Hanns
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Posts posted by Hanns
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Fellow Cesspudlians,
I drop this message into an empty Scotch bottle in hopes that by whatever whimsy it would make it's way to the far distant shores of the Cesspool. The text of said message doth read
"My feckin' home compuker has been on the fritz. I've replaced the gott-damned power supply twice and it's still not un-busted. So no turns ya gits. Having to read email at work on a web based browser sucks Croda droppings. Plus the idjits in suits at my so-called job have dumped a huge friggin' project on my lap which has severly degraded my f**k off time at work. Hopefully the home compuker will be up and running next week after I get my paycheck thingey. Stop whining, ya sissy girls, yu'll get a feckin' turn in good order. That is all for now, Hanns"
May gentle hands pluck this missive from the ether, break open the bottle upon your acne blemished visages, force feed you the broken glass and tattoo my words upon your unworthy backs. Cheers!
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I just had a SPW 251 survive a 75mm penetration in a current game. Now he's looking for revenge!
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Awww! Isn't that cute? There's a CMpatter echo just like the one in his head. Pitter, patter, there's raindrops dancing on your head. Probably because someone stole your cardboard box and the paint thinner buzz knocked you out cold. Maybe a band of roving Turks will take pity and find better living arrangements for you in the local "all men's" sauna. Enjoy!
DonkeyspawnforwhichÜbergnomeslong I have forwarded the incriminating video clip to you. May you always cherish the times you had together and may the future hold many more bliss filled rolls in the hay. BTW I heard that a certain someone has a custom bridle, halter and riding crop on order at Sexworld just in time for Feb. 14th. You lucky donkey you! All the best,
Hanns
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Originally posted by my Noble GrandLiege Joe Shaw
Well yes, I have been. Seem to have a nasty case of the bubbly lung Crodas. Nothing like coughing up a few buckets worth of blood specked phlegm to give the ol' lungs a workout. I've heard Berli performs the same alveoli voiding exercises but on a voluntary basis though. Turns and game updates will be forthcoming like so much infected sinopian sinus expectorant. If I hear so much as one whiney complaint from my narcissistic (Shandy Jeff), namby-pamby (Noba) and thoroughly nincompoopidic (CMsprayer) opponents about not sending turns for a while I shall mail you a nice gift consisting of a milk jug filled with savory biocontagious snot and a straw. A hearty wish of "Drink up boys" and the admonishment of "that which doesn't kill good ol' Hanns, must surely kill you, anyone who looks or dresses like you and their families too" should surely take the unpleasantness out of having to chew the chunky bits so they'll go down better. So Sodd Off!!!! ya pack of incestuous, xenonecrophilitic, gerbil rimming gits!new collection of Squires is sick, sick, sick.Reading the late romantic adventures of the Garden Gnome and his flaccid asinine suitor have lead me to the conclusion that I have VIDEO-TAPED PROOF!!!! of their first date. Obviously I can't post it to this board but I'm willing to send it to anyone who requests it (unless of course you're a cop or government law enforcement agent). No, no, it's not some bootleg Amsterdam donkey show outtake and contains no more nudity nor naughtiness then you'd see on the Nature channel, it is nevertheless irrefutable proof of their romantic tryst. Disturbing at the least, feckin' hilarious at the best and a rare chance to see fellow Cesspudlians frolick in the pastures of love. Seems Valentines day is coming a bit early this year.
Hanns
P.S. Lars my noble Liege, that platoon you MURDERED in the woods was trying to have a nice, peaceful picnic but your alcohol deprived Amis killed them just to steal their schnapps rations. Don't think the boys in Geneva won't be hearing about this!
[ February 04, 2002, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Hanns ]
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Originally posted by Berli
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> I'm...in....drag.... <hr></blockquote>
Persephone!!!! Please fix or do somefink! I just puked all over the keyboard and monitor and I haven't even been drinking yet. Bad picture, bad man, go away, go away. I just keep wondering if it's the "naughty succubus" outfit.....
Hanns
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Dear CMSplatter,
Most of my posts to the 'Pool are from work where I am bereft of CM:BO. I can only process turns at home after I go to the bar and barring the presence of young ladies in my domicile. Squid Pro Timpani (or some other incomprehensible Latin legalese) you get you turns in order of your importance in life, e.g., et al, et cetera last! Since I have a real life and you rank (and are rank) below the mildew in my shower or the dust bunnies under the bed you're gonna have to wait ya git. Blubber like a baby with filled diapers in need of a good, swift kick to the head and I'll ignore you more.
