imported_Hiram Sedai Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 This is the Peng Thread. Give up hope, all ye who enter here. Since I am the one who is creating this thread, I am also the creator of the rules which you will abide by. 1. Challenge someone. Do not post with nothing important to say. Since you are unimportant in the greater scheme of things, you should think about leaving. 3.14 Do not curse. We will not respect you if you refer to your genitalia or if you are crass in your approach. You may be sent to Coventry for such an offense. Black Booty Pie. Since you are insignificant worm and should be stomped upon, find somewhere else to spread your malignant disease. If you should choose to stay amongst us, understand that we will verbally eviscerate you. Try not to cry too much. Booty a-plenty. Do not respect your elders. Instead, heap scorn upon their balding heads. They are unworthy toads who scamper about creating flatulence and dissent. Heart Shaped Booty. There is a reason why you are not welcome in society. It is the same reason why you are not welcome here. Thank whoever encourages you to leave and follow their instructions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 A little premature, aren't you Hiram? Then again, I understand that is a recurring problem for you. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUSSIEJEFF Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 I Am Her Dais Are those the un or the ex purgated rules??? Sir AJ Knight of the HoB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 And he didn't say "SOD OFF! once. Is there no tradition? What's the world coming to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_Hiram Sedai Posted August 9, 2002 Author Share Posted August 9, 2002 I owe turns I’ve successfully paid off my credit cards and am thinking about buying a house, but I owe turns. I successfully caught the eye of a succulent honey at work, but I owe turns. My free time can be counted in minutes and I’ve wasted some of them getting snockerd this evening. Both of my brain cells are working overtime considering my next move against Fionn but the nagging debt I have with turn sending haunts me. It greets me as I wake in the morning and steals my solace as I engage in frantic loaf pinching. As I console an underling at work, I think of how I might get a draw against one of you. Gamey flag rushing almost became a topic at one of my meetings. They met my inspired soliloquy with blank stares and droopy eyelids. The brainless twits know nothing of Combat Mission and the glory that can be gained by stomping opponents into the ground. As I go to work and muddle through the tedium, the weight of the debt pushes me down into despondency. Granted, I’m not that far from being despondent anyway, but it contributes. Reality is a harsh mistress and the sting of her whip has torn me asunder. When I send out my turns, I know that paradise will be mine. An eternity with Anna Nicole Smith before she became a porker will be my fulfillment. There will be no incessant idiocy as is evidenced by the sophomoric posts made by Mister Beman. All will be right in my little world. I will have satisfied the powers that be for approximately 5 minutes and I might even get some restful sleep. I do hope that my worthy opponents understand that turns are forthcoming inasmuch as when I am sober and not working I will process them. I will dutifully give up any hope of winning and click Go. That is what you want, isn’t it? You don’t really want me to beat you. That would be scary. You wouldn’t be able to show your face in public any more if you actually lost to me. Your co-workers would scorn you and heap abuse upon your head replete with male pattern baldness. Even your teller at the local bank would revile you and expectorate upon your car window as you sit in the Drive Thru. I will retire to my little bed soon with the demons of inadequacy and mediocrity. I do hope your lives are better than what I have experienced and be sure to process your turns quickly. Otherwise, you may end up like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 286 Skidoo! Eh? I Challenge Peng for a bone to be thrown Firstandforemostly, the name stinks, is diSTNIKtly lacking in wit, and is not even proper english. If your voice gets any more passive Hiram, you will have to start singing hotel-lobby jazz. Maybe, if you insist on keeping the drudgery of your theme, you could try: I Challenge Peng to Throw Me a Bone I Challenge Me Bone to Peng Bone Me I Challenge Peng's Bone to Challenge Me My Bone is a Challenge to All who Peng My Peng, My Challenge, My Bone, My LIFE! Throw me a Bone or Challenge Peng Throw my Peng to a Challenge Bone Basically, any combination of words would have been batter than your CRAP. SOD ORF! