Lurkur

I will mind my betters (until I am in a position to crush them like insects). I did try to coerce that worthless slug of a poser Idjit into a digital slapfest, but all he babbled was something about "thcratching me if I weren't careful." I am afraid that beneath his single eyebrow and that slanty sloping forehead lives the other eyebrow where his brainy bits ought to be. He has some sad psycho-sexual fixation on dwarves in pointy hats. I recommend a treatment of repeated electroshock and deep-fry therapy to his naughty bits. Being near him made me feel...unclean, and I goes without shoes down here. Perhaps we could lure him over one of the larger drains in the pool and flush him like the putrid dead minnow that he is. Now Simon Elwin, there's a nasty little pustule of venom begging to be lanced...Oh, he'd do nicely...

Ho hum, yawn yawn. I feel so lucky to have come this close to a sound thrashing and still be able to walk away. SNORE!!! Congratulations seem to be in order for Seanachi on "making it"...he has his first stalker. Yick!

Huzzah! Seanachi is returned. Have the minstrels play the Ballyfin Polkas to welcome him home! *groan* No disrespect sir, but can't we just pair him and The_Capt together and set them at one end of the 'pool to hold some potted plants or a piss can? They both suffer from some awful verbal catatonia, talking to people who aren't there. Hmmm...The Bard, frequently referred to as "that capering idjit" leaves. Not long after a SSN calling hisself "Idjit" appears outta the blue. He can put a word or two together, but has the bearing and social graces of a wooden-headed dummie. The bard returns, chastising the inability of his spawn to rise to to the challenge of a good verbal sparring match. Hath The Bard disguised, his discourse dumbed down (way down) to test his tormentors taunting tactics? Coincidence? The more likely explanation is that Idjit is simply a parrot who learned to use a keyboard. Hmmm, the Holy Writ tells us, "A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back." Since Idjit meets two of the three criteria I shall reverse the polarity of my pointy stick. Idjit! *WHACK* I know you continue to harbor delusions of adequacy and significance, but come out of your self-induced coma long enough to give me a reply. *WHACK* Seanachi may or may not respond to that trivial buzzing you make that passes for taunting, but I am here now sir. *WHACK* If you truly want battle, you may have your fill here. Let's see what you are made of by strewing your bits, both the crunchable and the squooshy ones, across the field of battle for all the world to see. Let's see if your tactical skills surpass the unimaginative, droning idiocy of your taunting, for I can't believe they'd be worse. If you think you can finish a match before being virtually killed by your own mutinous troops, send me a set up! Why, I could even trounce you as the French, with their silly "Zoot Allures," and overly nasal HUH,HUH,HUHs, and goofy helmets. If you were a man you'd knock my teeth out. If you were half a man you'd knock half my teeth out. And if you were a woman you could at least be wearing that tight stenographer's skirt and there'd be SOME BLOODY *POINT* TO YOU BEING HERE MAN! *WHACK**WHACK**WHACK* There Sir OzzieJeff, I played nice. Can I go back to skinning that little narc Harv and rubbing lemon juice and sand on the ruddy bits? Lurk

Infamy and catastrophe! By the end of the game as my one functioning tank limped off into the exit zone I was reduced to watching my surviving troops run back and forth, hooting wooHOOwooHOOwooHOO like Daffy Duck as streaks of tracer bullets and little poofs of dirt followed them where ever they ran. That low-brow git Perv and his horrid toadstool of a master Joe Shaw have given me a trial by fire in a kangaroo court! (If that term is offensive to our Australian brethren, good!) ---------- cut to the conclusion of the trial: Harv is seated at the defense table, looking confused, unkempt, and sitting on his hand. Joe Shaw is standing before the court, in full barrister garb and looking both smug and cherubic as Charles Laughton. Seated at the witness stand, looking stunning in a severe jacket and skirt is myself as Marlene Dietrich. Harv: "My thumb's stuck." Joe Shaw: "Yes, even though the game was completely rigged, I hold in my hand evidence suggesting that as a player of CM:BO you suck anyway!" Lurker: "Damn you. Damn you! DAMN YOU!!!!" ---------- I do owe Mssr. Shaw one word of thanks. He has helped me take what was a factory-made smoldering drop-forged ingot of malice and pressed me into hand-crafting it into a razor-sharp, object of pure white-hot hatred. It is a work of art, a thing of true beauty, and as we all know, a thing of beauty is a joy forever. FOREVER! YA HEAR ME SHAW??!! FOREVER!!! I shall one day knock thee from thy high horse--oh wait, that's Harv, sorry 'bout that, and EEWWW!-- and you, Shaw shall have your comeuppance! Speaking of Harv, the lttile snitch bitch; he, being flush with the sweet nectar of victory, has foolishly come out from under Shaw's skirt, a sacrifice for them both I am sure, and agreed to meet me in a real battle. Therefore, I will send him a setup and he and I will ignobly win or meanly lose our last best hope for self-esteem! I suggest a 1500pt, QB Meeting Engagement. Harv leading the plucky goofy in-bred transvestite lumberjacks of Canada against my hairy aryan jack-booted cabaret dancers. Let's make it September so the bugs aren't too bad, in a worthless patch of farmland, lest we place any significance to the battle afterwards. Expect my e-mail soon, sirrah! And once your thumb gets uncramped we can start this in earnest... Lurk