To my other erstwhile opponents rest easy that you'll get your turns before CMSputterer but after I get my bed fixed and the dirty clothes picked up. To my most noble and kind Liege, Sir Lars, uhh... turns being sent right away your lordship. Is there anything else I can do? Kick a few SSNs in the teeth or somefink? Figure out a way to draw and quarter Donkeydumb using hamsters?
Hanns
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Bwahahaha!!! Fire ant mound and a stick anyone?? Watch them scuttle forth with their insignificant indignity and bravely assault the focus of their ire. Just stirring the Cess a bit and hoping the SSN chunky bits float back from whence they came. At least I'm not Elvis..........
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Well, I probably stepped in it this time. I'd say nice knowing you sacks of regurgitated incestuous flaming arse bandits but truth be told I'd rather have a case of weeping Croda sores on my bum than say somefink like that. The Mad Bald One will be crushing me like the acne oilwells you gits call faces for remarks on another thread. Goodbye drool world! To sleep, perchance to dream of CM:BB...........
Hanns
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Man I'm either gonna get banned or my copy of CM:BB will arrive as mulch but here goes.
If BigTime Software et al. does indeed use Madmatt for modeling the running rate of HMG42s then it begs the question of what fitness level is he portraying???
Ouch!! Hey stop, it's a joke man! Ouch!! I apolo <BZZZTTTT................> Click
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Originally posted by Berli
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> I can think of few things as vile tasting as sheep. <hr></blockquote>
bauhaus??
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Originally posted by yakfurball
<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> offer of Leprous Suspiciously-gay Flacid Donkey <hr></blockquote>
Listen here SSN, the club I work at already has a S&M donkey. Well, it's more of a pony and he gives rides to properly attired women. His mistress is one mean b*tch and that's meant in a good way. I heard something about him having his own corral to sleep in or somefink like it. All of which HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! It's humorous and all but I shall swat down your pityful brayings like the insignifigant horsefly (donkey, whatever) that you are. Maybe Germanboy (wink, wink) will take pity and find you a nice new adoptive home in an Amsterdam donkey show. Or maybe just send you off to the slaughterhouse. I vote for the second and would like to see the look on the face of the Frenchman who ends up with you on his plate. Perhaps noting the suckiness of your posts they would send you to the glue factory. Imagine the looks on the cherubic little faces of kindergardeners when they get a new tub of donkeyglue, end up eating it and develop Inane Donkey Rambling Syndrome. One can only hope.
Hanns
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It seems that my GrandLiege has returned bearing with him a title in need of a suitable recipient. The title in question is
Large, Vicious, Amoral Thug
Now, I ask if this title was not created especially for me then I would have to believe in Fate or somefink. All points of description doth pertain to my humble self.
Large Since I'm just shy of 2 meters in height I more than qualify. I've since put on a few pounds over my damn skinny Army weight of 17 stones. Also my current battle with Nobo(dy) is indeed quite large. It will be entertaining to watch to bodies of his Canucks floating in the mire. His sporatic arty fire on undefended woods is amusing.
Vicious Oh, indeed I am. A favorite blow off line when working at the bar is "I don't smile unless I'm hurting people" which is all too true. The sensation of pounding someone's face into a brick wall and asking them "Are you alright sir?" and repeating it until they stop answering is a wonderful thing. The battle between myself and CMPlatter is also showing this level of viciousness. Something about his 800 points of MGs and the billiard table my troops are advancing over brings back memories of WWI and I don't even have the option to use mustard gas on his airborne gits. The body count on this little bit of scarlet greens will be impressive indeed.
Amoral My Liege Sir Lars can attest to this bit. Can one truly be of moral purity when he tries to hook his Liege up with a pre-op transexual at the local bondage bar? Enuff said methinks. Our current game of Combat Mission involves lots of things running around, sound contacts and a couple of screams here and there. Sounds like another night at the bar if you ask me.
and lastly
Thug Who else but a malicious bastard would kick sand in the face of one so gentle and unassuming as ShandyJeff? His eloquent flowery posts and inner feminine stirrings will be violently crushed under the hob nailed boots of my übertruppen in the little abortion of a scenario we are competing in. I'm afraid that he will act in typical XX chromosome fashion and lie, steal, cheat or cry with puffy eyes to try and win. Unfortunately these fall on deaf ears and cold ground.
A title such as this is not merely given but earned by it's merits. If recognized for my efforts I shall put the fear of the Justicariate into the mewling souls of the legion of SSNs that have infested the Cesspool of late. I stand ready!
