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“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”

“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”

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“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.

“I think so,” I gulped.

“Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

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“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.

“Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

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“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be

punished.”

So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

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She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then

harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

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Michael

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