Crap! double post. [ May 22, 2002, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: Lurkur ]

Sigh, 'tis true. As a person of no official standing in the pool, I have no boots with which to *BOOT* the cad. He is obviously as yet unworthy to touch even the soles of the iron-shod jack boots that are so fashionable here. So a prodding with sharp stick seems to be the appropriate amount energy to move the worthless slug along. If it turns out that there is some substance to the lad, then better people than I may crush the crunchy bits. Lurk

Now this is just pathetic. In this very thread I performed the most spectacular "crash and burn on take-off" in the history of the pool. I achieved perhaps the low point of 'pool history and committed in Berli's own words (just before he disappeared in a puff of oily black smoke), "The worst challenge ever," and earned an extra Monday for it. These things I did this so that future generations might have an example of mistakes to avoid (At least that's my story now). Instead it seems to have inspired a new raft of half-witted school children to take my bumbling social maneuvers to a new low, minus the wit. Since The_Crapt seems to have slunk off, my pointy stick is free to help tutor this idjit. First, [poik] re-read the rules posted at begining of the thread. Write a 10-page paper, double-spaced, about how they might apply to your life. E-mail it to yerself, grade and correct it, subtracting 50 points for the fact that you are scummier and suckier and newer than even me![poik] Second, [poik,poik] Review my inglorious history on this thread. Study hard. Write a 20 page paper, double-spaced, on how yer insipid entrance is even more loathsome and banal than what I accomplished. E-mail it to Vladimir Putin, asking that he review and approve it as an amendment to the Russian Constitution. [poik,poik] Fourthly, [poik,poik,poik,poik] simply inserting the word pillock, while helpful, does NOT [poik] make [poik] you [poik] clever [poik]. You must bring a little more of yourself to the table, that the jackals who live here may rend yer flesh from bone, tear yer ego from yer id, trample and pee on your tattered and fetid remains and then, maybe then, if one of yer bone chips got stuck in their throat, they might notice that there is enough to you to make it worth their time and effort to actually crush you properly. [poik,poik,poik,poik] Seventhly, [poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik] There [poik] is [poik] no [poik] seventh [poik] point! [poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik,poik] Now, pick yer carcass outta the muck and ask yerself, how much rancor and nastiness can you stomach? How important is it for you to be liked? How good is your thesaurus? What's yer pain threshold like? For what lies beyond is excruciating agony upon excruciating agony! Shame, humiliation and leaden despair await you eagerly! You will wear yer Scum-suckin'-newbieness like a dead, stinky albatross around yer neck. Right-thinking, decent people will shun, insult, avoid and reject you as they rightly ought! The fates will conspire against you to make you a laughingstock in every area of your life! And that's nothing, not even a tithe of what the disease-infested cretins who live here will do to you! Take my advice, Idjit, sod-off to the opponent finder boards and live a safe, comfortable life. If not, then gird yerself up like a man, speak like a man, walk like a man, and prepare to cry like a little 8-year old girl! Pillock! [poik]

Lorak: The crucial part of that statement is FROM Ohio. I think you'll agree with me that as woeful as that condition is, it is infinitely preferable to being someone IN Ohio. Lurk

Boo, Don't display your ignorance! EVERYONE knows that the finer Schools of art also offer a degree in welding and/or HVAC technologies. And yes, it was the deer. [sob] I hate you.

