Point Values and Sausage Heads and other annoyances

[Tank Man]

Well, recently I read a post by a certain Predator. He spoke of the point allocations and how they affected the "300-500 Cubic Elimination" Hotseat Tourneys we have at a friends house. He was quite miffed at one battle we had where he lost badly, and (as per tourney rules) he watched my subsequent battles and found that I had a damn near unstoppable tactic and unit selection.

I would like to remind him of two things about my play style. First, there are four factors to my victories. Before I begin I would like to tell you a little bit about these tourneys. There are certain drastic ways that these smaller point values differ from larger ones. One is that EVERY POINT AND EVERY UNIT AND EVERY MAN COUNTS! I cannot stress this enough. In these small point values you LEARN how to make those 2-inch mortars perform miracles. You LEARN that your infantry doubles as a primary AT asset. You LEARN how to make your troops dodge arty fire. Because if you don't, you lose. Small point value games are SO drastically different it isn't funny. You have limited vehicle access for one thing, axis players constantly find themselves totally out tanked.

So, I will continue with what I was saying before.

(1) Unit Selection

I have found that the extra allocation of infantry points is drastically magnified in small point games and in most cases I can afford a Veteran FJ platoon when the allied player can barely get a regular platoon. I have molded my setup to a very efficient point.

(2) Sausage Head

I am the supreme commander of the sausage head people. I have an articulating hat that shows my position as sausage head commander. My troops, being selected from the sausage head people, have won while severely outnumbered. I credit most of my victories to the sausage head people.

(3) Lady Luck

Lady Luck and I are currently passionate lovers. Due to my prowess in bed with her she is quick to jump to my aid in various things. One of these things being CM.

(4) Cheese

I am a master of the ancient spirit martial art of Che-ese (pronounced Cheese). I can focus the cheese within me and actually affect the trajectory and physical properties of my 20mm flak cannon rounds. They have been noted to pass through hillsides to hit infantry.

Despite my distinct advantage there is one thing that can stop me dead in my tracks, a giant samoan male in a deer-skin thong that goes by the name of "Karma". The savage cannibal known as "Karma" often gets offended by certain acts such as the time my understrength FJ platoon utterly wiped out three American rifle platoons WHILE under cover fire. When offended, "Karma" tends to force the victory to my opponent by doing such things as making my squads REFUSE to fire their panzerfausts at a tank that they have been staring at for three turns at 30 meters.

Predator, I know that you have had a difficult time in these tourneys but I urge you to keep trying. Eventually the sausage head people will make mistakes.