baby carrots.

'Humanity'. Eh, wipe the domestic cat genome off the books 10,000 years ago, and Humanity would still be here. Do the same for the domestic dog 15,000 years ago, and we probably wouldn't even have a culture yet. I can admire a creature for being elegant, attractive, and independent. I can be amazed at its ability to make me cater to it for doing nothing more than that. I can attempt to ignore the fact that, no matter how well provided for it is, it will still insist on preying on everything in sight, even though it doesn't need to, and even though I try to actively prevent it. I accept the fact that it doesn't even make a pretense of understanding me. And I can accept the fact that it won't work for me, wouldn't fight for me, and certainly wouldn't die for me. I can admire it, I can marvel at it, and I can value it. But I'm not going to love it. I'm a dog boy. Pack member. Working together to benefit all. Loyalty. Tongue-dangling idiot who gives it all.

Down what is the question, you drunken git. I hope to God there's not a YouTube video of you as Florence Nightingale...

No, but then I don't go around sniffing saddles. Michael </font>

Wait a minute...what the hell time is it? What night is it? How could Dalem possibly be responding to me, online, on a Monday night at 10 PM...

Thank you, Obi-wan Stoli. And yeah, the box it came in prattles on about windswept Highland heights and worm barrels and other things to make me believe that paying $35 for a bottle of something squeezed through a peat mat akin to the matted tangle of a giant's armpit is worth it. My New Years' resolution is to balance every bottle or so of swill I procure for the gaming monkeys with something good. You know, things with wax on the bottles, or wrapped in cork, or shaped like Scandahoovian marital aids. Cuz that means quality. </font>

Dogs are great, aren't they? They're just like us, only blameless. Not like cats. Cats want to be treated like the sun shine's out of their arse. And they ARE to blame.

So, I was sitting next to an older guy from New Mexico in the waiting room at the Mayo Clinic, yesterday, and talking to my sister about the fact that she'd got her dog convinced that baby carrots are a 'dog treat'. She says she used to give her regular dog treats (which she uses primarily to lure the dog back into the house after its gotten off its chain, or such), when one day after saying, "treat, treat, treat", she found they were all gone. She'd been munching on a carrot, so when the dog obediently showed up and actually came into the house, expecting a treat, she gave it the rest of the carrot, which it ate with gusto and all apparent signs of approval. So ever since, she's just been feeding the dog baby carrots. And the heavy-set older guy from New Mexico leans forward and interjects into the conversation: 'My buddy feeds his cat nothing but collared greens'. And I looked at him and said: Really? And he said, 'Yup. I told him, hell, I wouldn't ever have believed you could get a cat to eat nothing but collared greens. And he told me: Neither did my cat, for the first three days..." It was a nice moment of camaraderie in an otherwise strange place. Replies might be sporadic for a short while. Not that they aren't always sporadic, but there's some things going on. Not with ME, of course. I am quite healthy, as all my internal organs left years ago. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Oh, and Dalem, a 15 year old Dalwhinnie should be a fairly good. light, easy drinking single malt. It's a Highland scotch. Strathspey.

So, who do you like for Odin? Berli or Peng?