Actually, piracy is a big part of the high-paying, dangerous and cut-throat world of illustration. And if I didn't know better I'd swear my older brothers crafted that nightmare scenario. I kept flashing back to when I was nine and they...they... oh God I can't say it!!! And The_Crapt, you've been given more help than the average toddler watching Blue's Clues. Think hard and connect the dots. Here, lemme poke you with this pointy stick to help you think. [poik, poik] any thoughts? [poik, spluke] ooh, sorry about the eye. [poik, poik, poik] anything coming to you yet?

This should prove both annoying to you all as well as put a little more space between The_Capt's last post and something of moderate entertainment value. Okay, a report as threatened from the quick match that the Justickitthere set up for his snitch love poodle Harv and myself. GARN I hates them both! In the setup phase there were bombs and artillery shells suspended in the air, like one of those old Twilight Zone episodes where time stopped. After I closed my eyes and pressed the "Go" button all hell broke loose! Spoiler Alert-------- Joe Shaw is a really big booger head Okay, you can look again. The result was complete chaos, twisted metal, screams and dead bodies everywhere, as the jabos wheeled overhead, screeching like demons on the day of the judgement. Everything was destroyed or being destroyed. The earth looked like a big, bleeding dirt waffle. Then it was time for turn 2... I will consider it a supreme victory if I can get the wind to blow the remaining sub-atomic particles of my troops and tanks across the exit zone. I will post one more AAE (After Action Excuse) at the end of this farce. Until then, Harv has my pity and scorn, and Mssr. Shaw, after that half-arsed set up, I can only think of your squire and yourself as the pillock and the buttock. Pah!

Holy Crap! Within a single thread we have Seanachai and Berli wandering off into the void AND the Second Coming of Peng! I used to laugh at the predictions of the imminent end of the world, but now I quake within the confines of the lowest and deepest part of the cess. Peng's nihlistic angst aside, it is at least more entertaining to assume it means something . If nothing else it may lure the übergnome and the lord of darkness back long enough that we can properly chain them to their rightful stations. Speaking of the truly meaningless, Harv , the little snitch, and I have begun the game Jagov! that Joe Pshaw, bloody stool sample that he is, forwarded to us. It is a charming little "set-up" (true in every sense of the word) that fortunately will only waste 10 turns of our lives. One or both of us shall report on this useless expenditure of electricity precisely because none of you could care less about it and will resent having to pass over it to read something equally meaningless but potentially slanderous to yourself. Peng, If you're looking for something to be angry about, merely consider that everything that goes on here is done in your name. If that doesn't set you off then you must not have a central nervous system. Lurk

Well Harv , if you are really interested in taking the pool to new lows then the path lies through me. I am the newest, and therefore by extension the lowest, scummiest of the SSNs. I am so low on the food chain here I have to step aside for the krill. This is bad, but I give myself cold comfort in the fact that I made it out of Ohio with my brain intact, unlike some poor bastiches. Therefore, I stand at the threshold of the dark way down. None may pass but by me. Well, unless an even newer SSN comes along, but what are the odds of that happening? So let us start here. I challenge you to a duel. Pikes at 5 paces, not the pole arms, the fish. Don't laugh, they're vicious! If that doesn't suit you then perhaps a small skirmish of some sort. You stiff-armed CMPlayer much better than I did when I first arrived, which reminds me, did you know that if you re-arrange the letters of your name and add some you can spell Le Havre? Anyway, that makes you the enemy of my enemy, which means you are the person I will hide behind if CMPlayer ever comes after me. I resent and despise you for the way you so blatantly used your connections to make squire without having to suffer torment or torture of any kind or even get a good sodding. Why, there are still unstained spots on your clothing! How will anyone respect your squirrelship without a test of any sort? I realize that your new-found status makes you supposedly untouchable to me, but I will commit the faux pas of going straight to the triple-dog-dare-ya and say, "Have at you!" Come on, you prancing kept-woman of the Justickitoher ! Give me satisfaction in this. Let me strike a blow for the down-trodden algae and mites that I live with or I will expose you to be, in fact, nothing more than the invisible figment of Joe Shaw's imagination! Lurk

Perfect example of a big girl's blouse. Quite right sir. When I read "Sound off like you have a pair" I COMPLETELY misunderstood to what the "pair" was referring. My bad

hehe A lot of people around here have the same opinion of Cleveland

Imagine my crushing disappointment.

