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Worst Commander Ever


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Originally posted by gaffertape:

Boo-

I believe one of Guderian's true strengths was that he was able to avoid the temptation of cookies during armour engagements. So I've read.

Guderian...pfffft! As far as I'm concerned, unless you can allow a dozen or so Panzer III's to be taken out by a lone KV-1 and still keep a sunny disposition, you're just bush league.
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Sitrep

Russian KV sitting on reverse slope, I have two Mark IV F2's. One is coming from the left around a patch of trees, the other is on the opposite side of the ridge from the KV. Losing a PZ-III has given me the KV's location.

Timing it so the F2 on the left will gain first sight to capture the KV's attention, the other F2 crests the ridge and is presented with a perfect flank shot, while the KV disposes of the other F2.

So what happens? The feckin F2 commander starts popping smoke and reversing faster than a cat in a room full of rockin chairs, without even taking a shot!!!!

AARRGGHH!!!

I need a cookie!!!!!

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Oh yeah. Been there, stole that T-shirt. Played something called the "Iron Roadblock" or somefink. Played it as the Russians first and all I did was sit there and hit GO. twenty or so times. Then I played it as the Germans. Had 12-15 PzII's and III's I think, going up against 1 KV. I had them coming at him from damn near every angle, they're backing up into each other, firing off smoke...I've seen Chinese Fire Drills handled with more professionalism. All I needed was some Keystone Kops music playing over the speakers.

And while this was going on, my flack 88's, the only things that might really do some good, are still on the trucks which are backing into the woods even though the KV is too occupied to even take notice of them.

Battle brought to you by Ringling Bros.

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Originally posted by Boo Radley:

Oh yeah. Been there, stole that T-shirt. Played something called the "Iron Roadblock" or somefink.

I remember that one. The first CMBB game I played (as Russian). I thought I was a GOD. This game is a piece of cake. heh heh.

Then tried it as German with similar results to what you experienced. Scared me off of tank combat for quite some time.

By the way gaffertape:

Great Thread!

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Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley:

As far as I'm concerned, unless you can allow a dozen or so Panzer III's to be taken out by a lone KV-1 and still keep a sunny disposition, you're just bush league.

Boo, I gotta admit, you're one helluva tough guy.

:rolleyes:;):D

Michael </font>

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Originally posted by Boo Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley:

Boo, I gotta admit, you're one helluva tough guy.

:rolleyes:;):D

Michael

This is true. Women want me. Men want to be me.

;)

I think it's more:

Women warn you. Men want to beat you. </font>

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Roo:

whatcha mean, loosing a dozen german afvs in iron roadblock to a lone KV takes guts ?!

the way to play I.R. is to charge all your Pz towards the KV, and when that lone 251/1 finally reaches the KV, dismount your troops and throw molotovs, and route the KV....now that takes Guts. And then actually lose all the men when they try to approach the flag. Real Guts. Available at your nearest 7-11.

I used to beat my regular PBEM friend, 2:1, like 20: 10 games, in CMBO. In CMBB as Russians, it has been quite the opposite, currently at 9:6(me). And those six wins was becoz i played Germans! 4Managing the Russians has been a nitemare, i think it's the language, they doan speak Chinese, and I doan understand russian.

laxx

[ September 10, 2003, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: laxx ]

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Originally posted by Dave H:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by THumpre:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Dave H:

... Any of the rest of you Worst Commanders open for a PBEM? Send me an e-mail; I've got just the thing. :D:D

You're on...but I think some industrious soul should start up a Serious Loser Tourney for all of us unfortunates. It would have to be invitational of course, perhaps the participants would have to be sponsored in? I know i could find enough people to attest to my incompetence... :D </font>
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Originally posted by Boo Radley:

Oh yeah. Been there, stole that T-shirt. Played something called the "Iron Roadblock" or somefink. Played it as the Russians first and all I did was sit there and hit GO. twenty or so times. Then I played it as the Germans. Had 12-15 PzII's and III's I think, going up against 1 KV. I had them coming at him from damn near every angle, they're backing up into each other, firing off smoke...I've seen Chinese Fire Drills handled with more professionalism. All I needed was some Keystone Kops music playing over the speakers.

And while this was going on, my flack 88's, the only things that might really do some good, are still on the trucks which are backing into the woods even though the KV is too occupied to even take notice of them.

Battle brought to you by Ringling Bros.

This sounded interesting (I love killing helpless Panzers) so I tried it as the Reds yesterday afternoon. Great fun.

I haven't tried it as the Krauts yet, but I suspect that the key is unloading the 88s in the scattered trees once the location of the KV has been ascertained (behind smoke if necessary) while holding everything else out of sight. Once the KV is dead, you can rush everything else forward for a happy little melee. But work quickly. Time is not on your side.