This is where we are posting, now. Please join us! Der Ring des Nibelungen

Here we are, and you're here too, apparently, because you're reading this. Bugger off! We're in rehearsals. We're going to bring to the World: The Peng Challenge Thread Adaptation of 'Der Ring Des Nibelungen'. Well, not exactly that. Best guess is, there will be a tale, told by multiple idiots, signifying nothing. But here's what we do know. You are nothing. If you were worth a ****e, you'd only be reading this opening post to see if anything new and interesting was going to be said about the interminable 'Rules' Nothing new and interesting will be said. First: You will include in your Profile an email address. This is NOT because anyone here has any interest in emailing you. This is a simple indication to the rest of us that you're not a goddamn coward, hiding behind internet anonymity to posture like you're going to buy the next 5 rounds. No one who has EVER posted their email address has EVER been harassed by a member of the Peng Challenge Thread. We don't do that. Most of our members are neither sober enough, nor care enough, to even check your goddamn profile. As for sending you harassing emails? We can't even remember why we wanted your goddamn email address in the first place. If we want to curse and revile you, we have this little bit of Paradise. Who could ask for anything more? Of course, you could be a Great Big Toy Poodle, and make a great show of not providing your email address. I'm sure that whatever God you worship will stroke your head, fluff your tail, and tell you that you're a good boy. Second: You will give a 'general location' in your Profile. We will use this information to attack and belittle you. Anyone who isn't proud enough of where they live to defend it should either move, or stop posting to the Peng Challenge Thread. Finally: You need to entertain Us. The resident fools. We've been here longer than you've been posting to this Board. We could trot out for you our stories of contributions, involvement, personal loss, merriment, stupidity, drunkenness, weirdness, illegal drug use, 'statute of limitations not yet expired' tales, or any written currency you care to name. But we already have. That's what this place is all about. You're here to do the same. and now, for the normal disclaimers: *This Thread is governed at the merest goddamn whim by the disturbingly useless concept designated as: The Olde Ones. They are Seanachai, Berli, and MrPeng. In the same way that Religion is run by people who take a mean-spirited satisfaction in being allowed to run anything, despite the fact that they are bastards, and the way that Government is run by people who are too wrapped up in rules to do it well, and the way that Education is conducted by people who aren't valued by the society that insists they prepare their children for life, this Thread is over-seen by the Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread, Joe Shaw. He isn't paid ****, he takes a hollow satisfaction from the fact that he tries to run it well, and he doesn't seem to be doing it at the behest of any god. We honour him for the fact that no random accident has killed him in a way that would indicate to the superstitious and stupid that he isn't chosen by the gods. Always behave well towards the Ladies of the 'Pool. If you're not sure who they are, that's a pretty good indication that you should proceed slowly before you behave like a complete and utter asshole. [ January 17, 2008, 11:16 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

You know, there are times when I wish I was a lot more rich, or a lot closer to death. Either way, I could load up the car and drive across America, inflicting myself on the members of this Board. And when I hit an ocean, I could sell the car, and continue on to inflict myself on the foreigners. All in all, though, I think I wish that I was a lot more rich.

Ah'm tha feckin' model o' a modern feckin' general, Haggis mathematical an' Heeland fling ephemeral... *burrrp*Oh sae kin ye see'*/burrrp* Wha' di' ye doo wi' a problaim lak MARRRREEEYAAHHH! *hic* *thud* </font>

All we need, really, is a setting, a story line, and a libretto. I mean, it's a damn message board. We can't, without jumping through poodle hoops, do an actual score. Music is the only difficult thing about Opera. Everything else is just entertainment. So, what I'm picturing is, some sort of extremely unhealthy adaptation of Wagner's "Nibelungen Ring" saga. You know what I mean. Olde Ones standing about, raving a bit about the stupidity of mankind, the Justicar showing up to declaim apocalyptic ****e, Australians doing a drunken schottische in the background, singing a bawdy song about a hedgehog. That sort of thing. High Art. If we worked at it, it could be our legacy to the Combat Mission Forum. Maybe raise a little money. Hey, everyone! I know how to save Combat Mission! We'll do a Big Show!

Ha! Once again, I have become a figure of fun to you people! You mock and deride me! You belittle and defy me! You laugh, and deny me! But I will have the last laugh of all, when, in the final act, I reveal my — true identity! Then will there be gasps! Then there will be confusion! Then, and only then, will the eyes of the clueless be opened wide! You know, I think we should do a 'Peng Challenge Thread' Opera. Dalem wants us to do the 'Peng Challenge Thread' version of Willy Wonka. But I'm thinking, something more 'classical'. Dalem's fairly low-brow. Perhaps a compromise. We could do a Gilbert & Sullivan version of the Peng Challenge Thread.

Must be getting on to three ayem your time, huh? Another day of feeling like crap, just so you can pay the gas bill. Important to pay the gas bill in case you feel like sticking your head in the oven. Michael </font>

I can picture you quite clearly, being told this. I see you raising the boot up straight over your head to see what's written on the bottom of the heel. And after reading the instruction 'turn the boot over', I see you suddenly awash in your own effluents. Niagra Falls...

Is it morning, yet?

Goddamnit, I hate having to work in the morning...

That's sweet. You still suck though. Michael </font>

Goddamnit, the stove's on fire! Again!

Yours? I thought we were calling that the Mad Cow? You know, it's good to be flamingos, even with such a demonstrably unstable knave such as you. </font>