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PondScum Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 [Ye gods, I need stronger coffee. Oh, and mouse's liver on a stick] [ August 08, 2002, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: PondScum ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Perhaps Miriam is really Old Mother Hubbard?? Y'all remember the rhyme I'm sure - Old mother Hubard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggie a bone but when she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own and speaking of bones, I have cast one to the assembled masses, much as they do not deserve my attention - take note that the last Dictator ho longer has reason to sue me! [ August 08, 2002, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: Mike ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by PondScum: [Ye gods, I need stronger coffee. Oh, and mouse's liver on a stick]You'd have to burn the stick. The 'coffee' you'd need to keep you awake during this round is called 'Methedrine'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum: [Ye gods, I need stronger coffee. Oh, and mouse's liver on a stick]You'd have to burn the stick. The 'coffee' you'd need to keep you awake during this round is called 'Methedrine'.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: You'd have to burn the stick. Awwww......and I thought you despised and loathed me like no other, yet here you are telling the world to use sterilised instruments when probing around in my innards. Gosh - I bet you wish I was struck dumb, but life just isn't that good for you, despite your new power puff personality. [ August 08, 2002, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: Mike ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 I understand that Seanachai was meaning that, much like the native americans who honed their spear and arrow points by charring them in fire, that might help to impale me, but really Mrspkr I don't see how your violent method of destroying the stick would help to skewer me liver. Also, I need my liver, I use it every night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Mein Gott! If Caesar were alive you'd be chained to the oars! Make him a squerf, he CAN learn after all! O' Holy Day. Now, if justice truly shines down upon us (no not you, Justicar, and shop showing your teeth when you smile, it makes you look English) if JUSTICE is with us, Mike will continue to learn and improve, rather than a last trick of an old dog. Hmmm, let's run a little test (shhhh): Mike, what am I? [ August 08, 2002, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Is this a trick question?? You're a dork of course. Also a pillock, a git, a fly blown lump of organic detritus and generally an all-round waste of space. What's the prize?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Wankers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Dear Hiram, Thanks for cheering me up. Now where is my file you bandwagon jumping Eagle fan. Love, Elvis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Oh sure Elvis, right when Hiram was just about to bottom out with a sickening sklorp! and begin the long slow crawl back the mediocraty of his existence, you had to go and remind him that he is also an Eagles fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxy Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Grog Dorosh has been sent a setup. Hopefully, he can tear himself away from his "German Artillery" thread sometime this week and return a file. We are playing "Chance Encounter" because he's already played it 27 times, and feels he might have at least a miniscule chance of getting a draw. Being the deceptive and treacherous Lady I am, I have edited the scenario substantially to ensure he doesn't have a chance in Coventry of winning. Specifically, my cute little tanks have been upgraded, and artillery added. I'm willing to send one more setup out (with the requisite edits to ensure my victory), but am not capable of issuing a proper Peng Challenge unless provoked. This is because I'm a Lady In Waiting. I may be deceptive and treacherous, but I'm not a meany. Good night, Gentlemen of The MBT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PondScum Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Mike: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai: You'd have to burn the stick. Awwww......and I thought you despised and loathed me like no other, yet here you are telling the world to use sterilised instruments when probing around in my innards. </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Roxy: Good night, Gentlemen of The MBTGentlemen of the MBT. Another oxymoron. Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AUSSIEJEFF Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Ladies and Gentlewormage, It's time for some Authentic Aussie Humour: MCARTHURS FART [bleby and Bath 1974] Back in Donga country there's a tale the old folks tell Of a man who's name is famous in the town of Bungadell. And if ya like, I'll tell you all about this little town. It's a dry and dusty place, until the rain comes down. Back in 1927, it hadn't rained for weeks. There was bull-dust in the billabongs and dead sheep in the creeks. But the hero of our story was soon to help them out On the day McArthur farted, and saved the town from drought. Now, no one knew too much about this joker from the scrub We'd heard some yarns about him from the Drovers in the pub Some said he came from Bunker's Run and some from Beula's Park But the one thing that they all agreed - he sure knew how to fart. Now Bungadell was dry and hard like a three week stale old crust The sheep were drinking whisky but were only pissing dust We had a dam upside the hill, a mile out of town That should have filled the water tanks, but not a drop come down. So we sent a deputation there to see what could be wrong And found we had a problem that we hadn't counted on Old Bert's dead horse was blocking off the exit to the dam You think that we could shift it? Na, the bloody thing was jammed. Fifty blokes with crowbars struggled fifty days and nights But couldn't shift the bastard, it was stuck there good and tight The dam was full of water but we couldn't get it out 'Til the day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought. We blasted it with dynamite and couldn't get it loose And even Murphy's bullock team wasn't any use. "There's only one last chance!" said Clancy's brother Blue "We'll have to get McArthur -- see what he can do!" Well, the cry went up "McArthur!! He's the one who knows the art He'll send that dead horse flying with a well constructed fart!" The people waited eagerly for the day to come about The day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought. Well, at last McArthur came and the people gathered 'round To see the man who's fart was gonna send the waters down He came on two big horses, with half his bum on each A bum so wide a man could drive a tram between his cheeks. Now, McArthur was a quiet man, but thorough, through and through He said "I'll need some food and drinks, so see what you can do" So we made the preparations, we made a mighty spread Fifty tons of onions, and piles of prunes and bread. Fifty tons of blue veined cheese and fifty kegs of stout The day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought He sat back with a knife and fork and really knocked it back He polished off those kegs of stout in twenty seconds flat. McArthur got up slowly, then he turned his bum around And the people drove for shelter as they heard a dreadful sound A roaring like a lion, and a chill ran through their hearts As McArthur's body trembled and let off some mighty farts! He farted and he farted till the earth began to shake The ills began to tremble and the dams began to break And still McArthur farted till he made the thunder crack The winds, they howled, the lightning flared, the skies were turning black They heard it up in China, where the up-side-downers dwell They heard it up in Heaven and they heard it down in hell I hardly need to tell ya, it was really on the snout On the day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought. Well that's how McArthur saved the day back there in Bungadell And still his memory lingers on (and so too does the smell) Even across in Adelaide, they've heard about his art And every other year they hold a Festival of Farts!! -------------------------------------- Ahhh! Brings to mind the smell of, a dead dingo's bum gone black, And the whiff of beer and meat pies, From the dunny out the back. Sir Aussiejeff Knight of the Hob [ August 09, 2002, 07:04 AM: Message edited by: AussieJeff ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 *wipes away a tear*. That was beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye, that did. Mace [ August 09, 2002, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Roxy: Grog Dorosh has been sent a setup. Hopefully, he can tear himself away from his "German Artillery" thread sometime this week and return a file. We are playing "Chance Encounter" because he's already played it 27 times, and feels he might have at least a miniscule chance of getting a draw. Being the deceptive and treacherous Lady I am, I have edited the scenario substantially to ensure he doesn't have a chance in Coventry of winning. Specifically, my cute little tanks have been upgraded, and artillery added. I'm willing to send one more setup out (with the requisite edits to ensure my victory), but am not capable of issuing a proper Peng Challenge unless provoked. This is because I'm a Lady In Waiting. I may be deceptive and treacherous, but I'm not a meany. Good night, Gentlemen of The MBTI want some of what you're smoking. You can't edit using the demo. Of course, you originally claimed to be from Arkansas as your "cover", so that may explain things quite a bit. "Lady in Waiting" or no, I call you out, you, you, Gamey Poseur! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Panzer Leader: I understandSee oxymoron. that Seanachai was meaning that, much like the native americans who honed their spear and arrow points by charring them in fire, that might help to impale me, but really Mrspkr I don't see how your violent method of destroying the stick would help to skewer me liver. Sigh. You miss the point entirely. So what else is new? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 WooHoo I soloed today, look out Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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