Hanns
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Again, the primary weapon here was a long spear, which was braced under the right arm, and layed diagonally across the horse to the left side. <hr></blockquote>
I thought this style of spear or lance use was invented by William of Marshall. The Bayeax tapestries show the Norman "knights" fighting with the spear held over hand. This would have been even more important with the lack of stirrups due to the inability to stand or strongly brace oneself in the saddle. If someone could post some examples or links to the opposite I would be very interested. Thanks,
Hanns
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> BTW is it true that the Sherman's sloped glacis was actually designed to deflect small British motorcars whilst driving on the right side of the road in Cornwall? <hr></blockquote>
I heard that Rexford was going to add an addendum to his book covering this precise problem. Seems that although plagued by inferior electrical systems the British cars aerodynamic shape proved a superb penetrator of the thin frontal armor on Shermans. I believe the Brit's were so astonished by this they started development on the 2600 lber cannon that fired cars. Apparently they had heard of the Thor and Fritz cannons that could fire a shell "the size of a Volkswagon" and thought they could build something better. Unfortunately there weren't enough Bren tripods to mount these monstrosities on and the project was cancelled
Hanns
Edited to mention that I wish my father still had his '57 XK140E
[ 01-08-2002: Message edited by: Hanns ]</p>
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They're useful for inflating Mace's inflatable sheep. I heard he get's all jealous at the size of the air stem and bites it off when trying to deflate them though. BTW,
Hi Matt!
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Hehe, sleeping pad roll...... my squad leader wanted to prove how hard-a$$ed he was so he volunteered to smother the wire. My room mate and I had to cut him free, stitch up his wounds and carry him about 1/2 mile up hill to the safe line. Not a wise thing to do on a live fire course. We had a field expedient procedure that was heavily tested in Desert Storm. Drive a non-critical M113 straight through and pretty much abandon it until time was available to break the tracks and get all the wire off the drive sprockets and road wheels. Guess who got to do this more times than I cared to count? Sometimes it sucks being a grunt who is good at fixing things. I'll see about getting the preview of my wire mod up in a couple of days barring nubile female interference
Hanns
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Hehe, concertina wire is nasty $hit!
Ever wandered into it at night when going out to take a leak? Not fun. Blowing holes in it with field expedient bangalore torpedoes is fun though. Raining bits of red hot razor wire tends to put a damper on it though. If anyone is interested I'm working on a mod to make the wire obstacles in CM:BO look like double strand concertina wire. I've got a lot of work left on the mod but I can post some test pics if anyone wants to critique them.Hanns
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Awww.... isn't that cute? Good ol' Andreass speelled mei naem rwong. I believe a little psychoanalysis (yes bauhaus, it does contain the words psycho and anal but it has nothing to do with your sister) of Andreas' post will shed a little light on his condition. Notice the pinched face, a classic sign on terminal constipation and the caterpillaresque mono-brow. Delusions of grandeur (or at least adequacy) are quite apparent in his manifesto. I hereby offer the hypothesis that Andreas is not of unter-Deutsch stock as he claims but is in fact an ex-pat Montenegran goat herder living in exile for his crimes against various livestock. The truth shall be known! I, unlike other so called übermensch do not try and claim a "noble" bloodline for I'm one half Moravian. Granted I have traced my surname back to 1286 but that's besides the point. That Andreas has claimed false my post of this New Years festivities shows his utter lack of knowledge as to the proper proceedings at a real bacchanalia. My brother happens to be a priest of Bacchus hence my invitation to this particular gathering. My presence was also welcomed for certain skills I employee to keep some of the more inebriated (or tripping) guests from breaking things. In the sea of wild abandon I was the rock of cold discipline (heh, it's drafty in old churches) and semi-sober authority. Women seem to admire that. Not that a one second wünder like Andreas would understand. I happen to tread in a realm where few "normals" traipse and your ignorance is well understood. Go rent "8MM" or somefink and wonder why we all laughed at the "hardcore" scenes. Here is a little bit of song for the "golden child".
"I can strike the light
and see through the truth
for I'm the DEICIDE
Dominus, what could you do?
Thou has failed you now,
once again and always will.
Upon the cross, forgotten son
a sacrifice it had to be done.
Died for me?
Well that's to bad I don't believe
Killed by sin
of the evil what I am
Your destruction
reason for a world of pain
Blind disciple
you will never live again"
Can I have an AMEN?