Michael

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the thought process:

have the T70 that discovered the StuG extend past it while the rest of the platoon go round the other way to get it as it turns. keep them close. lots of guns on target.

the actual result:

the first T70 taken with one shot. the StuG not turned. the next T70 sees it & reverses. hitting the rest of the platoon. they scatter round him/hit him. the StuG comes over the rise. every single tank is facing the wrong way. no survivors.

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Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

I haven't tried it as the Krauts yet, but I suspect that the key is unloading the 88s in the scattered trees once the location of the KV has been ascertained (behind smoke if necessary) while holding everything else out of sight. Once the KV is dead, you can rush everything else forward for a happy little melee. But work quickly. Time is not on your side.

Michael

That's exactly how I thought it should be handled after I played around with the "Keystone Kops" scenario. The trick is finding out if you have enough time to get the 88's set up, knock out the KV and then race across the map in the time allowed. I may try it this evening.
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I would like to nominate a friend of mine whose name will remain anonymous, other than to say that Christopher Wood is a remarkably similar name.

His crime? Excess!

Can't get him to play CM much, but in Squad Leader and ASL he persistently drove tanks through woods, ignoring the chances of immobilisation. For years!

But his most memorable excess was the night he aimed an AVRE (I think it was – its nickname was a 'Dustbin') at a sniper. No armament too large, no target too small.

All rules of military behaviour ignored in the interests of winning the game.

Should he ever play CMBO or CMBB, he'd be into those dodgy Flak trucks straight away, he'd be rushing flags with expired mortar crews by the thousands.

He's a credit to Economics teachers the world over, and the SAS. Who Dare Wins!

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Originally posted by stikkypixie:

stupid me, must be the nerves, i meant playing as the soviets

I know what you mean. We are indeed an awesome lot, aren't we?

Speaking of that comedy of errors, "Iron Roadblock", I tried it again last night as the Germans, keeping all my tanks and ht's hidden away until my truck towed 88's showed up.

Ah, there they were sitting on the road. I ordered them to move up the road a bit and then split to either side of it, so they could set up and take out the enemy KV.

I hit "GO".

Immediately, I hear Russian HMG fire. Both my 88's are unhitched and the crews are taking cover. Not just one of them. Both of them. By the same burst of gun fire.

What amazed me was that the enemy gunner had to not only hit both 88's. He also had to fire through the trucks towing them AND the two other trucks that were parked up near the entrance of the woods.

Quite some marksman, wouldn't you say?

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Originally posted by Boo Radley:

Immediately, I hear Russian HMG fire. Both my 88's are unhitched and the crews are taking cover. Not just one of them. Both of them. By the same burst of gun fire.

What amazed me was that the enemy gunner had to not only hit both 88's. He also had to fire through the trucks towing them AND the two other trucks that were parked up near the entrance of the woods.

Quite some marksman, wouldn't you say?

Clearly you have not heard of the secret Soviet ZbSS bullets that bend around obstacles in order to reach their targets. Clear proof of the superior science of the socialist state!

Michael

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Cute.

I exited out of the game and set it up again, figuring that the chances that the AI would set up his DHSK (or whatever it's called) in the same place, or a near enough place to fire straight down the road would be quite small.

Got to the move where the 88's show up and plinka-plinka-plinka!, the same damn thing happened.

Uncanny.

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I just watched Time Commanders on BBC 2 and the berks there have got us all beat. 'Hmmm we've got a disciplined smaller force in an excellent defensive position and we're being faced by a larger enemy with lots of cavalry and chariots. I know! Let's march out into the open!'

I want to PBEM these people.

[ September 11, 2003, 04:16 PM: Message edited by: Firefly ]

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I second firefly's nomination.

The time commanders this time were completely clueless. And the two guys we're the worst. They had all this huff and puff about wich tactics we're better but hadn't a clue, and warnings from the other players never even registered.

'We are outnumbered 6-1, quick let's spread out our forces as thinly as possible'. Everything they could do wrong they did do wrong. Each command was unclear and was carried out only after 5 minutes of debate, at wich time a poor order became a disastrous one. They ignored all threats except the one they'd focus on. It was dreadfull. I thought the guys of the first show made mistakes at times but the got it spot on compared to this team. Honestly they didn't do a single thing right. Not one. The repeatedly had troops facing away from the enemy!

The male general upon al troops being surrounded.:"We are completely surrounded, should we retreat?" Duh, theres hundreds of Icini on all sides, where he was planning to go I don't know. Another real gem is where he said something along the lines that the Icini we're holding the flat ground because they hated to fight on it and thus prevented the romans from fighting on the plain. This believe resulted in them moving away from the high ground. He was so eager to move forward he wouldn't let his luitenants deploy their troops for battle first. Lovely also where they debated near the end if their archers could help out. They missed that they were ridden down in the first few minutes of the battle.

Sorry to Hijack this thread but as it is named Worst Commander, these people should be included despite being OT.

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