Actually I was consigned to Dunbar Hall, which at the time was also being used for overflow space for one of the middle levels of hell. A few days in there had you wondering why they didn't shoot more students back in '70. The only appeal that the Tri Towers had to me was that the food served in the cafeterias was recycled there a day before it reached our cafeteria. I would take umbrage at characterizations of Kent if I didn't agree with you on every point. Your knowledge about Kent fills me with...scorn. I went there when I was young, poor and naive. When I graduated I had the sense to get out out of that cancerous, crumbling mega-mall known as the state of Ohio. You, on the other hand, have chosen to live in what is perhaps the ugliest town in the most boring state in the union! How does it feel to envy people who live in Youngstown? You fill me with a disdainful curiosity. What would permit a man who knows what you know to remain there? I can only assume the pervasive gray mundane-ness of Ohio has transformed you into some glassy-eyed, slack-jawed, not quite-midwesterner for whom the convenience of Cheez-whiz is preferable to real food. I challenge you to a match, you ward of the Witless Protection Program, if only to see if your tactics are as dull and uninteresting as the place you call home. Never underestimate the power of Berli . Today is my fifth Monday in a row. Man, he's goo...err, I mean very proficient at what he does.

Nice site. Thanks!

CMPlayer thanks for the warm welcome. I've been to Texas once and that was enough, thank you. Take Midol. I've been to Akron too. All the charm of Texas, without the warmth or color. I am impressed with Boo_Radleys astute observations about the Art Institutes student body. 90% of the students dress like they are there to make a great living designing punk CD covers. In fact, I studied at Kent State, not far from where B_R hails. What an incredibly bleak place to spend winter-gray, windy, cold, and flat. It was pathetic watching people try to ride lunch trays in the snow down the landscaping. As to my introduction I was trying to ease into a conversation that has been going on for years, with people of whom I had a one-sided knowledge. Now that that hurdle has been tripped over, trampled and crushed, I can "be myself." Now sod-off or send me a set up, or both! Lurk

Greetings gentlevermin, I have been quietly visiting the cesspool since it's spawning. Lately I have noticed in Real Life™ that people's eyes have been watering in my presence. At first I thought it was a hygiene problem, but I then realized that my frequent covert visits to the pool have left a permanent stain and stench on my psyche. Because of this, and the fact that my contempt for you all has reached the point where I can no longer keep silent; I am ready to enter the fray. I was going to do this in the last thread, but 1. It was in Texas, and C. The rush of outboarders stirred up stuff best left decomposing on the bottom. So a pox on all your houses! Except of course, for Chrisl , who touched that which should never be touched. No, not that! I'm sure that gets handled regularly here. I'm referring to the name of Peng , which Chrisl carried off as war booty and took into his own home. No doubt a pox would be welcome relief from the plagues visited on him for such foolishness. He should have known better, but what can you expect from a Philistine? I hope Seanitchyandscratchy doesn't go for good. He was like the abusive drunken uncle I never had growing up. SO, Seeing as I am unworthy to address any of the regulars here directly, I demand that any SSNs that have not yet been served as hors d'oeurves identify themselves so that I may taunt and challenge them specifically. Or challenge me, if you have the guts! Once I get to interact with you directly I ought to be able to ramp up from spite into loathing pretty quickly. Lurk

Just wondering. When playing the axis or allies how close are you willing to let your tanks get to known enemy positions?

I had an unfortunate situation in a game against the ai a few days ago. I had snuck an artillery FO into position on the edge of the top of a hill. The FO was in open terrain but it was foggy. I was hoping to nail a machine gun and a light gun, but the MG saw my FO and let fly. Now, the FO was in the open, but all it had to to was take a step back and it would have been out of view. Instead, it runs toward the MG about 50 yards into some brush. All my attempts to get him to move out of that bad place failed, and when it was finally taken out by a tank I was pretty much rooting for the tank. I hope in CM:BB that LOS will be taken into account when a unit is looking to get out of harms way.