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The Peng Challenge Thread. Accept no Substitutes!


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I cannot believe you still let Boo start new threads.

I'm surprised that I'm not surprised though the disappointment is not unexpected.

I had hoped for higher levels of disappointment but, you just didn't deliver. You even suck at failing. It's rather sad, but, not surprising.

Here's the piss bucket. Yes, I know it's been a few years, which is generally too long to be gone with the piss bucket.

You see, there was this hole in the bucket.

Dear Liza said we should fix it. I went to get some straw, but it was too long...

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I was finally able to log back into the forum.

This is a funny site.

But you are not an Olde One!

Oh sure I am - I declared myself an Olde One years ago, and Berli and Peng and Seanachai were all too drunk to think up any objections. I'm sure Old Joe came up with something, but really, who listens to the sound of one Joe Shaw crapping?

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I was more of a Bowery Boys guy.

Your parents worried when you put the Huntz Hall poster up over your bed. Your whole family considered an intervention, but that would have required speaking to you and the collective feeling was that it just wasn't worth it.

Check your private messages, Clown Boy.

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At's boond tae bae nasty, lass. Didnae turrrn ye delicate wee mind tae at. A filthier pair o' graspin', hoary auld men ye widnae feend ootside, waill, tha 'Pool. Blacken'd finger nails protrudin' oot o' shabby, grey woollen gloves, crooked teeth tha colour o' goose piddle. Noo lassie, ye turn ye mind tae tha gentler things o' life.

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The bloody indignity of having to 're-log-in', not to mention receiving an email message stating that, 'apparently I'd forgotten my password'. Forgotten it? I've never even known the goddamn thing. Stuff and bloody nonsense. Is this what the world is coming to? Under normal circumstances, I'd put it all down to the vagaries of the world we now live in.

But, given that I was personally discommoded, I think that the appropriate response is to begin rounding up those most likely to have caused this security breach, and by 'most likely', I mean 'all those people who I personally distrust, dislike, or who have pissed me off'. The entire nation of America worked under exactly those criteria for eight years, recently, and I see no reason why I shouldn't be given the same latitude.

I expect an email, shortly, from BFC asking for my particulars, so that those people most likely to have been involved in the hacking of the site can be identified, rounded-up, and arrested. And, in the style to which I, as an American citizen, have become accustomed, I will expect that those on the list of names that I provide to them will be subjected to a variety of 'stressful fact-finding inquiries'. These inquiries will, hopefully, result in their permanent emotional and mental trauma, or death.

Now, as we all know, I am a rather jolly fellow. But that doesn't mean that, like most of my countrymen, I don't want to see my enemies brought before me in chains, whipped into submission, and then subjected to torments. In this particular case the only minor point of objection might be the 'list of suspected wrong-doers' that we end up working from. But, I am here to tell you that I personally vouch for the evil and corruption of every name on the list, that there can be no question of their involvement in matters both criminal, and inimical to the Board, and that I have absolute proof of their involvement in the hacking of the Board. Of course the proof I have cannot be presented, because it might adversely affect the ferreting out of other wrong-doers, and because it might not withstand the scrutiny of inconvenient levels of truth.

I am, of course, an Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread. Therefore, when I name names, and make accusations, and present lists, we all know that the highest standards will be applied to BFC's efforts to bring the wrong-doers to judgement.

I cannot confirm the rumors that $1 Million has already been earmarked in order to establish a Department of Wasteland Security, but nor will I deny them. What I do know is, in the wake of this vicious, unprecedented attack upon the Board and all that we hold dear, that someone's going into the sausage grinder, and I have in my hand, right now, a list of names that will be delightful with sage, onion and garlic.

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Oh sure I am - I declared myself an Olde One years ago, and Berli and Peng and Seanachai were all too drunk to think up any objections.

Frankly, and it pains me to even contemplate it, there's not enough goddamn alcohol on the planet to make the three of us miss such a disruption of the natural order, let alone acquiesce to it.

All three of us, in our various times, have been so completely given over to alcohol that almost anything might pass off - except this. I, myself, as a much younger man, have so thrown myself into the cesspool of drink (wine is a mocker, strong drink is ragin') that I have fallen into endless error, and endured endless humiliations, and sunk even on to the very lowest levels of behaviour.

