Nidan1 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Speaking of booze........ A baby seal walks into a bar and jumps up on a stool, the bartender leans over and says...."what'll ya have???"...the seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club" Edited: Thank you Joe you nit picking nancy boy. [ May 01, 2006, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: Nidan1 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Originally posted by Nidan1: Speaking of booze........ A baby seal walks into a bar and jumps up on a stool, the bartender leans over and says...."what'll have???"...the seal replies, "anything but a Canadian Club" It's "What'll YA have" ya big goof. Horse walks into a bar, bartender looks up and says "Hey, why the long face?" Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 This guy walks into a bar and sits down in front of the bartender. He orders a drink. While waiting for the drink, he reaches into one pocket and pulls out a 7 inch piano. He reaches into another pocket and pulls out a 10 inch man. The 10 inch man goes up to the piano and promptly starts playing. Beautiful music fills the bar. The bartender goes up to the guy and asks where he got the musician. The guy replied that there was a genie just down the block who would grant just one wish. The bartender went outside and down the block. There was a huge crowd around the genie. The bartender waited a really long time. Finally, it was his turn. The genie greeted him, "Hello, I am a genie and I will grant you one wish." The bartender said, "I want a million bucks." All of a sudden, there were a million ducks! They were quacking and following the bartender. The bartender tried to scatter the ducks, but they all came right back. The bartender went back to the bar, went up the the guy with the miniture piano player, and said, "What a lousy genie. I asked for a million bucks and got a million ducks!" The guy at the bar looked at the bartender and said, "You don't really believe that I asked for a 10 inch pianist, do you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrPeng Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 A Drunk guy walks into a bar and says to the Bartender, "Get everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one and give me the tab." Bartender does as he's told, takes a shot himself and gives the guy the tab. Guy giggles, "I don't have any money!" Bartender gets pissed, slaps the guy around, throws him out the door. Next night, same guy comes in, drunk again and says, "Get everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one and give me the tab." The bartender thinks the guy's nuts, but not nuts enough to pull the same stunt twice in a row, so he pours the house a drink, downs a shot himself and gives the drunk guy the tab. Drunk guy giggles and says "Haven't got a PENNY!" Bartender gets pissed, slaps the guy around, throws him out the door. THE VERY NEXT NIGHT, same guy comes in and says, "Bartender! Pour everyone a drink and give me the tab." And the bartender says, "What no drink for me tonight?" and the guy says, "No way, you get too violent when you drink!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Two strings went on a pub crawl one evening. However, they had wandered into a part of town that didn't cotton to strings very much, and they had a hard time getting served. They would go into a pub and order beers. The bartender would look at them and say, "We don't serve strings around here! P*ss off!!", and would throw them out. This happened over and over, again. Finally, they decided to separate, so that they might be less recognizable. The first string went in to face the suspicion of the bartender. The bartender asked, "Aren't you a string?". The first string stammered and stuttered, and ended up in the street. The second string also tried his luck, but only after disguising himself by rolling in mud, dirt and mire and generally making himself look scruffy. Again, the bartender looked closely and asked, "Say, aren't you a string?". The answer came, "No, I'm a frayed knot.". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rleete Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 A farmer in Texas got pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problem with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies." The farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute, he stops and says, "Are you trying to call me a horse's ass?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass." The trooper says, "Well that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I can't believe it! The only TV show I really enjoyed watching regularly has been ruined. At this point I don't know if I will ever watch it again. It has turned into Brokeback Mountain moves to Newark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Abbott: I can't believe it! The only TV show I really enjoyed watching regularly has been ruined. At this point I don't know if I will ever watch it again. It has turned into Brokeback Mountain moves to Newark. I didn't know Will and Grace was filmed in Newark ... but then I'm not a fan like you. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Sesame street? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 The Sopranos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Abbott: The Sopranos NO! REALLY? I'D NEVER have guessed you were talking about that ... you dweeb. I'm less concerned about Vito's choices for romance than I am about his goofy walk ... fugidaboudit. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Joe Shaw: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Abbott: The Sopranos NO! REALLY? I'D NEVER have guessed you were talking about that ... you dweeb. I'm less concerned about Vito's choices for romance than I am about his goofy walk ... fugidaboudit. Joe </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 At the risk of being accused of insensitivity and homophobia I submit that as the culture goes through an upheaval, TV and the Arts are going to be the front runner in what I call "Agenda Promotion" The traditional male figure in American culture has become an endangered species. I've given up and taken to watching re-runs of "Dharma and Greg" [ May 02, 2006, 03:56 AM: Message edited by: Nidan1 ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Tune in next week for more insights from Abbott and Joe about The Sopranos, aka BrokeButt Crevasse, Italian Style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Boo Radley: Tune in next week for more insights from Abbott and Joe about The Sopranos, aka BrokeButt Crevasse, Italian Style. Tune in next week for MY TURN you loser. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Nidan1: "Agenda Promotion" The traditional male figure in American culture has become an endangered species. That is so true. I have watched our society try to feminize males for several years now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Joe Shaw: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley: Tune in next week for more insights from Abbott and Joe about The Sopranos, aka BrokeButt Crevasse, Italian Style. Tune in next week for MY TURN you loser. Joe </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Abbott: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Nidan1: "Agenda Promotion" The traditional male figure in American culture has become an endangered species. That is so true. I have watched our society try to feminize males for several years now. </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Boo Radley: And that's not even all of it. Prime time television depicts females as the logical, problem solving gender, who step in at the last minute to fix whatever situation the male has screwed up in his completely expected, witless, blunt instrument style of incompetence. If women didn't come standard with soft-fluffy equipment nobody would even talk to them. Without Combat Mission WHO would talk to Boo ? Edited because I forget stuff. [ May 02, 2006, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: Abbott ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Boo Radley: It's almost as if network execs were getting their ideas by watching the lot of you. Almost. But network execs don't have ideas, so that can't be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Lars: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley: It's almost as if network execs were getting their ideas by watching the lot of you. Almost. But network execs don't have ideas, so that can't be it. </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Abbott: Without Combat Mission would talk to Boo ? Huh? I think you meant to say, "WHO would talk to Boo", but it is you after all, so maybe communicating in partial sentences is SOP. It is a step up from your usual clicks and grunts, I'll admit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbott Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Originally posted by Boo Radley: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Abbott: Without Combat Mission would talk to Boo ? Huh? I think you meant to say, "WHO would talk to Boo", but it is you after all, so maybe communicating in partial sentences is SOP. It is a step up from your usual clicks and grunts, I'll admit. </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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