Hanns
[ 01-04-2002: Message edited by: Hanns ]</p>
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Well, no turns were sent because I never made it home last night. Ended up working until midnight at my "real" job and then high tailed it over to Ground Zero. Was all ready to get hammered when I was asked to work because a couple of worthless puds didn't show up. Feh! Worked until 0230 when it started slowing down and they cut me. That's when the fun started! My brother now lives in the basement of the Temple of Bacchus (an old church that was re-consecrated for more heathen activities). Great mural of the engorged rampant hoofed one over the "altar". Live music, topless female dancers, guy with a flame throwing strap-on. You know, the usual holiday festivities. Things got a bit hazy after downing many of the sacred offerings to the horned god. I must endeavor to learn the name of the young lady I spent the night with. Quite pleasing to the eyes and very enthusiastic in her role as a follower of Bacchus. Furthur updates will be forth coming as I remember them or when the pictures are developed. A sodden New Years to ya gits and my wishes that the fleas of all Mace's sheep infest your nethers.
Hanns
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That's assuming the gamey Russians didn't release a battalion of in heat hundenminen into the village first. Imagine the suprise of the über-Finn dogs when their hot little Russian dates start detonating at precisely the wrong moment!
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Beautiful mod there Tom. This puppy will have a permanent home on my hard drive. The only question I have is that during a mid winter game wouldn't the grass be more a "dead grass yellow" instead of the more green color? Come to think of it the German dunkelgelb color looks a lot like the color of dead grass to me. Let us know when you post this baby,
Hanns
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Well I've about had enough of this DonkeyschlongforwhichIlong and his incipient posts. To add the proverbial cherry (or is it road apple) upon his moronic musing he crosses the line and insults not one but two ladies of the 'pool. I believe that my Grandliege Joe Shaw and every other defender of all that is just and true will see the vileness of Donkeypunchmymom and call for his immediate and permanent banishment to the outer boards. To insult (and do a poor job at it to boot ) one of the trinity of zwei X chromosome specimens of female perfection of this here Cesspool is bring the wrath of all that dwell here. But, no you had to insult TWO of them! If left unchecked this cancerous bunion may even insult Dame Kitty's hamster mods. I humbly ask the Olde Ones and all others with a sympathetic ear to listen to my request.
BURN THE HERETIC!! BURN HIM!!!!!
Humbly at your service,
Hanns
[ 12-31-2001: Message edited by: Hanns ]
Damn UBB leaving little donkey droppings everywhere
[ 12-31-2001: Message edited by: Hanns ]</p>
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Stixx,
The semi-auto and bolt action .50 BMG rifles use a cartridge that is the same size as the M2 .50 machinegun, 12.7x99mm. Hell, you can buy the things legally in the US as a civilian. Trust me I've looked
There's even kits for building them out of surplus .50 cal barrels. Somewhere there's a chart depicting the increase in penetration for .50 cal rounds over the years. I'll see if I can dig it up. One thing to remember is the .50 cal was initially designed as an anti-tank round for WWI. Sure seemed to do a decent job in WWII also. -
Stuka,
I must say that you sigline is the most horrifying thing I have ever read. Why would a man wish this upon another man? I've spent the last dozen odd years making sure this doesn't happen when I umm... make the two backed beast with a pretty young female (human you sicko 'strines, geesh!). People are so proud of their little bags of piss, poo and spittle and yet I'm constantly amazed they don't get rid of them so they can back to the fun part which is making them. Gotta admire the grit and tenacity of the ol' ratbrain. Brainstems of the world unite (and copulate)!
Hanns
The PENG Free Challenge Thread Turns Over A New Leaf.....
in Combat Mission: Barbarossa to Berlin
Posted
Greetings from the wastes, now do I heed the summons of Dame YK2, dare I brave the flaccid barbs and the insults of Tourette's poster children in order to post a <gasp> gamey non-game update! For it is I, Squire of Sir Lars, Grandsquire of the Lord High Justicar of the Peng Challenge Thread Joe Shaw, provider of much fine Glüeks Dark beer to the Olde Ones in times of yore, incipient Thug of the MTB..... Hanns! On to the update, lads. My opponent appears to be brandishing a virtual armory of finely crafted German small arms but shows no understanding of cover or concealment. After prolonged skirmishing, the battle lines were drawn, the gauntlet thrown down and the tumultuous fray of hand to hand combat entered, the din of grappling combatants became a cacophony of screams and moans. After many hours of fierce struggle the contest was a draw! Repeat engagements in the near future have been preordained. Here are some screenshots of the conflict. Cheers!
Hanns
P.S. Someone make sure to re-start Seanachai's heart after he views these....