Why, there was one point in my infelicitous youth when I actually voted Republican. And, lest we forget, there was my entire 3 month 'Journey to Discover America', which all too quickly turned into my 'Journey to Discover the Cheapest 3 Liter Jug of Red Wine'. Battle Mountain, Nevada, at $3 for 3 Liters, for those who are interested. I believe it was Carlo Rossi burgundy.

You are not, my little lad, an 'Olde One' of the Peng Challenge Thread. You are a scruffy little poseur. By claiming to be an 'Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread', you remind me of General Henri Giraud, the Frenchman who would only support the Allied landings in North Africa if he was proclaimed 'Supreme Commander of All Allied Forces'.

In short, Dalem, with your claim to being an 'Olde One', you have simply become...French.

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Do you know, in a better world than this, Australia would have been settled by Americans, and all the lot of wankers that got shipped off to Australia would have been shipped to America, and we would have resettled them in the South after the Civil War. Now THAT would have been an interesting alternate history.

If nothing else, Florida would be the world's largest alligator and manatee park, since there wouldn't be any development industry down there at all. No one would ever want to develop a swamp filled with Australians. Humanity would finally come to understand that the whole point of a massive swamp was God's way of giving you someplace to put the Australians.

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Do you know, in a better world than this, Australia would have been settled by Americans, and all the lot of wankers that got shipped off to Australia would have been shipped to America, and we would have resettled them in the South after the Civil War. Now THAT would have been an interesting alternate history.

If nothing else, Florida would be the world's largest alligator and manatee park, since there wouldn't be any development industry down there at all. No one would ever want to develop a swamp filled with Australians. Humanity would finally come to understand that the whole point of a massive swamp was God's way of giving you someplace to put the Australians.

We've et all our dugongs (manatees to you). And a swamp would be paradise compared to this eternally drought stricken wanna-be continent. Dunno about the Americans but: we might have to invite the Cubans in for some kulture and klass.

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What would a [sneer]Victorian [/sneer] know about it anyway? You lot are the Ohioans of Australia and hence your opinions count for naught.

Dear me, things have come to a pass when a Queenslander is able to impersonate a Victorian. Are you sure you're an Australian, Stukes? Your ID skills seem to have lapsed a little, no doubt due to the constant befuddlement of your tortured little brain.

So there is no doubt: "These ****in' mozzies are a bit rough, ay?"

As an aside - if I gave a **** for your opinion of me or my thoughts, I'd be in a ****load more trouble than I have any right to expect.

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Dear me, things have come to a pass when a Queenslander is able to impersonate a Victorian.

Impersonating a Victorian would require a transorbital lobotomy and the insertion of a pointy stick into the Rectus arsepuckerish (yes it's a word, look it up in your Funk'n Wagnalls)

Or you may choose to salvage what remains of your pride by sending a setup, CMAK, large, no freaking desert, post haste!

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And, in the style to which I, as an American citizen, have become accustomed, I will expect that those on the list of names that I provide to them will be subjected to a variety of 'stressful fact-finding inquiries'. These inquiries will, hopefully, result in their permanent emotional and mental trauma, or death.

Now, as we all know, I am a rather jolly fellow.

Uhhhhh-hunh. Yeah, you're a regular barrel of monkeys.

Michael

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Dear me, things have come to a pass when a Queenslander is able to impersonate a Victorian.

Depends on the Victorian, I'd think. I mean if it was someone like Sir Robt. Peel or Lord Shaftsbury, that would be pretty impressive, I'd think. Even if it was just Lewis Carrol or Chas. Dickens or maybe Darwin, that would still cause heads to turn. Into what, I can't really say. But it would probably make everyone say "Wow!" at the very least.

And when you say, "Queenslander", don't you mean "Queenslanderer"? One who slanders the Queen (Which I think is just rude and completely unnecessary). Or do you mean "Queenslander" as in something which lands the Queen, like her own personal hovercraft?

Which would be way cool.

You know, I bet if anybody could get their own hovercraft, it would be the Queen.

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Or you may choose to salvage what remains of your pride by sending a setup, CMAK, large, no freaking desert, post haste!

Don't bother sending him anything. He just bails when he starts to lose, or impersonates OFJ and doesn't send anything.

But we should cut him a little bit of slack, at least he plays the effin' game...

Noba.

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